u18_penelope.xml

<div type="episode" n="18">
<p><lb n="180001"/>Yes because he never did a thing like that before as ask to get his
<lb n="180002"/>breakfast in bed with a couple of eggs since the City Arms hotel when he
<lb n="180003"/>used to be pretending to be laid up with a sick voice doing his highness to
<lb n="180004"/>make himself interesting for that old faggot Mrs Riordan that he thought he
<lb n="180005"/>had a great leg of and she never left us a farthing all for masses for herself
<lb n="180006"/>and her soul greatest miser ever was actually afraid to lay out 4d for her
<lb n="180007"/>methylated spirit telling me all her ailments she had too much old chat in
<lb n="180008"/>her about politics and earthquakes and the end of the world let us have a bit
<lb n="180009"/>of fun first God help the world if all the women were her sort down on
<lb n="180010"/>bathingsuits and lownecks of course nobody wanted her to wear them I
<lb n="180011"/>suppose she was pious because no man would look at her twice I hope Ill
<lb n="180012"/>never be like her a wonder she didnt want us to cover our faces but she was
<lb n="180013"/>a welleducated woman certainly and her gabby talk about Mr Riordan here
<lb n="180014"/>and Mr Riordan there I suppose he was glad to get shut of her and her dog
<lb n="180015"/>smelling my fur and always edging to get up under my petticoats especially
<lb n="180016"/>then still I like that in him polite to old women like that and waiters and
<lb n="180017"/>beggars too hes not proud out of nothing but not always if ever he got
<lb n="180018"/>anything really serious the matter with him its much better for them to go
<lb n="180019"/>into a hospital where everything is clean but I suppose Id have to dring it
<lb n="180020"/>into him for a month yes and then wed have a hospital nurse next thing on
<lb n="180021"/>the carpet have him staying there till they throw him out or a nun maybe
<lb n="180022"/>like the smutty photo he has shes as much a nun as Im not yes because
<lb n="180023"/>theyre so weak and puling when theyre sick they want a woman to get well
<lb n="180024"/>if his nose bleeds youd think it was O tragic and that dyinglooking one off
<lb n="180025"/>the south circular when he sprained his foot at the choir party at the
<lb n="180026"/>sugarloaf Mountain the day I wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him
<lb n="180027"/>flowers the worst old ones she could find at the bottom of the basket
<lb n="180028"/>anything at all to get into a mans bedroom with her old maids voice trying
<lb n="180029"/>to imagine he was dying on account of her to never see thy face again
<lb n="180030"/>though he looked more like a man with his beard a bit grown in the bed
<lb n="180031"/>father was the same besides I hate bandaging and dosing when he cut his
<lb n="180032"/>toe with the razor paring his corns afraid hed get bloodpoisoning but if it
<lb n="180033"/>was a thing I was sick then wed see what attention only of course the
<lb n="180034"/>woman hides it not to give all the trouble they do yes he came somewhere
<lb n="180035"/>Im sure by his appetite anyway love its not or hed be off his feed thinking of
<lb n="180036"/>her so either it was one of those night women if it was down there he was
<lb n="180037"/>really and the hotel story he made up a pack of lies to hide it planning it
<lb n="180038"/>Hynes kept me who did I meet ah yes I met do you remember Menton and
<lb n="180039"/>who else who let me see that big babbyface I saw him and he not long
<lb n="180040"/>married flirting with a young girl at Pooles Myriorama and turned my back
<lb n="180041"/>on him when he slinked out looking quite conscious what harm but he had
<lb n="180042"/>the impudence to make up to me one time well done to him mouth almighty
<lb n="180043"/>and his boiled eyes of all the big stupoes I ever met and thats called a
<lb n="180044"/>solicitor only for I hate having a long wrangle in bed or else if its not that its
<lb n="180045"/>some little bitch or other he got in with somewhere or picked up on the sly if
<lb n="180046"/>they only knew him as well as I do yes because the day before yesterday he
<lb n="180047"/>was scribbling something a letter when I came into the front room to show
<lb n="180048"/>him Dignams death in the paper as if something told me and he covered it
<lb n="180049"/>up with the blottingpaper pretending to be thinking about business so very
<lb n="180050"/>probably that was it to somebody who thinks she has a softy in him because
<lb n="180051"/>all men get a bit like that at his age especially getting on to forty he is now
<lb n="180052"/>so as to wheedle any money she can out of him no fool like an old fool and
<lb n="180053"/>then the usual kissing my bottom was to hide it not that I care two straws
<lb n="180054"/>now who he does it with or knew before that way though Id like to find out
<lb n="180055"/>so long as I dont have the two of them under my nose all the time like that
<lb n="180056"/>slut that Mary we had in Ontario terrace padding out her false bottom to
<lb n="180057"/>excite him bad enough to get the smell of those painted women off him once
<lb n="180058"/>or twice I had a suspicion by getting him to come near me when I found the
<lb n="180059"/>long hair on his coat without that one when I went into the kitchen
<lb n="180060"/>pretending he was drinking water 1 woman is not enough for them it was
<lb n="180061"/>all his fault of course ruining servants then proposing that she could eat at
<lb n="180062"/>our table on Christmas day if you please O no thank you not in my house
<lb n="180063"/>stealing my potatoes and the oysters 2/6 per doz going out to see her aunt if
<lb n="180064"/>you please common robbery so it was but I was sure he had something on
<lb n="180065"/>with that one it takes me to find out a thing like that he said you have no
<lb n="180066"/>proof it was her proof O yes her aunt was very fond of oysters but I told
<lb n="180067"/>her what I thought of her suggesting me to go out to be alone with her I
<lb n="180068"/>wouldnt lower myself to spy on them the garters I found in her room the
<lb n="180069"/>Friday she was out that was enough for me a little bit too much her face
<lb n="180070"/>swelled up on her with temper when I gave her her weeks notice I saw to
<lb n="180071"/>that better do without them altogether do out the rooms myself quicker only
<lb n="180072"/>for the damn cooking and throwing out the dirt I gave it to him anyhow
<lb n="180073"/>either she or me leaves the house I couldnt even touch him if I thought he
<lb n="180074"/>was with a dirty barefaced liar and sloven like that one denying it up to my
<lb n="180075"/>face and singing about the place in the W C too because she knew she was
<lb n="180076"/>too well off yes because he couldnt possibly do without it that long so he
<lb n="180077"/>must do it somewhere and the last time he came on my bottom when was it
<lb n="180078"/>the night Boylan gave my hand a great squeeze going along by the Tolka in
<lb n="180079"/>my hand there steals another I just pressed the back of his like that with my
<lb n="180080"/>thumb to squeeze back singing the young May moon shes beaming love
<lb n="180081"/>because he has an idea about him and me hes not such a fool he said Im
<lb n="180082"/>dining out and going to the Gaiety though Im not going to give him the
<lb n="180083"/>satisfaction in any case God knows hes a change in a way not to be always
<lb n="180084"/>and ever wearing the same old hat unless I paid some nicelooking boy to do
<lb n="180085"/>it since I cant do it myself a young boy would like me Id confuse him a little
<lb n="180086"/>alone with him if we were Id let him see my garters the new ones and make
<lb n="180087"/>him turn red looking at him seduce him I know what boys feel with that
<lb n="180088"/>down on their cheek doing that frigging drawing out the thing by the hour
<lb n="180089"/>question and answer would you do this that and the other with the coalman
<lb n="180090"/>yes with a bishop yes I would because I told him about some dean or bishop
<lb n="180091"/>was sitting beside me in the jews temples gardens when I was knitting that
<lb n="180092"/>woollen thing a stranger to Dublin what place was it and so on about the
<lb n="180093"/>monuments and he tired me out with statues encouraging him making him
<lb n="180094"/>worse than he is who is in your mind now tell me who are you thinking of
<lb n="180095"/>who is it tell me his name who tell me who the german Emperor is it yes
<lb n="180096"/>imagine Im him think of him can you feel him trying to make a whore of me
<lb n="180097"/>what he never will he ought to give it up now at this age of his life simply
<lb n="180098"/>ruination for any woman and no satisfaction in it pretending to like it till he
<lb n="180099"/>comes and then finish it off myself anyway and it makes your lips pale
<lb n="180100"/>anyhow its done now once and for all with all the talk of the world about it
<lb n="180101"/>people make its only the first time after that its just the ordinary do it and
<lb n="180102"/>think no more about it why cant you kiss a man without going and
<lb n="180103"/>marrying him first you sometimes love to wildly when you feel that way so
<lb n="180104"/>nice all over you you cant help yourself I wish some man or other would
<lb n="180105"/>take me sometime when hes there and kiss me in his arms theres nothing
<lb n="180106"/>like a kiss long and hot down to your soul almost paralyses you then I hate
<lb n="180107"/>that confession when I used to go to Father Corrigan he touched me father
<lb n="180108"/>and what harm if he did where and I said on the canal bank like a fool but
<lb n="180109"/>whereabouts on your person my child on the leg behind high up was it yes
<lb n="180110"/>rather high up was it where you sit down yes O Lord couldnt he say bottom
<lb n="180111"/>right out and have done with it what has that got to do with it and did you
<lb n="180112"/>whatever way he put it I forget no father and I always think of the real
<lb n="180113"/>father what did he want to know for when I already confessed it to God he
<lb n="180114"/>had a nice fat hand the palm moist always I wouldnt mind feeling it neither
<lb n="180115"/>would he Id say by the bullneck in his horsecollar I wonder did he know me
<lb n="180116"/>in the box I could see his face he couldnt see mine of course hed never turn
<lb n="180117"/>or let on still his eyes were red when his father died theyre lost for a woman
<lb n="180118"/>of course must be terrible when a man cries let alone them Id like to be
<lb n="180119"/>embraced by one in his vestments and the smell of incense off him like the
<lb n="180120"/>pope besides theres no danger with a priest if youre married hes too careful
<lb n="180121"/>about himself then give something to H H the pope for a penance I wonder
<lb n="180122"/>was he satisfied with me one thing I didnt like his slapping me behind going
<lb n="180123"/>away so familiarly in the hall though I laughed Im not a horse or an ass am
<lb n="180124"/>I I suppose he was thinking of his fathers I wonder is he awake thinking of
<lb n="180125"/>me or dreaming am I in it who gave him that flower he said he bought he
<lb n="180126"/>smelt of some kind of drink not whisky or stout or perhaps the sweety kind
<lb n="180127"/>of paste they stick their bills up with some liqueur Id like to sip those
<lb n="180128"/>richlooking green and yellow expensive drinks those stagedoor johnnies
<lb n="180129"/>drink with the opera hats I tasted once with my finger dipped out of that
<lb n="180130"/>American that had the squirrel talking stamps with father he had all he
<lb n="180131"/>could do to keep himself from falling asleep after the last time after we took
<lb n="180132"/>the port and potted meat it had a fine salty taste yes because I felt lovely and
<lb n="180133"/>tired myself and fell asleep as sound as a top the moment I popped straight
<lb n="180134"/>into bed till that thunder woke me up God be merciful to us I thought the
<lb n="180135"/>heavens were coming down about us to punish us when I blessed myself
<lb n="180136"/>and said a Hail Mary like those awful thunderbolts in Gibraltar as if the
<lb n="180137"/>world was coming to an end and then they come and tell you theres no God
<lb n="180138"/>what could you do if it was running and rushing about nothing only make
<lb n="180139"/>an act of contrition the candle I lit that evening in Whitefriars street chapel
<lb n="180140"/>for the month of May see it brought its luck though hed scoff if he heard
<lb n="180141"/>because he never goes to church mass or meeting he says your soul you
<lb n="180142"/>have no soul inside only grey matter because he doesnt know what it is to
<lb n="180143"/>have one yes when I lit the lamp because he must have come 3 or 4 times
<lb n="180144"/>with that tremendous big red brute of a thing he has I thought the vein or
<lb n="180145"/>whatever the dickens they call it was going to burst though his nose is not
<lb n="180146"/>so big after I took off all my things with the blinds down after my hours
<lb n="180147"/>dressing and perfuming and combing it like iron or some kind of a thick
<lb n="180148"/>crowbar standing all the time he must have eaten oysters I think a few
<lb n="180149"/>dozen he was in great singing voice no I never in all my life felt anyone had
<lb n="180150"/>one the size of that to make you feel full up he must have eaten a whole
<lb n="180151"/>sheep after whats the idea making us like that with a big hole in the middle
<lb n="180152"/>of us or like a Stallion driving it up into you because thats all they want out
<lb n="180153"/>of you with that determined vicious look in his eye I had to halfshut my
<lb n="180154"/>eyes still he hasnt such a tremendous amount of spunk in him when I made
<lb n="180155"/>him pull out and do it on me considering how big it is so much the better in
<lb n="180156"/>case any of it wasnt washed out properly the last time I let him finish it in
<lb n="180157"/>me nice invention they made for women for him to get all the pleasure but if
<lb n="180158"/>someone gave them a touch of it themselves theyd know what I went
<lb n="180159"/>through with Milly nobody would believe cutting her teeth too and Mina
<lb n="180160"/>Purefoys husband give us a swing out of your whiskers filling her up with a
<lb n="180161"/>child or twins once a year as regular as the clock always with a smell of
<lb n="180162"/>children off her the one they called budgers or something like a nigger with
<lb n="180163"/>a shock of hair on it Jesusjack the child is a black the last time I was there a
<lb n="180164"/>squad of them falling over one another and bawling you couldnt hear your
<lb n="180165"/>ears supposed to be healthy not satisfied till they have us swollen out like
<lb n="180166"/>elephants or I dont know what supposing I risked having another not off
<lb n="180167"/>him though still if he was married Im sure hed have a fine strong child but I
<lb n="180168"/>dont know Poldy has more spunk in him yes thatd be awfully jolly I
<lb n="180169"/>suppose it was meeting Josie Powell and the funeral and thinking about me
<lb n="180170"/>and Boylan set him off well he can think what he likes now if thatll do him
<lb n="180171"/>any good I know they were spooning a bit when I came on the scene he was
<lb n="180172"/>dancing and sitting out with her the night of Georgina Simpsons
<lb n="180173"/>housewarming and then he wanted to ram it down my neck it was on
<lb n="180174"/>account of not liking to see her a wallflower that was why we had the
<lb n="180175"/>standup row over politics he began it not me when he said about Our Lord
<lb n="180176"/>being a carpenter at last he made me cry of course a woman is so sensitive
<lb n="180177"/>about everything I was fuming with myself after for giving in only for I
<lb n="180178"/>knew he was gone on me and the first socialist he said He was he annoyed
<lb n="180179"/>me so much I couldnt put him into a temper still he knows a lot of mixedup
<lb n="180180"/>things especially about the body and the inside I often wanted to study up
<lb n="180181"/>that myself what we have inside us in that family physician I could always
<lb n="180182"/>hear his voice talking when the room was crowded and watch him after that
<lb n="180183"/>I pretended I had a coolness on with her over him because he used to be a
<lb n="180184"/>bit on the jealous side whenever he asked who are you going to and I said
<lb n="180185"/>over to Floey and he made me the present of lord Byrons poems and the
<lb n="180186"/>three pairs of gloves so that finished that I could quite easily get him to
<lb n="180187"/>make it up any time I know how Id even supposing he got in with her again
<lb n="180188"/>and was going out to see her somewhere Id know if he refused to eat the
<lb n="180189"/>onions I know plenty of ways ask him to tuck down the collar of my blouse
<lb n="180190"/>or touch him with my veil and gloves on going out 1 kiss then would send
<lb n="180191"/>them all spinning however alright well see then let him go to her she of
<lb n="180192"/>course would only be too delighted to pretend shes mad in love with him
<lb n="180193"/>that I wouldnt so much mind Id just go to her and ask her do you love him
<lb n="180194"/>and look her square in the eyes she couldnt fool me but he might imagine he
<lb n="180195"/>was and make a declaration to her with his plabbery kind of a manner like
<lb n="180196"/>he did to me though I had the devils own job to get it out of him though I
<lb n="180197"/>liked him for that it showed he could hold in and wasnt to be got for the
<lb n="180198"/>asking he was on the pop of asking me too the night in the kitchen I was
<lb n="180199"/>rolling the potato cake theres something I want to say to you only for I put
<lb n="180200"/>him off letting on I was in a temper with my hands and arms full of pasty
<lb n="180201"/>flour in any case I let out too much the night before talking of dreams so I
<lb n="180202"/>didnt want to let him know more than was good for him she used to be
<lb n="180203"/>always embracing me Josie whenever he was there meaning him of course
<lb n="180204"/>glauming me over and when I said I washed up and down as far as possible
<lb n="180205"/>asking me and did you wash possible the women are always egging on to
<lb n="180206"/>that putting it on thick when hes there they know by his sly eye blinking a
<lb n="180207"/>bit putting on the indifferent when they come out with something the kind
<lb n="180208"/>he is what spoils him I dont wonder in the least because he was very
<lb n="180209"/>handsome at that time trying to look like Lord Byron I said I liked though
<lb n="180210"/>he was too beautiful for a man and he was a little before we got engaged
<lb n="180211"/>afterwards though she didnt like it so much the day I was in fits of laughing
<lb n="180212"/>with the giggles I couldnt stop about all my hairpins falling out one after
<lb n="180213"/>another with the mass of hair I had youre always in great humour she said
<lb n="180214"/>yes because it grigged her because she knew what it meant because I used to
<lb n="180215"/>tell her a good bit of what went on between us not all but just enough to
<lb n="180216"/>make her mouth water but that wasnt my fault she didnt darken the door
<lb n="180217"/>much after we were married I wonder what shes got like now after living
<lb n="180218"/>with that dotty husband of hers she had her face beginning to look drawn
<lb n="180219"/>and run down the last time I saw her she must have been just after a row
<lb n="180220"/>with him because I saw on the moment she was edging to draw down a
<lb n="180221"/>conversation about husbands and talk about him to run him down what
<lb n="180222"/>was it she told me O yes that sometimes he used to go to bed with his
<lb n="180223"/>muddy boots on when the maggot takes him just imagine having to get into
<lb n="180224"/>bed with a thing like that that might murder you any moment what a man
<lb n="180225"/>well its not the one way everyone goes mad Poldy anyhow whatever he does
<lb n="180226"/>always wipes his feet on the mat when he comes in wet or shine and always
<lb n="180227"/>blacks his own boots too and he always takes off his hat when he comes up
<lb n="180228"/>in the street like then and now hes going about in his slippers to look for
<lb n="180229"/>£10000 for a postcard U p up O sweetheart May wouldnt a thing like that
<lb n="180230"/>simply bore you stiff to extinction actually too stupid even to take his boots
<lb n="180231"/>off now what could you make of a man like that Id rather die 20 times over
<lb n="180232"/>than marry another of their sex of course hed never find another woman
<lb n="180233"/>like me to put up with him the way I do know me come sleep with me yes
<lb n="180234"/>and he knows that too at the bottom of his heart take that Mrs Maybrick
<lb n="180235"/>that poisoned her husband for what I wonder in love with some other man
<lb n="180236"/>yes it was found out on her wasnt she the downright villain to go and do a
<lb n="180237"/>thing like that of course some men can be dreadfully aggravating drive you
<lb n="180238"/>mad and always the worst word in the world what do they ask us to marry
<lb n="180239"/>them for if were so bad as all that comes to yes because they cant get on
<lb n="180240"/>without us white Arsenic she put in his tea off flypaper wasnt it I wonder
<lb n="180241"/>why they call it that if I asked him hed say its from the Greek leave us as
<lb n="180242"/>wise as we were before she must have been madly in love with the other
<lb n="180243"/>fellow to run the chance of being hanged O she didnt care if that was her
<lb n="180244"/>nature what could she do besides theyre not brutes enough to go and hang a
<lb n="180245"/>woman surely are they</p>
<p><lb n="180246"/>theyre all so different Boylan talking about the shape of my foot he
<lb n="180247"/>noticed at once even before he was introduced when I was in the D B C
<lb n="180248"/>with Poldy laughing and trying to listen I was waggling my foot we both
<lb n="180249"/>ordered 2 teas and plain bread and butter I saw him looking with his two
<lb n="180250"/>old maids of sisters when I stood up and asked the girl where it was what
<lb n="180251"/>do I care with it dropping out of me and that black closed breeches he made
<lb n="180252"/>me buy takes you half an hour to let them down wetting all myself always
<lb n="180253"/>with some brandnew fad every other week such a long one I did I forgot my
<lb n="180254"/>suede gloves on the seat behind that I never got after some robber of a
<lb n="180255"/>woman and he wanted me to put it in the <title type="newspaper">Irish</title> times lost in the ladies
<lb n="180256"/>lavatory D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs Marion Bloom and I saw
<lb n="180257"/>his eyes on my feet going out through the turning door he was looking
<lb n="180258"/>when I looked back and I went there for tea 2 days after in the hope but he
<lb n="180259"/>wasnt now how did that excite him because I was crossing them when we
<lb n="180260"/>were in the other room first he meant the shoes that are too tight to walk in
<lb n="180261"/>my hand is nice like that if I only had a ring with the stone for my month a
<lb n="180262"/>nice aquamarine Ill stick him for one and a gold bracelet I dont like my foot
<lb n="180263"/>so much still I made him spend once with my foot the night after Goodwins
<lb n="180264"/>botchup of a concert so cold and windy it was well we had that rum in the
<lb n="180265"/>house to mull and the fire wasnt black out when he asked to take off my
<lb n="180266"/>stockings lying on the hearthrug in Lombard street west and another time it
<lb n="180267"/>was my muddy boots hed like me to walk in all the horses dung I could find
<lb n="180268"/>but of course hes not natural like the rest of the world that I what did he say
<lb n="180269"/>I could give 9 points in 10 to Katty Lanner and beat her what does that
<lb n="180270"/>mean I asked him I forget what he said because the stoppress edition just
<lb n="180271"/>passed and the man with the curly hair in the Lucan dairy thats so polite I
<lb n="180272"/>think I saw his face before somewhere I noticed him when I was tasting the
<lb n="180273"/>butter so I took my time Bartell dArcy too that he used to make fun of when
<lb n="180274"/>he commenced kissing me on the choir stairs after I sang Gounods Ave
<lb n="180275"/>Maria what are we waiting for O my heart kiss me straight on the brow and
<lb n="180276"/>part which is my brown part he was pretty hot for all his tinny voice too my
<lb n="180277"/>low notes he was always raving about if you can believe him I liked the way
<lb n="180278"/>he used his mouth singing then he said wasnt it terrible to do that there in a
<lb n="180279"/>place like that I dont see anything so terrible about it Ill tell him about that
<lb n="180280"/>some day not now and surprise him ay and Ill take him there and show him
<lb n="180281"/>the very place too we did it so now there you are like it or lump it he thinks
<lb n="180282"/>nothing can happen without him knowing he hadnt an idea about my
<lb n="180283"/>mother till we were engaged otherwise hed never have got me so cheap as he
<lb n="180284"/>did he was 10 times worse himself anyhow begging me to give him a tiny bit
<lb n="180285"/>cut off my drawers that was the evening coming along Kenilworth square
<lb n="180286"/>he kissed me in the eye of my glove and I had to take it off asking me
<lb n="180287"/>questions is it permitted to enquire the shape of my bedroom so I let him
<lb n="180288"/>keep it as if I forgot it to think of me when I saw him slip it into his pocket
<lb n="180289"/>of course hes mad on the subject of drawers thats plain to be seen always
<lb n="180290"/>skeezing at those brazenfaced things on the bicycles with their skirts
<lb n="180291"/>blowing up to their navels even when Milly and I were out with him at the
<lb n="180292"/>open air fete that one in the cream muslin standing right against the sun so
<lb n="180293"/>he could see every atom she had on when he saw me from behind following
<lb n="180294"/>in the rain I saw him before he saw me however standing at the corner of
<lb n="180295"/>the Harolds cross road with a new raincoat on him with the muffler in the
<lb n="180296"/>Zingari colours to show off his complexion and the brown hat looking
<lb n="180297"/>slyboots as usual what was he doing there where hed no business they can
<lb n="180298"/>go and get whatever they like from anything at all with a skirt on it and
<lb n="180299"/>were not to ask any questions but they want to know where were you where
<lb n="180300"/>are you going I could feel him coming along skulking after me his eyes on
<lb n="180301"/>my neck he had been keeping away from the house he felt it was getting too
<lb n="180302"/>warm for him so I halfturned and stopped then he pestered me to say yes till
<lb n="180303"/>I took off my glove slowly watching him he said my openwork sleeves were
<lb n="180304"/>too cold for the rain anything for an excuse to put his hand anear me
<lb n="180305"/>drawers drawers the whole blessed time till I promised to give him the pair
<lb n="180306"/>off my doll to carry about in his waistcoat pocket O Maria Santisima he did
<lb n="180307"/>look a big fool dreeping in the rain splendid set of teeth he had made me
<lb n="180308"/>hungry to look at them and beseeched of me to lift the orange petticoat I
<lb n="180309"/>had on with the sunray pleats that there was nobody he said hed kneel
<lb n="180310"/>down in the wet if I didnt so persevering he would too and ruin his new
<lb n="180311"/>raincoat you never know what freak theyd take alone with you theyre so
<lb n="180312"/>savage for it if anyone was passing so I lifted them a bit and touched his
<lb n="180313"/>trousers outside the way I used to Gardner after with my ring hand to keep
<lb n="180314"/>him from doing worse where it was too public I was dying to find out was
<lb n="180315"/>he circumcised he was shaking like a jelly all over they want to do
<lb n="180316"/>everything too quick take all the pleasure out of it and father waiting all the
<lb n="180317"/>time for his dinner he told me to say I left my purse in the butchers and had
<lb n="180318"/>to go back for it what a Deceiver then he wrote me that letter with all those
<lb n="180319"/>words in it how could he have the face to any woman after his company
<lb n="180320"/>manners making it so awkward after when we met asking me have I
<lb n="180321"/>offended you with my eyelids down of course he saw I wasnt he had a few
<lb n="180322"/>brains not like that other fool Henny Doyle he was always breaking or
<lb n="180323"/>tearing something in the charades I hate an unlucky man and if I knew
<lb n="180324"/>what it meant of course I had to say no for form sake dont understand you
<lb n="180325"/>I said and wasnt it natural so it is of course it used to be written up with a
<lb n="180326"/>picture of a womans on that wall in Gibraltar with that word I couldnt find
<lb n="180327"/>anywhere only for children seeing it too young then writing every morning
<lb n="180328"/>a letter sometimes twice a day I liked the way he made love then he knew
<lb n="180329"/>the way to take a woman when he sent me the 8 big poppies because mine
<lb n="180330"/>was the 8th then I wrote the night he kissed my heart at Dolphins barn I
<lb n="180331"/>couldnt describe it simply it makes you feel like nothing on earth but he
<lb n="180332"/>never knew how to embrace well like Gardner I hope hell come on Monday
<lb n="180333"/>as he said at the same time four I hate people who come at all hours answer
<lb n="180334"/>the door you think its the vegetables then its somebody and you all
<lb n="180335"/>undressed or the door of the filthy sloppy kitchen blows open the day old
<lb n="180336"/>frostyface Goodwin called about the concert in Lombard street and I just
<lb n="180337"/>after dinner all flushed and tossed with boiling old stew dont look at me
<lb n="180338"/>professor I had to say Im a fright yes but he was a real old gent in his way it
<lb n="180339"/>was impossible to be more respectful nobody to say youre out you have to
<lb n="180340"/>peep out through the blind like the messengerboy today I thought it was a
<lb n="180341"/>putoff first him sending the port and the peaches first and I was just
<lb n="180342"/>beginning to yawn with nerves thinking he was trying to make a fool of me
<lb n="180343"/>when I knew his tattarrattat at the door he must have been a bit late because
<lb n="180344"/>it was 1/₣., after 3 when I saw the 2 Dedalus girls coming from school I never
<lb n="180345"/>know the time even that watch he gave me never seems to go properly Id
<lb n="180346"/>want to get it looked after when I threw the penny to that lame sailor for
<lb n="180347"/>England home and beauty when I was whistling there is a charming girl I
<lb n="180348"/>love and I hadnt even put on my clean shift or powdered myself or a thing
<lb n="180349"/>then this day week were to go to Belfast just as well he has to go to Ennis
<lb n="180350"/>his fathers anniversary the 27th it wouldnt be pleasant if he did suppose our
<lb n="180351"/>rooms at the hotel were beside each other and any fooling went on in the
<lb n="180352"/>new bed I couldnt tell him to stop and not bother me with him in the next
<lb n="180353"/>room or perhaps some protestant clergyman with a cough knocking on the
<lb n="180354"/>wall then hed never believe the next day we didnt do something its all very
<lb n="180355"/>well a husband but you cant fool a lover after me telling him we never did
<lb n="180356"/>anything of course he didnt believe me no its better hes going where he is
<lb n="180357"/>besides something always happens with him the time going to the Mallow
<lb n="180358"/>concert at Maryborough ordering boiling soup for the two of us then the
<lb n="180359"/>bell rang out he walks down the platform with the soup splashing about
<lb n="180360"/>taking spoonfuls of it hadnt he the nerve and the waiter after him making a
<lb n="180361"/>holy show of us screeching and confusion for the engine to start but he
<lb n="180362"/>wouldnt pay till he finished it the two gentlemen in the 3rd class carriage
<lb n="180363"/>said he was quite right so he was too hes so pigheaded sometimes when he
<lb n="180364"/>gets a thing into his head a good job he was able to open the carriage door
<lb n="180365"/>with his knife or theyd have taken us on to Cork I suppose that was done
<lb n="180366"/>out of revenge on him O I love jaunting in a train or a car with lovely soft
<lb n="180367"/>cushions I wonder will he take a 1st class for me he might want to do it in
<lb n="180368"/>the train by tipping the guard well O I suppose therell be the usual idiots of
<lb n="180369"/>men gaping at us with their eyes as stupid as ever they can possibly be that
<lb n="180370"/>was an exceptional man that common workman that left us alone in the
<lb n="180371"/>carriage that day going to Howth Id like to find out something about him 1
<lb n="180372"/>or 2 tunnels perhaps then you have to look out of the window all the nicer
<lb n="180373"/>then coming back suppose I never came back what would they say eloped
<lb n="180374"/>with him that gets you on on the stage the last concert I sang at where its
<lb n="180375"/>over a year ago when was it St Teresas hall Clarendon St little chits of
<lb n="180376"/>missies they have now singing Kathleen Kearney and her like on account of
<lb n="180377"/>father being in the army and my singing the absentminded beggar and
<lb n="180378"/>wearing a brooch for Lord Roberts when I had the map of it all and Poldy
<lb n="180379"/>not Irish enough was it him managed it this time I wouldnt put it past him
<lb n="180380"/>like he got me on to sing in the Stabat Mater by going around saying he was
<lb n="180381"/>putting Lead Kindly Light to music I put him up to that till the jesuits found
<lb n="180382"/>out he was a freemason thumping the piano lead Thou me on copied from
<lb n="180383"/>some old opera yes and he was going about with some of them Sinner Fein
<lb n="180384"/>lately or whatever they call themselves talking his usual trash and nonsense
<lb n="180385"/>he says that little man he showed me without the neck is very intelligent the
<lb n="180386"/>coming man Griffiths is he well he doesnt look it thats all I can say still it
<lb n="180387"/>must have been him he knew there was a boycott I hate the mention of their
<lb n="180388"/>politics after the war that Pretoria and Ladysmith and Bloemfontein where
<lb n="180389"/>Gardner lieut Stanley G 8th Bn 2nd East Lancs Rgt of enteric fever he was
<lb n="180390"/>a lovely fellow in khaki and just the right height over me Im sure he was
<lb n="180391"/>brave too he said I was lovely the evening we kissed goodbye at the canal
<lb n="180392"/>lock my Irish beauty he was pale with excitement about going away or wed
<lb n="180393"/>be seen from the road he couldnt stand properly and I so hot as I never felt
<lb n="180394"/>they could have made their peace in the beginning or old oom Paul and the
<lb n="180395"/>rest of the other old Krugers go and fight it out between them instead of
<lb n="180396"/>dragging on for years killing any finelooking men there were with their
<lb n="180397"/>fever if he was even decently shot it wouldnt have been so bad I love to see a
<lb n="180398"/>regiment pass in review the first time I saw the Spanish cavalry at La Roque
<lb n="180399"/>it was lovely after looking across the bay from Algeciras all the lights of the
<lb n="180400"/>rock like fireflies or those sham battles on the 15 acres the Black Watch with
<lb n="180401"/>their kilts in time at the march past the 10th hussars the prince of Wales
<lb n="180402"/>own or the lancers O the lancers theyre grand or the Dublins that won
<lb n="180403"/>Tugela his father made his money over selling the horses for the cavalry
<lb n="180404"/>well he could buy me a nice present up in Belfast after what I gave him
<lb n="180405"/>theyve lovely linen up there or one of those nice kimono things I must buy a
<lb n="180406"/>mothball like I had before to keep in the drawer with them it would be
<lb n="180407"/>exciting going round with him shopping buying those things in a new city
<lb n="180408"/>better leave this ring behind want to keep turning and turning to get it over
<lb n="180409"/>the knuckle there or they might bell it round the town in their papers or tell
<lb n="180410"/>the police on me but theyd think were married O let them all go and
<lb n="180411"/>smother themselves for the fat lot I care he has plenty of money and hes not
<lb n="180412"/>a marrying man so somebody better get it out of him if I could find out
<lb n="180413"/>whether he likes me I looked a bit washy of course when I looked close in
<lb n="180414"/>the handglass powdering a mirror never gives you the expression besides
<lb n="180415"/>scrooching down on me like that all the time with his big hipbones hes
<lb n="180416"/>heavy too with his hairy chest for this heat always having to lie down for
<lb n="180417"/>them better for him put it into me from behind the way Mrs Mastiansky
<lb n="180418"/>told me her husband made her like the dogs do it and stick out her tongue
<lb n="180419"/>as far as ever she could and he so quiet and mild with his tingating cither
<lb n="180420"/>can you ever be up to men the way it takes them lovely stuff in that blue suit
<lb n="180421"/>he had on and stylish tie and socks with the skyblue silk things on them hes
<lb n="180422"/>certainly welloff I know by the cut his clothes have and his heavy watch but
<lb n="180423"/>he was like a perfect devil for a few minutes after he came back with the
<lb n="180424"/>stoppress tearing up the tickets and swearing blazes because he lost 20 quid
<lb n="180425"/>he said he lost over that outsider that won and half he put on for me on
<lb n="180426"/>account of Lenehans tip cursing him to the lowest pits that sponger he was
<lb n="180427"/>making free with me after the Glencree dinner coming back that long joult
<lb n="180428"/>over the featherbed mountain after the lord Mayor looking at me with his
<lb n="180429"/>dirty eyes Val Dillon that big heathen I first noticed him at dessert when I
<lb n="180430"/>was cracking the nuts with my teeth I wished I could have picked every
<lb n="180431"/>morsel of that chicken out of my fingers it was so tasty and browned and as
<lb n="180432"/>tender as anything only for I didnt want to eat everything on my plate those
<lb n="180433"/>forks and fishslicers were hallmarked silver too I wish I had some I could
<lb n="180434"/>easily have slipped a couple into my muff when I was playing with them
<lb n="180435"/>then always hanging out of them for money in a restaurant for the bit you
<lb n="180436"/>put down your throat we have to be thankful for our mangy cup of tea itself
<lb n="180437"/>as a great compliment to be noticed the way the world is divided in any case
<lb n="180438"/>if its going to go on I want at least two other good chemises for one thing
<lb n="180439"/>and but I dont know what kind of drawers he likes none at all I think didnt
<lb n="180440"/>he say yes and half the girls in Gibraltar never wore them either naked as
<lb n="180441"/>God made them that Andalusian singing her Manola she didnt make much
<lb n="180442"/>secret of what she hadnt yes and the second pair of silkette stockings is
<lb n="180443"/>laddered after one days wear I could have brought them back to Lewers this
<lb n="180444"/>morning and kicked up a row and made that one change them only not to
<lb n="180445"/>upset myself and run the risk of walking into him and ruining the whole
<lb n="180446"/>thing and one of those kidfitting corsets Id want advertised cheap in the
<lb n="180447"/>Gentlewoman with elastic gores on the hips he saved the one I have but
<lb n="180448"/>thats no good what did they say they give a delightful figure line 11/6
<lb n="180449"/>obviating that unsightly broad appearance across the lower back to reduce
<lb n="180450"/>flesh my belly is a bit too big Ill have to knock off the stout at dinner or am I
<lb n="180451"/>getting too fond of it the last they sent from ORourkes was as flat as a
<lb n="180452"/>pancake he makes his money easy Larry they call him the old mangy parcel
<lb n="180453"/>he sent at Xmas a cottage cake and a bottle of hogwash he tried to palm off
<lb n="180454"/>as claret that he couldnt get anyone to drink God spare his spit for fear hed
<lb n="180455"/>die of the drouth or I must do a few breathing exercises I wonder is that
<lb n="180456"/>antifat any good might overdo it the thin ones are not so much the fashion
<lb n="180457"/>now garters that much I have the violet pair I wore today thats all he
<lb n="180458"/>bought me out of the cheque he got on the first O no there was the face
<lb n="180459"/>lotion I finished the last of yesterday that made my skin like new I told him
<lb n="180460"/>over and over again get that made up in the same place and dont forget it
<lb n="180461"/>God only knows whether he did after all I said to him Ill know by the bottle
<lb n="180462"/>anyway if not I suppose Ill only have to wash in my piss like beeftea or
<lb n="180463"/>chickensoup with some of that opoponax and violet I thought it was
<lb n="180464"/>beginning to look coarse or old a bit the skin underneath is much finer
<lb n="180465"/>where it peeled off there on my finger after the burn its a pity it isnt all like
<lb n="180466"/>that and the four paltry handkerchiefs about 6/- in all sure you cant get on
<lb n="180467"/>in this world without style all going in food and rent when I get it Ill lash it
<lb n="180468"/>around I tell you in fine style I always want to throw a handful of tea into
<lb n="180469"/>the pot measuring and mincing if I buy a pair of old brogues itself do you
<lb n="180470"/>like those new shoes yes how much were they Ive no clothes at all the brown
<lb n="180471"/>costume and the skirt and jacket and the one at the cleaners 3 whats that for
<lb n="180472"/>any woman cutting up this old hat and patching up the other the men wont
<lb n="180473"/>look at you and women try to walk on you because they know youve no
<lb n="180474"/>man then with all the things getting dearer every day for the 4 years more I
<lb n="180475"/>have of life up to 35 no Im what am I at all Ill be 33 in September will I
<lb n="180476"/>what O well look at that Mrs Galbraith shes much older than me I saw her
<lb n="180477"/>when I was out last week her beautys on the wane she was a lovely woman
<lb n="180478"/>magnificent head of hair on her down to her waist tossing it back like that
<lb n="180479"/>like Kitty OShea in Grantham street 1st thing I did every morning to look
<lb n="180480"/>across see her combing it as if she loved it and was full of it pity I only got
<lb n="180481"/>to know her the day before we left and that Mrs Langtry the jersey lily the
<lb n="180482"/>prince of Wales was in love with I suppose hes like the first man going the
<lb n="180483"/>roads only for the name of a king theyre all made the one way only a black
<lb n="180484"/>mans Id like to try a beauty up to what was she 45 there was some funny
<lb n="180485"/>story about the jealous old husband what was it at all and an oyster knife he
<lb n="180486"/>went no he made her wear a kind of a tin thing round her and the prince of
<lb n="180487"/>Wales yes he had the oyster knife cant be true a thing like that like some of
<lb n="180488"/>those books he brings me the works of Master Francois Somebody
<lb n="180489"/>supposed to be a priest about a child born out of her ear because her
<lb n="180490"/>bumgut fell out a nice word for any priest to write and her a—e as if any
<lb n="180491"/>fool wouldnt know what that meant I hate that pretending of all things with
<lb n="180492"/>that old blackguards face on him anybody can see its not true and that
<lb n="180493"/>Ruby and Fair Tyrants he brought me that twice I remember when I came
<lb n="180494"/>to page 50 the part about where she hangs him up out of a hook with a cord
<lb n="180495"/>flagellate sure theres nothing for a woman in that all invention made up
<lb n="180496"/>about he drinking the champagne out of her slipper after the ball was over
<lb n="180497"/>like the infant Jesus in the crib at Inchicore in the Blessed Virgins arms sure
<lb n="180498"/>no woman could have a child that big taken out of her and I thought first it
<lb n="180499"/>came out of her side because how could she go to the chamber when she
<lb n="180500"/>wanted to and she a rich lady of course she felt honoured H R H he was in
<lb n="180501"/>Gibraltar the year I was born I bet he found lilies there too where he
<lb n="180502"/>planted the tree he planted more than that in his time he might have planted
<lb n="180503"/>me too if hed come a bit sooner then I wouldnt be here as I am he ought to
<lb n="180504"/>chuck that Freeman with the paltry few shillings he knocks out of it and go
<lb n="180505"/>into an office or something where hed get regular pay or a bank where they
<lb n="180506"/>could put him up on a throne to count the money all the day of course he
<lb n="180507"/>prefers plottering about the house so you cant stir with him any side whats
<lb n="180508"/>your programme today I wish hed even smoke a pipe like father to get the
<lb n="180509"/>smell of a man or pretending to be mooching about for advertisements
<lb n="180510"/>when he could have been in Mr Cuffes still only for what he did then
<lb n="180511"/>sending me to try and patch it up I could have got him promoted there to be
<lb n="180512"/>the manager he gave me a great mirada once or twice first he was as stiff as
<lb n="180513"/>the mischief really and truly Mrs Bloom only I felt rotten simply with the
<lb n="180514"/>old rubbishy dress that I lost the leads out of the tails with no cut in it but
<lb n="180515"/>theyre coming into fashion again I bought it simply to please him I knew it
<lb n="180516"/>was no good by the finish pity I changed my mind of going to Todd and
<lb n="180517"/>Burns as I said and not Lees it was just like the shop itself rummage sale a
<lb n="180518"/>lot of trash I hate those rich shops get on your nerves nothing kills me
<lb n="180519"/>altogether only he thinks he knows a great lot about a womans dress and
<lb n="180520"/>cooking mathering everything he can scour off the shelves into it if I went
<lb n="180521"/>by his advices every blessed hat I put on does that suit me yes take that thats
<lb n="180522"/>alright the one like a weddingcake standing up miles off my head he said
<lb n="180523"/>suited me or the dishcover one coming down on my backside on pins and
<lb n="180524"/>needles about the shopgirl in that place in Grafton street I had the
<lb n="180525"/>misfortune to bring him into and she as insolent as ever she could be with
<lb n="180526"/>her smirk saying Im afraid were giving you too much trouble what shes
<lb n="180527"/>there for but I stared it out of her yes he was awfully stiff and no wonder
<lb n="180528"/>but he changed the second time he looked Poldy pigheaded as usual like the
<lb n="180529"/>soup but I could see him looking very hard at my chest when he stood up to
<lb n="180530"/>open the door for me it was nice of him to show me out in any case Im
<lb n="180531"/>extremely sorry Mrs Bloom believe me without making it too marked the
<lb n="180532"/>first time after him being insulted and me being supposed to be his wife I
<lb n="180533"/>just half smiled I know my chest was out that way at the door when he said
<lb n="180534"/>Im extremely sorry and Im sure you were</p>
<p><lb n="180535"/>yes I think he made them a bit firmer sucking them like that so long he
<lb n="180536"/>made me thirsty titties he calls them I had to laugh yes this one anyhow stiff
<lb n="180537"/>the nipple gets for the least thing Ill get him to keep that up and Ill take
<lb n="180538"/>those eggs beaten up with marsala fatten them out for him what are all
<lb n="180539"/>those veins and things curious the way its made 2 the same in case of twins
<lb n="180540"/>theyre supposed to represent beauty placed up there like those statues in the
<lb n="180541"/>museum one of them pretending to hide it with her hand are they so
<lb n="180542"/>beautiful of course compared with what a man looks like with his two bags
<lb n="180543"/>full and his other thing hanging down out of him or sticking up at you like
<lb n="180544"/>a hatrack no wonder they hide it with a cabbageleaf that disgusting
<lb n="180545"/>Cameron highlander behind the meat market or that other wretch with the
<lb n="180546"/>red head behind the tree where the statue of the fish used to be when I was
<lb n="180547"/>passing pretending he was pissing standing out for me to see it with his
<lb n="180548"/>babyclothes up to one side the Queens own they were a nice lot its well the
<lb n="180549"/>Surreys relieved them theyre always trying to show it to you every time
<lb n="180550"/>nearly I passed outside the mens greenhouse near the Harcourt street
<lb n="180551"/>station just to try some fellow or other trying to catch my eye as if it was 1
<lb n="180552"/>of the 7 wonders of the world O and the stink of those rotten places the
<lb n="180553"/>night coming home with Poldy after the Comerfords party oranges and
<lb n="180554"/>lemonade to make you feel nice and watery I went into 1 of them it was so
<lb n="180555"/>biting cold I couldnt keep it when was that 93 the canal was frozen yes it
<lb n="180556"/>was a few months after a pity a couple of the Camerons werent there to see
<lb n="180557"/>me squatting in the mens place meadero I tried to draw a picture of it before
<lb n="180558"/>I tore it up like a sausage or something I wonder theyre not afraid going
<lb n="180559"/>about of getting a kick or a bang of something there the woman is beauty of
<lb n="180560"/>course thats admitted when he said I could pose for a picture naked to some
<lb n="180561"/>rich fellow in Holles street when he lost the job in Helys and I was selling
<lb n="180562"/>the clothes and strumming in the coffee palace would I be like that bath of
<lb n="180563"/>the nymph with my hair down yes only shes younger or Im a little like that
<lb n="180564"/>dirty bitch in that Spanish photo he has nymphs used they go about like
<lb n="180565"/>that I asked him about her and that word met something with hoses in it
<lb n="180566"/>and he came out with some jawbreakers about the incarnation he never can
<lb n="180567"/>explain a thing simply the way a body can understand then he goes and
<lb n="180568"/>burns the bottom out of the pan all for his Kidney this one not so much
<lb n="180569"/>theres the mark of his teeth still where he tried to bite the nipple I had to
<lb n="180570"/>scream out arent they fearful trying to hurt you I had a great breast of milk
<lb n="180571"/>with Milly enough for two what was the reason of that he said I could have
<lb n="180572"/>got a pound a week as a wet nurse all swelled out the morning that delicate
<lb n="180573"/>looking student that stopped in no 28 with the Citrons Penrose nearly
<lb n="180574"/>caught me washing through the window only for I snapped up the towel to
<lb n="180575"/>my face that was his studenting hurt me they used to weaning her till he got
<lb n="180576"/>doctor Brady to give me the belladonna prescription I had to get him to
<lb n="180577"/>suck them they were so hard he said it was sweeter and thicker than cows
<lb n="180578"/>then he wanted to milk me into the tea well hes beyond everything I declare
<lb n="180579"/>somebody ought to put him in the budget if I only could remember the 1
<lb n="180580"/>half of the things and write a book out of it the works of Master Poldy yes
<lb n="180581"/>and its so much smoother the skin much an hour he was at them Im sure by
<lb n="180582"/>the clock like some kind of a big infant I had at me they want everything in
<lb n="180583"/>their mouth all the pleasure those men get out of a woman I can feel his
<lb n="180584"/>mouth O Lord I must stretch myself I wished he was here or somebody to
<lb n="180585"/>let myself go with and come again like that I feel all fire inside me or if I
<lb n="180586"/>could dream it when he made me spend the 2ⁿd time tickling me behind with
<lb n="180587"/>his finger I was coming for about 5 minutes with my legs round him I had
<lb n="180588"/>to hug him after O Lord I wanted to shout out all sorts of things fuck or
<lb n="180589"/>shit or anything at all only not to look ugly or those lines from the strain
<lb n="180590"/>who knows the way hed take it you want to feel your way with a man
<lb n="180591"/>theyre not all like him thank God some of them want you to be so nice
<lb n="180592"/>about it I noticed the contrast he does it and doesnt talk I gave my eyes that
<lb n="180593"/>look with my hair a bit loose from the tumbling and my tongue between my
<lb n="180594"/>lips up to him the savage brute Thursday Friday one Saturday two Sunday
<lb n="180595"/>three O Lord I cant wait till Monday</p>
<p><lb n="180596"/>frseeeeeeeefronnnng train somewhere whistling the strength those
<lb n="180597"/>engines have in them like big giants and the water rolling all over and out of
<lb n="180598"/>them all sides like the end of Loves old sweeeetsonnnng the poor men that
<lb n="180599"/>have to be out all the night from their wives and families in those roasting
<lb n="180600"/>engines stifling it was today Im glad I burned the half of those old Freemans
<lb n="180601"/>and Photo Bits leaving things like that lying about hes getting very careless
<lb n="180602"/>and threw the rest of them up in the W C Ill get him to cut them tomorrow
<lb n="180603"/>for me instead of having them there for the next year to get a few pence for
<lb n="180604"/>them have him asking wheres last Januarys paper and all those old
<lb n="180605"/>overcoats I bundled out of the hall making the place hotter than it is that
<lb n="180606"/>rain was lovely and refreshing just after my beauty sleep I thought it was
<lb n="180607"/>going to get like Gibraltar my goodness the heat there before the levanter
<lb n="180608"/>came on black as night and the glare of the rock standing up in it like a big
<lb n="180609"/>giant compared with their 3 Rock mountain they think is so great with the
<lb n="180610"/>red sentries here and there the poplars and they all whitehot and the smell
<lb n="180611"/>of the rainwater in those tanks watching the sun all the time weltering down
<lb n="180612"/>on you faded all that lovely frock fathers friend Mrs Stanhope sent me from
<lb n="180613"/>the B Marche paris what a shame my dearest Doggerina she wrote on it she
<lb n="180614"/>was very nice whats this her other name was just a p c to tell you I sent the
<lb n="180615"/>little present have just had a jolly warm bath and feel a <emph>very</emph> clean dog now
<lb n="180616"/>enjoyed it wogger she called him wogger wd give anything to be back in
<lb n="180617"/>Gib and hear you sing Waiting and in old Madrid Concone is the name of
<lb n="180618"/>those exercises he bought me one of those new some word I couldnt make
<lb n="180619"/>out shawls amusing things but tear for the least thing still there lovely I
<lb n="180620"/>think dont you will always think of the lovely teas we had together
<lb n="180621"/>scrumptious currant scones and raspberry wafers I adore well now dearest
<lb n="180622"/>Doggerina be sure and write soon kind she left out regards to your father
<lb n="180623"/>also captain Grove with love yrs affly Hester x x x x x she didnt look a bit
<lb n="180624"/>married just like a girl he was years older than her wogger he was awfully
<lb n="180625"/>fond of me when he held down the wire with his foot for me to step over at
<lb n="180626"/>the bullfight at La Linea when that matador Gomez was given the bulls ear
<lb n="180627"/>these clothes we have to wear whoever invented them expecting you to walk
<lb n="180628"/>up Killiney hill then for example at that picnic all staysed up you cant do a
<lb n="180629"/>blessed thing in them in a crowd run or jump out of the way thats why I
<lb n="180630"/>was afraid when that other ferocious old Bull began to charge the
<lb n="180631"/>banderilleros with the sashes and the 2 things in their hats and the brutes of
<lb n="180632"/>men shouting bravo toro sure the women were as bad in their nice white
<lb n="180633"/>mantillas ripping all the whole insides out of those poor horses I never
<lb n="180634"/>heard of such a thing in all my life yes he used to break his heart at me
<lb n="180635"/>taking off the dog barking in bell lane poor brute and it sick what became of
<lb n="180636"/>them ever I suppose theyre dead long ago the 2 of them its like all through a
<lb n="180637"/>mist makes you feel so old I made the scones of course I had everything all
<lb n="180638"/>to myself then a girl Hester we used to compare our hair mine was thicker
<lb n="180639"/>than hers she showed me how to settle it at the back when I put it up and
<lb n="180640"/>whats this else how to make a knot on a thread with the one hand we were
<lb n="180641"/>like cousins what age was I then the night of the storm I slept in her bed she
<lb n="180642"/>had her arms round me then we were fighting in the morning with the
<lb n="180643"/>pillow what fun he was watching me whenever he got an opportunity at the
<lb n="180644"/>band on the Alameda esplanade when I was with father and captain Grove
<lb n="180645"/>I looked up at the church first and then at the windows then down and our
<lb n="180646"/>eyes met I felt something go through me like all needles my eyes were
<lb n="180647"/>dancing I remember after when I looked at myself in the glass hardly
<lb n="180648"/>recognised myself the change he was attractive to a girl in spite of his being
<lb n="180649"/>a little bald intelligent looking disappointed and gay at the same time he was
<lb n="180650"/>like Thomas in the shadow of Ashlydyat I had a splendid skin from the sun
<lb n="180651"/>and the excitement like a rose I didnt get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have
<lb n="180652"/>been nice on account of her but I could have stopped it in time she gave me
<lb n="180653"/>the Moonstone to read that was the first I read of Wilkie Collins East Lynne
<lb n="180654"/>I read and the shadow of Ashlydyat Mrs Henry Wood Henry Dunbar by
<lb n="180655"/>that other woman I lent him afterwards with Mulveys photo in it so as he
<lb n="180656"/>see I wasnt without and Lord Lytton Eugene Aram Molly bawn she gave
<lb n="180657"/>me by Mrs Hungerford on account of the name I dont like books with a
<lb n="180658"/>Molly in them like that one he brought me about the one from Flanders a
<lb n="180659"/>whore always shoplifting anything she could cloth and stuff and yards of it
<lb n="180660"/>O this blanket is too heavy on me thats better I havent even one decent
<lb n="180661"/>nightdress this thing gets all rolled under me besides him and his fooling
<lb n="180662"/>thats better I used to be weltering then in the heat my shift drenched with
<lb n="180663"/>the sweat stuck in the cheeks of my bottom on the chair when I stood up
<lb n="180664"/>they were so fattish and firm when I got up on the sofa cushions to see with
<lb n="180665"/>my clothes up and the bugs tons of them at night and the mosquito nets I
<lb n="180666"/>couldnt read a line Lord how long ago it seems centuries of course they
<lb n="180667"/>never came back and she didnt put her address right on it either she may
<lb n="180668"/>have noticed her wogger people were always going away and we never I
<lb n="180669"/>remember that day with the waves and the boats with their high heads
<lb n="180670"/>rocking and the smell of ship those Officers uniforms on shore leave made
<lb n="180671"/>me seasick he didnt say anything he was very serious I had the high
<lb n="180672"/>buttoned boots on and my skirt was blowing she kissed me six or seven
<lb n="180673"/>times didnt I cry yes I believe I did or near it my lips were taittering when I
<lb n="180674"/>said goodbye she had a Gorgeous wrap of some special kind of blue colour
<lb n="180675"/>on her for the voyage made very peculiarly to one side like and it was
<lb n="180676"/>extremely pretty it got as dull as the devil after they went I was almost
<lb n="180677"/>planning to run away mad out of it somewhere were never easy where we
<lb n="180678"/>are father or aunt or marriage waiting always waiting to guiiiide him toooo
<lb n="180679"/>me waiting nor speeeed his flying feet their damn guns bursting and
<lb n="180680"/>booming all over the shop especially the Queens birthday and throwing
<lb n="180681"/>everything down in all directions if you didnt open the windows when
<lb n="180682"/>general Ulysses Grant whoever he was or did supposed to be some great
<lb n="180683"/>fellow landed off the ship and old Sprague the consul that was there from
<lb n="180684"/>before the flood dressed up poor man and he in mourning for the son then
<lb n="180685"/>the same old bugles for reveille in the morning and drums rolling and the
<lb n="180686"/>unfortunate poor devils of soldiers walking about with messtins smelling the
<lb n="180687"/>place more than the old longbearded jews in their jellibees and levites
<lb n="180688"/>assembly and sound clear and gunfire for the men to cross the lines and the
<lb n="180689"/>warden marching with his keys to lock the gates and the bagpipes and only
<lb n="180690"/>captain Groves and father talking about Rorkes drift and Plevna and sir
<lb n="180691"/>Garnet Wolseley and Gordon at Khartoum lighting their pipes for them
<lb n="180692"/>everytime they went out drunken old devil with his grog on the windowsill
<lb n="180693"/>catch him leaving any of it picking his nose trying to think of some other
<lb n="180694"/>dirty story to tell up in a corner but he never forgot himself when I was
<lb n="180695"/>there sending me out of the room on some blind excuse paying his
<lb n="180696"/>compliments the Bushmills whisky talking of course but hed do the same to
<lb n="180697"/>the next woman that came along I suppose he died of galloping drink ages
<lb n="180698"/>ago the days like years not a letter from a living soul except the odd few I
<lb n="180699"/>posted to myself with bits of paper in them so bored sometimes I could fight
<lb n="180700"/>with my nails listening to that old Arab with the one eye and his heass of an
<lb n="180701"/>instrument singing his heah heah aheah all my compriments on your
<lb n="180702"/>hotchapotch of your heass as bad as now with the hands hanging off me
<lb n="180703"/>looking out of the window if there was a nice fellow even in the opposite
<lb n="180704"/>house that medical in Holles street the nurse was after when I put on my
<lb n="180705"/>gloves and hat at the window to show I was going out not a notion what I
<lb n="180706"/>meant arent they thick never understand what you say even youd want to
<lb n="180707"/>print it up on a big poster for them not even if you shake hands twice with
<lb n="180708"/>the left he didnt recognise me either when I half frowned at him outside
<lb n="180709"/>Westland row chapel where does their great intelligence come in Id like to
<lb n="180710"/>know grey matter they have it all in their tail if you ask me those country
<lb n="180711"/>gougers up in the City Arms intelligence they had a damn sight less than the
<lb n="180712"/>bulls and cows they were selling the meat and the coalmans bell that noisy
<lb n="180713"/>bugger trying to swindle me with the wrong bill he took out of his hat what
<lb n="180714"/>a pair of paws and pots and pans and kettles to mend any broken bottles for
<lb n="180715"/>a poor man today and no visitors or post ever except his cheques or some
<lb n="180716"/>advertisement like that wonderworker they sent him addressed dear Madam
<lb n="180717"/>only his letter and the card from Milly this morning see she wrote a letter to
<lb n="180718"/>him who did I get the last letter from O Mrs Dwenn now what possessed
<lb n="180719"/>her to write from Canada after so many years to know the recipe I had for
<lb n="180720"/>pisto madrileno Floey Dillon since she wrote to say she was married to a
<lb n="180721"/>very rich architect if Im to believe all I hear with a villa and eight rooms her
<lb n="180722"/>father was an awfully nice man he was near seventy always goodhumoured
<lb n="180723"/>well now Miss Tweedy or Miss Gillespie theres the piannyer that was a solid
<lb n="180724"/>silver coffee service he had too on the mahogany sideboard then dying so
<lb n="180725"/>far away I hate people that have always their poor story to tell everybody
<lb n="180726"/>has their own troubles that poor Nancy Blake died a month ago of acute
<lb n="180727"/>neumonia well I didnt know her so well as all that she was Floeys friend
<lb n="180728"/>more than mine poor Nancy its a bother having to answer he always tells
<lb n="180729"/>me the wrong things and no stops to say like making a speech your sad
<lb n="180730"/>bereavement symp//h//athy I always make that mistake and ne//w//phew with 2
<lb n="180731"/>double yous in I hope hell write me a longer letter the next time if its a thing
<lb n="180732"/>he really likes me O thanks be to the great God I got somebody to give me
<lb n="180733"/>what I badly wanted to put some heart up into me youve no chances at all in
<lb n="180734"/>this place like you used long ago I wish somebody would write me a
<lb n="180735"/>loveletter his wasnt much and I told him he could write what he liked yours
<lb n="180736"/>ever Hugh Boylan in old Madrid stuff silly women believe love is sighing I
<lb n="180737"/>am dying still if he wrote it I suppose thered be some truth in it true or no it
<lb n="180738"/>fills up your whole day and life always something to think about every
<lb n="180739"/>moment and see it all round you like a new world I could write the answer
<lb n="180740"/>in bed to let him imagine me short just a few words not those long crossed
<lb n="180741"/>letters Atty Dillon used to write to the fellow that was something in the four
<lb n="180742"/>courts that jilted her after out of the ladies letterwriter when I told her to
<lb n="180743"/>say a few simple words he could twist how he liked not acting with precipat
<lb n="180744"/>precip itancy with equal candour the greatest earthly happiness answer to a
<lb n="180745"/>gentlemans proposal affirmatively my goodness theres nothing else its all
<lb n="180746"/>very fine for them but as for being a woman as soon as youre old they might
<lb n="180747"/>as well throw you out in the bottom of the ashpit.</p>
<p><lb n="180748"/>Mulveys was the first when I was in bed that morning and Mrs Rubio
<lb n="180749"/>brought it in with the coffee she stood there standing when I asked her to
<lb n="180750"/>hand me and I pointing at them I couldnt think of the word a hairpin to
<lb n="180751"/>open it with ah horquilla disobliging old thing and it staring her in the face
<lb n="180752"/>with her switch of false hair on her and vain about her appearance ugly as
<lb n="180753"/>she was near 80 or a 100 her face a mass of wrinkles with all her religion
<lb n="180754"/>domineering because she never could get over the Atlantic fleet coming in
<lb n="180755"/>half the ships of the world and the Union Jack flying with all her
<lb n="180756"/>carabineros because 4 drunken English sailors took all the rock from them
<lb n="180757"/>and because I didnt run into mass often enough in Santa Maria to please
<lb n="180758"/>her with her shawl up on her except when there was a marriage on with all
<lb n="180759"/>her miracles of the saints and her black blessed virgin with the silver dress
<lb n="180760"/>and the sun dancing 3 times on Easter Sunday morning and when the priest
<lb n="180761"/>was going by with the bell bringing the vatican to the dying blessing herself
<lb n="180762"/>for his Majestad an admirer he signed it I near jumped out of my skin I
<lb n="180763"/>wanted to pick him up when I saw him following me along the Calle Real in
<lb n="180764"/>the shop window then he tipped me just in passing but I never thought hed
<lb n="180765"/>write making an appointment I had it inside my petticoat bodice all day
<lb n="180766"/>reading it up in every hole and corner while father was up at the drill
<lb n="180767"/>instructing to find out by the handwriting or the language of stamps singing
<lb n="180768"/>I remember shall I wear a white rose and I wanted to put on the old stupid
<lb n="180769"/>clock to near the time he was the first man kissed me under the Moorish
<lb n="180770"/>wall my sweetheart when a boy it never entered my head what kissing
<lb n="180771"/>meant till he put his tongue in my mouth his mouth was sweetlike young I
<lb n="180772"/>put my knee up to him a few times to learn the way what did I tell him I was
<lb n="180773"/>engaged for for fun to the son of a Spanish nobleman named Don Miguel
<lb n="180774"/>de la Flora and he believed me that I was to be married to him in 3 years
<lb n="180775"/>time theres many a true word spoken in jest there is a flower that bloometh
<lb n="180776"/>a few things I told him true about myself just for him to be imagining the
<lb n="180777"/>Spanish girls he didnt like I suppose one of them wouldnt have him I got
<lb n="180778"/>him excited he crushed all the flowers on my bosom he brought me he
<lb n="180779"/>couldnt count the pesetas and the perragordas till I taught him Cappoquin
<lb n="180780"/>he came from he said on the black water but it was too short then the day
<lb n="180781"/>before he left May yes it was May when the infant king of Spain was born
<lb n="180782"/>Im always like that in the spring Id like a new fellow every year up on the
<lb n="180783"/>tiptop under the rockgun near OHaras tower I told him it was struck by
<lb n="180784"/>lightning and all about the old Barbary apes they sent to Clapham without a
<lb n="180785"/>tail careering all over the show on each others back Mrs Rubio said she was
<lb n="180786"/>a regular old rock scorpion robbing the chickens out of Inces farm and
<lb n="180787"/>throw stones at you if you went anear he was looking at me I had that white
<lb n="180788"/>blouse on open in the front to encourage him as much as I could without
<lb n="180789"/>too openly they were just beginning to be plump I said I was tired we lay
<lb n="180790"/>over the firtree cove a wild place I suppose it must be the highest rock in
<lb n="180791"/>existence the galleries and casemates and those frightful rocks and Saint
<lb n="180792"/>Michaels cave with the icicles or whatever they call them hanging down and
<lb n="180793"/>ladders all the mud plotching my boots Im sure thats the way down the
<lb n="180794"/>monkeys go under the sea to Africa when they die the ships out far like
<lb n="180795"/>chips that was the Malta boat passing yes the sea and the sky you could do
<lb n="180796"/>what you liked lie there for ever he caressed them outside they love doing
<lb n="180797"/>that its the roundness there I was leaning over him with my white ricestraw
<lb n="180798"/>hat to take the newness out of it the left side of my face the best my blouse
<lb n="180799"/>open for his last day transparent kind of shirt he had I could see his chest
<lb n="180800"/>pink he wanted to touch mine with his for a moment but I wouldnt let him
<lb n="180801"/>he was awfully put out first for fear you never know consumption or leave
<lb n="180802"/>me with a child embarazada that old servant Ines told me that one drop
<lb n="180803"/>even if it got into you at all after I tried with the Banana but I was afraid it
<lb n="180804"/>might break and get lost up in me somewhere because they once took
<lb n="180805"/>something down out of a woman that was up there for years covered with
<lb n="180806"/>limesalts theyre all mad to get in there where they come out of youd think
<lb n="180807"/>they could never go far enough up and then theyre done with you in a way
<lb n="180808"/>till the next time yes because theres a wonderful feeling there so tender all
<lb n="180809"/>the time how did we finish it off yes O yes I pulled him off into my
<lb n="180810"/>handkerchief pretending not to be excited but I opened my legs I wouldnt
<lb n="180811"/>let him touch me inside my petticoat because I had a skirt opening up the
<lb n="180812"/>side I tormented the life out of him first tickling him I loved rousing that
<lb n="180813"/>dog in the hotel rrrsssstt awokwokawok his eyes shut and a bird flying
<lb n="180814"/>below us he was shy all the same I liked him like that moaning I made him
<lb n="180815"/>blush a little when I got over him that way when I unbuttoned him and took
<lb n="180816"/>his out and drew back the skin it had a kind of eye in it theyre all Buttons
<lb n="180817"/>men down the middle on the wrong side of them Molly darling he called me
<lb n="180818"/>what was his name Jack Joe Harry Mulvey was it yes I think a lieutenant he
<lb n="180819"/>was rather fair he had a laughing kind of a voice so I went round to the
<lb n="180820"/>whatyoucallit everything was whatyoucallit moustache had he he said hed
<lb n="180821"/>come back Lord its just like yesterday to me and if I was married hed do it
<lb n="180822"/>to me and I promised him yes faithfully Id let him block me now flying
<lb n="180823"/>perhaps hes dead or killed or a captain or admiral its nearly 20 years if I
<lb n="180824"/>said firtree cove he would if he came up behind me and put his hands over
<lb n="180825"/>my eyes to guess who I might recognise him hes young still about 40
<lb n="180826"/>perhaps hes married some girl on the black water and is quite changed they
<lb n="180827"/>all do they havent half the character a woman has she little knows what I
<lb n="180828"/>did with her beloved husband before he ever dreamt of her in broad
<lb n="180829"/>daylight too in the sight of the whole world you might say they could have
<lb n="180830"/>put an article about it in the Chronicle I was a bit wild after when I blew out
<lb n="180831"/>the old bag the biscuits were in from Benady Bros and exploded it Lord
<lb n="180832"/>what a bang all the woodcocks and pigeons screaming coming back the
<lb n="180833"/>same way that we went over middle hill round by the old guardhouse and
<lb n="180834"/>the jews burialplace pretending to read out the Hebrew on them I wanted to
<lb n="180835"/>fire his pistol he said he hadnt one he didnt know what to make of me with
<lb n="180836"/>his peak cap on that he always wore crooked as often as I settled it straight
<lb n="180837"/>H M S Calypso swinging my hat that old Bishop that spoke off the altar his
<lb n="180838"/>long preach about womans higher functions about girls now riding the
<lb n="180839"/>bicycle and wearing peak caps and the new woman bloomers God send him
<lb n="180840"/>sense and me more money I suppose theyre called after him I never thought
<lb n="180841"/>that would be my name Bloom when I used to write it in print to see how it
<lb n="180842"/>looked on a visiting card or practising for the butcher and oblige M Bloom
<lb n="180843"/>youre looking blooming Josie used to say after I married him well its better
<lb n="180844"/>than Breen or Briggs does brig or those awful names with bottom in them
<lb n="180845"/>Mrs Ramsbottom or some other kind of a bottom Mulvey I wouldnt go mad
<lb n="180846"/>about either or suppose I divorced him Mrs Boylan my mother whoever she
<lb n="180847"/>was might have given me a nicer name the Lord knows after the lovely one
<lb n="180848"/>she had Lunita Laredo the fun we had running along Williss road to
<lb n="180849"/>Europa point twisting in and out all round the other side of Jersey they
<lb n="180850"/>were shaking and dancing about in my blouse like Millys little ones now
<lb n="180851"/>when she runs up the stairs I loved looking down at them I was jumping up
<lb n="180852"/>at the pepper trees and the white poplars pulling the leaves off and throwing
<lb n="180853"/>them at him he went to India he was to write the voyages those men have to
<lb n="180854"/>make to the ends of the world and back its the least they might get a squeeze
<lb n="180855"/>or two at a woman while they can going out to be drowned or blown up
<lb n="180856"/>somewhere I went up Windmill hill to the flats that Sunday morning with
<lb n="180857"/>captain Rubios that was dead spyglass like the sentry had he said hed have
<lb n="180858"/>one or two from on board I wore that frock from the B Marche paris and
<lb n="180859"/>the coral necklace the straits shining I could see over to Morocco almost the
<lb n="180860"/>bay of Tangier white and the Atlas mountain with snow on it and the straits
<lb n="180861"/>like a river so clear Harry Molly darling I was thinking of him on the sea all
<lb n="180862"/>the time after at mass when my petticoat began to slip down at the elevation
<lb n="180863"/>weeks and weeks I kept the handkerchief under my pillow for the smell of
<lb n="180864"/>him there was no decent perfume to be got in that Gibraltar only that cheap
<lb n="180865"/>peau dEspagne that faded and left a stink on you more than anything else I
<lb n="180866"/>wanted to give him a memento he gave me that clumsy Claddagh ring for
<lb n="180867"/>luck that I gave Gardner going to south Africa where those Boers killed
<lb n="180868"/>him with their war and fever but they were well beaten all the same as
<lb n="180869"/>if it brought its bad luck with it like an opal or pearl still it must have been
<lb n="180870"/>pure 18 carrot gold because it was very heavy but what could you get in
<lb n="180871"/>a place like that the sandfrog shower from Africa and that derelict ship
<lb n="180872"/>that came up to the harbour Marie the Marie whatyoucallit no he hadnt a
<lb n="180873"/>moustache that was Gardner yes I can see his face cleanshaven
<lb n="180874"/>Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong that train again weeping tone once in the dear
<lb n="180875"/>deaead days beyondre call close my eyes breath my lips forward kiss sad
<lb n="180876"/>look eyes open piano ere oer the world the mists began I hate that istsbeg
<lb n="180877"/>comes loves sweet sooooooooooong Ill let that out full when I get in front of
<lb n="180878"/>the footlights again Kathleen Kearney and her lot of squealers Miss This
<lb n="180879"/>Miss That Miss Theother lot of sparrowfarts skitting around talking about
<lb n="180880"/>politics they know as much about as my backside anything in the world to
<lb n="180881"/>make themselves someway interesting Irish homemade beauties soldiers
<lb n="180882"/>daughter am I ay and whose are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your
<lb n="180883"/>pardon coach I thought you were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off
<lb n="180884"/>their feet if ever they got a chance of walking down the Alameda on an
<lb n="180885"/>officers arm like me on the bandnight my eyes flash my bust that they
<lb n="180886"/>havent passion God help their poor head I knew more about men and life
<lb n="180887"/>when I was 15 than theyll all know at 50 they dont know how to sing a song
<lb n="180888"/>like that Gardner said no man could look at my mouth and teeth smiling
<lb n="180889"/>like that and not think of it I was afraid he mightnt like my accent first he so
<lb n="180890"/>English all father left me in spite of his stamps Ive my mothers eyes and
<lb n="180891"/>figure anyhow he always said theyre so snotty about themselves some of
<lb n="180892"/>those cads he wasnt a bit like that he was dead gone on my lips let them get
<lb n="180893"/>a husband first thats fit to be looked at and a daughter like mine or see if
<lb n="180894"/>they can excite a swell with money that can pick and choose whoever he
<lb n="180895"/>wants like Boylan to do it 4 or 5 times locked in each others arms or the
<lb n="180896"/>voice either I could have been a prima donna only I married him comes
<lb n="180897"/>looooves old deep down chin back not too much make it double My Ladys
<lb n="180898"/>Bower is too long for an encore about the moated grange at twilight and
<lb n="180899"/>vaunted rooms yes Ill sing Winds that blow from the south that he gave
<lb n="180900"/>after the choirstairs performance Ill change that lace on my black dress to
<lb n="180901"/>show off my bubs and Ill yes by God Ill get that big fan mended make them
<lb n="180902"/>burst with envy my hole is itching me always when I think of him I feel I
<lb n="180903"/>want to I feel some wind in me better go easy not wake him have him at it
<lb n="180904"/>again slobbering after washing every bit of myself back belly and sides if we
<lb n="180905"/>had even a bath itself or my own room anyway I wish hed sleep in some bed
<lb n="180906"/>by himself with his cold feet on me give us room even to let a fart God or do
<lb n="180907"/>the least thing better yes hold them like that a bit on my side piano quietly
<lb n="180908"/>sweeeee theres that train far away pianissimo eeeee one more tsong</p>
<p><lb n="180909"/>that was a relief wherever you be let your wind go free who knows if
<lb n="180910"/>that pork chop I took with my cup of tea after was quite good with the heat
<lb n="180911"/>I couldnt smell anything off it Im sure that queerlooking man in the
<lb n="180912"/>porkbutchers is a great rogue I hope that lamp is not smoking fill my nose
<lb n="180913"/>up with smuts better than having him leaving the gas on all night I couldnt
<lb n="180914"/>rest easy in my bed in Gibraltar even getting up to see why am I so damned
<lb n="180915"/>nervous about that though I like it in the winter its more company O Lord it
<lb n="180916"/>was rotten cold too that winter when I was only about ten was I yes I had
<lb n="180917"/>the big doll with all the funny clothes dressing her up and undressing that
<lb n="180918"/>icy wind skeeting across from those mountains the something Nevada
<lb n="180919"/>sierra nevada standing at the fire with the little bit of a short shift I had up
<lb n="180920"/>to heat myself I loved dancing about in it then make a race back into bed Im
<lb n="180921"/>sure that fellow opposite used to be there the whole time watching with the
<lb n="180922"/>lights out in the summer and I in my skin hopping around I used to love
<lb n="180923"/>myself then stripped at the washstand dabbing and creaming only when it
<lb n="180924"/>came to the chamber performance I put out the light too so then there were
<lb n="180925"/>2 of us goodbye to my sleep for this night anyhow I hope hes not going to
<lb n="180926"/>get in with those medicals leading him astray to imagine hes young again
<lb n="180927"/>coming in at 4 in the morning it must be if not more still he had the manners
<lb n="180928"/>not to wake me what do they find to gabber about all night squandering
<lb n="180929"/>money and getting drunker and drunker couldnt they drink water then he
<lb n="180930"/>starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea and Findon haddy and hot
<lb n="180931"/>buttered toast I suppose well have him sitting up like the king of the country
<lb n="180932"/>pumping the wrong end of the spoon up and down in his egg wherever he
<lb n="180933"/>learned that from and I love to hear him falling up the stairs of a morning
<lb n="180934"/>with the cups rattling on the tray and then play with the cat she rubs up
<lb n="180935"/>against you for her own sake I wonder has she fleas shes as bad as a woman
<lb n="180936"/>always licking and lecking but I hate their claws I wonder do they see
<lb n="180937"/>anything that we cant staring like that when she sits at the top of the stairs
<lb n="180938"/>so long and listening as I wait always what a robber too that lovely fresh
<lb n="180939"/>place I bought I think Ill get a bit of fish tomorrow or today is it Friday yes
<lb n="180940"/>I will with some blancmange with black currant jam like long ago not those
<lb n="180941"/>2 lb pots of mixed plum and apple from the London and Newcastle
<lb n="180942"/>Williams and Woods goes twice as far only for the bones I hate those eels
<lb n="180943"/>cod yes Ill get a nice piece of cod Im always getting enough for 3 forgetting
<lb n="180944"/>anyway Im sick of that everlasting butchers meat from Buckleys loin chops
<lb n="180945"/>and leg beef and rib steak and scrag of mutton and calfs pluck the very
<lb n="180946"/>name is enough or a picnic suppose we all gave 5/- each and or let him pay
<lb n="180947"/>it and invite some other woman for him who Mrs Fleming and drove out to
<lb n="180948"/>the furry glen or the strawberry beds wed have him examining all the horses
<lb n="180949"/>toenails first like he does with the letters no not with Boylan there yes with
<lb n="180950"/>some cold veal and ham mixed sandwiches there are little houses down at
<lb n="180951"/>the bottom of the banks there on purpose but its as hot as blazes he says not
<lb n="180952"/>a bank holiday anyhow I hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for
<lb n="180953"/>the day Whit Monday is a cursed day too no wonder that bee bit him better
<lb n="180954"/>the seaside but Id never again in this life get into a boat with him after him
<lb n="180955"/>at Bray telling the boatman he knew how to row if anyone asked could he
<lb n="180956"/>ride the steeplechase for the gold cup hed say yes then it came on to get
<lb n="180957"/>rough the old thing crookeding about and the weight all down my side
<lb n="180958"/>telling me pull the right reins now pull the left and the tide all swamping in
<lb n="180959"/>floods in through the bottom and his oar slipping out of the stirrup its a
<lb n="180960"/>mercy we werent all drowned he can swim of course me no theres no
<lb n="180961"/>danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his flannel trousers Id like to have
<lb n="180962"/>tattered them down off him before all the people and give him what that one
<lb n="180963"/>calls flagellate till he was black and blue do him all the good in the world
<lb n="180964"/>only for that longnosed chap I dont know who he is with that other beauty
<lb n="180965"/>Burke out of the City Arms hotel was there spying around as usual on the
<lb n="180966"/>slip always where he wasnt wanted if there was a row on youd vomit a
<lb n="180967"/>better face there was no love lost between us thats 1 consolation I wonder
<lb n="180968"/>what kind is that book he brought me Sweets of Sin by a gentleman of
<lb n="180969"/>fashion some other Mr de Kock I suppose the people gave him that
<lb n="180970"/>nickname going about with his tube from one woman to another I couldnt
<lb n="180971"/>even change my new white shoes all ruined with the saltwater and the hat I
<lb n="180972"/>had with that feather all blowy and tossed on me how annoying and
<lb n="180973"/>provoking because the smell of the sea excited me of course the sardines and
<lb n="180974"/>the bream in Catalan bay round the back of the rock they were fine all
<lb n="180975"/>silver in the fishermens baskets old Luigi near a hundred they said came
<lb n="180976"/>from Genoa and the tall old chap with the earrings I dont like a man you
<lb n="180977"/>have to climb up to to get at I suppose theyre all dead and rotten long ago
<lb n="180978"/>besides I dont like being alone in this big barracks of a place at night I
<lb n="180979"/>suppose Ill have to put up with it I never brought a bit of salt in even when
<lb n="180980"/>we moved in the confusion musical academy he was going to make on the
<lb n="180981"/>first floor drawingroom with a brassplate or Blooms private hotel he
<lb n="180982"/>suggested go and ruin himself altogether the way his father did down in
<lb n="180983"/>Ennis like all the things he told father he was going to do and me but I saw
<lb n="180984"/>through him telling me all the lovely places we could go for the honeymoon
<lb n="180985"/>Venice by moonlight with the gondolas and the lake of Como he had a
<lb n="180986"/>picture cut out of some paper of and mandolines and lanterns O how nice I
<lb n="180987"/>said whatever I liked he was going to do immediately if not sooner will you
<lb n="180988"/>be my man will you carry my can he ought to get a leather medal with a
<lb n="180989"/>putty rim for all the plans he invents then leaving us here all day youd never
<lb n="180990"/>know what old beggar at the door for a crust with his long story might be a
<lb n="180991"/>tramp and put his foot in the way to prevent me shutting it like that picture
<lb n="180992"/>of that hardened criminal he was called in Lloyds Weekly news 20 years in
<lb n="180993"/>jail then he comes out and murders an old woman for her money imagine
<lb n="180994"/>his poor wife or mother or whoever she is such a face youd run miles away
<lb n="180995"/>from I couldnt rest easy till I bolted all the doors and windows to make sure
<lb n="180996"/>but its worse again being locked up like in a prison or a madhouse they
<lb n="180997"/>ought to be all shot or the cat of nine tails a big brute like that that would
<lb n="180998"/>attack a poor old woman to murder her in her bed Id cut them off him so I
<lb n="180999"/>would not that hed be much use still better than nothing the night I was
<lb n="181000"/>sure I heard burglars in the kitchen and he went down in his shirt with a
<lb n="181001"/>candle and a poker as if he was looking for a mouse as white as a sheet
<lb n="181002"/>frightened out of his wits making as much noise as he possibly could for the
<lb n="181003"/>burglars benefit there isnt much to steal indeed the Lord knows still its the
<lb n="181004"/>feeling especially now with Milly away such an idea for him to send the girl
<lb n="181005"/>down there to learn to take photographs on account of his grandfather
<lb n="181006"/>instead of sending her to Skerrys academy where shed have to learn not like
<lb n="181007"/>me getting all 1s at school only hed do a thing like that all the same on
<lb n="181008"/>account of me and Boylan thats why he did it Im certain the way he plots
<lb n="181009"/>and plans everything out I couldnt turn round with her in the place lately
<lb n="181010"/>unless I bolted the door first gave me the fidgets coming in without
<lb n="181011"/>knocking first when I put the chair against the door just as I was washing
<lb n="181012"/>myself there below with the glove get on your nerves then doing the loglady
<lb n="181013"/>all day put her in a glasscase with two at a time to look at her if he knew she
<lb n="181014"/>broke off the hand off that little gimcrack statue with her roughness and
<lb n="181015"/>carelessness before she left that I got that little Italian boy to mend so that
<lb n="181016"/>you cant see the join for 2 shillings wouldnt even teem the potatoes for you
<lb n="181017"/>of course shes right not to ruin her hands I noticed he was always talking to
<lb n="181018"/>her lately at the table explaining things in the paper and she pretending to
<lb n="181019"/>understand sly of course that comes from his side of the house he cant say I
<lb n="181020"/>pretend things can he Im too honest as a matter of fact and helping her into
<lb n="181021"/>her coat but if there was anything wrong with her its me shed tell not him I
<lb n="181022"/>suppose he thinks Im finished out and laid on the shelf well Im not no nor
<lb n="181023"/>anything like it well see well see now shes well on for flirting too with Tom
<lb n="181024"/>Devans two sons imitating me whistling with those romps of Murray girls
<lb n="181025"/>calling for her can Milly come out please shes in great demand to pick what
<lb n="181026"/>they can out of her round in Nelson street riding Harry Devans bicycle at
<lb n="181027"/>night its as well he sent her where she is she was just getting out of bounds
<lb n="181028"/>wanting to go on the skatingrink and smoking their cigarettes through their
<lb n="181029"/>nose I smelt it off her dress when I was biting off the thread of the button I
<lb n="181030"/>sewed on to the bottom of her jacket she couldnt hide much from me I tell
<lb n="181031"/>you only I oughtnt to have stitched it and it on her it brings a parting and
<lb n="181032"/>the last plumpudding too split in 2 halves see it comes out no matter what
<lb n="181033"/>they say her tongue is a bit too long for my taste your blouse is open too
<lb n="181034"/>low she says to me the pan calling the kettle blackbottom and I had to tell
<lb n="181035"/>her not to cock her legs up like that on show on the windowsill before all
<lb n="181036"/>the people passing they all look at her like me when I was her age of course
<lb n="181037"/>any old rag looks well on you then a great touchmenot too in her own way
<lb n="181038"/>at the Only Way in the Theatre royal take your foot away out of that I hate
<lb n="181039"/>people touching me afraid of her life Id crush her skirt with the pleats a lot
<lb n="181040"/>of that touching must go on in theatres in the crush in the dark theyre
<lb n="181041"/>always trying to wiggle up to you that fellow in the pit at the Gaiety for
<lb n="181042"/>Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the last time Ill ever go there to be squashed like
<lb n="181043"/>that for any Trilby or her barebum every two minutes tipping me there and
<lb n="181044"/>looking away hes a bit daft I think I saw him after trying to get near two
<lb n="181045"/>stylishdressed ladies outside Switzers window at the same little game I
<lb n="181046"/>recognised him on the moment the face and everything but he didnt
<lb n="181047"/>remember me yes and she didnt even want me to kiss her at the Broadstone
<lb n="181048"/>going away well I hope shell get someone to dance attendance on her the
<lb n="181049"/>way I did when she was down with the mumps and her glands swollen
<lb n="181050"/>wheres this and wheres that of course she cant feel anything deep yet I
<lb n="181051"/>never came properly till I was what 22 or so it went into the wrong place
<lb n="181052"/>always only the usual girls nonsense and giggling that Conny Connolly
<lb n="181053"/>writing to her in white ink on black paper sealed with sealingwax though
<lb n="181054"/>she clapped when the curtain came down because he looked so handsome
<lb n="181055"/>then we had Martin Harvey for breakfast dinner and supper I thought to
<lb n="181056"/>myself afterwards it must be real love if a man gives up his life for her that
<lb n="181057"/>way for nothing I suppose there are a few men like that left its hard to
<lb n="181058"/>believe in it though unless it really happened to me the majority of them
<lb n="181059"/>with not a particle of love in their natures to find two people like that
<lb n="181060"/>nowadays full up of each other that would feel the same way as you do
<lb n="181061"/>theyre usually a bit foolish in the head his father must have been a bit queer
<lb n="181062"/>to go and poison himself after her still poor old man I suppose he felt lost
<lb n="181063"/>shes always making love to my things too the few old rags I have wanting to
<lb n="181064"/>put her hair up at 15 my powder too only ruin her skin on her shes time
<lb n="181065"/>enough for that all her life after of course shes restless knowing shes pretty
<lb n="181066"/>with her lips so red a pity they wont stay that way I was too but theres no
<lb n="181067"/>use going to the fair with the thing answering me like a fishwoman when I
<lb n="181068"/>asked to go for a half a stone of potatoes the day we met Mrs Joe Gallaher
<lb n="181069"/>at the trottingmatches and she pretended not to see us in her trap with
<lb n="181070"/>Friery the solicitor we werent grand enough till I gave her 2 damn fine
<lb n="181071"/>cracks across the ear for herself take that now for answering me like that
<lb n="181072"/>and that for your impudence she had me that exasperated of course
<lb n="181073"/>contradicting I was badtempered too because how was it there was a weed
<lb n="181074"/>in the tea or I didnt sleep the night before cheese I ate was it and I told her
<lb n="181075"/>over and over again not to leave knives crossed like that because she has
<lb n="181076"/>nobody to command her as she said herself well if he doesnt correct her
<lb n="181077"/>faith I will that was the last time she turned on the teartap I was just like
<lb n="181078"/>that myself they darent order me about the place its his fault of course
<lb n="181079"/>having the two of us slaving here instead of getting in a woman long ago am
<lb n="181080"/>I ever going to have a proper servant again of course then shed see him
<lb n="181081"/>coming Id have to let her know or shed revenge it arent they a nuisance that
<lb n="181082"/>old Mrs Fleming you have to be walking round after her putting the things
<lb n="181083"/>into her hands sneezing and farting into the pots well of course shes old she
<lb n="181084"/>cant help it a good job I found that rotten old smelly dishcloth that got lost
<lb n="181085"/>behind the dresser I knew there was something and opened the area
<lb n="181086"/>window to let out the smell bringing in his friends to entertain them like the
<lb n="181087"/>night he walked home with a dog if you please that might have been mad
<lb n="181088"/>especially Simon Dedalus son his father such a criticiser with his glasses up
<lb n="181089"/>with his tall hat on him at the cricket match and a great big hole in his sock
<lb n="181090"/>one thing laughing at the other and his son that got all those prizes for
<lb n="181091"/>whatever he won them in the intermediate imagine climbing over the
<lb n="181092"/>railings if anybody saw him that knew us I wonder he didnt tear a big hole
<lb n="181093"/>in his grand funeral trousers as if the one nature gave wasnt enough for
<lb n="181094"/>anybody hawking him down into the dirty old kitchen now is he right in his
<lb n="181095"/>head I ask pity it wasnt washing day my old pair of drawers might have
<lb n="181096"/>been hanging up too on the line on exhibition for all hed ever care with the
<lb n="181097"/>ironmould mark the stupid old bundle burned on them he might think was
<lb n="181098"/>something else and she never even rendered down the fat I told her and now
<lb n="181099"/>shes going such as she was on account of her paralysed husband getting
<lb n="181100"/>worse theres always something wrong with them disease or they have to go
<lb n="181101"/>under an operation or if its not that its drink and he beats her Ill have to
<lb n="181102"/>hunt around again for someone every day I get up theres some new thing
<lb n="181103"/>on sweet God sweet God well when Im stretched out dead in my grave I
<lb n="181104"/>suppose Ill have some peace I want to get up a minute if Im let wait O Jesus
<lb n="181105"/>wait yes that thing has come on me yes now wouldnt that afflict you of
<lb n="181106"/>course all the poking and rooting and ploughing he had up in me now what
<lb n="181107"/>am I to do Friday Saturday Sunday wouldnt that pester the soul out of a
<lb n="181108"/>body unless he likes it some men do God knows theres always something
<lb n="181109"/>wrong with us 5 days every 3 or 4 weeks usual monthly auction isnt it
<lb n="181110"/>simply sickening that night it came on me like that the one and only time we
<lb n="181111"/>were in a box that Michael Gunn gave him to see Mrs Kendal and her
<lb n="181112"/>husband at the Gaiety something he did about insurance for him in
<lb n="181113"/>Drimmies I was fit to be tied though I wouldnt give in with that gentleman
<lb n="181114"/>of fashion staring down at me with his glasses and him the other side of me
<lb n="181115"/>talking about Spinoza and his soul thats dead I suppose millions of years
<lb n="181116"/>ago I smiled the best I could all in a swamp leaning forward as if I was
<lb n="181117"/>interested having to sit it out then to the last tag I wont forget that wife of
<lb n="181118"/>Scarli in a hurry supposed to be a fast play about adultery that idiot in the
<lb n="181119"/>gallery hissing the woman adulteress he shouted I suppose he went and had
<lb n="181120"/>a woman in the next lane running round all the back ways after to make up
<lb n="181121"/>for it I wish he had what I had then hed boo I bet the cat itself is better off
<lb n="181122"/>than us have we too much blood up in us or what O patience above its
<lb n="181123"/>pouring out of me like the sea anyhow he didnt make me pregnant as big as
<lb n="181124"/>he is I dont want to ruin the clean sheets I just put on I suppose the clean
<lb n="181125"/>linen I wore brought it on too damn it damn it and they always want to see
<lb n="181126"/>a stain on the bed to know youre a virgin for them all thats troubling them
<lb n="181127"/>theyre such fools too you could be a widow or divorced 40 times over a
<lb n="181128"/>daub of red ink would do or blackberry juice no thats too purply O Jamesy
<lb n="181129"/>let me up out of this pooh sweets of sin whoever suggested that business for
<lb n="181130"/>women what between clothes and cooking and children this damned old
<lb n="181131"/>bed too jingling like the dickens I suppose they could hear us away over the
<lb n="181132"/>other side of the park till I suggested to put the quilt on the floor with the
<lb n="181133"/>pillow under my bottom I wonder is it nicer in the day I think it is easy I
<lb n="181134"/>think Ill cut all this hair off me there scalding me I might look like a young
<lb n="181135"/>girl wouldnt he get the great suckin the next time he turned up my clothes
<lb n="181136"/>on me Id give anything to see his face wheres the chamber gone easy Ive a
<lb n="181137"/>holy horror of its breaking under me after that old commode I wonder was
<lb n="181138"/>I too heavy sitting on his knee I made him sit on the easychair purposely
<lb n="181139"/>when I took off only my blouse and skirt first in the other room he was so
<lb n="181140"/>busy where he oughtnt to be he never felt me I hope my breath was sweet
<lb n="181141"/>after those kissing comfits easy God I remember one time I could scout it
<lb n="181142"/>out straight whistling like a man almost easy O Lord how noisy I hope
<lb n="181143"/>theyre bubbles on it for a wad of money from some fellow Ill have to
<lb n="181144"/>perfume it in the morning dont forget I bet he never saw a better pair of
<lb n="181145"/>thighs than that look how white they are the smoothest place is right there
<lb n="181146"/>between this bit here how soft like a peach easy God I wouldnt mind being a
<lb n="181147"/>man and get up on a lovely woman O Lord what a row youre making like
<lb n="181148"/>the jersey lily easy easy O how the waters come down at Lahore</p>
<p><lb n="181149"/>who knows is there anything the matter with my insides or have I
<lb n="181150"/>something growing in me getting that thing like that every week when was it
<lb n="181151"/>last I Whit Monday yes its only about 3 weeks I ought to go to the doctor
<lb n="181152"/>only it would be like before I married him when I had that white thing
<lb n="181153"/>coming from me and Floey made me go to that dry old stick Dr Collins for
<lb n="181154"/>womens diseases on Pembroke road your vagina he called it I suppose thats
<lb n="181155"/>how he got all the gilt mirrors and carpets getting round those rich ones off
<lb n="181156"/>Stephens green running up to him for every little fiddlefaddle her vagina
<lb n="181157"/>and her cochinchina theyve money of course so theyre all right I wouldnt
<lb n="181158"/>marry him not if he was the last man in the world besides theres something
<lb n="181159"/>queer about their children always smelling around those filthy bitches all
<lb n="181160"/>sides asking me if what I did had an offensive odour what did he want me to
<lb n="181161"/>do but the one thing gold maybe what a question if I smathered it all over
<lb n="181162"/>his wrinkly old face for him with all my compriments I suppose hed know
<lb n="181163"/>then and could you pass it easily pass what I thought he was talking about
<lb n="181164"/>the rock of Gibraltar the way he put it thats a very nice invention too by the
<lb n="181165"/>way only I like letting myself down after in the hole as far as I can squeeze
<lb n="181166"/>and pull the chain then to flush it nice cool pins and needles still theres
<lb n="181167"/>something in it I suppose I always used to know by Millys when she was a
<lb n="181168"/>child whether she had worms or not still all the same paying him for that
<lb n="181169"/>how much is that doctor one guinea please and asking me had I frequent
<lb n="181170"/>omissions where do those old fellows get all the words they have omissions
<lb n="181171"/>with his shortsighted eyes on me cocked sideways I wouldnt trust him too
<lb n="181172"/>far to give me chloroform or God knows what else still I liked him when he
<lb n="181173"/>sat down to write the thing out frowning so severe his nose intelligent like
<lb n="181174"/>that you be damned you lying strap O anything no matter who except an
<lb n="181175"/>idiot he was clever enough to spot that of course that was all thinking of
<lb n="181176"/>him and his mad crazy letters my Precious one everything connected with
<lb n="181177"/>your glorious Body everything underlined that comes from it is a thing of
<lb n="181178"/>beauty and of joy for ever something he got out of some nonsensical book
<lb n="181179"/>that he had me always at myself 4 and 5 times a day sometimes and I said I
<lb n="181180"/>hadnt are you sure O yes I said I am quite sure in a way that shut him up I
<lb n="181181"/>knew what was coming next only natural weakness it was he excited me I
<lb n="181182"/>dont know how the first night ever we met when I was living in Rehoboth
<lb n="181183"/>terrace we stood staring at one another for about 10 minutes as if we met
<lb n="181184"/>somewhere I suppose on account of my being jewess looking after my
<lb n="181185"/>mother he used to amuse me the things he said with the half sloothering
<lb n="181186"/>smile on him and all the Doyles said he was going to stand for a member of
<lb n="181187"/>Parliament O wasnt I the born fool to believe all his blather about home
<lb n="181188"/>rule and the land league sending me that long strool of a song out of the
<lb n="181189"/>Huguenots to sing in French to be more classy O beau pays de la Touraine
<lb n="181190"/>that I never even sang once explaining and rigmaroling about religion and
<lb n="181191"/>persecution he wont let you enjoy anything naturally then might he as a
<lb n="181192"/>great favour the very 1st opportunity he got a chance in Brighton square
<lb n="181193"/>running into my bedroom pretending the ink got on his hands to wash it off
<lb n="181194"/>with the Albion milk and sulphur soap I used to use and the gelatine still
<lb n="181195"/>round it O I laughed myself sick at him that day I better not make an
<lb n="181196"/>alnight sitting on this affair they ought to make chambers a natural size so
<lb n="181197"/>that a woman could sit on it properly he kneels down to do it I suppose
<lb n="181198"/>there isnt in all creation another man with the habits he has look at the way
<lb n="181199"/>hes sleeping at the foot of the bed how can he without a hard bolster its well
<lb n="181200"/>he doesnt kick or he might knock out all my teeth breathing with his hand
<lb n="181201"/>on his nose like that Indian god he took me to show one wet Sunday in the
<lb n="181202"/>museum in Kildare street all yellow in a pinafore lying on his side on his
<lb n="181203"/>hand with his ten toes sticking out that he said was a bigger religion than
<lb n="181204"/>the jews and Our Lords both put together all over Asia imitating him as hes
<lb n="181205"/>always imitating everybody I suppose he used to sleep at the foot of the bed
<lb n="181206"/>too with his big square feet up in his wifes mouth damn this stinking thing
<lb n="181207"/>anyway wheres this those napkins are ah yes I know I hope the old press
<lb n="181208"/>doesnt creak ah I knew it would hes sleeping hard had a good time
<lb n="181209"/>somewhere still she must have given him great value for his money of course
<lb n="181210"/>he has to pay for it from her O this nuisance of a thing I hope theyll have
<lb n="181211"/>something better for us in the other world tying ourselves up God help us
<lb n="181212"/>thats all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always reminds me
<lb n="181213"/>of old Cohen I suppose he scratched himself in it often enough and he
<lb n="181214"/>thinks father bought it from Lord Napier that I used to admire when I was
<lb n="181215"/>a little girl because I told him easy piano O I like my bed God here we are
<lb n="181216"/>as bad as ever after 16 years how many houses were we in at all Raymond
<lb n="181217"/>terrace and Ontario terrace and Lombard street and Holles street and he
<lb n="181218"/>goes about whistling every time were on the run again his huguenots or the
<lb n="181219"/>frogs march pretending to help the men with our 4 sticks of furniture and
<lb n="181220"/>then the City Arms hotel worse and worse says Warden Daly that charming
<lb n="181221"/>place on the landing always somebody inside praying then leaving all their
<lb n="181222"/>stinks after them always know who was in there last every time were just
<lb n="181223"/>getting on right something happens or he puts his big foot in it Thoms and
<lb n="181224"/>Helys and Mr Cuffes and Drimmies either hes going to be run into prison
<lb n="181225"/>over his old lottery tickets that was to be all our salvations or he goes and
<lb n="181226"/>gives impudence well have him coming home with the sack soon out of the
<lb n="181227"/>Freeman too like the rest on account of those Sinner Fein or the freemasons
<lb n="181228"/>then well see if the little man he showed me dribbling along in the wet all by
<lb n="181229"/>himself round by Coadys lane will give him much consolation that he says
<lb n="181230"/>is so capable and sincerely Irish he is indeed judging by the sincerity of the
<lb n="181231"/>trousers I saw on him wait theres Georges church bells wait 3 quarters the
<lb n="181232"/>hour 1 wait 2 oclock well thats a nice hour of the night for him to be
<lb n="181233"/>coming home at to anybody climbing down into the area if anybody saw
<lb n="181234"/>him Ill knock him off that little habit tomorrow first Ill look at his shirt to
<lb n="181235"/>see or Ill see if he has that French letter still in his pocketbook I suppose he
<lb n="181236"/>thinks I dont know deceitful men all their 20 pockets arent enough for their
<lb n="181237"/>lies then why should we tell them even if its the truth they dont believe you
<lb n="181238"/>then tucked up in bed like those babies in the Aristocrats Masterpiece he
<lb n="181239"/>brought me another time as if we hadnt enough of that in real life without
<lb n="181240"/>some old Aristocrat or whatever his name is disgusting you more with those
<lb n="181241"/>rotten pictures children with two heads and no legs thats the kind of villainy
<lb n="181242"/>theyre always dreaming about with not another thing in their empty heads
<lb n="181243"/>they ought to get slow poison the half of them then tea and toast for him
<lb n="181244"/>buttered on both sides and newlaid eggs I suppose Im nothing any more
<lb n="181245"/>when I wouldnt let him lick me in Holles street one night man man tyrant
<lb n="181246"/>as ever for the one thing he slept on the floor half the night naked the way
<lb n="181247"/>the jews used when somebody dies belonged to them and wouldnt eat any
<lb n="181248"/>breakfast or speak a word wanting to be petted so I thought I stood out
<lb n="181249"/>enough for one time and let him he does it all wrong too thinking only of
<lb n="181250"/>his own pleasure his tongue is too flat or I dont know what he forgets that
<lb n="181251"/>wethen I dont Ill make him do it again if he doesnt mind himself and lock
<lb n="181252"/>him down to sleep in the coalcellar with the blackbeetles I wonder was it her
<lb n="181253"/>Josie off her head with my castoffs hes such a born liar too no hed never
<lb n="181254"/>have the courage with a married woman thats why he wants me and Boylan
<lb n="181255"/>though as for her Denis as she calls him that forlornlooking spectacle you
<lb n="181256"/>couldnt call him a husband yes its some little bitch hes got in with even
<lb n="181257"/>when I was with him with Milly at the College races that Hornblower with
<lb n="181258"/>the childs bonnet on the top of his nob let us into by the back way he was
<lb n="181259"/>throwing his sheeps eyes at those two doing skirt duty up and down I tried
<lb n="181260"/>to wink at him first no use of course and thats the way his money goes this
<lb n="181261"/>is the fruits of Mr Paddy Dignam yes they were all in great style at the
<lb n="181262"/>grand funeral in the paper Boylan brought in if they saw a real officers
<lb n="181263"/>funeral thatd be something reversed arms muffled drums the poor horse
<lb n="181264"/>walking behind in black L Boom and Tom Kernan that drunken little
<lb n="181265"/>barrelly man that bit his tongue off falling down the mens W C drunk in
<lb n="181266"/>some place or other and Martin Cunningham and the two Dedaluses and
<lb n="181267"/>Fanny MCoys husband white head of cabbage skinny thing with a turn in
<lb n="181268"/>her eye trying to sing my songs shed want to be born all over again and her
<lb n="181269"/>old green dress with the lowneck as she cant attract them any other way like
<lb n="181270"/>dabbling on a rainy day I see it all now plainly and they call that friendship
<lb n="181271"/>killing and then burying one another and they all with their wives and
<lb n="181272"/>families at home more especially Jack Power keeping that barmaid he does
<lb n="181273"/>of course his wife is always sick or going to be sick or just getting better of
<lb n="181274"/>it and hes a goodlooking man still though hes getting a bit grey over the
<lb n="181275"/>ears theyre a nice lot all of them well theyre not going to get my husband
<lb n="181276"/>again into their clutches if I can help it making fun of him then behind his
<lb n="181277"/>back I know well when he goes on with his idiotics because he has sense
<lb n="181278"/>enough not to squander every penny piece he earns down their gullets and
<lb n="181279"/>looks after his wife and family goodfornothings poor Paddy Dignam all the
<lb n="181280"/>same Im sorry in a way for him what are his wife and 5 children going to
<lb n="181281"/>do unless he was insured comical little teetotum always stuck up in some
<lb n="181282"/>pub corner and her or her son waiting Bill Bailey wont you please come
<lb n="181283"/>home her widows weeds wont improve her appearance theyre awfully
<lb n="181284"/>becoming though if youre goodlooking what men wasnt he yes he was at
<lb n="181285"/>the Glencree dinner and Ben Dollard base barreltone the night he borrowed
<lb n="181286"/>the swallowtail to sing out of in Holles street squeezed and squashed into
<lb n="181287"/>them and grinning all over his big Dolly face like a wellwhipped childs
<lb n="181288"/>botty didnt he look a balmy ballocks sure enough that must have been a
<lb n="181289"/>spectacle on the stage imagine paying 5/- in the preserved seats for that to
<lb n="181290"/>see him trotting off in his trowlers and Simon Dedalus too he was always
<lb n="181291"/>turning up half screwed singing the second verse first the old love is the new
<lb n="181292"/>was one of his so sweetly sang the maiden on the hawthorn bough he was
<lb n="181293"/>always on for flirtyfying too when I sang Maritana with him at Freddy
<lb n="181294"/>Mayers private opera he had a delicious glorious voice Phoebe dearest
<lb n="181295"/>goodbye sweetheart <emph>sweet</emph>heart he always sang it not like Bartell DArcy
<lb n="181296"/>sweet <emph>tart</emph> goodbye of course he had the gift of the voice so there was no art
<lb n="181297"/>in it all over you like a warm showerbath O Maritana wildwood flower we
<lb n="181298"/>sang splendidly though it was a bit too high for my register even transposed
<lb n="181299"/>and he was married at the time to May Goulding but then hed say or do
<lb n="181300"/>something to knock the good out of it hes a widower now I wonder what
<lb n="181301"/>sort is his son he says hes an author and going to be a university professor
<lb n="181302"/>of Italian and Im to take lessons what is he driving at now showing him my
<lb n="181303"/>photo its not good of me I ought to have got it taken in drapery that never
<lb n="181304"/>looks out of fashion still I look young in it I wonder he didnt make him a
<lb n="181305"/>present of it altogether and me too after all why not I saw him driving down
<lb n="181306"/>to the Kingsbridge station with his father and mother I was in mourning
<lb n="181307"/>thats 11 years ago now yes hed be 11 though what was the good in going
<lb n="181308"/>into mourning for what was neither one thing nor the other the first cry was
<lb n="181309"/>enough for me I heard the deathwatch too ticking in the wall of course he
<lb n="181310"/>insisted hed go into mourning for the cat I suppose hes a man now by this
<lb n="181311"/>time he was an innocent boy then and a darling little fellow in his lord
<lb n="181312"/>Fauntleroy suit and curly hair like a prince on the stage when I saw him at
<lb n="181313"/>Mat Dillons he liked me too I remember they all do wait by God yes wait
<lb n="181314"/>yes hold on he was on the cards this morning when I laid out the deck
<lb n="181315"/>union with a young stranger neither dark nor fair you met before I thought
<lb n="181316"/>it meant him but hes no chicken nor a stranger either besides my face was
<lb n="181317"/>turned the other way what was the 7th card after that the 10 of spades for a
<lb n="181318"/>journey by land then there was a letter on its way and scandals too the 3
<lb n="181319"/>queens and the 8 of diamonds for a rise in society yes wait it all came out
<lb n="181320"/>and 2 red 8s for new garments look at that and didnt I dream something too
<lb n="181321"/>yes there was something about poetry in it I hope he hasnt long greasy hair
<lb n="181322"/>hanging into his eyes or standing up like a red Indian what do they go
<lb n="181323"/>about like that for only getting themselves and their poetry laughed at I
<lb n="181324"/>always liked poetry when I was a girl first I thought he was a poet like lord
<lb n="181325"/>Byron and not an ounce of it in his composition I thought he was quite
<lb n="181326"/>different I wonder is he too young hes about wait 88 I was married 88 Milly
<lb n="181327"/>is 15 yesterday 89 what age was he then at Dillons 5 or 6 about 88 I suppose
<lb n="181328"/>hes 20 or more Im not too old for him if hes 23 or 24 I hope hes not that
<lb n="181329"/>stuckup university student sort no otherwise he wouldnt go sitting down in
<lb n="181330"/>the old kitchen with him taking Eppss cocoa and talking of course he
<lb n="181331"/>pretended to understand it all probably he told him he was out of Trinity
<lb n="181332"/>college hes very young to be a professor I hope hes not a professor like
<lb n="181333"/>Goodwin was he was a potent professor of John Jameson they all write
<lb n="181334"/>about some woman in their poetry well I suppose he wont find many like me
<lb n="181335"/>where softly sighs of love the light guitar where poetry is in the air the blue
<lb n="181336"/>sea and the moon shining so beautifully coming back on the nightboat from
<lb n="181337"/>Tarifa the lighthouse at Europa point the guitar that fellow played was so
<lb n="181338"/>expressive will I ever go back there again all new faces two glancing eyes a
<lb n="181339"/>lattice hid Ill sing that for him theyre my eyes if hes anything of a poet two
<lb n="181340"/>eyes as darkly bright as loves own star arent those beautiful words as loves
<lb n="181341"/>young star itll be a change the Lord knows to have an intelligent person to
<lb n="181342"/>talk to about yourself not always listening to him and Billy Prescotts ad and
<lb n="181343"/>Keyess ad and Tom the Devils ad then if anything goes wrong in their
<lb n="181344"/>business we have to suffer Im sure hes very distinguished Id like to meet a
<lb n="181345"/>man like that God not those other ruck besides hes young those fine young
<lb n="181346"/>men I could see down in Margate strand bathingplace from the side of the
<lb n="181347"/>rock standing up in the sun naked like a God or something and then
<lb n="181348"/>plunging into the sea with them why arent all men like that thered be some
<lb n="181349"/>consolation for a woman like that lovely little statue he bought I could look
<lb n="181350"/>at him all day long curly head and his shoulders his finger up for you to
<lb n="181351"/>listen theres real beauty and poetry for you I often felt I wanted to kiss him
<lb n="181352"/>all over also his lovely young cock there so simple I wouldnt mind taking
<lb n="181353"/>him in my mouth if nobody was looking as if it was asking you to suck it so
<lb n="181354"/>clean and white he looks with his boyish face I would too in 1/₂ a minute
<lb n="181355"/>even if some of it went down what its only like gruel or the dew theres no
<lb n="181356"/>danger besides hed be so clean compared with those pigs of men I suppose
<lb n="181357"/>never dream of washing it from 1 years end to the other the most of them
<lb n="181358"/>only thats what gives the women the moustaches Im sure itll be grand if I
<lb n="181359"/>can only get in with a handsome young poet at my age Ill throw them the
<lb n="181360"/>1st thing in the morning till I see if the wishcard comes out or Ill try pairing
<lb n="181361"/>the lady herself and see if he comes out Ill read and study all I can find or
<lb n="181362"/>learn a bit off by heart if I knew who he likes so he wont think me stupid if
<lb n="181363"/>he thinks all women are the same and I can teach him the other part Ill
<lb n="181364"/>make him feel all over him till he half faints under me then hell write about
<lb n="181365"/>me lover and mistress publicly too with our 2 photographs in all the papers
<lb n="181366"/>when he becomes famous O but then what am I going to do about him
<lb n="181367"/>though</p>
<p><lb n="181368"/>no thats no way for him has he no manners nor no refinement nor no
<lb n="181369"/>nothing in his nature slapping us behind like that on my bottom because I
<lb n="181370"/>didnt call him Hugh the ignoramus that doesnt know poetry from a
<lb n="181371"/>cabbage thats what you get for not keeping them in their proper place
<lb n="181372"/>pulling off his shoes and trousers there on the chair before me so barefaced
<lb n="181373"/>without even asking permission and standing out that vulgar way in the half
<lb n="181374"/>of a shirt they wear to be admired like a priest or a butcher or those old
<lb n="181375"/>hypocrites in the time of Julius Caesar of course hes right enough in his
<lb n="181376"/>way to pass the time as a joke sure you might as well be in bed with what
<lb n="181377"/>with a lion God Im sure hed have something better to say for himself an old
<lb n="181378"/>Lion would O well I suppose its because they were so plump and tempting
<lb n="181379"/>in my short petticoat he couldnt resist they excite myself sometimes its well
<lb n="181380"/>for men all the amount of pleasure they get off a womans body were so
<lb n="181381"/>round and white for them always I wished I was one myself for a change
<lb n="181382"/>just to try with that thing they have swelling up on you so hard and at the
<lb n="181383"/>same time so soft when you touch it my uncle John has a thing long I heard
<lb n="181384"/>those cornerboys saying passing the corner of Marrowbone lane my aunt
<lb n="181385"/>Mary has a thing hairy because it was dark and they knew a girl was
<lb n="181386"/>passing it didnt make me blush why should it either its only nature and he
<lb n="181387"/>puts his thing long into my aunt Marys hairy etcetera and turns out to be
<lb n="181388"/>you put the handle in a sweepingbrush men again all over they can pick and
<lb n="181389"/>choose what they please a married woman or a fast widow or a girl for their
<lb n="181390"/>different tastes like those houses round behind Irish street no but were to be
<lb n="181391"/>always chained up theyre not going to be chaining me up no damn fear
<lb n="181392"/>once I start I tell you for their stupid husbands jealousy why cant we all
<lb n="181393"/>remain friends over it instead of quarrelling her husband found it out what
<lb n="181394"/>they did together well naturally and if he did can he undo it hes coronado
<lb n="181395"/>anyway whatever he does and then he going to the other mad extreme about
<lb n="181396"/>the wife in Fair Tyrants of course the man never even casts a 2nd thought
<lb n="181397"/>on the husband or wife either its the woman he wants and he gets her what
<lb n="181398"/>else were we given all those desires for Id like to know I cant help it if Im
<lb n="181399"/>young still can I its a wonder Im not an old shrivelled hag before my time
<lb n="181400"/>living with him so cold never embracing me except sometimes when hes
<lb n="181401"/>asleep the wrong end of me not knowing I suppose who he has any man
<lb n="181402"/>thatd kiss a womans bottom Id throw my hat at him after that hed kiss
<lb n="181403"/>anything unnatural where we havent 1 atom of any kind of expression in us
<lb n="181404"/>all of us the same 2 lumps of lard before ever Id do that to a man pfooh the
<lb n="181405"/>dirty brutes the mere thought is enough I kiss the feet of you senorita theres
<lb n="181406"/>some sense in that didnt he kiss our halldoor yes he did what a madman
<lb n="181407"/>nobody understands his cracked ideas but me still of course a woman wants
<lb n="181408"/>to be embraced 20 times a day almost to make her look young no matter by
<lb n="181409"/>who so long as to be in love or loved by somebody if the fellow you want
<lb n="181410"/>isnt there sometimes by the Lord God I was thinking would I go around by
<lb n="181411"/>the quays there some dark evening where nobodyd know me and pick up a
<lb n="181412"/>sailor off the sea thatd be hot on for it and not care a pin whose I was only
<lb n="181413"/>do it off up in a gate somewhere or one of those wildlooking gipsies in
<lb n="181414"/>Rathfarnham had their camp pitched near the Bloomfield laundry to try
<lb n="181415"/>and steal our things if they could I only sent mine there a few times for the
<lb n="181416"/>name model laundry sending me back over and over some old ones odd
<lb n="181417"/>stockings that blackguardlooking fellow with the fine eyes peeling a switch
<lb n="181418"/>attack me in the dark and ride me up against the wall without a word or a
<lb n="181419"/>murderer anybody what they do themselves the fine gentlemen in their silk
<lb n="181420"/>hats that K C lives up somewhere this way coming out of Hardwicke lane
<lb n="181421"/>the night he gave us the fish supper on account of winning over the boxing
<lb n="181422"/>match of course it was for me he gave it I knew him by his gaiters and the
<lb n="181423"/>walk and when I turned round a minute after just to see there was a woman
<lb n="181424"/>after coming out of it too some filthy prostitute then he goes home to his
<lb n="181425"/>wife after that only I suppose the half of those sailors are rotten again with
<lb n="181426"/>disease O move over your big carcass out of that for the love of Mike listen
<lb n="181427"/>to him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well he may sleep and sigh the
<lb n="181428"/>great Suggester Don Poldo de la Flora if he knew how he came out on the
<lb n="181429"/>cards this morning hed have something to sigh for a dark man in some
<lb n="181430"/>perplexity between 2 7s too in prison for Lord knows what he does that I
<lb n="181431"/>dont know and Im to be slooching around down in the kitchen to get his
<lb n="181432"/>lordship his breakfast while hes rolled up like a mummy will I indeed did
<lb n="181433"/>you ever see me running Id just like to see myself at it show them attention
<lb n="181434"/>and they treat you like dirt I dont care what anybody says itd be much
<lb n="181435"/>better for the world to be governed by the women in it you wouldnt see
<lb n="181436"/>women going and killing one another and slaughtering when do you ever
<lb n="181437"/>see women rolling around drunk like they do or gambling every penny they
<lb n="181438"/>have and losing it on horses yes because a woman whatever she does she
<lb n="181439"/>knows where to stop sure they wouldnt be in the world at all only for us
<lb n="181440"/>they dont know what it is to be a woman and a mother how could they
<lb n="181441"/>where would they all of them be if they hadnt all a mother to look after
<lb n="181442"/>them what I never had thats why I suppose hes running wild now out at
<lb n="181443"/>night away from his books and studies and not living at home on account of
<lb n="181444"/>the usual rowy house I suppose well its a poor case that those that have a
<lb n="181445"/>fine son like that theyre not satisfied and I none was he not able to make one
<lb n="181446"/>it wasnt my fault we came together when I was watching the two dogs up in
<lb n="181447"/>her behind in the middle of the naked street that disheartened me altogether
<lb n="181448"/>I suppose I oughtnt to have buried him in that little woolly jacket I knitted
<lb n="181449"/>crying as I was but give it to some poor child but I knew well Id never have
<lb n="181450"/>another our 1st death too it was we were never the same since O Im not
<lb n="181451"/>going to think myself into the glooms about that any more I wonder why he
<lb n="181452"/>wouldnt stay the night I felt all the time it was somebody strange he brought
<lb n="181453"/>in instead of roving around the city meeting God knows who nightwalkers
<lb n="181454"/>and pickpockets his poor mother wouldnt like that if she was alive ruining
<lb n="181455"/>himself for life perhaps still its a lovely hour so silent I used to love coming
<lb n="181456"/>home after dances the air of the night they have friends they can talk to
<lb n="181457"/>weve none either he wants what he wont get or its some woman ready to
<lb n="181458"/>stick her knife in you I hate that in women no wonder they treat us the way
<lb n="181459"/>they do we are a dreadful lot of bitches I suppose its all the troubles we have
<lb n="181460"/>makes us so snappy Im not like that he could easy have slept in there on the
<lb n="181461"/>sofa in the other room I suppose he was as shy as a boy he being so young
<lb n="181462"/>hardly 20 of me in the next room hed have heard me on the chamber arrah
<lb n="181463"/>what harm Dedalus I wonder its like those names in Gibraltar Delapaz
<lb n="181464"/>Delagracia they had the devils queer names there father Vilaplana of Santa
<lb n="181465"/>Maria that gave me the rosary Rosales y OReilly in the Calle las Siete
<lb n="181466"/>Revueltas and Pisimbo and Mrs Opisso in Governor street O what a name
<lb n="181467"/>Id go and drown myself in the first river if I had a name like her O my and
<lb n="181468"/>all the bits of streets Paradise ramp and Bedlam ramp and Rodgers ramp
<lb n="181469"/>and Crutchetts ramp and the devils gap steps well small blame to me if I am
<lb n="181470"/>a harumscarum I know I am a bit I declare to God I dont feel a day older
<lb n="181471"/>than then I wonder could I get my tongue round any of the Spanish como
<lb n="181472"/>esta usted muy bien gracias y usted see I havent forgotten it all I thought I
<lb n="181473"/>had only for the grammar a noun is the name of any person place or thing
<lb n="181474"/>pity I never tried to read that novel cantankerous Mrs Rubio lent me by
<lb n="181475"/>Valera with the questions in it all upside down the two ways I always knew
<lb n="181476"/>wed go away in the end I can tell him the Spanish and he tell me the Italian
<lb n="181477"/>then hell see Im not so ignorant what a pity he didnt stay Im sure the poor
<lb n="181478"/>fellow was dead tired and wanted a good sleep badly I could have brought
<lb n="181479"/>him in his breakfast in bed with a bit of toast so long as I didnt do it on the
<lb n="181480"/>knife for bad luck or if the woman was going her rounds with the
<lb n="181481"/>watercress and something nice and tasty there are a few olives in the kitchen
<lb n="181482"/>he might like I never could bear the look of them in Abrines I could do the
<lb n="181483"/>criada the room looks all right since I changed it the other way you see
<lb n="181484"/>something was telling me all the time Id have to introduce myself not
<lb n="181485"/>knowing me from Adam very funny wouldnt it Im his wife or pretend we
<lb n="181486"/>were in Spain with him half awake without a Gods notion where he is dos
<lb n="181487"/>huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things come into my head
<lb n="181488"/>sometimes itd be great fun supposing he stayed with us why not theres the
<lb n="181489"/>room upstairs empty and Millys bed in the back room he could do his
<lb n="181490"/>writing and studies at the table in there for all the scribbling he does at it
<lb n="181491"/>and if he wants to read in bed in the morning like me as hes making the
<lb n="181492"/>breakfast for 1 he can make it for 2 Im sure Im not going to take in lodgers
<lb n="181493"/>off the street for him if he takes a gesabo of a house like this Id love to have
<lb n="181494"/>a long talk with an intelligent welleducated person Id have to get a nice pair
<lb n="181495"/>of red slippers like those Turks with the fez used to sell or yellow and a nice
<lb n="181496"/>semitransparent morning gown that I badly want or a peachblossom
<lb n="181497"/>dressing jacket like the one long ago in Walpoles only 8/6 or 18/6 Ill just
<lb n="181498"/>give him one more chance Ill get up early in the morning Im sick of Cohens
<lb n="181499"/>old bed in any case I might go over to the markets to see all the vegetables
<lb n="181500"/>and cabbages and tomatoes and carrots and all kinds of splendid fruits all
<lb n="181501"/>coming in lovely and fresh who knows whod be the 1st man Id meet theyre
<lb n="181502"/>out looking for it in the morning Mamy Dillon used to say they are and the
<lb n="181503"/>night too that was her massgoing Id love a big juicy pear now to melt in
<lb n="181504"/>your mouth like when I used to be in the longing way then Ill throw him up
<lb n="181505"/>his eggs and tea in the moustachecup she gave him to make his mouth
<lb n="181506"/>bigger I suppose hed like my nice cream too I know what Ill do Ill go about
<lb n="181507"/>rather gay not too much singing a bit now and then mi fa pieta Masetto
<lb n="181508"/>then Ill start dressing myself to go out presto non son piu forte Ill put on my
<lb n="181509"/>best shift and drawers let him have a good eyeful out of that to make his
<lb n="181510"/>micky stand for him Ill let him know if thats what he wanted that his wife is
<lb n="181511"/>fucked yes and damn well fucked too up to my neck nearly not by him 5 or
<lb n="181512"/>6 times handrunning theres the mark of his spunk on the clean sheet I
<lb n="181513"/>wouldnt bother to even iron it out that ought to satisfy him if you dont
<lb n="181514"/>believe me feel my belly unless I made him stand there and put him into me
<lb n="181515"/>Ive a mind to tell him every scrap and make him do it out in front of me
<lb n="181516"/>serve him right its all his own fault if I am an adulteress as the thing in the
<lb n="181517"/>gallery said O much about it if thats all the harm ever we did in this vale of
<lb n="181518"/>tears God knows its not much doesnt everybody only they hide it I suppose
<lb n="181519"/>thats what a woman is supposed to be there for or He wouldnt have made
<lb n="181520"/>us the way He did so attractive to men then if he wants to kiss my bottom Ill
<lb n="181521"/>drag open my drawers and bulge it right out in his face as large as life he
<lb n="181522"/>can stick his tongue 7 miles up my hole as hes there my brown part then Ill
<lb n="181523"/>tell him I want £1 or perhaps 30/- Ill tell him I want to buy underclothes
<lb n="181524"/>then if he gives me that well he wont be too bad I dont want to soak it all
<lb n="181525"/>out of him like other women do I could often have written out a fine cheque
<lb n="181526"/>for myself and write his name on it for a couple of pounds a few times he
<lb n="181527"/>forgot to lock it up besides he wont spend it Ill let him do it off on me
<lb n="181528"/>behind provided he doesnt smear all my good drawers O I suppose that
<lb n="181529"/>cant be helped Ill do the indifferent 1 or 2 questions Ill know by the answers
<lb n="181530"/>when hes like that he cant keep a thing back I know every turn in him Ill
<lb n="181531"/>tighten my bottom well and let out a few smutty words smellrump or lick
<lb n="181532"/>my shit or the first mad thing comes into my head then Ill suggest about yes
<lb n="181533"/>O wait now sonny my turn is coming Ill be quite gay and friendly over it O
<lb n="181534"/>but I was forgetting this bloody pest of a thing pfooh you wouldnt know
<lb n="181535"/>which to laugh or cry were such a mixture of plum and apple no Ill have to
<lb n="181536"/>wear the old things so much the better itll be more pointed hell never know
<lb n="181537"/>whether he did it or not there thats good enough for you any old thing at all
<lb n="181538"/>then Ill wipe him off me just like a business his omission then Ill go out Ill
<lb n="181539"/>have him eying up at the ceiling where is she gone now make him want me
<lb n="181540"/>thats the only way a quarter after what an unearthly hour I suppose theyre
<lb n="181541"/>just getting up in China now combing out their pigtails for the day well
<lb n="181542"/>soon have the nuns ringing the angelus theyve nobody coming in to spoil
<lb n="181543"/>their sleep except an odd priest or two for his night office or the alarmclock
<lb n="181544"/>next door at cockshout clattering the brains out of itself let me see if I can
<lb n="181545"/>doze off 1 2 3 4 5 what kind of flowers are those they invented like the stars
<lb n="181546"/>the wallpaper in Lombard street was much nicer the apron he gave me was
<lb n="181547"/>like that something only I only wore it twice better lower this lamp and try
<lb n="181548"/>again so as I can get up early Ill go to Lambes there beside Findlaters and
<lb n="181549"/>get them to send us some flowers to put about the place in case he brings
<lb n="181550"/>him home tomorrow today I mean no no Fridays an unlucky day first I
<lb n="181551"/>want to do the place up someway the dust grows in it I think while Im
<lb n="181552"/>asleep then we can have music and cigarettes I can accompany him first I
<lb n="181553"/>must clean the keys of the piano with milk whatll I wear shall I wear a white
<lb n="181554"/>rose or those fairy cakes in Liptons I love the smell of a rich big shop at
<lb n="181555"/>7 1/₂d a lb or the other ones with the cherries in them and the pinky sugar 11d
<lb n="181556"/>a couple of lbs of those a nice plant for the middle of the table Id get that
<lb n="181557"/>cheaper in wait wheres this I saw them not long ago I love flowers Id love to
<lb n="181558"/>have the whole place swimming in roses God of heaven theres nothing like
<lb n="181559"/>nature the wild mountains then the sea and the waves rushing then the
<lb n="181560"/>beautiful country with the fields of oats and wheat and all kinds of things
<lb n="181561"/>and all the fine cattle going about that would do your heart good to see
<lb n="181562"/>rivers and lakes and flowers all sorts of shapes and smells and colours
<lb n="181563"/>springing up even out of the ditches primroses and violets nature it is as for
<lb n="181564"/>them saying theres no God I wouldnt give a snap of my two fingers for all
<lb n="181565"/>their learning why dont they go and create something I often asked him
<lb n="181566"/>atheists or whatever they call themselves go and wash the cobbles off
<lb n="181567"/>themselves first then they go howling for the priest and they dying and why
<lb n="181568"/>why because theyre afraid of hell on account of their bad conscience ah yes
<lb n="181569"/>I know them well who was the first person in the universe before there was
<lb n="181570"/>anybody that made it all who ah that they dont know neither do I so there
<lb n="181571"/>you are they might as well try to stop the sun from rising tomorrow the sun
<lb n="181572"/>shines for you he said the day we were lying among the rhododendrons on
<lb n="181573"/>Howth head in the grey tweed suit and his straw hat the day I got him to
<lb n="181574"/>propose to me yes first I gave him the bit of seedcake out of my mouth and
<lb n="181575"/>it was leapyear like now yes 16 years ago my God after that long kiss I near
<lb n="181576"/>lost my breath yes he said I was a flower of the mountain yes so we are
<lb n="181577"/>flowers all a womans body yes that was one true thing he said in his life and
<lb n="181578"/>the sun shines for you today yes that was why I liked him because I saw he
<lb n="181579"/>understood or felt what a woman is and I knew I could always get round
<lb n="181580"/>him and I gave him all the pleasure I could leading him on till he asked me
<lb n="181581"/>to say yes and I wouldnt answer first only looked out over the sea and the
<lb n="181582"/>sky I was thinking of so many things he didnt know of Mulvey and Mr
<lb n="181583"/>Stanhope and Hester and father and old captain Groves and the sailors
<lb n="181584"/>playing all birds fly and I say stoop and washing up dishes they called it on
<lb n="181585"/>the pier and the sentry in front of the governors house with the thing round
<lb n="181586"/>his white helmet poor devil half roasted and the Spanish girls laughing in
<lb n="181587"/>their shawls and their tall combs and the auctions in the morning the
<lb n="181588"/>Greeks and the jews and the Arabs and the devil knows who else from all
<lb n="181589"/>the ends of Europe and Duke street and the fowl market all clucking
<lb n="181590"/>outside Larby Sharons and the poor donkeys slipping half asleep and the
<lb n="181591"/>vague fellows in the cloaks asleep in the shade on the steps and the big
<lb n="181592"/>wheels of the carts of the bulls and the old castle thousands of years old yes
<lb n="181593"/>and those handsome Moors all in white and turbans like kings asking you
<lb n="181594"/>to sit down in their little bit of a shop and Ronda with the old windows of
<lb n="181595"/>the posadas 2 glancing eyes a lattice hid for her lover to kiss the iron and
<lb n="181596"/>the wineshops half open at night and the castanets and the night we missed
<lb n="181597"/>the boat at Algeciras the watchman going about serene with his lamp and O
<lb n="181598"/>that awful deepdown torrent O and the sea the sea crimson sometimes like
<lb n="181599"/>fire and the glorious sunsets and the figtrees in the Alameda gardens yes
<lb n="181600"/>and all the queer little streets and the pink and blue and yellow houses and
<lb n="181601"/>the rosegardens and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and
<lb n="181602"/>Gibraltar as a girl where I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the
<lb n="181603"/>rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and
<lb n="181604"/>how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as
<lb n="181605"/>another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he
<lb n="181606"/>asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my
<lb n="181607"/>arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts
<lb n="181608"/>all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will
<lb n="181609"/>Yes.</p>
<p rend="inset"><lb n="181610"/>Trieste-Zurich-Paris
<lb n="181611"/>1914-1921</p>
</div> <!-- End of Episode 18, "Penelope" -->