u14_oxen.xml

<div type="episode" n="14">
<p rend="non-indent"><lb n="140001"/><foreign rend="none" xml:lang="ga">Deshil</foreign> Holles <foreign rend="none" xml:lang="la">Eamus</foreign>. <foreign rend="none" xml:lang="ga">Deshil</foreign> Holles <foreign rend="none" xml:lang="la">Eamus</foreign>. <foreign rend="none" xml:lang="ga">Deshil</foreign> Holles <foreign rend="none" xml:lang="la">Eamus</foreign>.</p>
<p rend="non-indent"><lb n="140002"/>Send us bright one, light one, Horhorn, quickening and <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">wombfruit</distinct>. Send
<lb n="140003"/>us bright one, light one, Horhorn, quickening and <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">wombfruit</distinct>. Send us
<lb n="140004"/>bright one, light one, Horhorn, quickening and <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">wombfruit</distinct>.</p>
  <p rend="non-indent"><lb n="140005"/><distinct type="Joycean">Hoopsa</distinct> <distinct type="Joycean">boyaboy</distinct> <distinct type="Joycean">hoopsa</distinct>! <distinct type="Joycean">Hoopsa</distinct> <distinct type="Joycean">boyaboy</distinct> <distinct type="Joycean">hoopsa</distinct>! <distinct type="Joycean">Hoopsa</distinct> <distinct type="Joycean">boyaboy</distinct>
    <lb n="140006"/><distinct type="Joycean">hoopsa</distinct>!</p>
<p><lb n="140007"/>Universally that person's acumen is esteemed very little perceptive
<lb n="140008"/>concerning whatsoever matters are being held as most profitably by mortals
<lb n="140009"/>with sapience endowed to be studied who is ignorant of that which the most
<lb n="140010"/>in doctrine erudite and certainly by reason of that in them high mind's
<lb n="140011"/>ornament deserving of veneration constantly maintain when by general
<lb n="140012"/>consent they affirm that other circumstances being equal by no exterior
<lb n="140013"/>splendour is the prosperity of a nation more efficaciously asserted than by
<lb n="140014"/>the measure of how far forward may have progressed the tribute of its
<lb n="140015"/>solicitude for that proliferent continuance which of evils the original if it be
<lb n="140016"/>absent when fortunately present constitutes the certain sign of omnipollent
<lb n="140017"/>nature's incorrupted benefaction. For who is there who anything of some
<lb n="140018"/>significance has apprehended but is conscious that that exterior splendour
<lb n="140019"/>may be the surface of a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">downwardtending</distinct> lutulent reality or on the
<lb n="140020"/>contrary anyone so is there unilluminated as not to perceive that as no
<lb n="140021"/>nature's boon can contend against the bounty of increase so it behoves
<lb n="140022"/>every most just citizen to become the exhortator and admonisher of his
<lb n="140023"/>semblables and to tremble lest what had in the past been by the nation
<lb n="140024"/>excellently commenced might be in the future not with similar excellence
  <lb n="140025"/>accomplished if an <distinct type="archaism">inverecund</distinct> habit shall have gradually traduced the
<lb n="140026"/>honourable by ancestors transmitted customs to that thither of profundity
<lb n="140027"/>that that one was audacious excessively who would have the hardihood to
<lb n="140028"/>rise affirming that no more odious offence can for anyone be than to
<lb n="140029"/>oblivious neglect to consign that evangel simultaneously command and
<lb n="140030"/>promise which on all mortals with prophecy of abundance or with
<lb n="140031"/>diminution's menace that exalted of reiteratedly procreating function ever
<lb n="140032"/>irrevocably enjoined?</p>
<p><lb n="140033"/>It is not why therefore we shall wonder if, as the best historians relate,
<lb n="140034"/>among the Celts, who nothing that was not in its nature admirable admired,
<lb n="140035"/>the art of medicine shall have been highly honoured. Not to speak of
  <lb n="140036"/>hostels, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">leperyards</distinct>, sweating chambers, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">plaguegraves</distinct>, their greatest doctors,
<lb n="140037"/>the O'Shiels, the O'Hickeys, the O'Lees, have sedulously set down the
<lb n="140038"/>divers methods by which the sick and the relapsed found again health
<lb n="140039"/>whether the malady had been the trembling withering or loose <distinct type="compound">boyconnell</distinct>
<lb n="140040"/>flux. Certainly in every public work which in it anything of gravity contains
<lb n="140041"/>preparation should be with importance commensurate and therefore a plan
<lb n="140042"/>was by them adopted (whether by having preconsidered or as the
<lb n="140043"/>maturation of experience it is difficult in being said which the discrepant
<lb n="140044"/>opinions of subsequent inquirers are not up to the present <distinct type="archaism">congrued</distinct> to
<lb n="140045"/>render manifest) whereby maternity was so far from all accident possibility
<lb n="140046"/>removed that whatever care the patient in that <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">allhardest</distinct> of woman hour
<lb n="140047"/>chiefly required and not solely for the copiously opulent but also for her
<lb n="140048"/>who not being sufficiently moneyed scarcely and often not even scarcely
<lb n="140049"/>could subsist valiantly and for an inconsiderable emolument was provided.</p>
<p><lb n="140050"/>To her nothing already then and thenceforward was anyway able to
  <lb n="140051"/>be <distinct type="archaism">molestful</distinct> for this chiefly felt all citizens except with proliferent mothers
<lb n="140052"/>prosperity at all not to can be and as they had received eternity gods
<lb n="140053"/>mortals generation to befit them her beholding, when the case was so
<lb n="140054"/>hoving itself, parturient in vehicle <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">thereward</distinct> carrying desire immense
<lb n="140055"/>among all one another was impelling on of her to be received into that
<lb n="140056"/>domicile. O thing of prudent nation not merely in being seen but also even
<lb n="140057"/>in being related worthy of being praised that they her by anticipation went
<lb n="140058"/>seeing mother, that she by them suddenly to be about to be cherished had
<lb n="140059"/>been begun she felt!</p>
<p><lb n="140060"/>Before born babe bliss had. Within womb won he worship. Whatever
<lb n="140061"/>in that one case done commodiously done was. A couch by midwives
<lb n="140062"/>attended with wholesome food reposeful, cleanest swaddles as though
<lb n="140063"/>forthbringing were now done and by wise foresight set: but to this no less
<lb n="140064"/>of what drugs there is need and surgical implements which are pertaining to
<lb n="140065"/>her case not omitting aspect of all very distracting spectacles in various
<lb n="140066"/>latitudes by our terrestrial orb offered together with images, divine and
  <lb n="140067"/>human, the cogitation of which by <distinct type="archaism">sejunct</distinct> females is to tumescence
<lb n="140068"/>conducive or eases issue in the high <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">sunbright</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">wellbuilt</distinct> fair home of
<lb n="140069"/>mothers when, ostensibly far gone and reproductitive, it is come by her
<lb n="140070"/>thereto to lie in, her term up.</p>
<p><lb n="140071"/>Some man that wayfaring was stood by <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">housedoor</distinct> at night's
<lb n="140072"/>oncoming. Of Israel's folk was that man that on earth wandering far had
  <lb n="140073"/>fared. Stark <distinct type="archaism">ruth</distinct> of man his errand that him lone led till that house.</p>
<p><lb n="140074"/>Of that house A. Horne is lord. Seventy beds keeps he there teeming
<lb n="140075"/>mothers are wont that they lie for to thole and bring forth <distinct type="dialect">bairns</distinct> hale so
  <lb n="140076"/>God's angel to Mary <distinct type="archaism">quoth</distinct>. Watchers <distinct type="dialect">tway</distinct> there walk, white sisters in
<lb n="140077"/>ward sleepless. Smarts they still, sickness soothing: in twelve moons thrice
  <lb n="140078"/>an hundred. Truest <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bedthanes</distinct> they <distinct type="archaism">twain</distinct> are, for Horne holding wariest
<lb n="140079"/>ward.</p>
<p><lb n="140080"/>In ward wary the watcher hearing come that man <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">mildhearted</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">eft</distinct>
<lb n="140081"/>rising with swire ywimpled to him her gate wide undid. Lo, <distinct type="archaism">levin</distinct> leaping
  <lb n="140082"/>lightens in <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">eyeblink</distinct> Ireland's westward welkin. Full she drad that God the
  <lb n="140083"/>Wreaker all mankind would <distinct type="archaism">fordo</distinct> with water for his evil sins. Christ's rood
<lb n="140084"/>made she on breastbone and him drew that he would <distinct type="archaism">rathe</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">infare</distinct> under her
  <lb n="140085"/><distinct type="dialect">thatch</distinct>. That man her will wotting worthful went in Horne's house.</p>
<p><lb n="140086"/>Loth to irk in Horne's hall hat holding the seeker stood. On her <distinct type="archaism">stow</distinct>
<lb n="140087"/>he ere was living with dear wife and lovesome daughter that then over land
<lb n="140088"/>and seafloor nine years had long outwandered. Once her in <distinct type="archaism">townhithe</distinct>
<lb n="140089"/>meeting he to her bow had not doffed. Her to forgive now he craved with
<lb n="140090"/>good ground of her allowed that that of him <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">swiftseen</distinct> face, hers, so young
<lb n="140091"/>then had looked. Light swift her eyes kindled, bloom of blushes his word
<lb n="140092"/>winning.</p>
<p><lb n="140093"/>As her eyes then ongot his weeds swart therefor sorrow she feared.
  <lb n="140094"/>Glad after she was that <distinct type="archaism">ere</distinct> <distinct type="archaism">adread</distinct> was. Her he asked if O'Hare Doctor
<lb n="140095"/>tidings sent from far coast and she with <distinct type="archaism">grameful</distinct> sigh him answered that
<lb n="140096"/>O'Hare Doctor in heaven was. Sad was the man that word to hear that him
<lb n="140097"/>so heavied in bowels ruthful. All she there told him, ruing death for friend
  <lb n="140098"/>so young, <distinct type="dialect">algate</distinct> sore unwilling God's rightwiseness to withsay. She said
<lb n="140099"/>that he had a fair sweet death through God His goodness with <distinct type="compound">masspriest</distinct> to
  <lb n="140100"/>be shriven, holy <distinct type="archaism">housel</distinct> and sick men's oil to his limbs. The man then right
<lb n="140101"/>earnest asked the nun of which death the dead man was died and the nun
<lb n="140102"/>answered him and said that he was died in Mona Island through bellycrab
  <lb n="140103"/>three year <distinct type="archaism">agone</distinct> come Childermas and she prayed to God the Allruthful to
<lb n="140104"/>have his dear soul in his undeathliness. He heard her sad words, in held hat
<lb n="140105"/>sad staring. So stood they there both awhile in <distinct type="archaism">wanhope</distinct> sorrowing one
<lb n="140106"/>with other.</p>
<p><lb n="140107"/>Therefore, everyman, look to that last end that is thy death and the
  <lb n="140108"/>dust that <distinct type="archaism">gripeth</distinct> on every man that is born of woman for as he came naked
<lb n="140109"/>forth from his mother's womb so naked shall he wend him at the last for to
<lb n="140110"/>go as he came.</p>
<p><lb n="140111"/>The man that was come in to the house then spoke to the
  <lb n="140112"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">nursingwoman</distinct> and he asked her how it fared with the woman that lay there
  <lb n="140113"/>in childbed. The <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">nursingwoman</distinct> answered him and said that that woman
<lb n="140114"/>was in throes now full three days and that it would be a hard birth <distinct type="archaism">unneth</distinct>
<lb n="140115"/>to bear but that now in a little it would be. She said thereto that she had
<lb n="140116"/>seen many births of women but never was none so hard as was that
<lb n="140117"/>woman's birth. Then she set it all forth to him for because she knew the
<lb n="140118"/>man that time was had lived nigh that house. The man hearkened to her
<lb n="140119"/>words for he felt with wonder women's woe in the travail that they have of
<lb n="140120"/>motherhood and he wondered to look on her face that was a fair face for
<lb n="140121"/>any man to see but yet was she left after long years a handmaid. Nine twelve
  <lb n="140122"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bloodflows</distinct> chiding her childless.</p>
  <p><lb n="140123"/>And whiles they <distinct type="archaism">spake</distinct> the door of the castle was opened and there
<lb n="140124"/>nighed them a mickle noise as of many that sat there at meat. And there
<lb n="140125"/>came against the place as they stood a young <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">learningknight</distinct> <distinct type="archaism">yclept</distinct> Dixon.
<lb n="140126"/>And the traveller Leopold was couth to him <distinct type="archaism">sithen</distinct> it had happed that they
<lb n="140127"/>had had ado each with other in the house of misericord where this
    <lb n="140128"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">learningknight</distinct> lay by cause the traveller Leopold came there to be healed
<lb n="140129"/>for he was sore wounded in his breast by a spear <distinct type="archaism">wherewith</distinct> a horrible and
<lb n="140130"/>dreadful dragon was smitten him for which he did do make a salve of
<lb n="140131"/>volatile salt and chrism as much as he might suffice. And he said now that
<lb n="140132"/>he should go in to that castle for to make merry with them that were there.
<lb n="140133"/>And the traveller Leopold said that he should go otherwhither for he was a
    <lb n="140134"/>man of <distinct type="archaism">cautels</distinct> and a subtile. Also the lady was of his avis and <distinct type="archaism">repreved</distinct> the
    <lb n="140135"/>learningknight though she <distinct type="archaism">trowed</distinct> well that the traveller had said thing that
<lb n="140136"/>was false for his subtility. But the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">learningknight</distinct> would not hear say nay
    <lb n="140137"/>nor do her <distinct type="archaism">mandement</distinct> ne have him in aught contrarious to his list and he
<lb n="140138"/>said how it was a marvellous castle. And the traveller Leopold went into the
<lb n="140139"/>castle for to rest him for a space being sore of limb after many marches
<lb n="140140"/>environing in divers lands and sometime venery.</p>
<p><lb n="140141"/>And in the castle was set a board that was of the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">birchwood</distinct> of
<lb n="140142"/>Finlandy and it was upheld by four <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">dwarfmen</distinct> of that country but they
<lb n="140143"/>durst not move more for enchantment. And on this board were frightful
<lb n="140144"/>swords and knives that are made in a great cavern by <distinct type="archaism">swinking</distinct> demons out
<lb n="140145"/>of white flames that they fix then in the horns of buffalos and stags that
<lb n="140146"/>there abound marvellously. And there were vessels that are wrought by
  <lb n="140147"/>magic of Mahound out of <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">seasand</distinct> and the air by a warlock with his breath
<lb n="140148"/>that he blases in to them like to bubbles. And full fair cheer and rich was on
  <lb n="140149"/>the board that no <distinct type="dialect">wight</distinct> could devise a fuller ne richer. And there was a vat
<lb n="140150"/>of silver that was moved by craft to open in the which lay strange fishes
  <lb n="140151"/><distinct type="dialect">withouten</distinct> heads though misbelieving men <distinct type="archaism">nie</distinct> that this be possible thing
  <lb n="140152"/>without they see it <distinct type="archaism">natheless</distinct> they are so. And these fishes lie in an oily water
<lb n="140153"/>brought there from Portugal land because of the fatness that therein is like
  <lb n="140154"/>to the juices of the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">olivepress</distinct>. And also it was a marvel to see in that castle
<lb n="140155"/>how by magic they make a compost out of fecund <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">wheatkidneys</distinct> out of
<lb n="140156"/>Chaldee that by aid of certain angry spirits that they do in to it swells up
<lb n="140157"/>wondrously like to a vast mountain. And they teach the serpents there to
<lb n="140158"/>entwine themselves up on long sticks out of the ground and of the scales of
<lb n="140159"/>these serpents they brew out a brewage like to mead.</p>
  <p><lb n="140160"/>And the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">learningknight</distinct> let pour for <distinct type="archaism">childe</distinct> Leopold a draught and
    <lb n="140161"/>halp <distinct type="archaism">thereto</distinct> the while all they that were there drank every each. And childe
<lb n="140162"/>Leopold did up his beaver for to pleasure him and took <distinct type="archaism">apertly</distinct> somewhat in
<lb n="140163"/>amity for he never drank no manner of mead which he then put by and
<lb n="140164"/>anon full privily he voided the more part in his neighbour glass and his
    <lb n="140165"/>neighbour <distinct type="archaism">nist</distinct> not of this wile. And he sat down in that castle with them for
<lb n="140166"/>to rest him there awhile. Thanked be Almighty God.</p>
<p><lb n="140167"/>This meanwhile this good sister stood by the door and begged them at
  <lb n="140168"/>the reverence of Jesu our <distinct type="archaism">alther</distinct> liege Lord to leave their wassailing for there
<lb n="140169"/>was above one quick with child, a gentle dame, whose time <distinct type="archaism">hied</distinct> fast. Sir
  <lb n="140170"/>Leopold heard on the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">upfloor</distinct> cry on high and he wondered what cry that it
<lb n="140171"/>was whether of child or woman and I marvel, said he, that it be not come or
  <lb n="140172"/>now. <distinct type="archaism">Meseems</distinct> it <distinct type="archaism">dureth</distinct> overlong. And he was ware and saw a franklin that
  <lb n="140173"/><distinct type="archaism">hight</distinct> Lenehan on that side the table that was older than any of the <distinct type="archaism">tother</distinct>
<lb n="140174"/>and for that they both were knights virtuous in the one emprise and eke by
<lb n="140175"/>cause that he was elder he spoke to him full gently. But, said he, or it be
<lb n="140176"/>long too she will bring forth by God His bounty and have joy of her
  <lb n="140177"/><distinct type="archaism">childing</distinct> for she hath waited marvellous long. And the franklin that had
<lb n="140178"/>drunken said, Expecting each moment to be her next. Also he took the cup
  <lb n="140179"/>that stood <distinct type="archaism">tofore</distinct> him for him needed never none asking nor desiring of him
<lb n="140180"/>to drink and, Now drink, said he, fully delectably, and he quaffed as far as
<lb n="140181"/>he might to their both's health for he was a passing good man of his
<lb n="140182"/>lustiness. And sir Leopold that was the goodliest guest that ever sat in
<lb n="140183"/>scholars' hall and that was the meekest man and the kindest that ever laid
<lb n="140184"/>husbandly hand under hen and that was the very truest knight of the world
<lb n="140185"/>one that ever did minion service to lady gentle pledged him courtly in the
<lb n="140186"/>cup. Woman's woe with wonder pondering.</p>
<p><lb n="140187"/>Now let us speak of that fellowship that was there to the intent to be
<lb n="140188"/>drunken an they might. There was a sort of scholars along either side the
  <lb n="140189"/>board, that is to wit, Dixon <distinct type="archaism">yclept</distinct> junior of saint Mary Merciable's with
<lb n="140190"/>other his fellows Lynch and Madden, scholars of medicine, and the franklin
  <lb n="140191"/>that <distinct type="archaism">hight</distinct> Lenehan and one from Alba Longa, one Crotthers, and young
<lb n="140192"/>Stephen that had mien of a frere that was at head of the board and Costello
  <lb n="140193"/>that men <distinct type="dialect">clepen</distinct> Punch Costello all long of a mastery of him <distinct type="archaism">erewhile</distinct> <distinct type="archaism">gested</distinct>
<lb n="140194"/>(and of all them, reserved young Stephen, he was the most drunken that
<lb n="140195"/>demanded still of more mead) and beside the meek sir Leopold. But on
<lb n="140196"/>young Malachi they waited for that he promised to have come and such as
<lb n="140197"/>intended to no goodness said how he had broke his avow. And sir Leopold
<lb n="140198"/>sat with them for he bore fast friendship to sir Simon and to this his son
<lb n="140199"/>young Stephen and for that his languor becalmed him there after longest
<lb n="140200"/>wanderings insomuch as they feasted him for that time in the honourablest
  <lb n="140201"/>manner. Ruth <distinct type="archaism">red</distinct> him, love led on with will to wander, loth to leave.</p>
<p><lb n="140202"/>For they were right witty scholars. And he heard their <distinct type="archaism">aresouns</distinct> each
<lb n="140203"/>gen other as touching birth and righteousness, young Madden maintaining
<lb n="140204"/>that put such case it were hard the wife to die (for so it had fallen out a
  <lb n="140205"/>matter of some year <distinct type="archaism">agone</distinct> with a woman of Eblana in Horne's house that
<lb n="140206"/>now was trespassed out of this world and the self night next before her
<lb n="140207"/>death all leeches and pothecaries had taken counsel of her case). And they
<lb n="140208"/>said farther she should live because in the beginning, they said, the woman
<lb n="140209"/>should bring forth in pain and wherefore they that were of this imagination
<lb n="140210"/>affirmed how young Madden had said truth for he had conscience to let her
<lb n="140211"/>die. And not few and of these was young Lynch were in doubt that the
<lb n="140212"/>world was now right evil governed as it was never other howbeit the mean
<lb n="140213"/>people believed it otherwise but the law nor his judges did provide no
<lb n="140214"/>remedy. A redress God grant. This was scant said but all cried with one
<lb n="140215"/>acclaim nay, by our Virgin Mother, the wife should live and the babe to die.
<lb n="140216"/>In colour whereof they waxed hot upon that head what with argument and
<lb n="140217"/>what for their drinking but the franklin Lenehan was prompt each when to
<lb n="140218"/>pour them ale so that at the least way mirth might not lack. Then young
<lb n="140219"/>Madden showed all the whole affair and said how that she was dead and
  <lb n="140220"/>how for holy religion sake by <distinct type="archaism">rede</distinct> of palmer and bedesman and for a vow
<lb n="140221"/>he had made to Saint Ultan of Arbraccan her <distinct type="archaism">goodman</distinct> husband would not
<lb n="140222"/>let her death whereby they were all wondrous grieved. To whom young
<lb n="140223"/>Stephen had these words following: Murmur, sirs, is eke <distinct type="archaism">oft</distinct> among lay folk.
<lb n="140224"/>Both babe and parent now glorify their Maker, the one in limbo gloom, the
  <lb n="140225"/>other in <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">purgefire</distinct>. But, gramercy, what of those <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">Godpossibled</distinct> souls that we
<lb n="140226"/>nightly impossibilise, which is the sin against the Holy Ghost, Very God,
<lb n="140227"/>Lord and Giver of Life? For, sirs, he said, our lust is brief. We are means to
<lb n="140228"/>those small creatures within us and nature has other ends than we. Then
<lb n="140229"/>said Dixon junior to Punch Costello wist he what ends. But he had
<lb n="140230"/>overmuch drunken and the best word he could have of him was that he
  <lb n="140231"/>would ever dishonest a woman <distinct type="archaism">whoso</distinct> she were or wife or maid or leman if
<lb n="140232"/>it so fortuned him to be delivered of his spleen of <distinct type="archaism">lustihead</distinct>. Whereat
<lb n="140233"/>Crotthers of Alba Longa sang young Malachi's praise of that beast the
<lb n="140234"/>unicorn how once in the millennium he cometh by his horn, the other all
<lb n="140235"/>this while, pricked forward with their jibes <distinct type="archaism">wherewith</distinct> they did malice him,
<lb n="140236"/>witnessing all and several by saint Foutinus his engines that he was able to
<lb n="140237"/>do any manner of thing that lay in man to do. Thereat laughed they all
<lb n="140238"/>right jocundly only young Stephen and sir Leopold which never durst laugh
<lb n="140239"/>too open by reason of a strange humour which he would not <distinct type="archaism">bewray</distinct> and
<lb n="140240"/>also for that he rued for her that bare whoso she might be or wheresoever.
  <lb n="140241"/>Then <distinct type="archaism">spake</distinct> young Stephen <distinct type="archaism">orgulous</distinct> of mother Church that would cast him
<lb n="140242"/>out of her bosom, of law of canons, of Lilith, patron of abortions, of bigness
<lb n="140243"/>wrought by wind of seeds of brightness or by potency of vampires mouth to
  <lb n="140244"/>mouth or, as Virgilius <distinct type="archaism">saith</distinct>, by the influence of the occident or by the reek
<lb n="140245"/>of moonflower or an she lie with a woman which her man has but lain with,
<lb n="140246"/><foreign xml:lang="la">effectu secuto</foreign>, or peradventure in her bath according to the opinions of
<lb n="140247"/>Averroes and Moses Maimonides. He said also how at the end of the second
<lb n="140248"/>month a human soul was infused and how in all our holy mother <distinct type="archaism">foldeth</distinct>
<lb n="140249"/>ever souls for God's greater glory whereas that earthly mother which was
<lb n="140250"/>but a dam to bear beastly should die by canon for so <distinct type="archaism">saith</distinct> he that <distinct type="archaism">holdeth</distinct>
<lb n="140251"/>the fisherman's seal, even that blessed Peter on which rock was holy church
<lb n="140252"/>for all ages founded. All they bachelors then asked of sir Leopold would he
  <lb n="140253"/>in like case so <distinct type="archaism">jeopard</distinct> her person as risk life to save life. A wariness of mind
<lb n="140254"/>he would answer as fitted all and, laying hand to jaw, he said dissembling,
<lb n="140255"/>as his wont was, that as it was informed him, who had ever loved the art of
<lb n="140256"/>physic as might a layman, and agreeing also with his experience of so
  <lb n="140257"/><distinct type="compound">seldomseen</distinct> an accident it was good for that mother Church <distinct type="archaism">belike</distinct> at one
<lb n="140258"/>blow had birth and death pence and in such sort <distinct type="archaism">deliverly</distinct> he <distinct type="archaism">scaped</distinct> their
<lb n="140259"/>questions. That is truth, pardy, said Dixon, and, or I err, a pregnant word.
<lb n="140260"/>Which hearing young Stephen was a marvellous glad man and he averred
  <lb n="140261"/>that he who <distinct type="archaism">stealeth</distinct> from the poor <distinct type="archaism">lendeth</distinct> to the Lord for he was of a wild
<lb n="140262"/>manner when he was drunken and that he was now in that taking it
  <lb n="140263"/>appeared <distinct type="archaism">eftsoons</distinct>.</p>
  <p><lb n="140264"/>But sir Leopold was passing grave <distinct type="archaism">maugre</distinct> his word by cause he still
  <lb n="140265"/>had pity of the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">terrorcausing</distinct> shrieking of shrill women in their labour and
<lb n="140266"/>as he was minded of his good lady Marion that had borne him an only
    <lb n="140267"/><distinct type="compound">manchild</distinct> which on his eleventh day on live had died and no man of art
<lb n="140268"/>could save so dark is destiny. And she was wondrous stricken of heart for
<lb n="140269"/>that evil hap and for his burial did him on a fair corselet of lamb's wool, the
<lb n="140270"/>flower of the flock, lest he might perish utterly and lie akeled (for it was
<lb n="140271"/>then about the midst of the winter) and now sir Leopold that had of his
    <lb n="140272"/>body no <distinct type="compound">manchild</distinct> for an heir looked upon him his friend's son and was
    <lb n="140273"/>shut up in sorrow for his <distinct type="archaism">forepassed</distinct> happiness and as sad as he was that
<lb n="140274"/>him failed a son of such gentle courage (for all accounted him of real parts)
<lb n="140275"/>so grieved he also in no less measure for young Stephen for that he lived
<lb n="140276"/>riotously with those wastrels and murdered his goods with whores.</p>
<p><lb n="140277"/>About that present time young Stephen filled all cups that stood empty
  <lb n="140278"/>so as there remained but little <distinct type="dialect">mo</distinct> if the prudenter had not shadowed their
<lb n="140279"/>approach from him that still plied it very busily who, praying for the
<lb n="140280"/>intentions of the sovereign pontiff, he gave them for a pledge the vicar of
<lb n="140281"/>Christ which also as he said is vicar of Bray. Now drink we, quod he, of
  <lb n="140282"/>this mazer and <distinct type="dialect">quaff</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">ye</distinct> this mead which is not indeed parcel of my body
  <lb n="140283"/>but my soul's bodiment. Leave <distinct type="dialect">ye</distinct> fraction of bread to them that live by
<lb n="140284"/>bread alone. Be not afeard neither for any want for this will comfort more
  <lb n="140285"/>than the other will dismay. See <distinct type="dialect">ye</distinct> here. And he showed them glistering
<lb n="140286"/>coins of the tribute and goldsmith notes the worth of two pound nineteen
<lb n="140287"/>shilling that he had, he said, for a song which he writ. They all admired to
<lb n="140288"/>see the foresaid riches in such dearth of money as was <distinct type="archaism">herebefore</distinct>. His
  <lb n="140289"/>words were then these as <distinct type="archaism">followeth</distinct>: Know all men, he said, time's ruins
<lb n="140290"/>build eternity's mansions. What means this? Desire's wind blasts the
  <lb n="140291"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">thorntree</distinct> but after it becomes from a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bramblebush</distinct> to be a rose upon the
<lb n="140292"/>rood of time. Mark me now. In woman's womb word is made flesh but in
<lb n="140293"/>the spirit of the maker all flesh that passes becomes the word that shall not
  <lb n="140294"/>pass away. This is the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">postcreation</distinct>. <foreign xml:lang="la">Omnis caro ad te veniet.</foreign> No question
  <lb n="140295"/>but her name is <distinct type="archaism">puissant</distinct> who aventried the dear <distinct type="archaism">corse</distinct> of our Agenbuyer,
<lb n="140296"/>Healer and Herd, our mighty mother and mother most venerable and
  <lb n="140297"/>Bernardus <distinct type="archaism">saith</distinct> aptly that She <distinct type="archaism">hath</distinct> an <foreign xml:lang="la">omnipotentiam deiparae supplicem</foreign>,
<lb n="140298"/>that is to wit, an almightiness of petition because she is the second Eve and
  <lb n="140299"/>she won us, <distinct type="archaism">saith</distinct> Augustine too, whereas that other, our <distinct type="archaism">grandam</distinct>, which
<lb n="140300"/>we are linked up with by successive anastomosis of <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">navelcords</distinct> sold us all,
<lb n="140301"/>seed, breed and generation, for a penny pippin. But here is the matter now.
<lb n="140302"/>Or she knew him, that second I say, and was but creature of her creature,
<lb n="140303"/><foreign xml:lang="it">vergine madre, figlia di tuo figlio</foreign>, or she knew him not and then stands she
<lb n="140304"/>in the one denial or ignorancy with Peter Piscator who lives in the house
<lb n="140305"/>that Jack built and with Joseph the joiner patron of the happy demise of all
<lb n="140306"/>unhappy marriages, <foreign xml:lang="fr">parceque M. Léo Taxil nous a dit que qui l'avait mise
<lb n="140307"/>dans cette fichue position c'était le sacré pigeon, ventre de Dieu!</foreign> <foreign xml:lang="de">Entweder</foreign>
<lb n="140308"/>transubstantiality <foreign xml:lang="de">oder</foreign> consubstantiality but in no case subsubstantiality.
<lb n="140309"/>And all cried out upon it for a very scurvy word. A pregnancy without joy,
<lb n="140310"/>he said, a birth without pangs, a body without blemish, a belly without
<lb n="140311"/>bigness. Let the lewd with faith and fervour worship. With will will we
  <lb n="140312"/>withstand, <distinct type="archaism">withsay</distinct>.</p>
<p><lb n="140313"/>Hereupon Punch Costello dinged with his fist upon the board and
<lb n="140314"/>would sing a bawdy catch <title type="song">Staboo Stabella</title> about a wench that was put in
<lb n="140315"/>pod of a jolly swashbuckler in Almany which he did <distinct type="archaism">straightways</distinct> now
<lb n="140316"/>attack:
<lb n="140317"/><said who="pc">―<emph>The first three months she was not well, Staboo</emph>,</said>
  <lb n="140318"/>when here nurse Quigley from the door <distinct type="archaism">angerly</distinct> bid them <distinct type="archaism">hist</distinct> <distinct type="archaism">ye</distinct> should
<lb n="140319"/>shame you nor was it not meet as she remembered them being her mind was
<lb n="140320"/>to have all orderly against lord Andrew came for because she was jealous
  <lb n="140321"/>that no <distinct type="archaism">gasteful</distinct> turmoil might shorten the honour of her guard. It was an
<lb n="140322"/>ancient and a sad matron of a sedate look and christian walking, in habit
<lb n="140323"/>dun beseeming her megrims and wrinkled visage, nor did her hortative
<lb n="140324"/>want of it effect for incontinently Punch Costello was of them all <distinct type="archaism">embraided</distinct>
<lb n="140325"/>and they reclaimed the churl with civil rudeness some and shaked him with
<lb n="140326"/>menace of blandishments others whiles they all <distinct type="archaism">chode</distinct> with him, a murrain
<lb n="140327"/>seize the dolt, what a devil he would be at, thou chuff, thou puny, thou got
  <lb n="140328"/>in <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">peasestraw</distinct>, thou <distinct type="archaism">losel</distinct>, thou chitterling, thou spawn of a rebel, thou
  <lb n="140329"/><distinct type="dialect">dykedropt</distinct>, thou abortion thou, to shut up his drunken drool out of that like
<lb n="140330"/>a curse of God ape, the good sir Leopold that had for his cognisance the
<lb n="140331"/>flower of quiet, margerain gentle, advising also the time's occasion as most
<lb n="140332"/>sacred and most worthy to be most sacred. In Horne's house rest should
<lb n="140333"/>reign.</p>
<p><lb n="140334"/>To be short this passage was scarce by when Master Dixon of Mary in
<lb n="140335"/>Eccles, goodly grinning, asked young Stephen what was the reason why he
<lb n="140336"/>had not cided to take friar's vows and he answered him obedience in the
<lb n="140337"/>womb, chastity in the tomb but involuntary poverty all his days. Master
<lb n="140338"/>Lenehan at this made return that he had heard of those nefarious deeds and
<lb n="140339"/>how, as he heard hereof counted, he had besmirched the lily virtue of a
<lb n="140340"/>confiding female which was corruption of minors and they all intershowed
<lb n="140341"/>it too, waxing merry and toasting to his fathership. But he said very entirely
<lb n="140342"/>it was clean contrary to their suppose for he was the eternal son and ever
  <lb n="140343"/>virgin. <distinct type="archaism">Thereat</distinct> mirth grew in them the more and they rehearsed to him his
<lb n="140344"/>curious rite of wedlock for the disrobing and deflowering of spouses, as the
<lb n="140345"/>priests use in Madagascar island, she to be in guise of white and saffron, her
<lb n="140346"/>groom in white and grain, with burning of nard and tapers, on a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bridebed</distinct>
<lb n="140347"/>while clerks sung kyries and the anthem <foreign xml:lang="la">Ut novetur sexus omnis corporis
  <lb n="140348"/>mysterium</foreign> till she was there <distinct type="archaism">unmaided</distinct>. He gave them then a much
<lb n="140349"/>admirable hymen minim by those delicate poets Master John Fletcher and
<lb n="140350"/>Master Francis Beaumont that is in their <title type="play">Maid's Tragedy</title> that was writ for a
<lb n="140351"/>like twining of lovers: <emph>To bed, to bed</emph> was the burden of it to be played with
<lb n="140352"/>accompanable concent upon the virginals. An exquisite dulcet epithalame of
<lb n="140353"/>most mollificative suadency for juveniles amatory whom the odoriferous
<lb n="140354"/>flambeaus of the paranymphs have escorted to the quadrupedal proscenium
<lb n="140355"/>of connubial communion. Well met they were, said Master Dixon, joyed,
<lb n="140356"/>but, harkee, young sir, better were they named Beau Mount and Lecher for,
<lb n="140357"/>by my troth, of such a mingling much might come. Young Stephen said
<lb n="140358"/>indeed to his best remembrance they had but the one doxy between them
<lb n="140359"/>and she of the stews to make shift with in delights amorous for life ran very
<lb n="140360"/>high in those days and the custom of the country approved with it. Greater
  <lb n="140361"/>love than this, he said, no man <distinct type="archaism">hath</distinct> that a man lay down his wife for his
<lb n="140362"/>friend. Go thou and do likewise. Thus, or words to that effect, <distinct type="archaism">saith</distinct>
<lb n="140363"/>Zarathustra, sometime regius professor of French letters to the university of
<lb n="140364"/>Oxtail nor breathed there ever that man to whom mankind was more
<lb n="140365"/>beholden. Bring a stranger within thy tower it will go hard but thou wilt
  <lb n="140366"/>have the <distinct type="compound">secondbest</distinct> bed. <foreign xml:lang="la">Orate, fratres, pro memetipso.</foreign> And all the people
<lb n="140367"/>shall say, Amen. Remember, Erin, thy generations and thy days of old, how
  <lb n="140368"/>thou <distinct type="archaism">settedst</distinct> little by me and by my word and <distinct type="archaism">broughtedst</distinct> in a stranger to
<lb n="140369"/>my gates to commit fornication in my sight and to wax fat and kick like
  <lb n="140370"/>Jeshurum. Therefore <distinct type="archaism">hast</distinct> thou sinned against my light and <distinct type="archaism">hast</distinct> made me,
<lb n="140371"/>thy lord, to be the slave of servants. Return, return, Clan Milly: forget me
  <lb n="140372"/>not, O Milesian. Why <distinct type="archaism">hast</distinct> thou done this abomination before me that thou
<lb n="140373"/>didst spurn me for a merchant of jalaps and didst deny me to the Roman
<lb n="140374"/>and to the Indian of dark speech with whom thy daughters did lie
<lb n="140375"/>luxuriously? Look forth now, my people, upon the land of behest, even
<lb n="140376"/>from Horeb and from Nebo and from Pisgah and from the Horns of
<lb n="140377"/>Hatten unto a land flowing with milk and money. But thou <distinct type="archaism">hast</distinct> suckled me
<lb n="140378"/>with a bitter milk: my moon and my sun thou <distinct type="archaism">hast</distinct> quenched for ever. And
  <lb n="140379"/>thou <distinct type="archaism">hast</distinct> left me alone for ever in the dark ways of my bitterness: and with
  <lb n="140380"/>a kiss of ashes <distinct type="archaism">hast</distinct> thou kissed my mouth. This tenebrosity of the interior,
<lb n="140381"/>he proceeded to say, hath not been illumined by the wit of the septuagint
<lb n="140382"/>nor so much as mentioned for the Orient from on high Which brake hell's
<lb n="140383"/>gates visited a darkness that was foraneous. Assuefaction <distinct type="archaism">minorates</distinct>
  <lb n="140384"/>atrocities (as Tully <distinct type="archaism">saith</distinct> of his darling Stoics) and Hamlet his father
  <lb n="140385"/><distinct type="archaism">showeth</distinct> the prince no blister of combustion. The adiaphane in the noon of
<lb n="140386"/>life is an Egypt's plague which in the nights of <distinct type="compound">prenativity</distinct> and
<lb n="140387"/>postmortemity is their most proper <foreign xml:lang="la">ubi</foreign> and <foreign xml:lang="la">quomodo</foreign>. And as the ends and
<lb n="140388"/>ultimates of all things accord in some mean and measure with their
<lb n="140389"/>inceptions and originals, that same multiplicit concordance which leads
<lb n="140390"/>forth growth from birth accomplishing by a retrogressive metamorphosis
  <lb n="140391"/>that <distinct type="archaism">minishing</distinct> and ablation towards the final which is agreeable unto
<lb n="140392"/>nature so is it with our subsolar being. The aged sisters draw us into life: we
<lb n="140393"/>wail, batten, sport, clip, clasp, sunder, dwindle, die: over us dead they bend.
<lb n="140394"/>First, saved from waters of old Nile, among bulrushes, a bed of fasciated
<lb n="140395"/>wattles: at last the cavity of a mountain, an occulted sepulchre amid the
  <lb n="140396"/>conclamation of the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">hillcat</distinct> and the ossifrage. And as no man knows the
<lb n="140397"/>ubicity of his tumulus nor to what processes we shall thereby be ushered
<lb n="140398"/>nor whether to Tophet or to Edenville in the like way is all hidden when we
<lb n="140399"/>would backward see from what region of remoteness the whatness of our
  <lb n="140400"/>whoness <distinct type="archaism">hath</distinct> fetched his whenceness.</p>
<p><lb n="140401"/>Thereto Punch Costello roared out mainly <foreign xml:lang="fr">Étienne chanson</foreign> but he
  <lb n="140402"/>loudly bid them, lo, wisdom <distinct type="archaism">hath</distinct> built herself a house, this vast majestic
  <lb n="140403"/><distinct type="archaism">longstablished</distinct> vault, the crystal palace of the Creator, all in <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">applepie</distinct> order,
<lb n="140404"/>a penny for him who finds the pea.
<lb n="140405"/><said who="pc">―<emph>Behold the mansion reared by dedal Jack
<lb n="140406"/>See the malt stored in many a refluent sack
<lb n="140407"/>In the proud cirque of Jackjohn's bivouac.</emph></said></p>
<p><lb n="140408"/>A black crack of noise in the street here, alack, bawled back. Loud on
<lb n="140409"/>left Thor thundered: in anger awful the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">hammerhurler</distinct>. Came now the
  <lb n="140410"/>storm that <distinct type="archaism">hist</distinct> his heart. And Master Lynch bade him have a care to flout
  <lb n="140411"/>and <distinct type="archaism">witwanton</distinct> as the god self was angered for his <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">hellprate</distinct> and paganry.
  <lb n="140412"/>And he that had <distinct type="archaism">erst</distinct> challenged to be so doughty waxed wan as they might
<lb n="140413"/>all mark and shrank together and his pitch that was before so haught uplift
<lb n="140414"/>was now of a sudden quite plucked down and his heart shook within the
<lb n="140415"/>cage of his breast as he tasted the rumour of that storm. Then did some
<lb n="140416"/>mock and some jeer and Punch Costello fell hard again to his yale which
<lb n="140417"/>Master Lenehan vowed he would do after and he was indeed but a word
<lb n="140418"/>and a blow on any the least colour. But the braggart boaster cried that an
  <lb n="140419"/>old Nobodaddy was in his cups it was <distinct type="archaism">muchwhat</distinct> indifferent and he would
<lb n="140420"/>not lag behind his lead. But this was only to dye his desperation as cowed he
<lb n="140421"/>crouched in Horne's hall. He drank indeed at one draught to pluck up a
<lb n="140422"/>heart of any grace for it thundered long rumblingly over all the heavens so
<lb n="140423"/>that Master Madden, being godly certain whiles, knocked him on his ribs
<lb n="140424"/>upon that crack of doom and Master Bloom, at the braggart's side, spoke to
<lb n="140425"/>him calming words to slumber his great fear, advertising how it was no
<lb n="140426"/>other thing but a hubbub noise that he heard, the discharge of fluid from
<lb n="140427"/>the thunderhead, look you, having taken place, and all of the order of a
<lb n="140428"/>natural phenomenon.</p>
<p><lb n="140429"/>But was young Boasthard's fear vanquished by Calmer's words? No,
<lb n="140430"/>for he had in his bosom a spike named Bitterness which could not by words
<lb n="140431"/>be done away. And was he then neither calm like the one nor godly like the
<lb n="140432"/>other? He was neither as much as he would have liked to be either. But
<lb n="140433"/>could he not have endeavoured to have found again as in his youth the
<lb n="140434"/>bottle Holiness that then he lived withal? Indeed no for Grace was not there
<lb n="140435"/>to find that bottle. Heard he then in that clap the voice of the god
<lb n="140436"/>Bringforth or, what Calmer said, a hubbub of Phenomenon? Heard? Why,
<lb n="140437"/>he could not but hear unless he had plugged him up the tube Understanding
<lb n="140438"/>(which he had not done). For through that tube he saw that he was in the
<lb n="140439"/>land of Phenomenon where he must for a certain one day die as he was like
<lb n="140440"/>the rest too a passing show. And would he not accept to die like the rest and
<lb n="140441"/>pass away? By no means would he though he must nor would he make
<lb n="140442"/>more shows according as men do with wives which Phenomenon has
<lb n="140443"/>commanded them to do by the book Law. Then <distinct type="dialect">wotted</distinct> he <distinct type="archaism">nought</distinct> of that
<lb n="140444"/>other land which is called Believe-on-Me, that is the land of promise which
<lb n="140445"/>behoves to the king Delightful and shall be for ever where there is no death
  <lb n="140446"/>and no birth neither <distinct type="archaism">wiving</distinct> nor mothering at which all shall come as many
<lb n="140447"/>as believe on it? Yes, Pious had told him of that land and Chaste had
<lb n="140448"/>pointed him to the way but the reason was that in the way he fell in with a
  <lb n="140449"/>certain whore of an <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">eyepleasing</distinct> exterior whose name, she said, is
<lb n="140450"/>Bird-in-the-Hand and she beguiled him <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">wrongways</distinct> from the true path by
<lb n="140451"/>her flatteries that she said to him as, Ho, you pretty man, turn aside hither
<lb n="140452"/>and I will show you a brave place, and she lay at him so flatteringly that she
<lb n="140453"/>had him in her grot which is named Two-in-the-Bush or, by some learned,
<lb n="140454"/>Carnal Concupiscence.</p>
<p><lb n="140455"/>This was it what all that company that sat there at commons in Manse
<lb n="140456"/>of Mothers the most lusted after and if they met with this whore
<lb n="140457"/>Bird-in-the-Hand (which was within all foul plagues, monsters and a
<lb n="140458"/>wicked devil) they would strain the last but they would make at her and
<lb n="140459"/>know her. For regarding Believe-on-Me they said it was nought else but
<lb n="140460"/>notion and they could conceive no thought of it for, first, Two-in-the-Bush
<lb n="140461"/>whither she ticed them was the very goodliest grot and in it were four
<lb n="140462"/>pillows on which were four tickets with these words printed on them,
<lb n="140463"/>Pickaback and Topsyturvy and Shameface and Cheek by Jowl and, second,
<lb n="140464"/>for that foul plague Allpox and the monsters they cared not for them for
<lb n="140465"/>Preservative had given them a stout shield of <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">oxengut</distinct> and, third, that they
<lb n="140466"/>might take no hurt neither from Offspring that was that wicked devil by
<lb n="140467"/>virtue of this same shield which was named Killchild. So were they all in
<lb n="140468"/>their blind fancy, Mr Cavil and Mr Sometimes Godly, Mr Ape Swillale, Mr
<lb n="140469"/>False Franklin, Mr Dainty Dixon, Young Boasthard and Mr Cautious
  <lb n="140470"/>Calmer. Wherein, O wretched company, were <distinct type="archaism">ye</distinct> all deceived for that was
<lb n="140471"/>the voice of the god that was in a very grievous rage that he would presently
<lb n="140472"/>lift his arm up and spill their souls for their abuses and their spillings done
<lb n="140473"/>by them contrariwise to his word which forth to bring <distinct type="archaism">brenningly</distinct> <distinct type="archaism">biddeth</distinct>.</p>
<p><lb n="140474"/>So Thursday sixteenth June Patk. Dignam laid in clay of an apoplexy
<lb n="140475"/>and after hard drought, please God, rained, a bargeman coming in by water
<lb n="140476"/>a fifty mile or thereabout with turf saying the seed won't sprout, fields
  <lb n="140477"/>athirst, very <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">sadcoloured</distinct> and stunk mightily, the <distinct type="archaism">quags</distinct> and <distinct type="dialect">tofts</distinct> too. Hard
<lb n="140478"/>to breathe and all the young quicks clean consumed without sprinkle this
<lb n="140479"/>long while back as no man remembered to be without. The rosy buds all
<lb n="140480"/>gone brown and spread out blobs and on the hills nought but dry flag and
<lb n="140481"/>faggots that would catch at first fire. All the world saying, for aught they
<lb n="140482"/>knew, the big wind of last February a year that did havoc the land so
<lb n="140483"/>pitifully a small thing beside this barrenness. But by and by, as said, this
<lb n="140484"/>evening after sundown, the wind sitting in the west, biggish swollen clouds
<lb n="140485"/>to be seen as the night increased and the <distinct type="compound">weatherwise</distinct> poring up at them and
<lb n="140486"/>some sheet lightnings at first and after, past ten of the clock, one great
<lb n="140487"/>stroke with a long thunder and in a brace of shakes all scamper <distinct type="compound">pellmell</distinct>
<lb n="140488"/>within door for the smoking shower, the men making shelter for their
<lb n="140489"/>straws with a clout or kerchief, womenfolk skipping off with <distinct type="archaism">kirtles</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">catched</distinct>
<lb n="140490"/>up soon as the pour came. In Ely place, Baggot street, Duke's lawn, thence
<lb n="140491"/>through Merrion green up to Holles street a swash of water flowing that
  <lb n="140492"/>was before <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bonedry</distinct> and not one chair or coach or fiacre seen about but no
<lb n="140493"/>more crack after that first. Over against the Rt. Hon. Mr Justice
<lb n="140494"/>Fitzgibbon's door (that is to sit with Mr Healy the lawyer upon the college
<lb n="140495"/>lands) Mal. Mulligan a gentleman's gentleman that had but come from Mr
  <lb n="140496"/>Moore's the writer's (that was a <distinct type="dialect">papish</distinct> but is now, folk say, a good
<lb n="140497"/>Williamite) chanced against Alec. Bannon in a cut bob (which are now in
<lb n="140498"/>with dance cloaks of Kendal green) that was new got to town from
<lb n="140499"/>Mullingar with the stage where his coz and Mal M's brother will stay a
<lb n="140500"/>month yet till Saint Swithin and asks what in the earth he does there, he
<lb n="140501"/>bound home and he to Andrew Horne's being stayed for to crush a cup of
<lb n="140502"/>wine, so he said, but would tell him of a skittish heifer, big of her age and
<lb n="140503"/>beef to the heel, and all this while poured with rain and so both together on
<lb n="140504"/>to Horne's. There Leop. Bloom of Crawford's journal sitting snug with a
  <lb n="140505"/>covey of wags, likely <distinct type="dialect">brangling</distinct> fellows, Dixon jun., scholar of my lady of
<lb n="140506"/>Mercy's, Vin. Lynch, a Scots fellow, Will. Madden, T. Lenehan, very sad
<lb n="140507"/>about a racer he fancied and Stephen D. Leop. Bloom there for a languor
<lb n="140508"/>he had but was now better, he having dreamed tonight a strange fancy of
<lb n="140509"/>his dame Mrs Moll with red slippers on in a pair of Turkey trunks which is
<lb n="140510"/>thought by those in ken to be for a change and Mistress Purefoy there, that
<lb n="140511"/>got in through pleading her belly, and now on the stools, poor body, two
<lb n="140512"/>days past her term, the midwives sore put to it and can't deliver, she queasy
  <lb n="140513"/>for a bowl of <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">riceslop</distinct> that is a shrewd drier up of the insides and her breath
<lb n="140514"/>very heavy more than good and should be a bullyboy from the knocks, they
<lb n="140515"/>say, but God give her soon issue. 'Tis her ninth chick to live, I hear, and
<lb n="140516"/>Lady day bit off her last chick's nails that was then a <distinct type="archaism">twelvemonth</distinct> and with
<lb n="140517"/>other three all breastfed that died written out in a fair hand in the king's
<lb n="140518"/>bible. Her hub fifty odd and a methodist but takes the sacrament and is to
<lb n="140519"/>be seen any fair sabbath with a pair of his boys off Bullock harbour
<lb n="140520"/>dapping on the sound with a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">heavybraked</distinct> reel or in a punt he has trailing
<lb n="140521"/>for flounder and pollock and catches a fine bag, I hear. In sum an infinite
<lb n="140522"/>great fall of rain and all refreshed and will much increase the harvest yet
<lb n="140523"/>those in ken say after wind and water fire shall come for a prognostication
<lb n="140524"/>of Malachi's almanac (and I hear that Mr Russell has done a prophetical
<lb n="140525"/>charm of the same gist out of the Hindustanish for his farmer's gazette) to
<lb n="140526"/>have three things in all but this a mere fetch without bottom of reason for
  <lb n="140527"/>old crones and <distinct type="dialect">bairns</distinct> yet sometimes they are found in the right guess with
<lb n="140528"/>their queerities no telling how.</p>
<p><lb n="140529"/>With this came up Lenehan to the feet of the table to say how the
<lb n="140530"/>letter was in that night's gazette and he made a show to find it about him
<lb n="140531"/>(for he swore with an oath that he had been at pains about it) but on
<lb n="140532"/>Stephen's persuasion he gave over the search and was bidden to sit near by
<lb n="140533"/>which he did mighty brisk. He was a kind of sport gentleman that went for
  <lb n="140534"/>a <distinct type="archaism">merryandrew</distinct> or honest <distinct type="dialect">pickle</distinct> and what belonged of women, horseflesh
<lb n="140535"/>or hot scandal he had it pat. To tell the truth he was mean in fortunes and
<lb n="140536"/>for the most part hankered about the coffeehouses and low taverns with
<lb n="140537"/>crimps, ostlers, bookies, Paul's men, runners, <distinct type="dialect">flatcaps</distinct>, <distinct type="dialect">waistcoateers</distinct>, ladies
  <lb n="140538"/>of the <distinct type="archaism">bagnio</distinct> and other rogues of the game or with a <distinct type="archaism">chanceable</distinct> <distinct type="archaism">catchpole</distinct>
<lb n="140539"/>or a tipstaff often at nights till broad day of whom he picked up between his
  <lb n="140540"/><distinct type="dialect">sackpossets</distinct> much loose gossip. He took his ordinary at a <distinct type="dialect">boilingcook's</distinct> and
<lb n="140541"/>if he had but gotten into him a mess of broken victuals or a platter of tripes
  <lb n="140542"/>with a bare <distinct type="dialect">tester</distinct> in his purse he could always bring himself off with his
  <lb n="140543"/>tongue, some randy quip he had from a <distinct type="dialect">punk</distinct> or whatnot that every
<lb n="140544"/>mother's son of them would burst their sides. The other, Costello that is,
<lb n="140545"/>hearing this talk asked was it poetry or a tale. Faith, no, he says, Frank
<lb n="140546"/>(that was his name), 'tis all about Kerry cows that are to be butchered along
<lb n="140547"/>of the plague. But they can go hang, says he with a wink, for me with their
<lb n="140548"/>bully beef, a pox on it. There's as good fish in this tin as ever came out of it
<lb n="140549"/>and very friendly he offered to take of some salty sprats that stood by which
<lb n="140550"/>he had eyed wishly in the meantime and found the place which was indeed
<lb n="140551"/>the chief design of his embassy as he was <distinct type="compound">sharpset</distinct>. <foreign xml:lang="fr">Mort aux vaches</foreign>, says
<lb n="140552"/>Frank then in the French language that had been indentured to a
  <lb n="140553"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">brandyshipper</distinct> that has a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">winelodge</distinct> in Bordeaux and he spoke French like a
<lb n="140554"/>gentleman too. From a child this Frank had been a <distinct type="compound">donought</distinct> that his
<lb n="140555"/>father, a headborough, who could ill keep him to school to learn his letters
<lb n="140556"/>and the use of the globes, matriculated at the university to study the
<lb n="140557"/>mechanics but he took the bit between his teeth like a raw colt and was
  <lb n="140558"/>more familiar with the <distinct type="dialect">justiciary</distinct> and the parish beadle than with his
  <lb n="140559"/>volumes. One time he would be a <distinct type="compound">playactor</distinct>, then a sutler or a welsher, then
<lb n="140560"/>nought would keep him from the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bearpit</distinct> and the cocking main, then he was
<lb n="140561"/>for the ocean sea or to hoof it on the roads with the romany folk,
<lb n="140562"/>kidnapping a squire's heir by favour of moonlight or <distinct type="archaism">fecking</distinct> maids' linen
<lb n="140563"/>or choking chicken behind a hedge. He had been off as many times as a cat
<lb n="140564"/>has lives and back again with naked pockets as many more to his father the
<lb n="140565"/>headborough who shed a pint of tears as often as he saw him. What, says
<lb n="140566"/>Mr Leopold with his hands across, that was earnest to know the drift of it,
<lb n="140567"/>will they slaughter all? I protest I saw them but this day morning going to
<lb n="140568"/>the Liverpool boats, says he. I can scarce believe 'tis so bad, says he. And he
<lb n="140569"/>had experience of the like brood beasts and of springers, greasy hoggets
<lb n="140570"/>and wether wool, having been some years before actuary for Mr Joseph
  <lb n="140571"/>Cuffe, a worthy <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">salesmaster</distinct> that drove his trade for live stock and meadow
<lb n="140572"/>auctions hard by Mr Gavin Low's yard in Prussia street. I question with
<lb n="140573"/>you there, says he. More like 'tis the hoose or the timber tongue. Mr
<lb n="140574"/>Stephen, a little moved but very handsomely told him no such matter and
<lb n="140575"/>that he had dispatches from the emperor's chief <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">tailtickler</distinct> thanking him for
<lb n="140576"/>the hospitality, that was sending over Doctor Rinderpest, the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bestquoted</distinct>
<lb n="140577"/>cowcatcher in all Muscovy, with a bolus or two of physic to take the bull by
<lb n="140578"/>the horns. Come, come, says Mr Vincent, plain dealing. He'll find himself
<lb n="140579"/>on the horns of a dilemma if he meddles with a bull that's Irish, says he.
<lb n="140580"/>Irish by name and irish by nature, says Mr Stephen, and he sent the ale
<lb n="140581"/>purling about, an Irish bull in an English <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">chinashop</distinct>. I conceive you, says
<lb n="140582"/>Mr Dixon. It is that same bull that was sent to our island by farmer
  <lb n="140583"/>Nicholas, the bravest <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">cattlebreeder</distinct> of them all, with an emerald ring in his
<lb n="140584"/>nose. True for you, says Mr Vincent cross the table, and a bullseye into the
<lb n="140585"/>bargain, says he, and a plumper and a portlier bull, says he, never shit on
<lb n="140586"/>shamrock. He had horns galore, a coat of cloth of gold and a sweet smoky
<lb n="140587"/>breath coming out of his nostrils so that the women of our island, leaving
  <lb n="140588"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">doughballs</distinct> and <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">rollingpins</distinct>, followed after him hanging his bulliness in
  <lb n="140589"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">daisychains</distinct>. What for that, says Mr Dixon, but before he came over farmer
<lb n="140590"/>Nicholas that was a eunuch had him properly gelded by a college of doctors
<lb n="140591"/>who were no better off than himself. So be off now, says he, and do all my
<lb n="140592"/>cousin german the lord Harry tells you and take a farmer's blessing, and
<lb n="140593"/>with that he slapped his posteriors very soundly. But the slap and the
<lb n="140594"/>blessing stood him friend, says Mr Vincent, for to make up he taught him a
<lb n="140595"/>trick worth two of the other so that maid, wife, abbess and widow to this
<lb n="140596"/>day affirm that they would rather any time of the month whisper in his ear
  <lb n="140597"/>in the dark of a <distinct type="compound">cowhouse</distinct> or get a lick on the nape from his long holy
<lb n="140598"/>tongue than lie with the finest strapping young ravisher in the four fields of
<lb n="140599"/>all Ireland. Another then put in his word: And they dressed him, says he, in
<lb n="140600"/>a point shift and petticoat with a tippet and girdle and ruffles on his wrists
<lb n="140601"/>and clipped his forelock and rubbed him all over with spermacetic oil and
<lb n="140602"/>built stables for him at every turn of the road with a gold manger in each
<lb n="140603"/>full of the best hay in the market so that he could doss and dung to his
<lb n="140604"/>heart's content. By this time the father of the faithful (for so they called
<lb n="140605"/>him) was grown so heavy that he could scarce walk to pasture. To remedy
<lb n="140606"/>which our cozening dames and damsels brought him his fodder in their
  <lb n="140607"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">apronlaps</distinct> and as soon as his belly was full he would rear up on his hind
<lb n="140608"/>quarters to show their ladyships a mystery and roar and bellow out of him
<lb n="140609"/>in bulls' language and they all after him. Ay, says another, and so pampered
<lb n="140610"/>was he that he would suffer nought to grow in all the land but green grass
<lb n="140611"/>for himself (for that was the only colour to his mind) and there was a board
<lb n="140612"/>put up on a hillock in the middle of the island with a printed notice, saying:
<lb n="140613"/>By the Lord Harry, Green is the grass that grows on the ground. And, says
<lb n="140614"/>Mr Dixon, if ever he got scent of a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">cattleraider</distinct> in Roscommon or the wilds
<lb n="140615"/>of Connemara or a husbandman in Sligo that was sowing as much as a
<lb n="140616"/>handful of mustard or a bag of rapeseed out he'd run amok over half the
<lb n="140617"/>countryside rooting up with his horns whatever was planted and all by lord
<lb n="140618"/>Harry's orders. There was bad blood between them at first, says Mr
<lb n="140619"/>Vincent, and the lord Harry called farmer Nicholas all the old Nicks in the
<lb n="140620"/>world and an old whoremaster that kept seven <distinct type="archaism">trulls</distinct> in his house and I'll
<lb n="140621"/>meddle in his matters, says he. I'll make that animal smell hell, says he, with
  <lb n="140622"/>the help of that good <distinct type="archaism">pizzle</distinct> my father left me. But one evening, says Mr
<lb n="140623"/>Dixon, when the lord Harry was cleaning his royal pelt to go to dinner
  <lb n="140624"/>after winning a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">boatrace</distinct> (he had spade oars for himself but the first rule of
<lb n="140625"/>the course was that the others were to row with pitchforks) he discovered in
<lb n="140626"/>himself a wonderful likeness to a bull and on picking up a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">blackthumbed</distinct>
<lb n="140627"/>chapbook that he kept in the pantry he found sure enough that he was a
  <lb n="140628"/><distinct type="compound">lefthanded</distinct> descendant of the famous champion bull of the Romans, <foreign xml:lang="la">Bos
<lb n="140629"/>Bovum</foreign>, which is good bog Latin for boss of the show. After that, says Mr
<lb n="140630"/>Vincent, the lord Harry put his head into a cow's <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">drinkingtrough</distinct> in the
<lb n="140631"/>presence of all his courtiers and pulling it out again told them all his new
<lb n="140632"/>name. Then, with the water running off him, he got into an old smock and
<lb n="140633"/>skirt that had belonged to his grandmother and bought a grammar of the
<lb n="140634"/>bulls' language to study but he could never learn a word of it except the
<lb n="140635"/>first personal pronoun which he copied out big and got off by heart and if
<lb n="140636"/>ever he went out for a walk he filled his pockets with chalk to write it upon
<lb n="140637"/>what took his fancy, the side of a rock or a teahouse table or a bale of
  <lb n="140638"/>cotton or a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">corkfloat</distinct>. In short, he and the bull of Ireland were soon as fast
  <lb n="140639"/>friends as an <distinct type="dialect">arse</distinct> and a shirt. They were, says Mr Stephen, and the end was
<lb n="140640"/>that the men of the island seeing no help was toward, as the ungrate women
<lb n="140641"/>were all of one mind, made a wherry raft, loaded themselves and their
<lb n="140642"/>bundles of chattels on shipboard, set all masts erect, manned the yards,
<lb n="140643"/>sprang their luff, heaved to, spread three sheets in the wind, put her head
<lb n="140644"/>between wind and water, weighed anchor, ported her helm, ran up the jolly
  <lb n="140645"/>Roger, gave three times three, let the <distinct type="Joycean">bullgine</distinct> run, pushed off in their
<lb n="140646"/>bumboat and put to sea to recover the main of America. Which was the
<lb n="140647"/>occasion, says Mr Vincent, of the composing by a boatswain of that
<lb n="140648"/>rollicking chanty:
<lb n="140649"/><said who="vl">―<emph>Pope Peter's but a pissabed.
<lb n="140650"/>A man's a man for a' that.</emph></said></p>
<p><lb n="140651"/>Our worthy acquaintance Mr Malachi Mulligan now appeared in the
<lb n="140652"/>doorway as the students were finishing their apologue accompanied with a
  <lb n="140653"/>friend whom he had just <distinct type="archaism">rencountered</distinct>, a young gentleman, his name Alec
<lb n="140654"/>Bannon, who had late come to town, it being his intention to buy a colour
<lb n="140655"/>or a cornetcy in the fencibles and list for the wars. Mr Mulligan was civil
<lb n="140656"/>enough to express some relish of it all the more as it jumped with a project
<lb n="140657"/>of his own for the cure of the very evil that had been touched on. Whereat
<lb n="140658"/>he handed round to the company a set of pasteboard cards which he had
<lb n="140659"/>had printed that day at Mr Quinnell's bearing a legend printed in fair
<lb n="140660"/>italics: <emph>Mr Malachi Mulligan. Fertiliser and Incubator. Lambay Island.</emph> His
<lb n="140661"/>project, as he went on to expound, was to withdraw from the round of idle
<lb n="140662"/>pleasures such as form the chief business of sir Fopling Popinjay and sir
<lb n="140663"/>Milksop Quidnunc in town and to devote himself to the noblest task for
<lb n="140664"/>which our bodily organism has been framed. Well, let us hear of it, good my
<lb n="140665"/>friend, said Mr Dixon. I make no doubt it smacks of <distinct type="archaism">wenching</distinct>. Come, be
<lb n="140666"/>seated, both. 'Tis as cheap sitting as standing. Mr Mulligan accepted of the
<lb n="140667"/>invitation and, expatiating upon his design, told his hearers that he had
<lb n="140668"/>been led into this thought by a consideration of the causes of sterility, both
<lb n="140669"/>the inhibitory and the prohibitory, whether the inhibition in its turn were
<lb n="140670"/>due to conjugal vexations or to a parsimony of the balance as well as
<lb n="140671"/>whether the prohibition proceeded from defects congenital or from
<lb n="140672"/>proclivities acquired. It grieved him plaguily, he said, to see the nuptial
<lb n="140673"/>couch defrauded of its dearest pledges: and to reflect upon so many
<lb n="140674"/>agreeable females with rich jointures, a prey to the vilest bonzes, who hide
<lb n="140675"/>their flambeau under a bushel in an uncongenial cloister or lose their
<lb n="140676"/>womanly bloom in the embraces of some unaccountable muskin when they
<lb n="140677"/>might multiply the inlets of happiness, sacrificing the inestimable jewel of
<lb n="140678"/>their sex when a hundred pretty fellows were at hand to caress, this, he
<lb n="140679"/>assured them, made his heart weep. To curb this inconvenient (which he
<lb n="140680"/>concluded due to a suppression of latent heat), having advised with certain
<lb n="140681"/>counsellors of worth and inspected into this matter, he had resolved to
<lb n="140682"/>purchase in fee simple for ever the freehold of Lambay island from its
<lb n="140683"/>holder, lord Talbot de Malahide, a Tory gentleman of note much in favour
<lb n="140684"/>with our ascendancy party. He proposed to set up there a national
<lb n="140685"/>fertilising farm to be named <foreign xml:lang="grc-Latn">Omphalos</foreign> with an obelisk hewn and erected
<lb n="140686"/>after the fashion of Egypt and to offer his dutiful yeoman services for the
<lb n="140687"/>fecundation of any female of what grade of life <distinct type="archaism">soever</distinct> who should there
<lb n="140688"/>direct to him with the desire of fulfilling the functions of her natural.
<lb n="140689"/>Money was no object, he said, nor would he take a penny for his pains. The
  <lb n="140690"/>poorest <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">kitchenwench</distinct> no less than the opulent lady of fashion, if so be their
<lb n="140691"/>constructions and their tempers were warm persuaders for their petitions,
<lb n="140692"/>would find in him their man. For his nutriment he shewed how he would
<lb n="140693"/>feed himself exclusively upon a diet of savoury tubercles and fish and
<lb n="140694"/>coneys there, the flesh of these latter prolific rodents being highly
<lb n="140695"/>recommended for his purpose, both broiled and stewed with a blade of
<lb n="140696"/>mace and a pod or two of capsicum chillies. After this homily which he
<lb n="140697"/>delivered with much warmth of asseveration Mr Mulligan in a trice put off
<lb n="140698"/>from his hat a kerchief with which he had shielded it. They both, it seems,
<lb n="140699"/>had been overtaken by the rain and for all their mending their pace had
<lb n="140700"/>taken water, as might be observed by Mr Mulligan's <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">smallclothes</distinct> of a
  <lb n="140701"/><distinct type="dialect">hodden</distinct> grey which was now somewhat piebald. His project meanwhile was
<lb n="140702"/>very favourably entertained by his auditors and won hearty eulogies from
<lb n="140703"/>all though Mr Dixon of Mary's excepted to it, asking with a finicking air
<lb n="140704"/>did he purpose also to carry coals to Newcastle. Mr Mulligan however
<lb n="140705"/>made court to the scholarly by an apt quotation from the classics which, as
<lb n="140706"/>it dwelt upon his memory, seemed to him a sound and tasteful support of
<lb n="140707"/>his contention: <foreign xml:lang="la">Talis ac tanta depravatio hujus seculi, O quirites, ut
<lb n="140708"/>matresfamiliarum nostrae lascivas cujuslibet semiviri libici titillationes
<lb n="140709"/>testibus ponderosis atque excelsis erectionibus centurionum Romanorum
<lb n="140710"/>magnopere anteponunt</foreign>, while for those of ruder wit he drove home his
<lb n="140711"/>point by analogies of the animal kingdom more suitable to their stomach,
<lb n="140712"/>the buck and doe of the forest glade, the farmyard drake and duck.</p>
<p><lb n="140713"/>Valuing himself not a little upon his elegance, being indeed a proper
<lb n="140714"/>man of person, this talkative now applied himself to his dress with
<lb n="140715"/>animadversions of some heat upon the sudden whimsy of the atmospherics
<lb n="140716"/>while the company lavished their encomiums upon the project he had
<lb n="140717"/>advanced. The young gentleman, his friend, overjoyed as he was at a
<lb n="140718"/>passage that had late befallen him, could not forbear to tell it his nearest
<lb n="140719"/>neighbour. Mr Mulligan, now perceiving the table, asked for whom were
<lb n="140720"/>those loaves and fishes and, seeing the stranger, he made him a civil bow
<lb n="140721"/>and said, Pray, sir, was you in need of any professional assistance we could
<lb n="140722"/>give? Who, upon his offer, thanked him very heartily, though preserving his
<lb n="140723"/>proper distance, and replied that he was come there about a lady, now an
<lb n="140724"/>inmate of Horne's house, that was in an interesting condition, poor body,
<lb n="140725"/>from woman's woe (and here he fetched a deep sigh) to know if her
<lb n="140726"/>happiness had yet taken place. Mr Dixon, to turn the table, took on to ask
<lb n="140727"/>of Mr Mulligan himself whether his incipient ventripotence, upon which he
<lb n="140728"/>rallied him, betokened an ovoblastic gestation in the prostatic utricle or
<lb n="140729"/>male womb or was due, as with the noted physician, Mr Austin Meldon, to
<lb n="140730"/>a wolf in the stomach. For answer Mr Mulligan, in a gale of laughter at his
<lb n="140731"/>smalls, smote himself bravely below the diaphragm, exclaiming with an
<lb n="140732"/>admirable droll mimic of Mother Grogan (the most excellent creature of
<lb n="140733"/>her sex though 'tis pity she's a trollop): There's a belly that never bore a
<lb n="140734"/>bastard. This was so happy a conceit that it renewed the storm of mirth and
<lb n="140735"/>threw the whole room into the most violent agitations of delight. The spry
<lb n="140736"/>rattle had run on in the same vein of mimicry but for some larum in the
<lb n="140737"/>antechamber.</p>
<p><lb n="140738"/>Here the listener who was none other than the Scotch student, a little
<lb n="140739"/>fume of a fellow, blond as tow, congratulated in the liveliest fashion with
<lb n="140740"/>the young gentleman and, interrupting the narrative at a salient point,
  <lb n="140741"/>having desired his <distinct type="compound">visavis</distinct> with a polite beck to have the obligingness to pass
<lb n="140742"/>him a flagon of cordial waters at the same time by a questioning poise of the
<lb n="140743"/>head (a whole century of polite breeding had not achieved so nice a gesture)
<lb n="140744"/>to which was united an equivalent but contrary balance of the bottle asked
<lb n="140745"/>the narrator as plainly as was ever done in words if he might treat him with
<lb n="140746"/>a cup of it. <foreign xml:lang="fr">Mais bien sûr</foreign>, noble stranger, said he cheerily, <foreign xml:lang="fr">et mille
<lb n="140747"/>compliments</foreign>. That you may and very opportunely. There wanted nothing
<lb n="140748"/>but this cup to crown my felicity. But, gracious heaven, was I left with but a
<lb n="140749"/>crust in my wallet and a cupful of water from the well, my God, I would
<lb n="140750"/>accept of them and find it in my heart to kneel down upon the ground and
<lb n="140751"/>give thanks to the powers above for the happiness vouchsafed me by the
<lb n="140752"/>Giver of good things. With these words he approached the goblet to his lips,
<lb n="140753"/>took a complacent draught of the cordial, slicked his hair and, opening his
<lb n="140754"/>bosom, out popped a locket that hung from a silk <distinct type="archaism">riband</distinct>, that very picture
<lb n="140755"/>which he had cherished ever since her hand had wrote therein. Gazing
<lb n="140756"/>upon those features with a world of tenderness, Ah, Monsieur, he said, had
<lb n="140757"/>you but beheld her as I did with these eyes at that affecting instant with her
<lb n="140758"/>dainty tucker and her new coquette cap (a gift for her <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">feastday</distinct> as she told
<lb n="140759"/>me prettily) in such an artless disorder, of so melting a tenderness, 'pon my
<lb n="140760"/>conscience, even you, Monsieur, had been impelled by generous nature to
<lb n="140761"/>deliver yourself wholly into the hands of such an enemy or to quit the field
<lb n="140762"/>for ever. I declare, I was never so touched in all my life. God, I thank thee,
<lb n="140763"/>as the Author of my days! Thrice happy will he be whom so amiable a
<lb n="140764"/>creature will bless with her favours. A sigh of affection gave eloquence to
<lb n="140765"/>these words and, having replaced the locket in his bosom, he wiped his eye
<lb n="140766"/>and sighed again. Beneficent Disseminator of blessings to all Thy creatures,
<lb n="140767"/>how great and universal must be that sweetest of Thy tyrannies which can
<lb n="140768"/>hold in thrall the free and the bond, the simple swain and the polished
<lb n="140769"/>coxcomb, the lover in the heyday of reckless passion and the husband of
<lb n="140770"/>maturer years. But indeed, sir, I wander from the point. How mingled and
<lb n="140771"/>imperfect are all our sublunary joys. Maledicity! he exclaimed in anguish.
<lb n="140772"/>Would to God that foresight had but remembered me to take my cloak
<lb n="140773"/>along! I could weep to think of it. Then, though it had poured seven
<lb n="140774"/>showers, we were neither of us a penny the worse. But <distinct type="archaism">beshrew</distinct> me, he
<lb n="140775"/>cried, clapping hand to his forehead, tomorrow will be a new day and,
<lb n="140776"/>thousand thunders, I know of a <foreign xml:lang="fr">marchand de capotes</foreign>, Monsieur Poyntz,
<lb n="140777"/>from whom I can have for a <foreign xml:lang="fr">livre</foreign> as snug a cloak of the French fashion as
<lb n="140778"/>ever kept a lady from wetting. Tut, tut! cries Le Fécondateur, tripping in,
<lb n="140779"/>my friend Monsieur Moore, that most accomplished traveller (I have just
<lb n="140780"/>cracked a half bottle <foreign xml:lang="fr">avec lui</foreign> in a circle of the best wits of the town), is my
<lb n="140781"/>authority that in Cape Horn, <foreign xml:lang="fr">ventre biche</foreign>, they have a rain that will wet
<lb n="140782"/>through any, even the stoutest cloak. A drenching of that violence, he tells
<lb n="140783"/>me, <foreign xml:lang="fr">sans blague</foreign>, has sent more than one luckless fellow in good earnest
<lb n="140784"/>posthaste to another world. Pooh! A <foreign xml:lang="fr">livre</foreign>! cries Monsieur Lynch. The
<lb n="140785"/>clumsy things are dear at a sou. One umbrella, were it no bigger than a
<lb n="140786"/>fairy mushroom, is worth ten such stopgaps. No woman of any wit would
<lb n="140787"/>wear one. My dear Kitty told me today that she would dance in a deluge
<lb n="140788"/>before ever she would starve in such an ark of salvation for, as she
<lb n="140789"/>reminded me (blushing piquantly and whispering in my ear though there
<lb n="140790"/>was none to snap her words but giddy butterflies), dame Nature, by the
<lb n="140791"/>divine blessing, has implanted it in our hearts and it has become a
<lb n="140792"/>household word that <foreign xml:lang="fr">il y a deux choses</foreign> for which the innocence of our
<lb n="140793"/>original garb, in other circumstances a breach of the proprieties, is the
<lb n="140794"/>fittest, nay, the only garment. The first, said she (and here my pretty
<lb n="140795"/>philosopher, as I handed her to her tilbury, to fix my attention, gently
<lb n="140796"/>tipped with her tongue the outer chamber of my ear), the first is a bath –
<lb n="140797"/>But at this point a bell tinkling in the hall cut short a discourse which
<lb n="140798"/>promised so bravely for the enrichment of our store of knowledge.</p>
<p><lb n="140799"/>Amid the general vacant hilarity of the assembly a bell rang and,
<lb n="140800"/>while all were conjecturing what might be the cause, Miss Callan entered
<lb n="140801"/>and, having spoken a few words in a low tone to young Mr Dixon, retired
<lb n="140802"/>with a profound bow to the company. The presence even for a moment
<lb n="140803"/>among a party of debauchees of a woman endued with every quality of
<lb n="140804"/>modesty and not less severe than beautiful refrained the humourous sallies
<lb n="140805"/>even of the most licentious but her departure was the signal for an outbreak
<lb n="140806"/>of ribaldry. Strike me silly, said Costello, a low fellow who was fuddled. A
  <lb n="140807"/>monstrous fine bit of <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">cowflesh</distinct>! I'll be sworn she has rendezvoused you.
<lb n="140808"/>What, you dog? Have you a way with them? Gad's bud, immensely so, said
<lb n="140809"/>Mr Lynch. The bedside manner it is that they use in the Mater hospice.
<lb n="140810"/>Demme, does not Doctor O'Gargle chuck the nuns there under the chin. As
<lb n="140811"/>I look to be saved I had it from my Kitty who has been <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">wardmaid</distinct> there any
  <lb n="140812"/>time these seven months. <distinct type="dialect">Lawksamercy</distinct>, doctor, cried the young blood in
<lb n="140813"/>the primrose vest, feigning a womanish simper and with immodest
<lb n="140814"/>squirmings of his body, how you do tease a body! Drat the man! Bless me,
<lb n="140815"/>I'm all of a wibbly wobbly. Why, you're as bad as dear little Father
<lb n="140816"/>Cantekissem, that you are! May this pot of four half choke me, cried
<lb n="140817"/>Costello, if she aint in the family way. I knows a lady what's got a white
<lb n="140818"/>swelling quick as I claps eyes on her. The young surgeon, however, rose
<lb n="140819"/>and begged the company to excuse his retreat as the nurse had just then
<lb n="140820"/>informed him that he was needed in the ward. Merciful providence had
<lb n="140821"/>been pleased to put a period to the sufferings of the lady who was <foreign xml:lang="fr">enceinte</foreign>
<lb n="140822"/>which she had borne with a laudable fortitude and she had given birth to a
<lb n="140823"/>bouncing boy. I want patience, said he, with those who, without wit to
<lb n="140824"/>enliven or learning to instruct, revile an ennobling profession which, saving
<lb n="140825"/>the reverence due to the Deity, is the greatest power for happiness upon the
<lb n="140826"/>earth. I am positive when I say that if need were I could produce a cloud of
<lb n="140827"/>witnesses to the excellence of her noble exercitations which, so far from
<lb n="140828"/>being a byword, should be a glorious incentive in the human breast. I
<lb n="140829"/>cannot away with them. What? Malign such an one, the amiable Miss
<lb n="140830"/>Callan, who is the lustre of her own sex and the astonishment of ours? And
<lb n="140831"/>at an instant the most momentous that can befall a puny child of clay?
<lb n="140832"/>Perish the thought! I shudder to think of the future of a race where the
<lb n="140833"/>seeds of such malice have been sown and where no right reverence is
<lb n="140834"/>rendered to mother and maid in house of Horne. Having delivered himself
<lb n="140835"/>of this rebuke he saluted those present on the by and repaired to the door. A
<lb n="140836"/>murmur of approval arose from all and some were for ejecting the low
<lb n="140837"/>soaker without more ado, a design which would have been effected nor
<lb n="140838"/>would he have received more than his bare deserts had he not abridged his
<lb n="140839"/>transgression by affirming with a horrid imprecation (for he swore a round
<lb n="140840"/>hand) that he was as good a son of the true fold as ever drew breath. <distinct type="dialect">Stap</distinct>
<lb n="140841"/>my vitals, said he, them was always the sentiments of honest Frank Costello
<lb n="140842"/>which I was bred up most particular to honour thy father and thy mother
  <lb n="140843"/>that had the best hand to a <distinct type="compound">rolypoly</distinct> or a hasty pudding as you ever see what
<lb n="140844"/>I always looks back on with a loving heart.</p>
<p><lb n="140845"/>To revert to Mr Bloom who, after his first entry, had been conscious
<lb n="140846"/>of some impudent mocks which he however had borne with as being the
<lb n="140847"/>fruits of that age upon which it is commonly charged that it knows not pity.
<lb n="140848"/>The young sparks, it is true, were as full of extravagancies as overgrown
<lb n="140849"/>children: the words of their tumultuary discussions were difficultly
<lb n="140850"/>understood and not often nice: their testiness and outrageous <foreign xml:lang="fr">mots</foreign> were
<lb n="140851"/>such that his intellects resiled from: nor were they scrupulously sensible of
<lb n="140852"/>the proprieties though their fund of strong animal spirits spoke in their
<lb n="140853"/>behalf. But the word of Mr Costello was an unwelcome language for him
<lb n="140854"/>for he nauseated the wretch that seemed to him a <distinct type="compound">cropeared</distinct> creature of a
<lb n="140855"/>misshapen gibbosity, born out of wedlock and thrust like a <distinct type="archaism">crookback</distinct>
<lb n="140856"/>toothed and feet first into the world, which the dint of the surgeon's pliers
<lb n="140857"/>in his skull lent indeed a colour to, so as to put him in thought of that
  <lb n="140858"/>missing link of creation's chain <distinct type="archaism">desiderated</distinct> by the late ingenious Mr
<lb n="140859"/>Darwin. It was now for more than the middle span of our allotted years
<lb n="140860"/>that he had passed through the thousand vicissitudes of existence and, being
<lb n="140861"/>of a wary ascendancy and self a man of rare forecast, he had enjoined his
<lb n="140862"/>heart to repress all motions of a rising choler and, by intercepting them with
<lb n="140863"/>the readiest precaution, foster within his breast that plenitude of sufferance
<lb n="140864"/>which base minds jeer at, rash judgers scorn and all find tolerable and but
<lb n="140865"/>tolerable. To those who create themselves wits at the cost of feminine
<lb n="140866"/>delicacy (a habit of mind which he never did hold with) to them he would
<lb n="140867"/>concede neither to bear the name nor to herit the tradition of a proper
<lb n="140868"/>breeding: while for such that, having lost all forbearance, can lose no more,
<lb n="140869"/>there remained the sharp antidote of experience to cause their insolency to
<lb n="140870"/>beat a precipitate and inglorious retreat. Not but what he could feel with
<lb n="140871"/>mettlesome youth which, caring nought for the mows of dotards or the
<lb n="140872"/>gruntlings of the severe, is ever (as the chaste fancy of the Holy Writer
<lb n="140873"/>expresses it) for eating of the tree forbid it yet not so far forth as to
  <lb n="140874"/>pretermit humanity upon any condition <distinct type="archaism">soever</distinct> towards a gentlewoman
<lb n="140875"/>when she was about her lawful occasions. To conclude, while from the
<lb n="140876"/>sister's words he had reckoned upon a speedy delivery he was, however, it
<lb n="140877"/>must be owned, not a little alleviated by the intelligence that the issue so
<lb n="140878"/>auspicated after an ordeal of such duress now testified once more to the
<lb n="140879"/>mercy as well as to the bounty of the Supreme Being.</p>
<p><lb n="140880"/>Accordingly he broke his mind to his neighbour, saying that, to
<lb n="140881"/>express his notion of the thing, his opinion (who ought not perchance to
<lb n="140882"/>express one) was that one must have a cold constitution and a frigid genius
<lb n="140883"/>not to be rejoiced by this freshest news of the fruition of her confinement
<lb n="140884"/>since she had been in such pain through no fault of hers. The dressy young
<lb n="140885"/>blade said it was her husband's that put her in that expectation or at least it
<lb n="140886"/>ought to be unless she were another Ephesian matron. I must acquaint you,
<lb n="140887"/>said Mr Crotthers, clapping on the table so as to evoke a resonant comment
<lb n="140888"/>of emphasis, old Glory Allelujurum was round again today, an elderly man
<lb n="140889"/>with dundrearies, preferring through his nose a request to have word of
<lb n="140890"/>Wilhelmina, my life, as he calls her. I bade him hold himself in readiness for
  <lb n="140891"/>that the event would burst anon. <distinct type="dialect">'Slife</distinct>, I'll be round with you. I cannot but
<lb n="140892"/>extol the virile potency of the old bucko that could still knock another child
<lb n="140893"/>out of her. All fell to praising of it, each after his own fashion, though the
<lb n="140894"/>same young blade held with his former view that another than her conjugial
<lb n="140895"/>had been the man in the gap, a clerk in orders, a linkboy (virtuous) or an
<lb n="140896"/>itinerant vendor of articles needed in every household. Singular, communed
<lb n="140897"/>the guest with himself, the wonderfully unequal faculty of metempsychosis
<lb n="140898"/>possessed by them, that the puerperal dormitory and the dissecting theatre
<lb n="140899"/>should be the seminaries of such frivolity, that the mere acquisition of
<lb n="140900"/>academic titles should suffice to transform in a pinch of time these votaries
<lb n="140901"/>of levity into exemplary practitioners of an art which most men anywise
<lb n="140902"/>eminent have esteemed the noblest. But, he further added, it is mayhap to
  <lb n="140903"/>relieve the <distinct type="compound">pentup</distinct> feelings that in common oppress them for I have more
<lb n="140904"/>than once observed that birds of a feather laugh together.</p>
<p><lb n="140905"/>But with what fitness, let it be asked of the noble lord, his patron, has
<lb n="140906"/>this alien, whom the concession of a gracious prince has admitted to civic
<lb n="140907"/>rights, constituted himself the lord paramount of our internal polity? Where
<lb n="140908"/>is now that gratitude which loyalty should have counselled? During the
<lb n="140909"/>recent war whenever the enemy had a temporary advantage with his
  <lb n="140910"/><distinct type="archaism">granados</distinct> did this traitor to his kind not seize that moment to discharge his
<lb n="140911"/>piece against the empire of which he is a tenant at will while he trembled for
<lb n="140912"/>the security of his four per cents? Has he forgotten this as he forgets all
<lb n="140913"/>benefits received? Or is it that from being a deluder of others he has become
<lb n="140914"/>at last his own dupe as he is, if report belie him not, his own and his only
<lb n="140915"/>enjoyer? Far be it from candour to violate the bedchamber of a respectable
<lb n="140916"/>lady, the daughter of a gallant major, or to cast the most distant reflections
<lb n="140917"/>upon her virtue but if he challenges attention there (as it was indeed highly
<lb n="140918"/>his interest not to have done) then be it so. Unhappy woman, she has been
<lb n="140919"/>too long and too persistently denied her legitimate prerogative to listen to
<lb n="140920"/>his objurgations with any other feeling than the derision of the desperate.
<lb n="140921"/>He says this, a censor of morals, a very pelican in his piety, who did not
<lb n="140922"/>scruple, oblivious of the ties of nature, to attempt illicit intercourse with a
<lb n="140923"/>female domestic drawn from the lowest strata of society! Nay, had the
  <lb n="140924"/>hussy's <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">scouringbrush</distinct> not been her tutelary angel, it had gone with her as
<lb n="140925"/>hard as with Hagar, the Egyptian! In the question of the grazing lands his
<lb n="140926"/>peevish asperity is notorious and in Mr Cuffe's hearing brought upon him
<lb n="140927"/>from an indignant rancher a scathing retort couched in terms as
<lb n="140928"/>straightforward as they were bucolic. It ill becomes him to preach that
<lb n="140929"/>gospel. Has he not nearer home a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">seedfield</distinct> that lies fallow for the want of
<lb n="140930"/>the ploughshare? A habit reprehensible at puberty is second nature and an
<lb n="140931"/>opprobrium in middle life. If he must dispense his balm of Gilead in
<lb n="140932"/>nostrums and apothegms of dubious taste to restore to health a generation
<lb n="140933"/>of unfledged profligates let his practice consist better with the doctrines that
<lb n="140934"/>now engross him. His marital breast is the repository of secrets which
<lb n="140935"/>decorum is reluctant to adduce. The lewd suggestions of some faded beauty
<lb n="140936"/>may console him for a consort neglected and debauched but this new
<lb n="140937"/>exponent of morals and healer of ills is at his best an exotic tree which,
<lb n="140938"/>when rooted in its native orient, throve and flourished and was abundant in
<lb n="140939"/>balm but, transplanted to a clime more temperate, its roots have lost their
<lb n="140940"/>quondam vigour while the stuff that comes away from it is stagnant, acid
<lb n="140941"/>and inoperative.</p>
<p><lb n="140942"/>The news was imparted with a circumspection recalling the
<lb n="140943"/>ceremonial usage of the Sublime Porte by the second female infirmarian to
<lb n="140944"/>the junior medical officer in residence, who in his turn announced to the
<lb n="140945"/>delegation that an heir had been born. When he had betaken himself to the
<lb n="140946"/>women's apartment to assist at the prescribed ceremony of the afterbirth in
<lb n="140947"/>the presence of the secretary of state for domestic affairs and the members
<lb n="140948"/>of the privy council, silent in unanimous exhaustion and approbation the
<lb n="140949"/>delegates, chafing under the length and solemnity of their vigil and hoping
<lb n="140950"/>that the joyful occurrence would palliate a licence which the simultaneous
  <lb n="140951"/>absence of <distinct type="dialect">abigail</distinct> and obstetrician rendered the easier, broke out at once
<lb n="140952"/>into a strife of tongues. In vain the voice of Mr Canvasser Bloom was heard
<lb n="140953"/>endeavouring to urge, to mollify, to refrain. The moment was too propitious
<lb n="140954"/>for the display of that discursiveness which seemed the only bond of union
<lb n="140955"/>among tempers so divergent. Every phase of the situation was successively
<lb n="140956"/>eviscerated: the prenatal repugnance of uterine brothers, the Caesarean
<lb n="140957"/>section, posthumity with respect to the father and, that rarer form, with
<lb n="140958"/>respect to the mother, the fratricidal case known as the Childs Murder and
<lb n="140959"/>rendered memorable by the impassioned plea of Mr Advocate Bushe which
<lb n="140960"/>secured the acquittal of the wrongfully accused, the rights of primogeniture
<lb n="140961"/>and king's bounty touching twins and triplets, miscarriages and
<lb n="140962"/>infanticides, simulated or dissimulated, the acardiac <foreign xml:lang="la">foetus in foetu</foreign> and
<lb n="140963"/>aprosopia due to a congestion, the agnathia of certain chinless Chinamen
<lb n="140964"/>(cited by Mr Candidate Mulligan) in consequence of defective reunion of
<lb n="140965"/>the maxillary knobs along the medial line so that (as he said) one ear could
<lb n="140966"/>hear what the other spoke, the benefits of anesthesia or twilight sleep, the
<lb n="140967"/>prolongation of labour pains in advanced gravidancy by reason of pressure
<lb n="140968"/>on the vein, the premature relentment of the amniotic fluid (as exemplified
<lb n="140969"/>in the actual case) with consequent peril of sepsis to the matrix, artificial
<lb n="140970"/>insemination by means of syringes, involution of the womb consequent
<lb n="140971"/>upon the menopause, the problem of the perpetration of the species in the
<lb n="140972"/>case of females impregnated by delinquent rape, that distressing manner of
<lb n="140973"/>delivery called by the Brandenburghers <foreign xml:lang="de">Sturzgeburt</foreign>, the recorded instances
  <lb n="140974"/>of <distinct type="Joycean">multiseminal</distinct>, <distinct type="Joycean">twikindled</distinct> and monstrous births conceived during the
<lb n="140975"/>catamenic period or of consanguineous parents – in a word all the cases of
<lb n="140976"/>human nativity which Aristotle has classified in his masterpiece with
<lb n="140977"/>chromolithographic illustrations. The gravest problems of obstetrics and
<lb n="140978"/>forensic medicine were examined with as much animation as the most
<lb n="140979"/>popular beliefs on the state of pregnancy such as the forbidding to a gravid
  <lb n="140980"/>woman to step over a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">countrystile</distinct> lest, by her movement, the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">navelcord</distinct>
<lb n="140981"/>should strangle her creature and the injunction upon her in the event of a
<lb n="140982"/>yearning, ardently and ineffectually entertained, to place her hand against
<lb n="140983"/>that part of her person which long usage has consecrated as the seat of
<lb n="140984"/>castigation. The abnormalities of harelip, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">breastmole</distinct>, supernumerary digits,
<lb n="140985"/>negro's inkle, strawberry mark and <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">portwine</distinct> stain were alleged by one as a
<lb n="140986"/><foreign xml:lang="it">prima facie</foreign> and natural hypothetical explanation of those <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">swineheaded</distinct> (the
<lb n="140987"/>case of Madame Grissel Steevens was not forgotten) or <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">doghaired</distinct> infants
<lb n="140988"/>occasionally born. The hypothesis of a plasmic memory, advanced by the
<lb n="140989"/>Caledonian envoy and worthy of the metaphysical traditions of the land he
<lb n="140990"/>stood for, envisaged in such cases an arrest of embryonic development at
<lb n="140991"/>some stage antecedent to the human. An outlandish delegate sustained
<lb n="140992"/>against both these views, with such heat as almost carried conviction, the
<lb n="140993"/>theory of copulation between women and the males of brutes, his authority
<lb n="140994"/>being his own avouchment in support of fables such as that of the Minotaur
<lb n="140995"/>which the genius of the elegant Latin poet has handed down to us in the
<lb n="140996"/>pages of his Metamorphoses. The impression made by his words was
  <lb n="140997"/>immediate but <distinct type="compound">shortlived</distinct>. It was effaced as easily as it had been evoked by
<lb n="140998"/>an allocution from Mr Candidate Mulligan in that vein of pleasantry which
<lb n="140999"/>none better than he knew how to affect, postulating as the supremest object
<lb n="141000"/>of desire a nice clean old man. Contemporaneously, a heated argument
<lb n="141001"/>having arisen between Mr Delegate Madden and Mr Candidate Lynch
<lb n="141002"/>regarding the juridical and theological dilemma created in the event of one
<lb n="141003"/>Siamese twin predeceasing the other, the difficulty by mutual consent was
<lb n="141004"/>referred to Mr Canvasser Bloom for instant submittal to Mr Coadjutor
<lb n="141005"/>Deacon Dedalus. Hitherto silent, whether the better to show by
<lb n="141006"/>preternatural gravity that curious dignity of the garb with which he was
<lb n="141007"/>invested or in obedience to an inward voice, he delivered briefly and, as
<lb n="141008"/>some thought, perfunctorily the ecclesiastical ordinance forbidding man to
<lb n="141009"/>put asunder what God has joined.</p>
<p><lb n="141010"/>But Malachias' tale began to freeze them with horror. He conjured up
<lb n="141011"/>the scene before them. The secret panel beside the chimney slid back and in
<lb n="141012"/>the recess appeared – Haines! Which of us did not feel his flesh creep! He
<lb n="141013"/>had a portfolio full of Celtic literature in one hand, in the other a phial
<lb n="141014"/>marked <emph>Poison</emph>. Surprise, horror, loathing were depicted on all faces while
<lb n="141015"/>he eyed them with a ghostly grin. I anticipated some such reception, he
<lb n="141016"/>began with an eldritch laugh, for which, it seems, history is to blame. Yes, it
<lb n="141017"/>is true. I am the murderer of Samuel Childs. And how I am punished! The
<lb n="141018"/>inferno has no terrors for me. This is the appearance is on me. Tare and
<lb n="141019"/>ages, what way would I be resting at all, he muttered thickly, and I
<lb n="141020"/>tramping Dublin this while back with my share of songs and himself after
  <lb n="141021"/>me the like of a <distinct type="dialect">soulth</distinct> or a <distinct type="dialect">bullawurrus</distinct>? My hell, and Ireland's, is in this
<lb n="141022"/>life. It is what I tried to obliterate my crime. Distractions, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">rookshooting</distinct>, the
<lb n="141023"/>Erse language (he recited some), laudanum (he raised the phial to his lips),
<lb n="141024"/>camping out. In vain! His spectre stalks me. Dope is my only hope .... Ah!
<lb n="141025"/>Destruction! The black panther! With a cry he suddenly vanished and the
<lb n="141026"/>panel slid back. An instant later his head appeared in the door opposite and
<lb n="141027"/>said: Meet me at Westland Row station at ten past eleven. He was gone.
<lb n="141028"/>Tears gushed from the eyes of the dissipated host. The seer raised his hand
<lb n="141029"/>to heaven, murmuring: The vendetta of Mananaun! The sage repeated: <foreign xml:lang="la">Lex
<lb n="141030"/>talionis</foreign>. The sentimentalist is he who would enjoy without incurring the
  <lb n="141031"/>immense <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">debtorship</distinct> for a thing done. Malachias, overcome by emotion,
<lb n="141032"/>ceased. The mystery was unveiled. Haines was the third brother. His real
<lb n="141033"/>name was Childs. The black panther was himself the ghost of his own
<lb n="141034"/>father. He drank drugs to obliterate. For this relief much thanks. The
<lb n="141035"/>lonely house by the graveyard is uninhabited. No soul will live there. The
<lb n="141036"/>spider pitches her web in the solitude. The nocturnal rat peers from his
<lb n="141037"/>hole. A curse is on it. It is haunted. Murderer's ground.</p>
<p><lb n="141038"/>What is the age of the soul of man? As she hath the virtue of the
<lb n="141039"/>chameleon to change her hue at every new approach, to be gay with the
<lb n="141040"/>merry and mournful with the downcast, so too is her age changeable as her
<lb n="141041"/>mood. No longer is Leopold, as he sits there, ruminating, chewing the cud
<lb n="141042"/>of reminiscence, that staid agent of publicity and holder of a modest
<lb n="141043"/>substance in the funds. A score of years are blown away. He is young
<lb n="141044"/>Leopold. There, as in a retrospective arrangement, a mirror within a mirror
  <lb n="141045"/>(hey, presto!), he <distinct type="archaism">beholdeth</distinct> himself. That young figure of then is seen,
<lb n="141046"/>precociously manly, walking on a nipping morning from the old house in
<lb n="141047"/>Clanbrassil street to the high school, his <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">booksatchel</distinct> on him <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bandolierwise</distinct>,
<lb n="141048"/>and in it a goodly hunk of wheaten loaf, a mother's thought. Or it is the
<lb n="141049"/>same figure, a year or so gone over, in his first hard hat (ah, that was a
  <lb n="141050"/>day!), already on the road, a <distinct type="compound">fullfledged</distinct> traveller for the family firm,
  <lb n="141051"/>equipped with an <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">orderbook</distinct>, a scented handkerchief (not for show only),
  <lb n="141052"/>his case of bright <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">trinketware</distinct> (alas! a thing now of the past!) and a
<lb n="141053"/>quiverful of compliant smiles for this or that <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">halfwon</distinct> housewife reckoning
<lb n="141054"/>it out upon her fingertips or for a budding virgin, shyly acknowledging (but
<lb n="141055"/>the heart? tell me!) his studied <foreign rend="none" xml:lang="fr">baisemoins</foreign>. The scent, the smile, but, more
<lb n="141056"/>than these, the dark eyes and oleaginous address, brought home at <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">duskfall</distinct>
<lb n="141057"/>many a commission to the head of the firm, seated with Jacob's pipe after
<lb n="141058"/>like labours in the paternal ingle (a meal of noodles, you may be sure, is
  <lb n="141059"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">aheating</distinct>), reading through round horned spectacles some paper from the
<lb n="141060"/>Europe of a month before. But hey, presto, the mirror is breathed on and
  <lb n="141061"/>the young <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">knighterrant</distinct> recedes, shrivels, dwindles to a tiny speck within the
<lb n="141062"/>mist. Now he is himself paternal and these about him might be his sons.
<lb n="141063"/>Who can say? The wise father knows his own child. He thinks of a
<lb n="141064"/>drizzling night in Hatch street, hard by the bonded stores there, the first.
<lb n="141065"/>Together (she is a poor waif, a child of shame, yours and mine and of all for
  <lb n="141066"/>a bare shilling and her <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">luckpenny</distinct>), together they hear the heavy tread of the
<lb n="141067"/>watch as two raincaped shadows pass the new royal university. Bridie!
<lb n="141068"/>Bridie Kelly! He will never forget the name, ever remember the night: first
  <lb n="141069"/>night, the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bridenight</distinct>. They are entwined in nethermost darkness, the willer
<lb n="141070"/>with the willed, and in an instant (<emph>fiat!</emph>) light shall flood the world. Did
<lb n="141071"/>heart leap to heart? Nay, fair reader. In a breath 'twas done but – hold!
<lb n="141072"/>Back! It must not be! In terror the poor girl flees away through the murk.
<lb n="141073"/>She is the bride of darkness, a daughter of night. She dare not bear the
  <lb n="141074"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">sunnygolden</distinct> babe of day. No, Leopold. Name and memory solace thee not.
<lb n="141075"/>That youthful illusion of thy strength was taken from thee – and in vain.
<lb n="141076"/>No son of thy loins is by thee. There is none now to be for Leopold, what
<lb n="141077"/>Leopold was for Rudolph.</p>
<p><lb n="141078"/>The voices blend and fuse in clouded silence: silence that is the
<lb n="141079"/>infinite of space: and swiftly, silently the soul is wafted over regions of
<lb n="141080"/>cycles of generations that have lived. A region where grey twilight ever
<lb n="141081"/>descends, never falls on wide <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">sagegreen</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">pasturefields</distinct>, shedding her dusk,
<lb n="141082"/>scattering a perennial dew of stars. She follows her mother with ungainly
  <lb n="141083"/>steps, a mare leading her <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">fillyfoal</distinct>. Twilight phantoms are they, yet moulded
<lb n="141084"/>in prophetic grace of structure, slim shapely haunches, a supple tendonous
<lb n="141085"/>neck, the meek apprehensive skull. They fade, sad phantoms: all is gone.
<lb n="141086"/>Agendath is a waste land, a home of <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">screechowls</distinct> and the <distinct type="archaism">sandblind</distinct> upupa.
<lb n="141087"/>Netaim, the golden, is no more. And on the highway of the clouds they
<lb n="141088"/>come, muttering thunder of rebellion, the ghosts of beasts. Huuh! Hark!
<lb n="141089"/>Huuh! Parallax stalks behind and goads them, the lancinating lightnings of
<lb n="141090"/>whose brow are scorpions. Elk and yak, the bulls of Bashan and of
<lb n="141091"/>Babylon, mammoth and mastodon, they come trooping to the sunken sea,
<lb n="141092"/><foreign xml:lang="la">Lacus Mortis</foreign>. Ominous revengeful zodiacal host! They moan, passing upon
<lb n="141093"/>the clouds, horned and capricorned, the trumpeted with the tusked, the
  <lb n="141094"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">lionmaned</distinct>, the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">giantantlered</distinct>, snouter and crawler, rodent, ruminant and
<lb n="141095"/>pachyderm, all their moving moaning multitude, murderers of the sun.</p>
<p><lb n="141096"/>Onward to the dead sea they tramp to drink, unslaked and with
<lb n="141097"/>horrible gulpings, the salt somnolent inexhaustible flood. And the equine
<lb n="141098"/>portent grows again, magnified in the deserted heavens, nay to heaven's
<lb n="141099"/>own magnitude, till it looms, vast, over the house of Virgo. And lo, wonder
<lb n="141100"/>of metempsychosis, it is she, the everlasting bride, harbinger of the daystar,
<lb n="141101"/>the bride, ever virgin. It is she, Martha, thou lost one, Millicent, the young,
<lb n="141102"/>the dear, the radiant. How serene does she now arise, a queen among the
<lb n="141103"/>Pleiades, in the penultimate antelucan hour, shod in sandals of bright gold,
<lb n="141104"/>coifed with a veil of what do you call it gossamer. It floats, it flows about
  <lb n="141105"/>her <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">starborn</distinct> flesh and loose it streams, emerald, sapphire, mauve and
<lb n="141106"/>heliotrope, sustained on currents of the cold interstellar wind, winding,
<lb n="141107"/>coiling, simply swirling, writhing in the skies a mysterious writing till, after
<lb n="141108"/>a myriad metamorphoses of symbol, it blazes, Alpha, a ruby and triangled
<lb n="141109"/>sign upon the forehead of Taurus.</p>
<p><lb n="141110"/>Francis was reminding Stephen of years before when they had been at
<lb n="141111"/>school together in Conmee's time. He asked about Glaucon, Alcibiades,
<lb n="141112"/>Pisistratus. Where were they now? Neither knew. You have spoken of the
<lb n="141113"/>past and its phantoms, Stephen said. Why think of them? If I call them into
<lb n="141114"/>life across the waters of Lethe will not the poor ghosts troop to my call?
<lb n="141115"/>Who supposes it? I, Bous Stephanoumenos, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bullockbefriending</distinct> bard, am
<lb n="141116"/>lord and giver of their life. He encircled his gadding hair with a coronal of
  <lb n="141117"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">vineleaves</distinct>, smiling at Vincent. That answer and those leaves, Vincent said
<lb n="141118"/>to him, will adorn you more fitly when something more, and greatly more,
<lb n="141119"/>than a capful of light odes can call your genius father. All who wish you
<lb n="141120"/>well hope this for you. All desire to see you bring forth the work you
<lb n="141121"/>meditate, to acclaim you Stephaneforos. I heartily wish you may not fail
<lb n="141122"/>them. O no, Vincent, Lenehan said, laying a hand on the shoulder near him.
<lb n="141123"/>Have no fear. He could not leave his mother an orphan. The young man's
<lb n="141124"/>face grew dark. All could see how hard it was for him to be reminded of his
<lb n="141125"/>promise and of his recent loss. He would have withdrawn from the feast
<lb n="141126"/>had not the noise of voices allayed the smart. Madden had lost five
<lb n="141127"/>drachmas on <name type="horse" rend="none">Sceptre</name> for a whim of the rider's name: Lenehan as much
<lb n="141128"/>more. He told them of the race. The flag fell and, huuh! off, scamper, the
<lb n="141129"/>mare ran out freshly with O. Madden up. She was leading the field. All
<lb n="141130"/>hearts were beating. Even Phyllis could not contain herself. She waved her
<lb n="141131"/>scarf and cried: Huzzah! <name type="horse" rend="none">Sceptre</name> wins! But in the straight on the run home
<lb n="141132"/>when all were in close order the dark horse <name type="horse" rend="none">Throwaway</name> drew level,
<lb n="141133"/>reached, outstripped her. All was lost now. Phyllis was silent: her eyes were
<lb n="141134"/>sad anemones. Juno, she cried, I am undone. But her lover consoled her and
<lb n="141135"/>brought her a bright casket of gold in which lay some oval sugarplums
<lb n="141136"/>which she partook. A tear fell: one only. A whacking fine whip, said
<lb n="141137"/>Lenehan, is W. Lane. Four winners yesterday and three today. What rider
<lb n="141138"/>is like him? Mount him on the camel or the boisterous buffalo the victory in
<lb n="141139"/>a hack canter is still his. But let us bear it as was the ancient wont. Mercy on
<lb n="141140"/>the luckless! Poor <name type="horse" rend="none">Sceptre</name>! he said with a light sigh. She is not the filly that
<lb n="141141"/>she was. Never, by this hand, shall we behold such another. By gad, sir, a
<lb n="141142"/>queen of them. Do you remember her, Vincent? I wish you could have seen
<lb n="141143"/>my queen today, Vincent said. How young she was and radiant (Lalage
<lb n="141144"/>were scarce fair beside her) in her yellow shoes and frock of muslin, I do
<lb n="141145"/>not know the right name of it. The chestnuts that shaded us were in bloom:
<lb n="141146"/>the air drooped with their persuasive odour and with pollen floating by us.
<lb n="141147"/>In the sunny patches one might easily have cooked on a stone a batch of
<lb n="141148"/>those buns with Corinth fruit in them that Periplipomenes sells in his booth
<lb n="141149"/>near the bridge. But she had nought for her teeth but the arm with which I
<lb n="141150"/>held her and in that she nibbled mischievously when I pressed too close. A
<lb n="141151"/>week ago she lay ill, four days on the couch, but today she was free, blithe,
<lb n="141152"/>mocked at peril. She is more taking then. Her posies too! Mad romp that
<lb n="141153"/>she is, she had pulled her fill as we reclined together. And in your ear, my
<lb n="141154"/>friend, you will not think who met us as we left the field. Conmee himself!
<lb n="141155"/>He was walking by the hedge, reading, I think a brevier book with, I doubt
<lb n="141156"/>not, a witty letter in it from Glycera or Chloe to keep the page. The sweet
<lb n="141157"/>creature turned all colours in her confusion, feigning to reprove a slight
<lb n="141158"/>disorder in her dress: <ref xml:id="lb_141158">a slip of underwood clung there for the very trees
<lb n="141159"/>adore her.</ref> When Conmee had passed she glanced at her lovely echo in that
<lb n="141160"/>little mirror she carries. But he had been kind. In going by he had blessed
<lb n="141161"/>us. The gods too are ever kind, Lenehan said. If I had poor luck with Bass's
<lb n="141162"/>mare perhaps this draught of his may serve me more propensely. He was
  <lb n="141163"/>laying his hand upon a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">winejar</distinct>: Malachi saw it and withheld his act,
<lb n="141164"/>pointing to the stranger and to the scarlet label. Warily, Malachi whispered,
<lb n="141165"/>preserve a druid silence. His soul is far away. It is as painful perhaps to be
<lb n="141166"/>awakened from a vision as to be born. Any object, intensely regarded, may
<lb n="141167"/>be a gate of access to the incorruptible eon of the gods. Do you not think it,
<lb n="141168"/>Stephen? Theosophos told me so, Stephen answered, whom in a previous
<lb n="141169"/>existence Egyptian priests initiated into the mysteries of karmic law. The
<lb n="141170"/>lords of the moon, Theosophos told me, an <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">orangefiery</distinct> shipload from
<lb n="141171"/>planet Alpha of the lunar chain would not assume the etheric doubles and
<lb n="141172"/>these were therefore incarnated by the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">rubycoloured</distinct> egos from the second
<lb n="141173"/>constellation.</p>
<p><lb n="141174"/>However, as a matter of fact though, the preposterous surmise about
<lb n="141175"/>him being in some description of a doldrums or other or mesmerised which
<lb n="141176"/>was entirely due to a misconception of the shallowest character, was not the
<lb n="141177"/>case at all. The individual whose visual organs while the above was going
<lb n="141178"/>on were at this juncture commencing to exhibit symptoms of animation was
<lb n="141179"/>as astute if not astuter than any man living and anybody that conjectured
<lb n="141180"/>the contrary would have found themselves pretty speedily in the wrong
<lb n="141181"/>shop. During the past four minutes or thereabouts he had been staring hard
<lb n="141182"/>at a certain amount of number one Bass bottled by Messrs Bass and Co at
<lb n="141183"/>Burton-on-Trent which happened to be situated amongst a lot of others
<lb n="141184"/>right opposite to where he was and which was certainly calculated to attract
<lb n="141185"/>anyone's remark on account of its scarlet appearance. He was simply and
<lb n="141186"/>solely, as it subsequently transpired for reasons best known to himself,
<lb n="141187"/>which put quite an altogether different complexion on the proceedings, after
<lb n="141188"/>the moment before's observations about boyhood days and the turf,
<lb n="141189"/>recollecting two or three private transactions of his own which the other
<lb n="141190"/>two were as mutually innocent of as the babe unborn. Eventually, however,
<lb n="141191"/>both their eyes met and as soon as it began to dawn on him that the other
<lb n="141192"/>was endeavouring to help himself to the thing he involuntarily determined
<lb n="141193"/>to help him himself and so he accordingly took hold of the neck of the
  <lb n="141194"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">mediumsized</distinct> glass recipient which contained the fluid sought after and
<lb n="141195"/>made a capacious hole in it by pouring a lot of it out with, also at the same
<lb n="141196"/>time, however, a considerable degree of attentiveness in order not to upset
<lb n="141197"/>any of the beer that was in it about the place.</p>
<p><lb n="141198"/>The debate which ensued was in its scope and progress an epitome of
<lb n="141199"/>the course of life. Neither place nor council was lacking in dignity. The
<lb n="141200"/>debaters were the keenest in the land, the theme they were engaged on the
<lb n="141201"/>loftiest and most vital. The high hall of Horne's house had never beheld an
<lb n="141202"/>assembly so representative and so varied nor had the old rafters of that
<lb n="141203"/>establishment ever listened to a language so encyclopaedic. A gallant scene
<lb n="141204"/>in truth it made. Crotthers was there at the foot of the table in his striking
<lb n="141205"/>Highland garb, his face glowing from the briny airs of the Mull of
<lb n="141206"/>Galloway. There too, opposite to him, was Lynch whose countenance bore
<lb n="141207"/>already the stigmata of early depravity and premature wisdom. Next the
<lb n="141208"/>Scotchman was the place assigned to Costello, the eccentric, while at his
<lb n="141209"/>side was seated in stolid repose the squat form of Madden. The chair of the
<lb n="141210"/>resident indeed stood vacant before the hearth but on either flank of it the
<lb n="141211"/>figure of Bannon in explorer's kit of tweed shorts and salted cowhide
<lb n="141212"/>brogues contrasted sharply with the primrose elegance and <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">townbred</distinct>
<lb n="141213"/>manners of Malachi Roland St John Mulligan. Lastly at the head of the
<lb n="141214"/>board was the young poet who found a refuge from his labours of
<lb n="141215"/>pedagogy and metaphysical inquisition in the convivial atmosphere of
<lb n="141216"/>Socratic discussion, while to right and left of him were accommodated the
<lb n="141217"/>flippant prognosticator, fresh from the hippodrome, and that vigilant
<lb n="141218"/>wanderer, soiled by the dust of travel and combat and stained by the mire of
<lb n="141219"/>an indelible dishonour, but from whose steadfast and constant heart no lure
<lb n="141220"/>or peril or threat or degradation could ever efface the image of that
<lb n="141221"/>voluptuous loveliness which the inspired pencil of Lafayette has limned for
<lb n="141222"/>ages yet to come.</p>
<p><lb n="141223"/>It had better be stated here and now at the outset that the perverted
<lb n="141224"/>transcendentalism to which Mr S. Dedalus' (Div. Scep.) contentions would
<lb n="141225"/>appear to prove him pretty badly addicted runs directly counter to accepted
<lb n="141226"/>scientific methods. Science, it cannot be too often repeated, deals with
<lb n="141227"/>tangible phenomena. The man of science like the man in the street has to
<lb n="141228"/>face hardheaded facts that cannot be blinked and explain them as best he
<lb n="141229"/>can. There may be, it is true, some questions which science cannot answer –
<lb n="141230"/>at present – such as the first problem submitted by Mr L. Bloom (Pubb.
<lb n="141231"/>Canv.) regarding the future determination of sex. Must we accept the view
<lb n="141232"/>of Empedocles of Trinacria that the right ovary (the postmenstrual period,
<lb n="141233"/>assert others) is responsible for the birth of males or are the too long
<lb n="141234"/>neglected spermatozoa or nemasperms the differentiating factors or is it, as
<lb n="141235"/>most embryologists incline to opine, such as Culpepper, Spallanzani,
<lb n="141236"/>Blumenbach, Lusk, Hertwig, Leopold and Valenti, a mixture of both? This
<lb n="141237"/>would be tantamount to a cooperation (one of nature's favourite devices)
<lb n="141238"/>between the <foreign xml:lang="la">nisus formativus</foreign> of the nemasperm on the one hand and on the
<lb n="141239"/>other a happily chosen position, <foreign xml:lang="la">succubitus felix</foreign>, of the passive element. The
<lb n="141240"/>other problem raised by the same inquirer is scarcely less vital: infant
<lb n="141241"/>mortality. It is interesting because, as he pertinently remarks, we are all
<lb n="141242"/>born in the same way but we all die in different ways. Mr M. Mulligan
<lb n="141243"/>(Hyg. et Eug. Doc.) blames the sanitary conditions in which our
  <lb n="141244"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">greylunged</distinct> citizens contract adenoids, pulmonary complaints etc. by
<lb n="141245"/>inhaling the bacteria which lurk in dust. These factors, he alleged, and the
<lb n="141246"/>revolting spectacles offered by our streets, hideous publicity posters,
<lb n="141247"/>religious ministers of all denominations, mutilated soldiers and sailors,
  <lb n="141248"/>exposed scorbutic <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">cardrivers</distinct>, the suspended carcases of dead animals,
<lb n="141249"/>paranoic bachelors and unfructified duennas – these, he said, were
  <lb n="141250"/>accountable for any and every <distinct type="compound">fallingoff</distinct> in the calibre of the race.
<lb n="141251"/>Kalipedia, he prophesied, would soon be generally adopted and all the
<lb n="141252"/>graces of life, genuinely good music, agreeable literature, light philosophy,
  <lb n="141253"/>instructive pictures, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">plastercast</distinct> reproductions of the classical statues such as
<lb n="141254"/>Venus and Apollo, artistic coloured photographs of prize babies, all these
<lb n="141255"/>little attentions would enable ladies who were in a particular condition to
<lb n="141256"/>pass the intervening months in a most enjoyable manner. Mr J. Crotthers
<lb n="141257"/>(Disc. Bacc.) attributes some of these demises to abdominal trauma in the
<lb n="141258"/>case of women workers subjected to heavy labours in the workshop and to
<lb n="141259"/>marital discipline in the home but by far the vast majority to neglect, private
<lb n="141260"/>or official, culminating in the exposure of newborn infants, the practice of
<lb n="141261"/>criminal abortion or in the atrocious crime of infanticide. Although the
<lb n="141262"/>former (we are thinking of neglect) is undoubtedly only too true the case he
<lb n="141263"/>cites of nurses forgetting to count the sponges in the peritoneal cavity is too
<lb n="141264"/>rare to be normative. In fact when one comes to look into it the wonder is
<lb n="141265"/>that so many pregnancies and deliveries go off so well as they do, all things
<lb n="141266"/>considered and in spite of our human shortcomings which often baulk
<lb n="141267"/>nature in her intentions. An ingenious suggestion is that thrown out by Mr
<lb n="141268"/>V. Lynch (Bacc. Arith.) that both natality and mortality, as well as all other
<lb n="141269"/>phenomena of evolution, tidal movements, lunar phases, blood
<lb n="141270"/>temperatures, diseases in general, everything, in fine, in nature's vast
<lb n="141271"/>workshop from the extinction of some remote sun to the blossoming of one
<lb n="141272"/>of the countless flowers which beautify our public parks is subject to a law
<lb n="141273"/>of numeration as yet unascertained. Still the plain straightforward question
<lb n="141274"/>why a child of normally healthy parents and seemingly a healthy child and
<lb n="141275"/>properly looked after succumbs unaccountably in early childhood (though
<lb n="141276"/>other children of the same marriage do not) must certainly, in the poet's
<lb n="141277"/>words, give us pause. Nature, we may rest assured, has her own good and
<lb n="141278"/>cogent reasons for whatever she does and in all probability such deaths are
<lb n="141279"/>due to some law of anticipation by which organisms in which morbous
<lb n="141280"/>germs have taken up their residence (modern science has conclusively
<lb n="141281"/>shown that only the plasmic substance can be said to be immortal) tend to
<lb n="141282"/>disappear at an increasingly earlier stage of development, an arrangement
<lb n="141283"/>which, though productive of pain to some of our feelings (notably the
<lb n="141284"/>maternal), is nevertheless, some of us think, in the long run beneficial to the
<lb n="141285"/>race in general in securing thereby the survival of the fittest. Mr S. Dedalus'
<lb n="141286"/>(Div. Scep.) remark (or should it be called an interruption?) that an
<lb n="141287"/>omnivorous being which can masticate, deglute, digest and apparently pass
<lb n="141288"/>through the ordinary channel with pluterperfect imperturbability such
<lb n="141289"/>multifarious aliments as cancrenous females emaciated by parturition,
<lb n="141290"/>corpulent professional gentlemen, not to speak of jaundiced politicians and
<lb n="141291"/>chlorotic nuns, might possibly find gastric relief in an innocent collation of
<lb n="141292"/>staggering bob, reveals as nought else could and in a very unsavoury light
<lb n="141293"/>the tendency above alluded to. For the enlightenment of those who are not
<lb n="141294"/>so intimately acquainted with the minutiae of the municipal abattoir as this
  <lb n="141295"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">morbidminded</distinct> esthete and embryo philosopher who for all his overweening
<lb n="141296"/>bumptiousness in things scientific can scarcely distinguish an acid from an
<lb n="141297"/>alkali prides himself on being, it should perhaps be stated that staggering
  <lb n="141298"/>bob in the vile parlance of our <distinct type="compound">lowerclass</distinct> licensed victuallers signifies the
<lb n="141299"/>cookable and eatable flesh of a calf newly dropped from its mother. In a
<lb n="141300"/>recent public controversy with Mr L. Bloom (Pubb. Canv.) which took
<lb n="141301"/>place in the commons' hall of the National Maternity Hospital, 29, 30 and
<lb n="141302"/>31 Holles street, of which, as is well known, Dr A. Horne (Lic. in Midw.,
<lb n="141303"/>F. K. Q. C. P. I.) is the able and popular master, he is reported by
<lb n="141304"/>eyewitnesses as having stated that once a woman has let the cat into the bag
<lb n="141305"/>(an esthete's allusion, presumably, to one of the most complicated and
<lb n="141306"/>marvellous of all nature's processes – the act of sexual congress) she must
<lb n="141307"/>let it out again or give it life, as he phrased it, to save her own. At the risk of
<lb n="141308"/>her own, was the telling rejoinder of his interlocutor, none the less effective
<lb n="141309"/>for the moderate and measured tone in which it was delivered.</p>
<p><lb n="141310"/>Meanwhile the skill and patience of the physician had brought about
<lb n="141311"/>a happy <foreign xml:lang="fr">accouchement</foreign>. It had been a weary weary while both for patient
<lb n="141312"/>and doctor. All that surgical skill could do was done and the brave woman
<lb n="141313"/>had manfully helped. She had. She had fought the good fight and now she
<lb n="141314"/>was very very happy. Those who have passed on, who have gone before, are
<lb n="141315"/>happy too as they gaze down and smile upon the touching scene. Reverently
<lb n="141316"/>look at her as she reclines there with the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">motherlight</distinct> in her eyes, that
<lb n="141317"/>longing hunger for baby fingers (a pretty sight it is to see), in the first bloom
<lb n="141318"/>of her new motherhood, breathing a silent prayer of thanksgiving to One
<lb n="141319"/>above, the Universal Husband. And as her loving eyes behold her babe she
<lb n="141320"/>wishes only one blessing more, to have her dear Doady there with her to
<lb n="141321"/>share her joy, to lay in his arms that mite of God's clay, the fruit of their
<lb n="141322"/>lawful embraces. He is older now (you and I may whisper it) and a trifle
<lb n="141323"/>stooped in the shoulders yet in the whirligig of years a grave dignity has
<lb n="141324"/>come to the conscientious second accountant of the Ulster bank, College
<lb n="141325"/>Green branch. O Doady, loved one of old, faithful <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">lifemate</distinct> now, it may
  <lb n="141326"/>never be again, that <distinct type="compound">faroff</distinct> time of the roses! With the old shake of her
<lb n="141327"/>pretty head she recalls those days. God! How beautiful now across the mist
<lb n="141328"/>of years! But their children are grouped in her imagination about the
<lb n="141329"/>bedside, hers and his, Charley, Mary Alice, Frederick Albert (if he had
<lb n="141330"/>lived), Mamy, Budgy (Victoria Frances), Tom, Violet Constance Louisa,
<lb n="141331"/>darling little Bobsy (called after our famous hero of the South African war,
<lb n="141332"/>lord Bobs of Waterford and Candahar) and now this last pledge of their
<lb n="141333"/>union, a Purefoy if ever there was one, with the true Purefoy nose. Young
<lb n="141334"/>hopeful will be christened Mortimer Edward after the influential third
<lb n="141335"/>cousin of Mr Purefoy in the Treasury Remembrancer's office, Dublin
<lb n="141336"/>Castle. And so time wags on: but father Cronion has dealt lightly here. No,
<lb n="141337"/>let no sigh break from that bosom, dear gentle Mina. And Doady, knock
<lb n="141338"/>the ashes from your pipe, the seasoned briar you still fancy when the curfew
<lb n="141339"/>rings for you (may it be the distant day!) and <distinct type="dialect">dout</distinct> the light whereby you
<lb n="141340"/>read in the Sacred Book for the oil too has run low, and so with a tranquil
<lb n="141341"/>heart to bed, to rest. He knows and will call in His own good time. You too
<lb n="141342"/>have fought the good fight and played loyally your man's part. Sir, to you
<lb n="141343"/>my hand. Well done, thou good and faithful servant!</p>
<p><lb n="141344"/>There are sins or (let us call them as the world calls them) evil
<lb n="141345"/>memories which are hidden away by man in the darkest places of the heart
<lb n="141346"/>but they abide there and wait. He may suffer their memory to grow dim, let
<lb n="141347"/>them be as though they had not been and all but persuade himself that they
<lb n="141348"/>were not or at least were otherwise. Yet a chance word will call them forth
<lb n="141349"/>suddenly and they will rise up to confront him in the most various
<lb n="141350"/>circumstances, a vision or a dream, or while <distinct type="archaism">timbrel</distinct> and harp soothe his
<lb n="141351"/>senses or amid the cool silver tranquility of the evening or at the feast, at
<lb n="141352"/>midnight, when he is now filled with wine. Not to insult over him will the
<lb n="141353"/>vision come as over one that lies under her wrath, not for vengeance to cut
<lb n="141354"/>him off from the living but shrouded in the piteous vesture of the past,
<lb n="141355"/>silent, remote, reproachful.</p>
<p><lb n="141356"/>The stranger still regarded on the face before him a slow recession of
<lb n="141357"/>that false calm there, imposed, as it seemed, by habit or some studied trick,
<lb n="141358"/>upon words so embittered as to accuse in their speaker an unhealthiness, a
<lb n="141359"/><emph>flair</emph>, for the cruder things of life. A scene disengages itself in the observer's
<lb n="141360"/>memory, evoked, it would seem, by a word of so natural a homeliness as if
<lb n="141361"/>those days were really present there (as some thought) with their immediate
<lb n="141362"/>pleasures. A shaven space of lawn one soft May evening, the
  <lb n="141363"/><distinct type="compound">wellremembered</distinct> grove of lilacs at Roundtown, purple and white, fragrant
<lb n="141364"/>slender spectators of the game but with much real interest in the pellets as
<lb n="141365"/>they run slowly forward over the sward or collide and stop, one by its
<lb n="141366"/>fellow, with a brief alert shock. And yonder about that grey urn where the
<lb n="141367"/>water moves at times in thoughtful irrigation you saw another as fragrant
<lb n="141368"/>sisterhood, Floey, Atty, Tiny and their darker friend with I know not what
<lb n="141369"/>of arresting in her pose then, Our Lady of the Cherries, a comely brace of
<lb n="141370"/>them pendent from an ear, bringing out the foreign warmth of the skin so
<lb n="141371"/>daintily against the cool ardent fruit. A lad of four or five in <distinct type="compound">linseywoolsey</distinct>
  <lb n="141372"/>(<distinct type="nonstandard-compound">blossomtime</distinct> but there will be cheer in the kindly hearth when ere long the
<lb n="141373"/>bowls are gathered and hutched) is standing on the urn secured by that
<lb n="141374"/>circle of girlish fond hands. He frowns a little just as this young man does
<lb n="141375"/>now with a perhaps too conscious enjoyment of the danger but must needs
<lb n="141376"/>glance at whiles towards where his mother watches from the <foreign xml:lang="it">piazzetta</foreign>
  <lb n="141377"/>giving upon the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">flowerclose</distinct> with a faint shadow of remoteness or of
<lb n="141378"/>reproach (<foreign xml:lang="de">alles Vergängliche</foreign>) in her glad look.</p>
<p><lb n="141379"/>Mark this farther and remember. The end comes suddenly. Enter that
<lb n="141380"/>antechamber of birth where the studious are assembled and note their faces.
<lb n="141381"/>Nothing, as it seems, there of rash or violent. Quietude of custody, rather,
<lb n="141382"/>befitting their station in that house, the vigilant watch of shepherds and of
<lb n="141383"/>angels about a crib in Bethlehem of Juda long ago. But as before the
  <lb n="141384"/>lightning the serried <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">stormclouds</distinct>, heavy with preponderant excess of
<lb n="141385"/>moisture, in swollen masses turgidly distended, compass earth and sky in
<lb n="141386"/>one vast slumber, impending above parched field and drowsy oxen and
<lb n="141387"/>blighted growth of shrub and verdure till in an instant a flash rives their
<lb n="141388"/>centres and with the reverberation of the thunder the cloudburst pours its
<lb n="141389"/>torrent, so and not otherwise was the transformation, violent and
<lb n="141390"/>instantaneous, upon the utterance of the word.</p>
<p><lb n="141391"/>Burke's! outflings my lord Stephen, giving the cry, and a tag and
<lb n="141392"/>bobtail of all them after, cockerel, jackanapes, welsher, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">pilldoctor</distinct>, punctual
<lb n="141393"/>Bloom at heels with a universal grabbing at headgear, ashplants, bilbos,
<lb n="141394"/>Panama hats and scabbards, Zermatt alpenstocks and what not. A dedale of
<lb n="141395"/>lusty youth, noble every student there. Nurse Callan taken aback in the
<lb n="141396"/>hallway cannot stay them nor smiling surgeon coming downstairs with
<lb n="141397"/>news of placentation ended, a full pound if a milligramme. They hark him
<lb n="141398"/>on. The door! It is open? Ha! They are out, tumultuously, off for a
<lb n="141399"/>minute's race, all bravely legging it, Burke's of Denzille and Holles their
<lb n="141400"/>ulterior goal. Dixon follows giving them sharp language but raps out an
<lb n="141401"/>oath, he too, and on. Bloom stays with nurse a thought to send a kind word
  <lb n="141402"/>to happy mother and <distinct type="archaism">nurseling</distinct> up there. Doctor Diet and Doctor Quiet.
<lb n="141403"/>Looks she too not other now? Ward of watching in Horne's house has told
  <lb n="141404"/>its tale in that <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">washedout</distinct> pallor. Then all being gone, a glance of <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">motherwit</distinct>
<lb n="141405"/>helping, he whispers close in going: Madam, when comes the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">storkbird</distinct> for
<lb n="141406"/>thee?</p>
<p><lb n="141407"/>The air without is impregnated with <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">raindew</distinct> moisture, life essence
<lb n="141408"/>celestial, glistening on Dublin stone there under <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">starshiny</distinct> <foreign xml:lang="la">coelum</foreign>. God's
<lb n="141409"/>air, the Allfather's air, scintillant circumambient cessile air. Breathe it deep
<lb n="141410"/>into thee. By heaven, Theodore Purefoy, thou <distinct type="archaism">hast</distinct> done a <distinct type="archaism">doughty</distinct> deed
<lb n="141411"/>and no botch! Thou art, I vow, the remarkablest progenitor barring none in
  <lb n="141412"/>this chaffering <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">allincluding</distinct> most farraginous chronicle. Astounding! In her
<lb n="141413"/>lay a Godframed Godgiven preformed possibility which thou <distinct type="archaism">hast</distinct> fructified
<lb n="141414"/>with thy modicum of man's work. Cleave to her! Serve! Toil on, labour like
<lb n="141415"/>a very bandog and let scholarment and all Malthusiasts go hang. Thou art
<lb n="141416"/>all their daddies, Theodore. Art drooping under thy load, <distinct type="archaism">bemoiled</distinct> with
<lb n="141417"/>butcher's bills at home and ingots (not thine!) in the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">countinghouse</distinct>? Head
  <lb n="141418"/>up! For every <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">newbegotten</distinct> thou shalt gather thy homer of ripe wheat. See,
  <lb n="141419"/>thy fleece is drenched. <distinct type="archaism">Dost</distinct> envy Darby Dullman there with his Joan? A
<lb n="141420"/>canting jay and a rheumeyed curdog is all their progeny. Pshaw, I tell thee!
<lb n="141421"/>He is a mule, a dead gasteropod, without vim or stamina, not worth a
<lb n="141422"/>cracked kreutzer. Copulation without population! No, say I! Herod's
<lb n="141423"/>slaughter of the innocents were the truer name. Vegetables, forsooth, and
<lb n="141424"/>sterile cohabitation! Give her beefsteaks, red, raw, bleeding! She is a hoary
<lb n="141425"/>pandemonium of ills, enlarged glands, mumps, quinsy, bunions, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">hayfever</distinct>,
<lb n="141426"/>bedsores, ringworm, floating kidney, Derbyshire neck, warts, bilious
<lb n="141427"/>attacks, gallstones, cold feet, varicose veins. A truce to threnes and <distinct type="archaism">trentals</distinct>
<lb n="141428"/>and jeremies and all such congenital defunctive music! Twenty years of it,
<lb n="141429"/>regret them not. With thee it was not as with many that will and would and
  <lb n="141430"/>wait and never – do. Thou <distinct type="archaism">sawest</distinct> thy America, thy <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">lifetask</distinct>, and didst
<lb n="141431"/>charge to cover like the transpontine bison. How <distinct type="archaism">saith</distinct> Zarathustra? <foreign xml:lang="de">Deine
<lb n="141432"/>Kuh Trübsal melkest Du. Nun trinkst Du die süsse Milch des Euters.</foreign> See! It
<lb n="141433"/>displodes for thee in abundance. Drink, man, an udderful! Mother's milk,
<lb n="141434"/>Purefoy, the milk of human kin, milk too of those burgeoning stars
<lb n="141435"/>overhead rutilant in thin <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">rainvapour</distinct>, punch milk, such as those rioters will
<lb n="141436"/>quaff in their guzzling den, milk of madness, the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">honeymilk</distinct> of Canaan's
<lb n="141437"/>land. Thy cow's dug was tough, what? Ay, but her milk is hot and sweet
<lb n="141438"/>and fattening. No dollop this but thick rich <distinct type="dialect">bonnyclaber</distinct>. To her, old
<lb n="141439"/>patriarch! Pap! <foreign xml:lang="la">Per deam Partulam et Pertundam nunc est bibendum!</foreign></p>
  <p><lb n="141440"/>All off for a buster, <distinct type="dialect">armstrong</distinct>, hollering down the street. <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">Bonafides</distinct>.
    <lb n="141441"/>Where you <distinct type="dialect">slep</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">las</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">nigh</distinct>? Timothy of the battered <distinct type="dialect">naggin</distinct>. Like ole Billyo.
    <lb n="141442"/>Any <distinct type="dialect">brollies</distinct> or <distinct type="dialect">gumboots</distinct> in the <distinct type="dialect">fambly</distinct>? Where the Henry Nevil's
    <lb n="141443"/><distinct type="dialect">sawbones</distinct> and <distinct type="dialect">ole clo</distinct>? <distinct type="dialect">Sorra</distinct> one o' me knows. Hurrah there, Dix! Forward
<lb n="141444"/>to the ribbon counter. Where's Punch? All serene. Jay, look at the drunken
    <lb n="141445"/>minister coming out of the maternity <distinct type="dialect">hospal</distinct>! <foreign xml:lang="la">Benedicat vos omnipotens
<lb n="141446"/>Deus, Pater et Filius.</foreign> A make, mister. The Denzille lane boys. Hell, blast ye!
<lb n="141447"/>Scoot. Righto, Isaacs, shove em out of the bleeding limelight. <distinct type="dialect">Yous</distinct> join <distinct type="dialect">uz</distinct>,
    <lb n="141448"/>dear sir? No <distinct type="Joycean">hentrusion</distinct> in life. Lou heap good man. Allee samee dis bunch.
<lb n="141449"/><foreign xml:lang="fr">En avant, mes enfants!</foreign> Fire away number one on the gun. Burke's!
<lb n="141450"/>Burke's! Thence they advanced five parasangs. Slattery's mounted foot.
    <lb n="141451"/>Where's that bleeding <distinct type="dialect">awfur</distinct>? Parson Steve, apostates' creed! No, no,
<lb n="141452"/>Mulligan! Abaft there! Shove ahead. Keep a watch on the clock.
    <lb n="141453"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">Chuckingout</distinct> time. Mullee! What's on you? <foreign xml:lang="fr">Ma mère m'a mariée.</foreign> British
<lb n="141454"/>Beatitudes! <foreign xml:lang="la">Retamplatan digidi boumboum.</foreign> Ayes have it. To be printed and
<lb n="141455"/>bound at the Druiddrum press by two designing females. Calf covers of
    <lb n="141456"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">pissedon</distinct> green. Last word in art shades. Most beautiful book come out of
<lb n="141457"/>Ireland my time. <foreign xml:lang="la">Silentium!</foreign> Get a spurt on. Tention. Proceed to nearest
<lb n="141458"/>canteen and there annex liquor stores. March! Tramp, tramp, tramp, the
<lb n="141459"/>boys are (atitudes!) parching. Beer, beef, business, bibles, bulldogs,
<lb n="141460"/>battleships, buggery and bishops. Whether on the scaffold high. Beer, beef,
<lb n="141461"/>trample the bibles. When for Irelandear. Trample the trampellers.
    <lb n="141462"/>Thunderation! Keep the <distinct type="dialect">durned</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">millingtary</distinct> step. We fall. Bishops
    <lb n="141463"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">boosebox</distinct>. Halt! Heave to. Rugger. Scrum in. No touch kicking. Wow, my
<lb n="141464"/>tootsies! You hurt? Most amazingly sorry!</p>
  <p><lb n="141465"/>Query. Who's <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">astanding</distinct> this here do? Proud possessor of <distinct type="dialect">damnall</distinct>.
    <lb n="141466"/>Declare misery. Bet to the ropes. Me <distinct type="dialect">nantee</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">saltee</distinct>. Not a <distinct type="dialect">red</distinct> at me this
<lb n="141467"/>week gone. Yours? Mead of our fathers for the <foreign xml:lang="de">Übermensch</foreign>. <distinct type="dialect">Dittoh</distinct>. Five
<lb n="141468"/>number ones. You, sir? Ginger cordial. Chase me, the cabby's caudle.
<lb n="141469"/>Stimulate the caloric. Winding of his ticker. Stopped short never to go
<lb n="141470"/>again when the old. Absinthe for me, savvy? <foreign xml:lang="es">Caramba!</foreign> Have an eggnog or
<lb n="141471"/>a prairie oyster. Enemy? Avuncular's got my timepiece. Ten to. Obligated
<lb n="141472"/>awful. Don't mention it. Got a pectoral trauma, eh, Dix? Pos fact. Got bet
    <lb n="141473"/>be a <distinct type="Joycean">boomblebee</distinct> whenever he <distinct type="dialect">wus</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">settin</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">sleepin</distinct> in <distinct type="dialect">hes</distinct> bit <distinct type="dialect">garten</distinct>. <distinct type="dialect">Digs</distinct> up
    <lb n="141474"/>near the Mater. <distinct type="dialect">Buckled</distinct> he is. Know his <distinct type="dialect">dona</distinct>? Yup, <distinct type="dialect">sartin</distinct> I do. Full of a
    <lb n="141475"/><distinct type="dialect">dure</distinct>. See her in her <distinct type="Joycean">dishybilly</distinct>. Peels off a credit. Lovey lovekin. None of
    <lb n="141476"/>your lean <distinct type="archaism">kine</distinct>, not much. Pull down the blind, love. Two Ardilauns. Same
<lb n="141477"/>here. Look slippery. If you fall don't wait to get up. Five, seven, nine. Fine!
    <lb n="141478"/>Got a prime pair of <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">mincepies</distinct>, no kid. And her take me to rests and her
<lb n="141479"/>anker of rum. Must be seen to be believed. Your starving eyes and
    <lb n="141480"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">allbeplastered</distinct> neck you stole my heart, O <distinct type="dialect">gluepot</distinct>. Sir? Spud again the
    <lb n="141481"/><distinct type="dialect">rheumatiz</distinct>? All poppycock, you'll <distinct type="dialect">scuse</distinct> me saying. For the hoi polloi. I <distinct type="dialect">vear</distinct>
    <lb n="141482"/><distinct type="dialect">thee</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">beest</distinct> a <distinct type="dialect">gert</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">vool</distinct>. Well, doc? Back <distinct type="dialect">fro</distinct> Lapland? Your <distinct type="dialect">corporosity</distinct>
    <lb n="141483"/><distinct type="dialect">sagaciating</distinct> O K? How's the squaws and papooses? <distinct type="dialect">Womanbody</distinct> after
<lb n="141484"/>going on the straw? Stand and deliver. Password. There's hair. Ours the
<lb n="141485"/>white death and the ruddy birth. Hi! Spit in your own eye, boss!
<lb n="141486"/>Mummer's wire. Cribbed out of Meredith. Jesified, orchidised, polycimical
<lb n="141487"/>jesuit! Aunty mine's writing Pa Kinch. <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">Baddybad</distinct> Stephen lead astray
    <lb n="141488"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">goodygood</distinct> Malachi.</p>
  <p><lb n="141489"/>Hurroo! Collar the leather, youngun. <distinct type="dialect">Roun</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">wi</distinct> the <distinct type="dialect">nappy</distinct>. Here, Jock
    <lb n="141490"/>braw Hielentman's your <distinct type="compound">barleybree</distinct>. <distinct type="dialect">Lang</distinct> may your <distinct type="dialect">lum</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">reek</distinct> and your
    <lb n="141491"/><distinct type="dialect">kailpot</distinct> boil! My tipple. <foreign xml:lang="fr">Merci.</foreign> Here's to us. How's that? Leg before wicket.
    <lb n="141492"/>Don't stain my <distinct type="compound">brandnew</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">sitinems</distinct>. Give's a shake of <distinct type="dialect">peppe</distinct>, you there.
    <lb n="141493"/>Catch <distinct type="dialect">aholt</distinct>. Caraway seed to carry away. <distinct type="dialect">Twig</distinct>? Shrieks of silence. Every
<lb n="141494"/>cove to his gentry mort. Venus Pandemos. <foreign xml:lang="fr">Les petites femmes.</foreign> Bold bad girl
<lb n="141495"/>from the town of Mullingar. Tell her I was axing at her. <distinct type="dialect">Hauding</distinct> Sara by
    <lb n="141496"/>the <distinct type="dialect">wame</distinct>. On the road to Malahide. Me? If she who seduced me had left
<lb n="141497"/>but the name. What do you want for ninepence? Machree, macruiskeen.
<lb n="141498"/>Smutty Moll for a mattress jig. And a pull all together. <foreign xml:lang="la">Ex!</foreign></p>
<p><lb n="141499"/>Waiting, guvnor? Most deciduously. Bet your boots on. Stunned like,
  <lb n="141500"/>seeing as how no <distinct type="dialect">shiners</distinct> is <distinct type="dialect">acoming</distinct>. <distinct type="Joycean">Underconstumble</distinct>? <distinct type="dialect">He've</distinct> got the
  <lb n="141501"/><distinct type="dialect">chink</distinct> <foreign xml:lang="la">ad lib</foreign>. Seed near free <distinct type="dialect">poun</distinct> on <distinct type="dialect">un</distinct> a spell ago a said <distinct type="dialect">war</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">hisn</distinct>. Us
<lb n="141502"/>come right in on your invite, see? Up to you, <distinct type="dialect">matey</distinct>. Out with the <distinct type="dialect">oof</distinct>. Two
  <lb n="141503"/><distinct type="dialect">bar</distinct> and a <distinct type="dialect">wing</distinct>. You <distinct type="dialect">larn</distinct> that go off of they there Frenchy <distinct type="dialect">bilks</distinct>? Won't
  <lb n="141504"/><distinct type="dialect">wash</distinct> here for <distinct type="dialect">nuts</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">nohow</distinct>. Lil <distinct type="dialect">chile</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">velly</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">solly</distinct>. Ise de cutest colour <distinct type="dialect">coon</distinct>
  <lb n="141505"/>down our side. <distinct type="dialect">Gawds</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">teruth</distinct>, Chawley. We are <distinct type="dialect">nae</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">fou</distinct>. We're <distinct type="dialect">nae</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">tha</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">fou</distinct>.
<lb n="141506"/><foreign rend="none" xml:lang="franglais">Au reservoir, mossoo. Tanks you.</foreign></p>
<p><lb n="141507"/>'Tis, sure. What say? In the speakeasy. Tight. I shee you, shir.
  <lb n="141508"/>Bantam, two days <distinct type="dialect">teetee</distinct>. <distinct type="dialect">Bowsing</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">nowt</distinct> but <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">claretwine</distinct>. <distinct type="dialect">Garn</distinct>! Have a <distinct type="dialect">glint</distinct>,
  <lb n="141509"/>do. <distinct type="dialect">Gum</distinct>, I'm <distinct type="dialect">jiggered</distinct>. And been to barber he have. Too full for words.
<lb n="141510"/>With a railway bloke. How come you so? Opera he'd like? Rose of Castile.
<lb n="141511"/>Rows of cast. Police! Some H₂O for a gent fainted. Look at Bantam's
<lb n="141512"/>flowers. Gemini. He's going to holler. The colleen bawn. My colleen bawn.
<lb n="141513"/>O, cheese it! Shut his blurry Dutch oven with a firm hand. Had the winner
  <lb n="141514"/>today till I tipped him a dead <distinct type="dialect">cert</distinct>. The ruffin <distinct type="dialect">cly</distinct> the <distinct type="dialect">nab</distinct> of Stephen Hand
  <lb n="141515"/>as give me the <distinct type="dialect">jady</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">coppaleen</distinct>. He strike a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">telegramboy</distinct> paddock wire big
  <lb n="141516"/>bug Bass to the depot. Shove him a <distinct type="dialect">joey</distinct> and <distinct type="dialect">grahamise</distinct>. Mare on form hot
  <lb n="141517"/>order. Guinea to a <distinct type="dialect">goosegog</distinct>. Tell a <distinct type="dialect">cram</distinct>, that. <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">Gospeltrue</distinct>. Criminal
<lb n="141518"/>diversion? I think that yes. Sure thing. Land him in <distinct type="dialect">chokeechokee</distinct> if the
<lb n="141519"/>harman beck copped the game. Madden back Madden's a maddening back.
<lb n="141520"/>O lust our refuge and our strength. Decamping. Must you go? Off to
<lb n="141521"/>mammy. Stand by. Hide my blushes someone. All in if he spots me. Come
  <lb n="141522"/>ahome, our Bantam. <foreign rend="none" xml:lang="franglais">Horryvar, mong vioo.</foreign> <distinct type="dialect">Dinna</distinct> forget the cowslips for
  <lb n="141523"/><distinct type="dialect">hersel</distinct>. <distinct type="Joycean">Cornfide</distinct>. <distinct type="dialect">Wha</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">gev</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">ye</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">thon</distinct> colt? Pal to pal. <distinct type="dialect">Jannock</distinct>. Of John
<lb n="141524"/>Thomas, her spouse. No fake, old man Leo. S'elp me, honest <distinct type="dialect">injun</distinct>. Shiver
<lb n="141525"/>my timbers if I had. There's a great big holy friar. Vyfor you no me tell?
  <lb n="141526"/>Vel, I ses, if that aint a <distinct type="dialect">sheeny nachez</distinct>, vel, I vil get misha mishinnah.
  <lb n="141527"/>Through <distinct type="dialect">yerd</distinct> our lord, Amen.</p>
<p><lb n="141528"/>You move a motion? Steve boy, you're going it some. More <distinct type="dialect">bluggy</distinct>
<lb n="141529"/>drunkables? Will immensely splendiferous stander permit one stooder of
<lb n="141530"/>most extreme poverty and one <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">largesize</distinct> grandacious thirst to terminate one
<lb n="141531"/>expensive inaugurated libation? Give's a breather. Landlord, landlord, have
<lb n="141532"/>you good wine, staboo? Hoots, mon, a wee drap to pree. Cut and come
<lb n="141533"/>again. Right. Boniface! Absinthe the lot. <foreign xml:lang="la">Nos omnes biberimus viridum
<lb n="141534"/>toxicum, diabolus capiat posterioria nostria.</foreign> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">Closingtime</distinct>, gents. Eh? <distinct type="dialect">Rome
  <lb n="141535"/>boose</distinct> for the Bloom <distinct type="dialect">toff</distinct>. I hear you say onions? Bloo? Cadges ads. Photo's
<lb n="141536"/>papli, by all that's gorgeous. Play low, pardner. <distinct type="dialect">Slide</distinct>. <foreign xml:lang="fr">Bonsoir la compagnie.</foreign>
<lb n="141537"/>And snares of the poxfiend. Where's the buck and Namby Amby?
  <lb n="141538"/>Skunked? <distinct type="dialect">Leg bail</distinct>. <distinct type="dialect">Aweel</distinct>, <distinct type="dialect">ye</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">maun</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">e'en</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">gang</distinct> yer <distinct type="dialect">gates</distinct>. Checkmate. King
  <lb n="141539"/>to tower. Kind Kristyann <distinct type="dialect">wil</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">yu</distinct> help <distinct type="dialect">yung</distinct> man <distinct type="dialect">hoose</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">frend</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">tuk</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">bungellow</distinct>
  <lb n="141540"/><distinct type="dialect">kee</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">tu</distinct> find <distinct type="dialect">plais</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">whear</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">tu</distinct> lay crown of his <distinct type="dialect">hed</distinct> 2 night. Crickey, I'm about
  <lb n="141541"/><distinct type="dialect">sprung</distinct>. <distinct type="dialect">Tarnally</distinct> dog gone my shins if this beent the bestest puttiest
  <lb n="141542"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">longbreak</distinct> yet. Item, <distinct type="dialect">curate</distinct>, couple of cookies for this child. <distinct type="dialect">Cot's plood</distinct>
  <lb n="141543"/>and <distinct type="dialect">prandypalls</distinct>, none! Not a pite of sheeses? Thrust syphilis down to hell
<lb n="141544"/>and with him those other licensed spirits. Time, gents! Who wander
<lb n="141545"/>through the world. Health all! <foreign xml:lang="fr">Á la vôtre!</foreign></p>
    <p><lb n="141546"/>Golly, <distinct type="dialect">whatten tunket's</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">yon</distinct> guy in the mackintosh? Dusty Rhodes.
<lb n="141547"/>Peep at his wearables. By mighty! What's he got? <distinct type="dialect">Jubilee mutton</distinct>. Bovril, by
<lb n="141548"/>James. Wants it real bad. D'ye ken bare socks? Seedy cuss in the
<lb n="141549"/>Richmond? Rawthere! Thought he had a deposit of lead in his penis.
<lb n="141550"/>Trumpery insanity. Bartle the Bread we calls him. That, sir, was once a
      <lb n="141551"/>prosperous <distinct type="dialect">cit</distinct>. Man all tattered and torn that married a maiden all forlorn.
<lb n="141552"/>Slung her hook, she did. Here see lost love. Walking Mackintosh of lonely
      <lb n="141553"/>canyon. <distinct type="dialect">Tuck</distinct> and turn in. Schedule time. <distinct type="dialect">Nix</distinct> for the <distinct type="dialect">hornies</distinct>. Pardon?
      <lb n="141554"/>Seen him today at a <distinct type="Joycean">runefal</distinct>? <distinct type="dialect">Chum</distinct> o' <distinct type="dialect">yourn</distinct> passed in his checks?
<lb n="141555"/>Ludamassy! Pore piccaninnies! Thou'll no be telling me <distinct type="dialect">thot</distinct>, Pold veg! Did
      <lb n="141556"/>ums blubble <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bigsplash</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">crytears</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">cos</distinct> <distinct type="dialect">fren</distinct> Padney was took off in black bag?
      <lb n="141557"/>Of all de darkies Massa Pat was <distinct type="dialect">verra</distinct> best. I never see the like since I was
<lb n="141558"/>born. <foreign xml:lang="fr">Tiens, tiens</foreign>, but it is well sad, that, my faith, yes. O, get, rev on a
<lb n="141559"/>gradient one in nine. Live axle drives are <distinct type="dialect">souped</distinct>. Lay you two to one
<lb n="141560"/>Jenatzy licks him ruddy well hollow. Jappies? High angle fire, <distinct type="dialect">inyah</distinct>! Sunk
<lb n="141561"/>by war specials. Be worse for him, says he, nor any Rooshian. Time all.
  <lb n="141562"/>There's eleven of them. Get <distinct type="dialect">ye</distinct> gone. Forward, woozy wobblers! Night.
<lb n="141563"/>Night. May Allah the Excellent One your soul this night ever tremendously
<lb n="141564"/>conserve.</p>
<p><lb n="141565"/>Your attention! We're nae tha fou. The Leith police dismisseth us. The
<lb n="141566"/>least tholice. Ware hawks for the chap puking. Unwell in his abominable
<lb n="141567"/>regions. Yooka. Night. Mona, my thrue love. Yook. Mona, my own love.
<lb n="141568"/>Ook.</p>
<p><lb n="141569"/>Hark! Shut your obstropolos. Pflaap! Pflaap! Blaze on. There she
<lb n="141570"/>goes. Brigade! Bout ship. Mount street way. Cut up! Pflaap! Tally ho. You
<lb n="141571"/>not come? Run, skelter, race. Pflaaaap!</p>
<p><lb n="141572"/>Lynch! Hey? Sign on long o' me. Denzille lane this way. Change here
<lb n="141573"/>for Bawdyhouse. We two, she said, will seek the kips where shady Mary is.
<lb n="141574"/>Righto, any old time. <foreign xml:lang="la">Laetabuntur in cubilibus suis.</foreign> You coming long?
<lb n="141575"/>Whisper, who the sooty hell's the johnny in the black duds? Hush! Sinned
<lb n="141576"/>against the light and even now that day is at hand when he shall come to
<lb n="141577"/>judge the world by fire. Pflaap! <foreign xml:lang="la">Ut implerentur scripturae.</foreign> Strike up a
<lb n="141578"/>ballad. Then outspake medical Dick to his comrade medical Davy.
<lb n="141579"/>Christicle, who's this excrement yellow gospeller on the Merrion hall?
<lb n="141580"/>Elijah is coming! Washed in the blood of the Lamb. Come on you
  <lb n="141581"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">winefizzling</distinct>, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">ginsizzling</distinct>, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">booseguzzling</distinct> existences! Come on, you
  <lb n="141582"/>dog-gone, <distinct type="compound">bullnecked</distinct>, <distinct type="compound">beetlebrowed</distinct>, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">hogjowled</distinct>, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">peanutbrained</distinct>, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">weaseleyed</distinct>
  <lb n="141583"/><distinct type="compound">fourflushers</distinct>, false alarms and excess baggage! Come on, you triple extract
<lb n="141584"/>of infamy! Alexander J Christ Dowie, that's my name, that's yanked to
<lb n="141585"/>glory most half this planet from Frisco beach to Vladivostok. The Deity
  <lb n="141586"/>aint no nickel dime <distinct type="dialect">bumshow</distinct>. I put it to you that He's on the square and a
<lb n="141587"/>corking fine business proposition. He's the grandest thing yet and don't you
<lb n="141588"/>forget it. Shout salvation in King Jesus. You'll need to rise precious early,
<lb n="141589"/>you sinner there, if you want to diddle the Almighty God. Pflaaaap! Not
  <lb n="141590"/>half. He's got a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">coughmixture</distinct> with a punch in it for you, my friend, in his
<lb n="141591"/>back pocket. Just you try it on.</p>
</div> <!-- End of Episode 14, "Oxen of the Sun" -->