u12_cyclops.xml

<div type="episode" n="12">
<p><lb n="120001"/>I was just passing the time of day with old Troy of the D. M. P. at the
<lb n="120002"/>corner of Arbour hill there and be damned but a bloody sweep came along
<lb n="120003"/>and he near drove his gear into my eye. I turned around to let him have the
<lb n="120004"/>weight of my tongue when who should I see dodging along Stony Batter
<lb n="120005"/>only Joe Hynes.
<lb n="120006"/><said who="tn">―Lo, Joe,</said> says I. <said who="tn">How are you blowing? Did you see that bloody
<lb n="120007"/>chimneysweep near shove my eye out with his brush?</said>
<lb n="120008"/><said who="jh">―Soot's luck,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">Who's the old ballocks you were talking to?</said>
<lb n="120009"/><said who="tn">―Old Troy,</said> says I, <said who="tn">was in the force. I'm on two minds not to give that
<lb n="120010"/>fellow in charge for obstructing the thoroughfare with his brooms and
<lb n="120011"/>ladders.</said>
<lb n="120012"/><said who="jh">―What are you doing round those parts?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120013"/><said who="tn">―Devil a much,</said> says I. <said who="tn">There's a bloody big foxy thief beyond by the
<lb n="120014"/>garrison church at the corner of Chicken lane – old Troy was just giving
<lb n="120015"/>me a wrinkle about him – lifted any God's quantity of tea and sugar to pay
<lb n="120016"/>three bob a week said he had a farm in the county Down off a
<lb n="120017"/>hop-of-my-thumb by the name of Moses Herzog over there near
<lb n="120018"/>Heytesbury street.</said>
<lb n="120019"/><said who="jh">―Circumcised?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120020"/><said who="tn">―Ay,</said> says I. <said who="tn">A bit off the top. An old plumber named Geraghty. I'm
<lb n="120021"/>hanging on to his taw now for the past fortnight and I can't get a penny out
<lb n="120022"/>of him.</said>
<lb n="120023"/><said who="jh">―That the lay you're on now?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120024"/><said who="tn">―Ay,</said> says I. <said who="tn">How are the mighty fallen! Collector of bad and doubtful
<lb n="120025"/>debts. But that's the most notorious bloody robber you'd meet in a day's
<lb n="120026"/>walk and the face on him all pockmarks would hold a shower of rain. <said who="meg" rend="italics">Tell
<lb n="120027"/>him</said>, says he, <said who="meg" rend="italics">I dare him</said>, says he, <said who="meg" rend="italics">and I <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">doubledare</distinct> him to send you round
<lb n="120028"/>here again or if he does</said>, says he, <said who="meg" rend="italics">I'll have him summonsed up before the
<lb n="120029"/>court, so I will, for trading without a licence</said>. And he after stuffing himself
<lb n="120030"/>till he's fit to burst. Jesus, I had to laugh at the little jewy getting his shirt
<lb n="120031"/>out. <said who="mh" rend="italics">He drink me my teas. He eat me my sugars. Because he no pay me my
<lb n="120032"/>moneys?</said></said></p>
<p><lb n="120033"/>For nonperishable goods bought of Moses Herzog, of 13 Saint
<lb n="120034"/>Kevin's parade in the city of Dublin, Wood quay ward, merchant,
<lb n="120035"/>hereinafter called the vendor, and sold and delivered to Michael E.
<lb n="120036"/>Geraghty, esquire, of 29 Arbour hill in the city of Dublin, Arran quay ward,
<lb n="120037"/>gentleman, hereinafter called the purchaser, videlicet, five pounds
<lb n="120038"/>avoirdupois of first choice tea at three shillings and no pence per pound
<lb n="120039"/>avoirdupois and three stone avoirdupois of sugar, crushed crystal, at
<lb n="120040"/>threepence per pound avoirdupois, the said purchaser debtor to the said
<lb n="120041"/>vendor of one pound five shillings and sixpence sterling for value received
<lb n="120042"/>which amount shall be paid by said purchaser to said vendor in weekly
<lb n="120043"/>instalments every seven calendar days of three shillings and no pence
<lb n="120044"/>sterling: and the said nonperishable goods shall not be pawned or pledged
<lb n="120045"/>or sold or otherwise alienated by the said purchaser but shall be and remain
<lb n="120046"/>and be held to be the sole and exclusive property of the said vendor to be
<lb n="120047"/>disposed of at his good will and pleasure until the said amount shall have
<lb n="120048"/>been duly paid by the said purchaser to the said vendor in the manner
<lb n="120049"/>herein set forth as this day hereby agreed between the said vendor, his heirs,
<lb n="120050"/>successors, trustees and assigns of the one part and the said purchaser, his
<lb n="120051"/>heirs, successors, trustees and assigns of the other part.
<lb n="120052"/><said who="jh">―Are you a strict t. t.?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120053"/><said who="tn">―Not taking anything between drinks,</said> says I.
<lb n="120054"/><said who="jh">―What about paying our respects to our friend?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120055"/><said who="tn">―Who?</said> says I. <said who="tn">Sure, he's out in John of God's off his head, poor man.</said>
<lb n="120056"/><said who="jh">―Drinking his own stuff?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120057"/><said who="tn">―Ay,</said> says I. <said who="tn">Whisky and water on the brain.</said>
<lb n="120058"/><said who="jh">―Come around to Barney Kiernan's,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">I want to see the citizen.</said>
<lb n="120059"/><said who="tn">―Barney mavourneen's be it,</said> says I. <said who="tn">Anything strange or wonderful, Joe?</said>
<lb n="120060"/><said who="jh">―Not a word,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">I was up at that meeting in the City Arms.</said>
<lb n="120061"/><said who="tn">―What was that, Joe?</said> says I.
<lb n="120062"/><said who="jh">―Cattle traders,</said> says Joe, <said who="jh">about the foot and mouth disease. I want to give
<lb n="120063"/>the citizen the hard word about it.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120064"/>So we went around by the Linenhall barracks and the back of the
<lb n="120065"/>courthouse talking of one thing or another. Decent fellow Joe when he has
<lb n="120066"/>it but sure like that he never has it. Jesus, I couldn't get over that bloody
<lb n="120067"/>foxy Geraghty, the daylight robber. For trading without a licence, says he.</p>
<p><lb n="120068"/>In Inisfail the fair there lies a land, the land of holy Michan. There
<lb n="120069"/>rises a watchtower beheld of men afar. There sleep the mighty dead as in
<lb n="120070"/>life they slept, warriors and princes of high renown. A pleasant land it is in
<lb n="120071"/>sooth of murmuring waters, fishful streams where sport the gurnard, the
<lb n="120072"/>plaice, the roach, the halibut, the gibbed haddock, the grilse, the dab, the
<lb n="120073"/>brill, the flounder, the pollock, the mixed coarse fish generally and other
<lb n="120074"/>denizens of the aqueous kingdom too numerous to be enumerated. In the
<lb n="120075"/>mild breezes of the west and of the east the lofty trees wave in different
  <lb n="120076"/>directions their <distinct type="compound">firstclass</distinct> foliage, the wafty sycamore, the Lebanonian cedar,
  <lb n="120077"/>the exalted <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">planetree</distinct>, the eugenic eucalyptus and other ornaments of the
<lb n="120078"/>arboreal world with which that region is thoroughly well supplied. Lovely
<lb n="120079"/>maidens sit in close proximity to the roots of the lovely trees singing the
<lb n="120080"/>most lovely songs while they play with all kinds of lovely objects as for
  <lb n="120081"/>example golden ingots, silvery fishes, <distinct type="dialect">crans</distinct> of herrings, drafts of eels,
<lb n="120082"/>codlings, creels of fingerlings, purple <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">seagems</distinct> and playful insects. And
<lb n="120083"/>heroes voyage from afar to woo them, from Eblana to Slievemargy, the
<lb n="120084"/>peerless princes of unfettered Munster and of Connacht the just and of
<lb n="120085"/>smooth sleek Leinster and of Cruachan's land and of Armagh the splendid
<lb n="120086"/>and of the noble district of Boyle, princes, the sons of kings.</p>
<p><lb n="120087"/>And there rises a shining palace whose crystal glittering roof is seen
<lb n="120088"/>by mariners who traverse the extensive sea in barks built expressly for that
<lb n="120089"/>purpose, and thither come all herds and fatlings and <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">firstfruits</distinct> of that land
<lb n="120090"/>for O'Connell Fitzsimon takes toll of them, a chieftain descended from
  <lb n="120091"/>chieftains. Thither the extremely large <distinct type="archaism">wains</distinct> bring foison of the fields,
  <lb n="120092"/><distinct type="dialect">flaskets</distinct> of cauliflowers, <distinct type="dialect">floats</distinct> of spinach, pineapple chunks, Rangoon
  <lb n="120093"/>beans, <distinct type="dialect">strikes</distinct> of tomatoes, drums of figs, drills of Swedes, spherical
<lb n="120094"/>potatoes and tallies of iridescent kale, York and Savoy, and trays of onions,
  <lb n="120095"/>pearls of the earth, and <distinct type="dialect">punnets</distinct> of mushrooms and custard marrows and
  <lb n="120096"/>fat vetches and <distinct type="dialect">bere</distinct> and rape and red green yellow brown russet sweet big
  <lb n="120097"/>bitter ripe <distinct type="Joycean">pomellated</distinct> apples and chips of strawberries and sieves of
  <lb n="120098"/>gooseberries, pulpy and <distinct type="Joycean">pelurious</distinct>, and strawberries fit for princes and
<lb n="120099"/>raspberries from their canes.</p>
<p><lb n="120100"/><said who="meg" direct="false" rend="italics">I dare him</said>, says he, <said who="meg" direct="false" rend="italics">and I <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">doubledare</distinct> him</said>. Come out here, Geraghty,
<lb n="120101"/>you notorious bloody hill and dale robber!</p>
<p><lb n="120102"/>And by that way wend the herds innumerable of bellwethers and
<lb n="120103"/>flushed ewes and shearling rams and lambs and <distinct type="dialect">stubble geese</distinct> and medium
<lb n="120104"/>steers and roaring mares and polled calves and longwools and <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">storesheep</distinct>
<lb n="120105"/>and Cuffe's prime springers and culls and <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">sowpigs</distinct> and <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">baconhogs</distinct> and the
<lb n="120106"/>various different varieties of highly distinguished swine and Angus heifers
<lb n="120107"/>and polly bullocks of immaculate pedigree together with prime premiated
  <lb n="120108"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">milchcows</distinct> and beeves: and there is ever heard a trampling, cackling,
<lb n="120109"/>roaring, lowing, bleating, bellowing, rumbling, grunting, champing,
<lb n="120110"/>chewing, of sheep and pigs and <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">heavyhooved</distinct> <distinct type="archaism">kine</distinct> from pasturelands of
<lb n="120111"/>Lusk and Rush and Carrickmines and from the streamy vales of Thomond,
<lb n="120112"/>from M'Gillicuddy's reeks the inaccessible and lordly Shannon the
<lb n="120113"/>unfathomable, and from the gentle declivities of the place of the race of
<lb n="120114"/>Kiar, their udders distended with <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">superabundance</distinct> of milk and butts of
<lb n="120115"/>butter and rennets of cheese and farmer's <distinct type="archaism">firkins</distinct> and targets of lamb and
  <lb n="120116"/><distinct type="dialect">crannocks</distinct> of corn and oblong eggs in great hundreds, various in size, the
<lb n="120117"/>agate with the dun.</p>
<p><lb n="120118"/>So we turned into Barney Kiernan's and there, sure enough, was the
  <lb n="120119"/>citizen up in the corner having a great <distinct type="dialect">confab</distinct> with himself and that bloody
<lb n="120120"/>mangy mongrel, Garryowen, and he waiting for what the sky would drop
<lb n="120121"/>in the way of drink.
<lb n="120122"/><said who="tn">―There he is,</said> says I, <said who="tn">in his <distinct type="dialect">gloryhole</distinct>, with his <distinct type="dialect">cruiskeen</distinct> lawn and his load
<lb n="120123"/>of papers, working for the cause.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120124"/>The bloody mongrel let a grouse out of him would give you the
<lb n="120125"/>creeps. Be a corporal work of mercy if someone would take the life of that
<lb n="120126"/>bloody dog. I'm told for a fact he ate a good part of the breeches off a
<lb n="120127"/>constabulary man in Santry that came round one time with a blue paper
<lb n="120128"/>about a licence.
<lb n="120129"/><said who="tc">―Stand and deliver,</said> says he.
<lb n="120130"/><said who="jh">―That's all right, citizen,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">Friends here.</said>
<lb n="120131"/><said who="tc">―Pass, friends,</said> says he.</p>
<p><lb n="120132"/>Then he rubs his hand in his eye and says he:
<lb n="120133"/><said who="tc">―What's your opinion of the times?</said></p>
  <p><lb n="120134"/>Doing the <distinct type="dialect">rapparee</distinct> and Rory of the hill. But, <distinct type="dialect">begob</distinct>, Joe was equal to
<lb n="120135"/>the occasion.
<lb n="120136"/><said who="jh">―I think the markets are on a rise,</said> says he, sliding his hand down his fork.</p>
  <p><lb n="120137"/>So <distinct type="dialect">begob</distinct> the citizen claps his paw on his knee and he says:
<lb n="120138"/><said who="tc">―Foreign wars is the cause of it.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120139"/>And says Joe, sticking his thumb in his pocket:
<lb n="120140"/><said who="jh">―It's the Russians wish to tyrannise.</said>
  <lb n="120141"/><said who="tn">―<distinct type="dialect">Arrah</distinct>, give over your bloody <distinct type="dialect">codding</distinct>, Joe,</said> says I. <said who="tn">I've a thirst on me I
<lb n="120142"/>wouldn't sell for half a crown.</said>
<lb n="120143"/><said who="jh">―Give it a name, citizen,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120144"/><said who="tc">―Wine of the country,</said> says he.
<lb n="120145"/><said who="jh">―What's yours?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120146"/><said who="tn">―Ditto MacAnaspey,</said> says I.
<lb n="120147"/><said who="jh">―Three pints, Terry,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">And how's the old heart, citizen?</said> says he.
<lb n="120148"/><said who="tc">―Never better, <foreign xml:lang="ga">a chara</foreign>,</said> says he. <said who="tc">What Garry? Are we going to win? Eh?</said></p>
  <p><lb n="120149"/>And with that he took the bloody old <distinct type="dialect">towser</distinct> by the scruff of the neck
<lb n="120150"/>and, by Jesus, he near throttled him.</p>
<p><lb n="120151"/>The figure seated on a large boulder at the foot of a round tower
  <lb n="120152"/>was that of a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">broadshouldered</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">deepchested</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">stronglimbed</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">frankeyed</distinct>
  <lb n="120153"/><distinct type="compound">redhaired</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">freelyfreckled</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">shaggybearded</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">widemouthed</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">largenosed</distinct>
  <lb n="120154"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">longheaded</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">deepvoiced</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">barekneed</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">brawnyhanded</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">hairylegged</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">ruddyfaced</distinct>
  <lb n="120155"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">sinewyarmed</distinct> hero. From shoulder to shoulder he measured several ells and
<lb n="120156"/>his rocklike mountainous knees were covered, as was likewise the rest of his
<lb n="120157"/>body wherever visible, with a strong growth of tawny prickly hair in hue
<lb n="120158"/>and toughness similar to the mountain gorse (<foreign xml:lang="la">Ulex Europeus</foreign>). The
  <lb n="120159"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">widewinged</distinct> nostrils, from which bristles of the same tawny hue projected,
<lb n="120160"/>were of such capaciousness that within their cavernous obscurity the
  <lb n="120161"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">fieldlark</distinct> might easily have lodged her nest. The eyes in which a tear and a
<lb n="120162"/>smile strove ever for the mastery were of the dimensions of a <distinct type="compound">goodsized</distinct>
<lb n="120163"/>cauliflower. A powerful current of warm breath issued at regular intervals
<lb n="120164"/>from the profound cavity of his mouth while in rhythmic resonance the
<lb n="120165"/>loud strong hale reverberations of his formidable heart thundered
<lb n="120166"/>rumblingly causing the ground, the summit of the lofty tower and the still
<lb n="120167"/>loftier walls of the cave to vibrate and tremble.</p>
<p><lb n="120168"/>He wore a long unsleeved garment of recently flayed oxhide reaching
<lb n="120169"/>to the knees in a loose kilt and this was bound about his middle by a girdle
<lb n="120170"/>of plaited straw and rushes. Beneath this he wore <distinct type="dialect">trews</distinct> of deerskin, roughly
<lb n="120171"/>stitched with gut. His nether extremities were encased in high Balbriggan
<lb n="120172"/>buskins dyed in lichen purple, the feet being shod with brogues of salted
<lb n="120173"/>cowhide laced with the windpipe of the same beast. From his girdle hung a
  <lb n="120174"/>row of <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">seastones</distinct> which jangled at every movement of his portentous frame
<lb n="120175"/>and on these were graven with rude yet striking art the tribal images of
<lb n="120176"/>many Irish heroes and heroines of antiquity, Cuchulin, Conn of hundred
<lb n="120177"/>battles, Niall of nine hostages, Brian of Kincora, the <distinct type="dialect">ardri</distinct> Malachi, Art
<lb n="120178"/>MacMurragh, Shane O'Neill, Father John Murphy, Owen Roe, Patrick
<lb n="120179"/>Sarsfield, Red Hugh O'Donnell, Red Jim MacDermott, Soggarth Eoghan
<lb n="120180"/>O'Growney, Michael Dwyer, Francy Higgins, Henry Joy M'Cracken,
<lb n="120181"/>Goliath, Horace Wheatley, Thomas Conneff, Peg Woffington, the Village
<lb n="120182"/>Blacksmith, Captain Moonlight, Captain Boycott, Dante Alighieri,
<lb n="120183"/>Christopher Columbus, S. Fursa, S. Brendan, Marshal MacMahon,
<lb n="120184"/>Charlemagne, Theobald Wolfe Tone, the Mother of the Maccabees, the Last
<lb n="120185"/>of the Mohicans, the Rose of Castile, the Man for Galway, The Man that
<lb n="120186"/>Broke the Bank at Monte Carlo, The Man in the Gap, The Woman Who
<lb n="120187"/>Didn't, Benjamin Franklin, Napoleon Bonaparte, John L. Sullivan,
<lb n="120188"/>Cleopatra, Savourneen Deelish, Julius Caesar, Paracelsus, sir Thomas
<lb n="120189"/>Lipton, William Tell, Michelangelo Hayes, Muhammad, the Bride of
<lb n="120190"/>Lammermoor, Peter the Hermit, Peter the Packer, Dark Rosaleen, Patrick
<lb n="120191"/>W. Shakespeare, Brian Confucius, Murtagh Gutenberg, Patricio
<lb n="120192"/>Velasquez, Captain Nemo, Tristan and Isolde, the first Prince of Wales,
<lb n="120193"/>Thomas Cook and Son, the Bold Soldier Boy, Arrah na Pogue, Dick
<lb n="120194"/>Turpin, Ludwig Beethoven, the Colleen Bawn, Waddler Healy, Angus the
<lb n="120195"/>Culdee, Dolly Mount, Sidney Parade, Ben Howth, Valentine Greatrakes,
<lb n="120196"/>Adam and Eve, Arthur Wellesley, Boss Croker, Herodotus, Jack the
<lb n="120197"/>Giantkiller, Gautama Buddha, Lady Godiva, The Lily of Killarney, Balor
<lb n="120198"/>of the Evil Eye, the Queen of Sheba, Acky Nagle, Joe Nagle, Alessandro
<lb n="120199"/>Volta, Jeremiah O'Donovan Rossa, Don Philip O'Sullivan Beare. A
<lb n="120200"/>couched spear of acuminated granite rested by him while at his feet reposed
<lb n="120201"/>a savage animal of the canine tribe whose stertorous gasps announced that
<lb n="120202"/>he was sunk in uneasy slumber, a supposition confirmed by hoarse growls
<lb n="120203"/>and spasmodic movements which his master repressed from time to time by
<lb n="120204"/>tranquilising blows of a mighty cudgel rudely fashioned out of paleolithic
<lb n="120205"/>stone.</p>
<p><lb n="120206"/>So anyhow Terry brought the three pints Joe was standing and <distinct type="dialect">begob</distinct>
<lb n="120207"/>the sight nearly left my eyes when I saw him land out a quid. O, as true as
  <lb n="120208"/>I'm telling you. A <distinct type="compound">goodlooking</distinct> sovereign.
<lb n="120209"/><said who="jh">―And there's more where that came from,</said> says he.
<lb n="120210"/><said who="tn">―Were you robbing the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">poorbox</distinct>, Joe?</said> says I.
<lb n="120211"/><said who="jh">―Sweat of my brow,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">'Twas the prudent member gave me the
<lb n="120212"/>wheeze.</said>
<lb n="120213"/><said who="tn">―I saw him before I met you,</said> says I, <said who="tn">sloping around by Pill lane and Greek
  <lb n="120214"/>street with his <distinct type="dialect">cod's eye</distinct> counting up all the guts of the fish.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120215"/>Who comes through Michan's land, bedight in sable armour?
<lb n="120216"/>O'Bloom, the son of Rory: it is he. Impervious to fear is Rory's son: he of
<lb n="120217"/>the prudent soul.
<lb n="120218"/><said who="tc">―For the old woman of Prince's street,</said> says the citizen, <said who="tc">the subsidised
  <lb n="120219"/>organ. The <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">pledgebound</distinct> party on the floor of the house. And look at this
<lb n="120220"/>blasted rag,</said> says he. <said who="tc">Look at this,</said> says he. <said who="tc"><title type="newspaper">The Irish Independent</title>, if you
<lb n="120221"/>please, founded by Parnell to be the workingman's friend. Listen to the
<lb n="120222"/>births and deaths in the <title type="newspaper">Irish all for Ireland Independent</title>, and I'll thank you
<lb n="120223"/>and the marriages.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120224"/>And he starts reading them out:
<lb n="120225"/><said who="tc">―Gordon, Barnfield crescent, Exeter; Redmayne of Iffley, Saint Anne's on
<lb n="120226"/>Sea: the wife of William T Redmayne of a son. How's that, eh? Wright and
<lb n="120227"/>Flint, Vincent and Gillett to Rotha Marion daughter of Rosa and the late
<lb n="120228"/>George Alfred Gillett, 179 Clapham road, Stockwell, Playwood and
<lb n="120229"/>Ridsdale at Saint Jude's, Kensington by the very reverend Dr Forrest, dean
<lb n="120230"/>of Worcester. Eh? Deaths. Bristow, at Whitehall lane, London: Carr, Stoke
<lb n="120231"/>Newington, of gastritis and heart disease: Cockburn, at the Moat house,
<lb n="120232"/>Chepstow ...</said>
<lb n="120233"/><said who="jh">―I know that fellow,</said> says Joe, <said who="jh">from bitter experience.</said>
<lb n="120234"/><said who="tc">―Cockburn. Dimsey, wife of David Dimsey, late of the admiralty: Miller,
  <lb n="120235"/>Tottenham, aged <distinct type="compound">eightyfive</distinct>: Welsh, June 12, at 35 Canning street,
<lb n="120236"/>Liverpool, Isabella Helen. How's that for a national press, eh, <distinct type="dialect">my brown
  <lb n="120237"/>son</distinct>! How's that for Martin Murphy, the Bantry jobber?</said>
<lb n="120238"/><said who="jh">―Ah, well,</said> says Joe, handing round the boose. <said who="jh">Thanks be to God they had
<lb n="120239"/>the start of us. Drink that, citizen.</said>
<lb n="120240"/><said who="tc">―I will,</said> says he, <said who="tc">honourable person.</said>
<lb n="120241"/><said who="tn">―Health, Joe,</said> says I. <said who="tn">And all down the form.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120242"/>Ah! Ow! Don't be talking! I was blue mouldy for the want of that
<lb n="120243"/>pint. Declare to God I could hear it hit the pit of my stomach with a click.</p>
<p><lb n="120244"/>And lo, as they quaffed their cup of joy, a godlike messenger came
<lb n="120245"/>swiftly in, radiant as the eye of heaven, a comely youth and behind him
<lb n="120246"/>there passed an elder of noble gait and countenance, bearing the sacred
<lb n="120247"/>scrolls of law and with him his lady wife a dame of peerless lineage, fairest
<lb n="120248"/>of her race.</p>
<p><lb n="120249"/>Little Alf Bergan popped in round the door and hid behind Barney's
<lb n="120250"/>snug, squeezed up with the laughing. And who was sitting up there in the
<lb n="120251"/>corner that I hadn't seen snoring drunk blind to the world only Bob Doran.
<lb n="120252"/>I didn't know what was up and Alf kept making signs out of the door. And
  <lb n="120253"/><distinct type="dialect">begob</distinct> what was it only that bloody old <distinct type="dialect">pantaloon</distinct> Denis Breen in his
  <lb n="120254"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bathslippers</distinct> with two bloody big books tucked under his <distinct type="dialect">oxter</distinct> and the wife
<lb n="120255"/>hotfoot after him, unfortunate wretched woman, trotting like a poodle. I
<lb n="120256"/>thought Alf would split.
<lb n="120257"/><said who="ab">―Look at him,</said> says he. <said who="ab">Breen. He's traipsing all round Dublin with a
<lb n="120258"/>postcard someone sent him with U. p: up on it to take a li ...</said></p>
<p><lb n="120259"/>And he doubled up.
<lb n="120260"/><said who="tn">―Take a what?</said> says I.
<lb n="120261"/><said who="ab">―Libel action,</said> says he, <said who="ab">for ten thousand pounds.</said>
<lb n="120262"/><said who="tn">―O hell!</said> says I.</p>
<p><lb n="120263"/>The bloody mongrel began to growl that'd put the fear of God in you
<lb n="120264"/>seeing something was up but the citizen gave him a kick in the ribs.
<lb n="120265"/><said who="tc">―<foreign xml:lang="ga">Bi i dho husht</foreign>,</said> says he.
<lb n="120266"/><said who="jh">―Who?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120267"/><said who="ab">―Breen,</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">He was in John Henry Menton's and then he went round
<lb n="120268"/>to Collis and Ward's and then Tom Rochford met him and sent him round
  <lb n="120269"/>to the <distinct type="compound">subsheriff's</distinct> for a lark. O God, I've a pain laughing. U. p: up. The
<lb n="120270"/>long fellow gave him an eye as good as a process and now the bloody old
<lb n="120271"/>lunatic is gone round to Green street to look for a G man.</said>
<lb n="120272"/><said who="jh">―When is long John going to hang that fellow in Mountjoy?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120273"/><said who="bd">―Bergan,</said> says Bob Doran, waking up. <said who="bd">Is that Alf Bergan?</said>
<lb n="120274"/><said who="ab">―Yes,</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">Hanging? Wait till I show you. Here, Terry, give us a pony.
<lb n="120275"/>That bloody old fool! Ten thousand pounds. You should have seen long
<lb n="120276"/>John's eye. U. p ....</said></p>
<p><lb n="120277"/>And he started laughing.
<lb n="120278"/><said who="bd">―Who are you laughing at?</said> says Bob Doran. <said who="bd">Is that Bergan?</said>
<lb n="120279"/><said who="ab">―Hurry up, Terry boy,</said> says Alf.</p>
<p><lb n="120280"/>Terence O'Ryan heard him and straightway brought him a crystal
<lb n="120281"/>cup full of the foamy ebon ale which the noble twin brothers Bungiveagh
<lb n="120282"/>and Bungardilaun brew ever in their divine <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">alevats</distinct>, cunning as the sons of
<lb n="120283"/>deathless Leda. For they garner the succulent berries of the hop and mass
<lb n="120284"/>and sift and bruise and brew them and they mix <distinct type="archaism">therewith</distinct> sour juices and
<lb n="120285"/>bring the must to the sacred fire and cease not night or day from their toil,
<lb n="120286"/>those cunning brothers, lords of the vat.</p>
<p><lb n="120287"/>Then did you, chivalrous Terence, hand forth, as to the manner born,
<lb n="120288"/>that nectarous beverage and you offered the crystal cup to him that thirsted,
<lb n="120289"/>the soul of chivalry, in beauty akin to the immortals.</p>
<p><lb n="120290"/>But he, the young chief of the O'Bergan's, could ill brook to be
<lb n="120291"/>outdone in generous deeds but gave therefor with gracious gesture a <distinct type="archaism">testoon</distinct>
<lb n="120292"/>of costliest bronze. Thereon embossed in excellent <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">smithwork</distinct> was seen the
<lb n="120293"/>image of a queen of regal port, scion of the house of Brunswick, Victoria
<lb n="120294"/>her name, Her Most Excellent Majesty, by grace of God of the United
<lb n="120295"/>Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland and of the British dominions beyond
<lb n="120296"/>the sea, queen, defender of the faith, Empress of India, even she, who bore
<lb n="120297"/>rule, a victress over many peoples, the <distinct type="compound">wellbeloved</distinct>, for they knew and loved
<lb n="120298"/>her from the rising of the sun to the going down thereof, the pale, the dark,
  <lb n="120299"/>the ruddy and the <distinct type="archaism">ethiop</distinct>.
<lb n="120300"/><said who="tc">―What's that bloody freemason doing,</said> says the citizen, <said who="tc">prowling up and
<lb n="120301"/>down outside?</said>
<lb n="120302"/><said who="jh">―What's that?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120303"/><said who="ab">―Here you are,</said> says Alf, chucking out the rhino. <said who="ab">Talking about hanging,
<lb n="120304"/>I'll show you something you never saw. Hangmen's letters. Look at here.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120305"/>So he took a bundle of wisps of letters and envelopes out of his
<lb n="120306"/>pocket.
<lb n="120307"/><said who="tn">―Are you codding?</said> says I.
  <lb n="120308"/><said who="ab">―Honest <distinct type="dialect">injun</distinct>,</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">Read them.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120309"/>So Joe took up the letters.
<lb n="120310"/><said who="bd">―Who are you laughing at?</said> says Bob Doran.</p>
<p><lb n="120311"/>So I saw there was going to be a bit of a dust Bob's a queer chap
<lb n="120312"/>when the porter's up in him so says I just to make talk:
<lb n="120313"/><said who="tn">―How's Willy Murray those times, Alf?</said>
<lb n="120314"/><said who="ab">―I don't know,</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">I saw him just now in Capel street with Paddy
<lb n="120315"/>Dignam. Only I was running after that ....</said>
<lb n="120316"/><said who="jh">―You what?</said> says Joe, throwing down the letters. <said who="jh">With who?</said>
<lb n="120317"/><said who="ab">―With Dignam,</said> says Alf.
<lb n="120318"/><said who="jh">―Is it Paddy?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120319"/><said who="ab">―Yes,</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">Why?</said>
<lb n="120320"/><said who="jh">―Don't you know he's dead?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120321"/><said who="ab">―Paddy Dignam dead!</said> says Alf.
<lb n="120322"/><said who="jh">―Ay,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120323"/><said who="ab">―Sure I'm after seeing him not five minutes ago,</said> says Alf, <said who="ab">as plain as a
<lb n="120324"/>pikestaff.</said>
<lb n="120325"/><said who="bd">―Who's dead?</said> says Bob Doran.
<lb n="120326"/><said who="jh">―You saw his ghost then,</said> says Joe, <said who="jh">God between us and harm.</said>
<lb n="120327"/><said who="ab">―What?</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">Good Christ, only five .... What? ... And Willy Murray
<lb n="120328"/>with him, the two of them there near <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">whatdoyoucallhim's</distinct> .... What?
<lb n="120329"/>Dignam dead?</said>
<lb n="120330"/><said who="bd">―What about Dignam?</said> says Bob Doran. <said who="bd">Who's talking about ....?</said>
<lb n="120331"/><said who="ab">―Dead!</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">He's no more dead than you are.</said>
<lb n="120332"/><said who="jh">―Maybe so,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">They took the liberty of burying him this morning
<lb n="120333"/>anyhow.</said>
<lb n="120334"/><said who="ab">―Paddy?</said> says Alf.
<lb n="120335"/><said who="jh">―Ay,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">He paid the debt of nature, God be merciful to him.</said>
<lb n="120336"/><said who="ab">―Good Christ!</said> says Alf.</p>
  <p><lb n="120337"/><distinct type="dialect">Begob</distinct> he was what you might call flabbergasted.</p>
<p><lb n="120338"/>In the darkness spirit hands were felt to flutter and when prayer by
<lb n="120339"/>tantras had been directed to the proper quarter a faint but increasing
<lb n="120340"/>luminosity of ruby light became gradually visible, the apparition of the
<lb n="120341"/>etheric double being particularly lifelike owing to the discharge of jivic rays
<lb n="120342"/>from the crown of the head and face. Communication was effected through
<lb n="120343"/>the pituitary body and also by means of the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">orangefiery</distinct> and scarlet rays
<lb n="120344"/>emanating from the sacral region and solar plexus. Questioned by his
  <lb n="120345"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">earthname</distinct> as to his whereabouts in the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">heavenworld</distinct> he stated that he was
<lb n="120346"/>now on the path of prālāyā or return but was still submitted to trial at the
<lb n="120347"/>hands of certain bloodthirsty entities on the lower astral levels. In reply to a
<lb n="120348"/>question as to his first sensations in the great divide beyond he stated
<lb n="120349"/>that previously he had seen as in a glass darkly but that those who had
<lb n="120350"/>passed over had summit possibilities of atmic development opened up to
<lb n="120351"/>them. Interrogated as to whether life there resembled our experience in the
<lb n="120352"/>flesh he stated that he had heard from more favoured beings now in the
<lb n="120353"/>spirit that their abodes were equipped with every modern home comfort
<lb n="120354"/>such as tālāfānā, ālāvātār, hātākāldā, wātāklāsāt and that the highest adepts
  <lb n="120355"/>were steeped in waves of <distinct type="Joycean">volupcy</distinct> of the very purest nature. Having
<lb n="120356"/>requested a quart of buttermilk this was brought and evidently afforded
<lb n="120357"/>relief. Asked if he had any message for the living he exhorted all who were
<lb n="120358"/>still at the wrong side of Māyā to acknowledge the true path for it was
<lb n="120359"/>reported in devanic circles that Mars and Jupiter were out for mischief on
<lb n="120360"/>the eastern angle where the ram has power. It was then queried whether
<lb n="120361"/>there were any special desires on the part of the defunct and the reply was:
<lb n="120362"/><emph>We greet you, friends of earth, who are still in the body. Mind C. K. doesn't
<lb n="120363"/>pile it on.</emph> It was ascertained that the reference was to Mr Cornelius
<lb n="120364"/>Kelleher, manager of Messrs H. J. O'Neill's popular funeral establishment,
<lb n="120365"/>a personal friend of the defunct, who had been responsible for the carrying
<lb n="120366"/>out of the interment arrangements. Before departing he requested that it
<lb n="120367"/>should be told to his dear son Patsy that the other boot which he had been
<lb n="120368"/>looking for was at present under the commode in the return room and that
<lb n="120369"/>the pair should be sent to Cullen's to be soled only as the heels were still
<lb n="120370"/>good. He stated that this had greatly perturbed his peace of mind in the
<lb n="120371"/>other region and earnestly requested that his desire should be made known.
<lb n="120372"/>Assurances were given that the matter would be attended to and it was
<lb n="120373"/>intimated that this had given satisfaction.</p>
<p><lb n="120374"/>He is gone from mortal haunts: O'Dignam, sun of our morning. Fleet
<lb n="120375"/>was his foot on the bracken: Patrick of the beamy brow. Wail, Banba, with
<lb n="120376"/>your wind: and wail, O ocean, with your whirlwind.
<lb n="120377"/><said who="tc">―There he is again,</said> says the citizen, staring out.
<lb n="120378"/><said who="tn">―Who?</said> says I.
<lb n="120379"/><said who="tc">―Bloom,</said> says he. <said who="tc">He's on point duty up and down there for the last ten
<lb n="120380"/>minutes.</said></p>
  <p><lb n="120381"/>And, <distinct type="dialect">begob</distinct>, I saw his <distinct type="dialect">physog</distinct> do a peep in and then <distinct type="dialect">slidder</distinct> off again.</p>
  <p><lb n="120382"/>Little Alf was knocked <distinct type="Joycean">bawways</distinct>. Faith, he was.
<lb n="120383"/><said who="ab">―Good Christ!</said> says he. <said who="ab">I could have sworn it was him.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120384"/>And says Bob Doran, with the hat on the back of his <distinct type="dialect">poll</distinct>, lowest
<lb n="120385"/>blackguard in Dublin when he's under the influence:
<lb n="120386"/><said who="bd">―Who said Christ is good?</said>
<lb n="120387"/><said who="ab">―I beg your parsnips,</said> says Alf.
<lb n="120388"/><said who="bd">―Is that a good Christ,</said> says Bob Doran, <said who="bd">to take away poor little Willy
<lb n="120389"/>Dignam?</said>
<lb n="120390"/><said who="ab">―Ah, well,</said> says Alf, trying to pass it off. <said who="ab">He's over all his troubles.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120391"/>But Bob Doran shouts out of him.
<lb n="120392"/><said who="bd">―He's a bloody ruffian, I say, to take away poor little Willy Dignam.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120393"/>Terry came down and tipped him the wink to keep quiet, that they
<lb n="120394"/>didn't want that kind of talk in a respectable licensed premises. And Bob
<lb n="120395"/>Doran starts doing the weeps about Paddy Dignam, true as you're there.
<lb n="120396"/><said who="bd">―The finest man,</said> says he, snivelling, <said who="bd">the finest purest character.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120397"/>The tear is bloody near your eye. Talking through his bloody hat.
<lb n="120398"/>Fitter for him go home to the little sleepwalking bitch he married, Mooney,
  <lb n="120399"/>the <distinct type="compound">bumbailiff's</distinct> daughter, mother kept a kip in Hardwicke street, that used
  <lb n="120400"/>to be <distinct type="dialect">stravaging</distinct> about the landings Bantam Lyons told me that was
<lb n="120401"/>stopping there at two in the morning without a stitch on her, exposing her
<lb n="120402"/>person, open to all comers, fair field and no favour.
<lb n="120403"/><said who="bd">―The noblest, the truest,</said> says he. <said who="bd">And he's gone, poor little Willy, poor
<lb n="120404"/>little Paddy Dignam.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120405"/>And mournful and with a heavy heart he <distinct type="archaism">bewept</distinct> the extinction of that
<lb n="120406"/>beam of heaven.</p>
<p><lb n="120407"/>Old Garryowen started growling again at Bloom that was <distinct type="dialect">skeezing</distinct>
<lb n="120408"/>round the door.
<lb n="120409"/><said who="tc">―Come in, come on,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">He won't eat you.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120410"/>So Bloom slopes in with his cod's eye on the dog and he asks Terry
<lb n="120411"/>was Martin Cunningham there.
<lb n="120412"/><said who="jh">―O, Christ M'Keown,</said> says Joe, reading one of the letters. <said who="jh">Listen to this,
<lb n="120413"/>will you?</said></p>
<p><lb n="120414"/>And he starts reading out one.
<lb n="120415"/><said who="jh">―<emph>7 Hunter Street,
<lb n="120416"/>Liverpool.
<lb n="120417"/>To the High Sheriff of Dublin,
<lb n="120418"/>Dublin.
<lb n="120419"/>Honoured sir i beg to offer my services in the <distinct type="compound">abovementioned</distinct> painful case i
<lb n="120420"/>hanged Joe Gann in Bootle jail on the 12 of Febuary 1900 and i hanged</emph> ....</said>
<lb n="120421"/><said who="tn">―Show us, Joe,</said> says I.
<lb n="120422"/><said who="jh">―... <emph>private Arthur Chace for fowl murder of Jessie Tilsit in Pentonville
<lb n="120423"/>prison and i was assistant when</emph> ....</said>
<lb n="120424"/><said who="tn">―Jesus,</said> says I.
<lb n="120425"/><said who="jh">―... <emph>Billington executed the awful murderer Toad Smith</emph> ...</said></p>
<p><lb n="120426"/>The citizen made a grab at the letter.
<lb n="120427"/><said who="jh">―Hold hard,</said> says Joe, <said who="jh"><emph>i have a special nack of putting the noose once in he
<lb n="120428"/>can't get out hoping to be favoured i remain, honoured sir, my terms is five
  <lb n="120429"/><distinct type="archaism">ginnees</distinct>.
<lb n="120430"/>H. Rumbold,
<lb n="120431"/>Master Barber.</emph></said>
<lb n="120432"/><said who="tc">―And a barbarous bloody barbarian he is too,</said> says the citizen.
<lb n="120433"/><said who="jh">―And the dirty scrawl of the wretch,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">Here,</said> says he, <said who="jh">take them to
<lb n="120434"/>hell out of my sight, Alf. Hello, Bloom,</said> says he, <said who="jh">what will you have?</said></p>
<p><lb n="120435"/>So they started arguing about the point, Bloom saying he wouldn't
<lb n="120436"/>and he couldn't and excuse him no offence and all to that and then he said
<lb n="120437"/>well he'd just take a cigar. Gob, he's a prudent member and no mistake.
<lb n="120438"/><said who="jh">―Give us one of your prime stinkers, Terry,</said> says Joe.</p>
<p><lb n="120439"/>And Alf was telling us there was one chap sent in a mourning card
<lb n="120440"/>with a black border round it.
<lb n="120441"/><said who="ab">―They're all barbers,</said> says he, <said who="ab">from the black country that would hang
<lb n="120442"/>their own fathers for five quid down and travelling expenses.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120443"/>And he was telling us there's two fellows waiting below to pull his
<lb n="120444"/>heels down when he gets the drop and choke him properly and then they
<lb n="120445"/>chop up the rope after and sell the bits for a few bob a skull.</p>
<p><lb n="120446"/>In the dark land they bide, the vengeful knights of the razor. Their
<lb n="120447"/>deadly coil they grasp: yea, and therein they lead to Erebus whatsoever
  <lb n="120448"/><distinct type="archaism">wight</distinct> <distinct type="archaism">hath</distinct> done a deed of blood for I will on <distinct type="archaism">nowise</distinct> suffer it even so <distinct type="archaism">saith</distinct>
<lb n="120449"/>the Lord.</p>
<p><lb n="120450"/>So they started talking about capital punishment and of course Bloom
<lb n="120451"/>comes out with the why and the wherefore and all the <distinct type="dialect">codology</distinct> of the
<lb n="120452"/>business and the old dog smelling him all the time I'm told those jewies does
<lb n="120453"/>have a sort of a queer odour coming off them for dogs about I don't know
<lb n="120454"/>what all deterrent effect and so forth and so on.
<lb n="120455"/><said who="ab">―There's one thing it hasn't a deterrent effect on,</said> says Alf.
<lb n="120456"/><said who="jh">―What's that?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120457"/><said who="ab">―The poor bugger's tool that's being hanged,</said> says Alf.
<lb n="120458"/><said who="jh">―That so?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120459"/><said who="ab">―God's truth,</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">I heard that from the head warder that was in
<lb n="120460"/>Kilmainham when they hanged Joe Brady, the invincible. He told me when
<lb n="120461"/>they cut him down after the drop it was standing up in their faces like a
<lb n="120462"/>poker.</said>
<lb n="120463"/><said who="jh">―Ruling passion strong in death,</said> says Joe, <said who="jh">as someone said.</said>
<lb n="120464"/><said who="lb">―That can be explained by science,</said> says Bloom. <said who="lb">It's only a natural
<lb n="120465"/>phenomenon, don't you see, because on account of the ...</said></p>
<p><lb n="120466"/>And then he starts with his jawbreakers about phenomenon and
<lb n="120467"/>science and this phenomenon and the other phenomenon.</p>
<p><lb n="120468"/>The distinguished scientist Herr Professor Luitpold Blumenduft
<lb n="120469"/>tendered medical evidence to the effect that the instantaneous fracture of the
<lb n="120470"/>cervical vertebrae and consequent scission of the spinal cord would,
<lb n="120471"/>according to the best approved tradition of medical science, be calculated to
<lb n="120472"/>inevitably produce in the human subject a violent ganglionic stimulus of the
<lb n="120473"/>nerve centres of the genital apparatus, thereby causing the elastic pores of
<lb n="120474"/>the <foreign xml:lang="la">corpora cavernosa</foreign> to rapidly dilate in such a way as to instantaneously
<lb n="120475"/>facilitate the flow of blood to that part of the human anatomy known as the
<lb n="120476"/>penis or male organ resulting in the phenomenon which has been
<lb n="120477"/>denominated by the faculty a morbid upwards and outwards
<lb n="120478"/>philoprogenitive erection <foreign xml:lang="la">in articulo mortis per diminutionem capitis</foreign>.</p>
<p><lb n="120479"/>So of course the citizen was only waiting for the wink of the word
<lb n="120480"/>and he starts gassing out of him about the invincibles and the old guard and
  <lb n="120481"/>the men of <distinct type="compound">sixtyseven</distinct> and who fears to speak of <distinct type="compound">ninetyeight</distinct> and Joe with
<lb n="120482"/>him about all the fellows that were hanged, drawn and transported for the
  <lb n="120483"/>cause by drumhead <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">courtmartial</distinct> and a new Ireland and new this, that and
<lb n="120484"/>the other. Talking about new Ireland he ought to go and get a new dog so
<lb n="120485"/>he ought. Mangy ravenous brute sniffing and sneezing all round the place
<lb n="120486"/>and scratching his scabs. And round he goes to Bob Doran that was
<lb n="120487"/>standing Alf a half one sucking up for what he could get. So of course Bob
<lb n="120488"/>Doran starts doing the bloody fool with his:
<lb n="120489"/><said who="bd">―Give us the paw! Give the paw, doggy! Good old doggy! Give the paw
<lb n="120490"/>here! Give us the paw!</said></p>
  <p><lb n="120491"/><distinct type="dialect">Arrah</distinct>, bloody end to the paw he'd paw and Alf trying to keep him
<lb n="120492"/>from tumbling off the bloody stool atop of the bloody old dog and he
<lb n="120493"/>talking all kinds of drivel about training by kindness and thoroughbred dog
<lb n="120494"/>and intelligent dog: give you the bloody pip. Then he starts scraping a few
<lb n="120495"/>bits of old biscuit out of the bottom of a Jacobs' tin he told Terry to bring.
    <lb n="120496"/>Gob, he <distinct type="dialect">golloped</distinct> it down like old boots and his tongue hanging out of him
<lb n="120497"/>a yard long for more. Near ate the tin and all, hungry bloody mongrel.</p>
<p><lb n="120498"/>And the citizen and Bloom having an argument about the point, the
<lb n="120499"/>brothers Sheares and Wolfe Tone beyond on Arbour Hill and Robert
<lb n="120500"/>Emmet and die for your country, the Tommy Moore touch about Sara
<lb n="120501"/>Curran and she's far from the land. And Bloom, of course, with his
  <lb n="120502"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">knockmedown</distinct> cigar putting on swank with his lardy face. Phenomenon!
<lb n="120503"/>The fat heap he married is a nice old phenomenon with a back on her like a
<lb n="120504"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">ballalley</distinct>. Time they were stopping up in the City Arms pisser Burke told me
<lb n="120505"/>there was an old one there with a cracked <distinct type="dialect">loodheramaun</distinct> of a nephew and
<lb n="120506"/>Bloom trying to get the soft side of her doing the mollycoddle playing
<lb n="120507"/>bézique to come in for a bit of the wampum in her will and not eating meat
<lb n="120508"/>of a Friday because the old one was always thumping her craw and taking
<lb n="120509"/>the lout out for a walk. And one time he led him the rounds of Dublin and,
<lb n="120510"/>by the holy farmer, he never cried crack till he brought him home as drunk
<lb n="120511"/>as a boiled owl and he said he did it to teach him the evils of alcohol and by
<lb n="120512"/>herrings, if the three women didn't near roast him, it's a queer story, the old
<lb n="120513"/>one, Bloom's wife and Mrs O'Dowd that kept the hotel. Jesus, I had to
<lb n="120514"/>laugh at pisser Burke taking them off chewing the fat. And Bloom with his
<lb n="120515"/><said who="lb" direct="false" rend="italics">but don't you see?</said> and <said who="lb" direct="false" rend="italics">but on the other hand</said>. And sure, more be token, the
<lb n="120516"/>lout I'm told was in Power's after, the blender's, round in Cope street going
<lb n="120517"/>home footless in a cab five times in the week after drinking his way through
<lb n="120518"/>all the samples in the bloody establishment. Phenomenon!
<lb n="120519"/><said who="tc">―The memory of the dead,</said> says the citizen taking up his <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">pintglass</distinct> and
<lb n="120520"/>glaring at Bloom.
<lb n="120521"/><said who="jh">―Ay, ay,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120522"/><said who="lb">―You don't grasp my point,</said> says Bloom. <said who="lb">What I mean is ....</said>
<lb n="120523"/><said who="tc">―<foreign xml:lang="ga">Sinn Fein!</foreign></said> says the citizen. <said who="tc"><foreign xml:lang="ga">Sinn fein amhain!</foreign> The friends we love are by
<lb n="120524"/>our side and the foes we hate before us.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120525"/>The last farewell was affecting in the extreme. From the belfries far
  <lb n="120526"/>and near the funereal <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">deathbell</distinct> tolled unceasingly while all around the
<lb n="120527"/>gloomy precincts rolled the ominous warning of a hundred muffled drums
<lb n="120528"/>punctuated by the hollow booming of pieces of ordnance. The deafening
<lb n="120529"/>claps of thunder and the dazzling flashes of lightning which lit up the
<lb n="120530"/>ghastly scene testified that the artillery of heaven had lent its supernatural
<lb n="120531"/>pomp to the already gruesome spectacle. A torrential rain poured down
<lb n="120532"/>from the floodgates of the angry heavens upon the bared heads of the
<lb n="120533"/>assembled multitude which numbered at the lowest computation five
<lb n="120534"/>hundred thousand persons. A posse of Dublin Metropolitan police
<lb n="120535"/>superintended by the Chief Commissioner in person maintained order in
<lb n="120536"/>the vast throng for whom the York street brass and reed band whiled away
<lb n="120537"/>the intervening time by admirably rendering on their <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">blackdraped</distinct>
<lb n="120538"/>instruments the matchless melody endeared to us from the cradle by
<lb n="120539"/>Speranza's plaintive muse. Special quick excursion trains and upholstered
<lb n="120540"/>charabancs had been provided for the comfort of our country cousins of
<lb n="120541"/>whom there were large contingents. Considerable amusement was caused
<lb n="120542"/>by the favourite Dublin <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">streetsingers</distinct> L-n-h-n and M-ll-g-n who sang <title type="song">The
<lb n="120543"/>Night before Larry was Stretched</title> in their usual <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">mirthprovoking</distinct> fashion.
  <lb n="120544"/>Our two inimitable <distinct type="archaism">drolls</distinct> did a roaring trade with their broadsheets among
<lb n="120545"/>lovers of the comedy element and nobody who has a corner in his heart for
<lb n="120546"/>real Irish fun without vulgarity will grudge them their <distinct type="compound">hardearned</distinct> pennies.
<lb n="120547"/>The children of the Male and Female Foundling Hospital who thronged the
<lb n="120548"/>windows overlooking the scene were delighted with this unexpected
<lb n="120549"/>addition to the day's entertainment and a word of praise is due to the Little
<lb n="120550"/>Sisters of the Poor for their excellent idea of affording the poor fatherless
<lb n="120551"/>and motherless children a genuinely instructive treat. The viceregal
  <lb n="120552"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">houseparty</distinct> which included many <distinct type="compound">wellknown</distinct> ladies was chaperoned by
<lb n="120553"/>Their Excellencies to the most favourable positions on the grandstand while
<lb n="120554"/>the picturesque foreign delegation known as the Friends of the Emerald Isle
<lb n="120555"/>was accommodated on a tribune directly opposite. The delegation, present
<lb n="120556"/>in full force, consisted of Commendatore Bacibaci Beninobenone (the
  <lb n="120557"/><distinct type="compound">semiparalysed</distinct> <foreign xml:lang="fr">doyen</foreign> of the party who had to be assisted to his seat by the
<lb n="120558"/>aid of a powerful steam crane), Monsieur Pierrepaul Petitépatant, the
<lb n="120559"/>Grandjoker Vladinmire Pokethankertscheff, the Archjoker Leopold
<lb n="120560"/>Rudolph von Schwanzenbad-Hodenthaler, Countess Marha Virága
<lb n="120561"/>Kisászony Putrápesthi, Hiram Y. Bomboost, Count Athanatos
<lb n="120562"/>Karamelopulos, Ali Baba Backsheesh Rahat Lokum Effendi, Señor Hidalgo
<lb n="120563"/>Caballero Don Pecadillo y Palabras y Paternoster de la Malora de la
<lb n="120564"/>Malaria, Hokopoko Harakiri, Hi Hung Chang, Olaf Kobberkeddelsen,
<lb n="120565"/>Mynheer Trik van Trumps, Pan Poleaxe Paddyrisky, Goosepond Přhklštř
<lb n="120566"/>Kratchinabritchisitch, Borus Hupinkoff, Herr Hurhausdirektorpresident
<lb n="120567"/>Hans Chuechli-Steuerli, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">Nationalgymnasiummuseumsanatoriumand-
  <lb n="120568"/>suspensoriumsordinaryprivatdocentgeneralhistoryspecialprofessordoctor</distinct>
<lb n="120569"/>Kriegfried Ueberallgemein. All the delegates without exception expressed
<lb n="120570"/>themselves in the strongest possible heterogeneous terms concerning the
<lb n="120571"/>nameless barbarity which they had been called upon to witness.
<lb n="120572"/>An animated altercation (in which all took part) ensued among
<lb n="120573"/>the F. O. T. E. I. as to whether the eighth or the ninth of March was the
<lb n="120574"/>correct date of the birth of Ireland's patron saint. In the course of the
<lb n="120575"/>argument cannonballs, scimitars, boomerangs, blunderbusses, stinkpots,
  <lb n="120576"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">meatchoppers</distinct>, umbrellas, catapults, knuckledusters, sandbags, lumps of pig
<lb n="120577"/>iron were resorted to and blows were freely exchanged. The baby
<lb n="120578"/>policeman, Constable MacFadden, summoned by special courier from
<lb n="120579"/>Booterstown, quickly restored order and with lightning promptitude
<lb n="120580"/>proposed the seventeenth of the month as a solution equally honourable for
<lb n="120581"/>both contending parties. The <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">readywitted</distinct> <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">ninefooter's</distinct> suggestion at once
<lb n="120582"/>appealed to all and was unanimously accepted. Constable MacFadden was
<lb n="120583"/>heartily congratulated by all the F. O. T. E. I., several of whom were
<lb n="120584"/>bleeding profusely. Commendatore Beninobenone having been extricated
<lb n="120585"/>from underneath the presidential armchair, it was explained by his legal
<lb n="120586"/>adviser Avvocato Pagamimi that the various articles secreted in his
  <lb n="120587"/><distinct type="compound">thirtytwo</distinct> pockets had been abstracted by him during the affray from the
<lb n="120588"/>pockets of his junior colleagues in the hope of bringing them to their senses.
<lb n="120589"/>The objects (which included several hundred ladies' and gentlemen's gold
<lb n="120590"/>and silver watches) were promptly restored to their rightful owners and
<lb n="120591"/>general harmony reigned supreme.</p>
<p><lb n="120592"/>Quietly, unassumingly Rumbold stepped on to the scaffold in faultless
<lb n="120593"/>morning dress and wearing his favourite flower, the <foreign xml:lang="la">Gladiolus Cruentus</foreign>.
<lb n="120594"/>He announced his presence by that gentle Rumboldian cough which so
<lb n="120595"/>many have tried (unsuccessfully) to imitate – short, painstaking yet withal
<lb n="120596"/>so characteristic of the man. The arrival of the <distinct type="compound">worldrenowned</distinct> headsman
<lb n="120597"/>was greeted by a roar of acclamation from the huge concourse, the
<lb n="120598"/>viceregal ladies waving their handkerchiefs in their excitement while the
<lb n="120599"/>even more excitable foreign delegates cheered vociferously in a medley of
<lb n="120600"/>cries, <foreign xml:lang="de">hoch</foreign>, <foreign xml:lang="ja">banzai</foreign>, <foreign xml:lang="hu">eljen</foreign>, <foreign xml:lang="sh">zivio</foreign>, <foreign xml:lang="cpe">chinchin</foreign>, <foreign xml:lang="el">polla kronia</foreign>, <emph>hiphip</emph>, <foreign xml:lang="fr">vive</foreign>,
<lb n="120601"/><foreign xml:lang="ar">Allah</foreign>, amid which the ringing <foreign xml:lang="it">evviva</foreign> of the delegate of the land of song
<lb n="120602"/>(a high double F recalling those piercingly lovely notes with which the
<lb n="120603"/>eunuch Catalani beglamoured our <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">greatgreatgrandmothers</distinct>) was easily
<lb n="120604"/>distinguishable. It was exactly seventeen o'clock. The signal for prayer was
<lb n="120605"/>then promptly given by megaphone and in an instant all heads were bared,
<lb n="120606"/>the commendatore's patriarchal sombrero, which has been in the possession
<lb n="120607"/>of his family since the revolution of Rienzi, being removed by his medical
<lb n="120608"/>adviser in attendance, Dr Pippi. The learned prelate who administered the
<lb n="120609"/>last comforts of holy religion to the hero martyr when about to pay the
<lb n="120610"/>death penalty knelt in a most christian spirit in a pool of rainwater, his
<lb n="120611"/>cassock above his hoary head, and offered up to the throne of grace fervent
<lb n="120612"/>prayers of supplication. Hand by the block stood the grim figure of the
<lb n="120613"/>executioner, his visage being concealed in a <distinct type="compound">tengallon</distinct> pot with two circular
<lb n="120614"/>perforated apertures through which his eyes glowered furiously. As he
<lb n="120615"/>awaited the fatal signal he tested the edge of his horrible weapon by honing
<lb n="120616"/>it upon his brawny forearm or decapitated in rapid succession a flock of
<lb n="120617"/>sheep which had been provided by the admirers of his fell but necessary
<lb n="120618"/>office. On a handsome mahogany table near him were neatly arranged the
<lb n="120619"/>quartering knife, the various finely tempered disembowelling appliances
  <lb n="120620"/>(specially supplied by the <distinct type="compound">worldfamous</distinct> firm of cutlers, Messrs John Round
<lb n="120621"/>and Sons, Sheffield), a terra cotta saucepan for the reception of the
<lb n="120622"/>duodenum, colon, blind intestine and appendix etc when successfully
<lb n="120623"/>extracted and two commodious <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">milkjugs</distinct> destined to receive the most
<lb n="120624"/>precious blood of the most precious victim. The <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">housesteward</distinct> of the
<lb n="120625"/>amalgamated cats' and dogs' home was in attendance to convey these
<lb n="120626"/>vessels when replenished to that beneficent institution. Quite an excellent
<lb n="120627"/>repast consisting of rashers and eggs, fried steak and onions, done to a
<lb n="120628"/>nicety, delicious hot breakfast rolls and invigorating tea had been
<lb n="120629"/>considerately provided by the authorities for the consumption of the central
<lb n="120630"/>figure of the tragedy who was in capital spirits when prepared for death and
<lb n="120631"/>evinced the keenest interest in the proceedings from beginning to end but
<lb n="120632"/>he, with an abnegation rare in these our times, rose nobly to the occasion
<lb n="120633"/>and expressed the dying wish (immediately acceded to) that the meal should
<lb n="120634"/>be divided in aliquot parts among the members of the sick and indigent
  <lb n="120635"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">roomkeepers'</distinct> association as a token of his regard and esteem. The <foreign xml:lang="la">nec</foreign> and
<lb n="120636"/><foreign xml:lang="la">non plus ultra</foreign> of emotion were reached when the blushing bride elect burst
<lb n="120637"/>her way through the serried ranks of the bystanders and flung herself upon
<lb n="120638"/>the muscular bosom of him who was about to be launched into eternity for
<lb n="120639"/>her sake. The hero folded her willowy form in a loving embrace murmuring
<lb n="120640"/>fondly <emph>Sheila, my own</emph>. Encouraged by this use of her christian name she
<lb n="120641"/>kissed passionately all the various suitable areas of his person which the
<lb n="120642"/>decencies of prison garb permitted her ardour to reach. She swore to him as
<lb n="120643"/>they mingled the salt streams of their tears that she would ever cherish his
<lb n="120644"/>memory, that she would never forget her hero boy who went to his death
<lb n="120645"/>with a song on his lips as if he were but going to a hurling match in
<lb n="120646"/>Clonturk park. She brought back to his recollection the happy days of
<lb n="120647"/>blissful childhood together on the banks of Anna Liffey when they had
<lb n="120648"/>indulged in the innocent pastimes of the young and, oblivious of the
<lb n="120649"/>dreadful present, they both laughed heartily, all the spectators, including
<lb n="120650"/>the venerable pastor, joining in the general merriment. That monster
<lb n="120651"/>audience simply rocked with delight. But anon they were overcome with
<lb n="120652"/>grief and clasped their hands for the last time. A fresh torrent of tears burst
<lb n="120653"/>from their lachrymal ducts and the vast concourse of people, touched to the
<lb n="120654"/>inmost core, broke into heartrending sobs, not the least affected being the
<lb n="120655"/>aged prebendary himself. Big strong men, officers of the peace and genial
<lb n="120656"/>giants of the royal Irish constabulary, were making frank use of their
<lb n="120657"/>handkerchiefs and it is safe to say that there was not a dry eye in that
<lb n="120658"/>record assemblage. A most romantic incident occurred when a handsome
<lb n="120659"/>young Oxford graduate, noted for his chivalry towards the fair sex, stepped
<lb n="120660"/>forward and, presenting his visiting card, bankbook and genealogical tree,
<lb n="120661"/>solicited the hand of the hapless young lady, requesting her to name the
<lb n="120662"/>day, and was accepted on the spot. Every lady in the audience was
<lb n="120663"/>presented with a tasteful souvenir of the occasion in the shape of a skull and
<lb n="120664"/>crossbones brooch, a timely and generous act which evoked a fresh
<lb n="120665"/>outburst of emotion: and when the gallant young Oxonian (the bearer, by
<lb n="120666"/>the way, of one of the most <distinct type="compound">timehonoured</distinct> names in Albion's history) placed
<lb n="120667"/>on the finger of his blushing <foreign xml:lang="fr">fiancée</foreign> an expensive engagement ring with
  <lb n="120668"/>emeralds set in the form of a <distinct type="compound">fourleaved</distinct> shamrock the excitement knew no
<lb n="120669"/>bounds. Nay, even the stern <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">provostmarshal</distinct>, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">lieutenantcolonel</distinct>
<lb n="120670"/>Tomkin-Maxwell ffrenchmullan Tomlinson, who presided on the sad
<lb n="120671"/>occasion, he who had blown a considerable number of sepoys from the
  <lb n="120672"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">cannonmouth</distinct> without flinching, could not now restrain his natural
<lb n="120673"/>emotion. With his mailed gauntlet he brushed away a furtive tear and was
<lb n="120674"/>overheard, by those privileged burghers who happened to be in his
<lb n="120675"/>immediate <foreign xml:lang="fr">entourage</foreign>, to murmur to himself in a faltering undertone:
<lb n="120676"/><said who="tt">―God blimey if she aint a clinker, that there bleeding tart. Blimey it makes
<lb n="120677"/>me kind of bleeding cry, straight, it does, when I sees her cause I thinks of
  <lb n="120678"/>my old <distinct type="compound">mashtub</distinct> what's waiting for me down Limehouse way.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120679"/>So then the citizen begins talking about the Irish language and the
<lb n="120680"/>corporation meeting and all to that and the <distinct type="dialect">shoneens</distinct> that can't speak their
<lb n="120681"/>own language and Joe chipping in because he stuck someone for a quid and
  <lb n="120682"/>Bloom putting in his old goo with his <distinct type="dialect">twopenny</distinct> stump that he cadged off of
<lb n="120683"/>Joe and talking about the Gaelic league and the antitreating league and
<lb n="120684"/>drink, the curse of Ireland. Antitreating is about the size of it. Gob, he'd let
<lb n="120685"/>you pour all manner of drink down his throat till the Lord would call him
<lb n="120686"/>before you'd ever see the froth of his pint. And one night I went in with a
<lb n="120687"/>fellow into one of their musical evenings, song and dance about she could
<lb n="120688"/>get up on a truss of hay she could my Maureen Lay and there was a fellow
<lb n="120689"/>with a Ballyhooly blue ribbon badge spiffing out of him in Irish and a lot of
  <lb n="120690"/>colleen <distinct type="dialect">bawns</distinct> going about with temperance beverages and selling medals
<lb n="120691"/>and oranges and lemonade and a few old dry buns, gob, <distinct type="dialect">flahoolagh</distinct>
<lb n="120692"/>entertainment, don't be talking. Ireland sober is Ireland free. And then an
<lb n="120693"/>old fellow starts blowing into his bagpipes and all the gougers shuffling
<lb n="120694"/>their feet to the tune the old cow died of. And one or two sky pilots having
<lb n="120695"/>an eye around that there was no goings on with the females, hitting below
<lb n="120696"/>the belt.</p>
  <p><lb n="120697"/>So <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">howandever</distinct>, as I was saying, the old dog seeing the tin was empty
<lb n="120698"/>starts mousing around by Joe and me. I'd train him by kindness, so I
<lb n="120699"/>would, if he was my dog. Give him a rousing fine kick now and again where
<lb n="120700"/>it wouldn't blind him.
<lb n="120701"/><said who="tc">―Afraid he'll bite you?</said> says the citizen, jeering.
<lb n="120702"/><said who="tn">―No,</said> says I. <said who="tn">But he might take my leg for a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">lamppost</distinct>.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120703"/>So he calls the old dog over.
<lb n="120704"/><said who="tc">―What's on you, Garry?</said> says he.</p>
<p><lb n="120705"/>Then he starts hauling and mauling and talking to him in Irish and
  <lb n="120706"/>the old <distinct type="dialect">towser</distinct> growling, letting on to answer, like a duet in the opera. Such
<lb n="120707"/>growling you never heard as they let off between them. Someone that has
<lb n="120708"/>nothing better to do ought to write a letter <foreign xml:lang="la">pro bono publico</foreign> to the papers
<lb n="120709"/>about the muzzling order for a dog the like of that. Growling and grousing
  <lb n="120710"/>and his eye all bloodshot from the <distinct type="dialect">drouth</distinct> is in it and the hydrophobia
<lb n="120711"/>dropping out of his jaws.</p>
<p><lb n="120712"/>All those who are interested in the spread of human culture among
<lb n="120713"/>the lower animals (and their name is legion) should make a point of not
<lb n="120714"/>missing the really marvellous exhibition of cynanthropy given by the
<lb n="120715"/>famous old Irish red setter wolfdog formerly known by the <foreign xml:lang="fr">sobriquet</foreign> of
<lb n="120716"/>Garryowen and recently rechristened by his large circle of friends and
<lb n="120717"/>acquaintances Owen Garry. The exhibition, which is the result of years of
  <lb n="120718"/>training by kindness and a carefully <distinct type="compound">thoughtout</distinct> dietary system, comprises,
<lb n="120719"/>among other achievements, the recitation of verse. Our greatest living
<lb n="120720"/>phonetic expert (wild horses shall not drag it from us!) has left no stone
<lb n="120721"/>unturned in his efforts to delucidate and compare the verse recited and has
<lb n="120722"/>found it bears a <emph>striking</emph> resemblance (the italics are ours) to the <distinct type="dialect">ranns</distinct> of
<lb n="120723"/>ancient Celtic bards. We are not speaking so much of those delightful
  <lb n="120724"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">lovesongs</distinct> with which the writer who conceals his identity under the
<lb n="120725"/>graceful pseudonym of the Little Sweet Branch has familiarised the
  <lb n="120726"/><distinct type="compound">bookloving</distinct> world but rather (as a contributor D. O. C. points out in an
<lb n="120727"/>interesting communication published by an evening contemporary) of the
<lb n="120728"/>harsher and more personal note which is found in the satirical effusions of
<lb n="120729"/>the famous Raftery and of Donal MacConsidine to say nothing of a more
<lb n="120730"/>modern lyrist at present very much in the public eye. We subjoin a specimen
<lb n="120731"/>which has been rendered into English by an eminent scholar whose name
<lb n="120732"/>for the moment we are not at liberty to disclose though we believe that our
<lb n="120733"/>readers will find the topical allusion rather more than an indication. The
<lb n="120734"/>metrical system of the canine original, which recalls the intricate alliterative
<lb n="120735"/>and isosyllabic rules of the Welsh englyn, is infinitely more complicated but
<lb n="120736"/>we believe our readers will agree that the spirit has been well caught.
<lb n="120737"/>Perhaps it should be added that the effect is greatly increased if Owen's
<lb n="120738"/>verse be spoken somewhat slowly and indistinctly in a tone suggestive of
<lb n="120739"/>suppressed rancour.</p>
<lg rend="italics"><lb n="120740"/><l>The curse of my curses</l>
<lb n="120741"/><l>Seven days every day</l>
<lb n="120742"/><l>And seven dry Thursdays</l>
<lb n="120743"/><l>On you, Barney Kiernan,</l>
<lb n="120744"/><l>Has no sup of water</l>
<lb n="120745"/><l>To cool my courage,</l>
<lb n="120746"/><l>And my guts red roaring</l>
<lb n="120747"/><l>After Lowry's lights.</l></lg>
<p><lb n="120748"/>So he told Terry to bring some water for the dog and, gob, you could
<lb n="120749"/>hear him lapping it up a mile off. And Joe asked him would he have
<lb n="120750"/>another.
<lb n="120751"/><said who="tc">―I will,</said> says he, <said who="tc"><foreign xml:lang="ga">a chara</foreign>, to show there's no ill feeling.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120752"/>Gob, he's not as green as he's <distinct type="compound">cabbagelooking</distinct>. <distinct type="dialect">Arsing</distinct> around from
<lb n="120753"/>one pub to another, leaving it to your own honour, with old Giltrap's dog
<lb n="120754"/>and getting fed up by the ratepayers and corporators. Entertainment for
<lb n="120755"/>man and beast. And says Joe:
<lb n="120756"/><said who="jh">―Could you make a hole in another pint?</said>
<lb n="120757"/><said who="tn">―Could a swim duck?</said> says I.
<lb n="120758"/><said who="jh">―Same again, Terry,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">Are you sure you won't have anything in the
<lb n="120759"/>way of liquid refreshment?</said> says he.
<lb n="120760"/><said who="lb">―Thank you, no,</said> says Bloom. <said who="lb">As a matter of fact I just wanted to meet
<lb n="120761"/>Martin Cunningham, don't you see, about this insurance of poor Dignam's.
<lb n="120762"/>Martin asked me to go to the house. You see, he, Dignam, I mean, didn't
<lb n="120763"/>serve any notice of the assignment on the company at the time and
<lb n="120764"/>nominally under the act the mortgagee can't recover on the policy.</said>
<lb n="120765"/><said who="jh">―Holy Wars,</said> says Joe, laughing, <said who="jh">that's a good one if old Shylock is landed.
<lb n="120766"/>So the wife comes out top dog, what?</said>
<lb n="120767"/><said who="lb">―Well, that's a point,</said> says Bloom, <said who="lb">for the wife's admirers.</said>
<lb n="120768"/><said who="jh">―Whose admirers?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120769"/><said who="lb">―The wife's advisers, I mean,</said> says Bloom.</p>
<p><lb n="120770"/>Then he starts all confused mucking it up about mortgagor under the
<lb n="120771"/>act like the lord chancellor giving it out on the bench and for the benefit of
<lb n="120772"/>the wife and that a trust is created but on the other hand that Dignam owed
<lb n="120773"/>Bridgeman the money and if now the wife or the widow contested the
<lb n="120774"/>mortgagee's right till he near had the head of me addled with his mortgagor
<lb n="120775"/>under the act. He was bloody safe he wasn't run in himself under the act
<lb n="120776"/>that time as a rogue and vagabond only he had a friend in court. Selling
<lb n="120777"/>bazaar tickets or what do you call it royal Hungarian privileged lottery.
<lb n="120778"/>True as you're there. O, commend me to an israelite! Royal and privileged
<lb n="120779"/>Hungarian robbery.</p>
<p><lb n="120780"/>So Bob Doran comes lurching around asking Bloom to tell Mrs
<lb n="120781"/>Dignam he was sorry for her trouble and he was very sorry about the
<lb n="120782"/>funeral and to tell her that he said and everyone who knew him said that
<lb n="120783"/>there was never a truer, a finer than poor little Willy that's dead to tell her.
<lb n="120784"/>Choking with bloody foolery. And shaking Bloom's hand doing the tragic
<lb n="120785"/>to tell her that. Shake hands, brother. You're a rogue and I'm another.
<lb n="120786"/><said who="bd">―Let me,</said> said he, <said who="bd">so far presume upon our acquaintance which, however
<lb n="120787"/>slight it may appear if judged by the standard of mere time, is founded, as I
<lb n="120788"/>hope and believe, on a sentiment of mutual esteem as to request of you this
<lb n="120789"/>favour. But, should I have overstepped the limits of reserve let the sincerity
<lb n="120790"/>of my feelings be the excuse for my boldness.</said>
<lb n="120791"/><said who="lb">―No,</said> rejoined the other, <said who="lb">I appreciate to the full the motives which actuate
<lb n="120792"/>your conduct and I shall discharge the office you entrust to me consoled by
<lb n="120793"/>the reflection that, though the errand be one of sorrow, this proof of your
<lb n="120794"/>confidence sweetens in some measure the bitterness of the cup.</said>
<lb n="120795"/><said who="bd">―Then suffer me to take your hand,</said> said he. <said who="bd">The goodness of your heart, I
<lb n="120796"/>feel sure, will dictate to you better than my inadequate words the
<lb n="120797"/>expressions which are most suitable to convey an emotion whose
<lb n="120798"/>poignancy, were I to give vent to my feelings, would deprive me even of
<lb n="120799"/>speech.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120800"/>And off with him and out trying to walk straight. Boosed at five
<lb n="120801"/>o'clock. Night he was near being lagged only Paddy Leonard knew the
  <lb n="120802"/>bobby, 14 A. Blind to the world up in a <distinct type="dialect">shebeen</distinct> in Bride street after closing
<lb n="120803"/>time, fornicating with two shawls and a bully on guard, drinking porter out
<lb n="120804"/>of teacups. And calling himself a Frenchy for the shawls, Joseph Manuo,
<lb n="120805"/>and talking against the Catholic religion, and he serving mass in Adam and
<lb n="120806"/>Eve's when he was young with his eyes shut, who wrote the new testament,
  <lb n="120807"/>and the old testament, and hugging and <distinct type="Joycean">smugging</distinct>. And the two shawls
<lb n="120808"/>killed with the laughing, picking his pockets, the bloody fool and he spilling
<lb n="120809"/>the porter all over the bed and the two shawls screeching laughing at one
<lb n="120810"/>another. <said who="uss" direct="false" rend="italics">How is your testament? Have you got an old testament?</said> Only
<lb n="120811"/>Paddy was passing there, I tell you what. Then see him of a Sunday with his
<lb n="120812"/>little concubine of a wife, and she wagging her tail up the aisle of the chapel
<lb n="120813"/>with her patent boots on her, no less, and her violets, nice as pie, doing the
<lb n="120814"/>little lady. Jack Mooney's sister. And the old prostitute of a mother
<lb n="120815"/>procuring rooms to street couples. Gob, Jack made him toe the line. Told
<lb n="120816"/>him if he didn't patch up the pot, Jesus, he'd kick the shite out of him.</p>
<p><lb n="120817"/>So Terry brought the three pints.
<lb n="120818"/><said who="jh">―Here,</said> says Joe, doing the honours. <said who="jh">Here, citizen.</said>
<lb n="120819"/><said who="tc">―<foreign xml:lang="ga">Slan leat</foreign>,</said> says he.
<lb n="120820"/><said who="tn">―Fortune, Joe,</said> says I. <said who="tn">Good health, citizen.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120821"/>Gob, he had his mouth half way down the tumbler already. Want a
<lb n="120822"/>small fortune to keep him in drinks.
<lb n="120823"/><said who="jh">―Who is the long fellow running for the mayoralty, Alf?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120824"/><said who="ab">―Friend of yours,</said> says Alf.
<lb n="120825"/><said who="jh">―Nannan?</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">The mimber?</said>
<lb n="120826"/><said who="ab">―I won't mention any names,</said> says Alf.
<lb n="120827"/><said who="jh">―I thought so,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">I saw him up at that meeting now with William
<lb n="120828"/>Field, M. P., the cattle traders.</said>
<lb n="120829"/><said who="tc">―Hairy Iopas,</said> says the citizen, <said who="tc">that exploded volcano, the darling of all
<lb n="120830"/>countries and the idol of his own.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120831"/>So Joe starts telling the citizen about the foot and mouth disease and
<lb n="120832"/>the cattle traders and taking action in the matter and the citizen sending
  <lb n="120833"/>them all to the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">rightabout</distinct> and Bloom coming out with his <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">sheepdip</distinct> for the
<lb n="120834"/>scab and a hoose drench for coughing calves and the guaranteed remedy
<lb n="120835"/>for timber tongue. Because he was up one time in a knacker's yard.
<lb n="120836"/>Walking about with his book and pencil here's my head and my heels are
<lb n="120837"/>coming till Joe Cuffe gave him the order of the boot for giving lip to a
  <lb n="120838"/><distinct type="dialect">grazier</distinct>. Mister Knowall. Teach your grandmother how to milk ducks.
<lb n="120839"/>Pisser Burke was telling me in the hotel the wife used to be in rivers of tears
<lb n="120840"/>some times with Mrs O'Dowd crying her eyes out with her eight inches of
<lb n="120841"/>fat all over her. Couldn't loosen her farting strings but old cod's eye was
<lb n="120842"/>waltzing around her showing her how to do it. What's your programme
<lb n="120843"/>today? Ay. Humane methods. Because the poor animals suffer and experts
<lb n="120844"/>say and the best known remedy that doesn't cause pain to the animal and
<lb n="120845"/>on the sore spot administer gently. Gob, he'd have a soft hand under a hen.</p>
<p><lb n="120846"/>Ga Ga Gara. Klook Klook Klook. Black Liz is our hen. She lays eggs
<lb n="120847"/>for us. When she lays her egg she is so glad. Gara. Klook Klook Klook.
<lb n="120848"/>Then comes good uncle Leo. He puts his hand under black Liz and takes
<lb n="120849"/>her fresh egg. Ga ga ga ga Gara. Klook Klook Klook.
<lb n="120850"/><said who="jh">―Anyhow,</said> says Joe, <said who="jh">Field and Nannetti are going over tonight to London
<lb n="120851"/>to ask about it on the floor of the house of commons.</said>
<lb n="120852"/><said who="lb">―Are you sure,</said> says Bloom, <said who="lb">the councillor is going? I wanted to see him, as
<lb n="120853"/>it happens.</said>
<lb n="120854"/><said who="jh">―Well, he's going off by the mailboat,</said> says Joe, <said who="jh">tonight.</said>
<lb n="120855"/><said who="lb">―That's too bad,</said> says Bloom. <said who="lb">I wanted particularly. Perhaps only Mr Field
<lb n="120856"/>is going. I couldn't phone. No. You're sure?</said>
<lb n="120857"/><said who="jh">―Nannan's going too,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">The league told him to ask a question
<lb n="120858"/>tomorrow about the commissioner of police forbidding Irish games in the
<lb n="120859"/>park. What do you think of that, citizen? The <foreign xml:lang="ga">Sluagh na h-Eireann</foreign>.</said></p>
<sp who="mrcc"><speaker><lb n="120860"/>Mr Cowe Conacre (Multifarnham. Nat.):</speaker> <p>Arising out of the question of my
<lb n="120861"/>honourable friend, the member for Shillelagh, may I ask the right
<lb n="120862"/>honourable gentleman whether the government has issued orders that these
<lb n="120863"/>animals shall be slaughtered though no medical evidence is forthcoming as
<lb n="120864"/>to their pathological condition?</p></sp>
<sp who="mra"><speaker><lb n="120865"/>Mr Allfours (Tamoshant. Con.):</speaker> <p>Honourable members are already in
<lb n="120866"/>possession of the evidence produced before a committee of the whole house.
<lb n="120867"/>I feel I cannot usefully add anything to that. The answer to the honourable
<lb n="120868"/>member's question is in the affirmative.</p></sp>
<sp who="mroor"><speaker><lb n="120869"/>Mr Orelli O'Reilly (Montenotte. Nat.):</speaker> <p>Have similar orders been issued for
<lb n="120870"/>the slaughter of human animals who dare to play Irish games in the
<lb n="120871"/>Phoenix park?</p></sp>
<sp who="mra"><speaker><lb n="120872"/>Mr Allfours:</speaker> <p>The answer is in the negative.</p></sp>
<sp who="mrcc"><speaker><lb n="120873"/>Mr Cowe Conacre:</speaker> <p>Has the right honourable gentleman's famous
<lb n="120874"/>Mitchelstown telegram inspired the policy of gentlemen on the Treasury
<lb n="120875"/>bench? <stage>(O! O!)</stage></p></sp>
<sp who="mra"><speaker><lb n="120876"/>Mr Allfours:</speaker> <p>I must have notice of that question.</p></sp>
<sp who="mrs"><speaker><lb n="120877"/>Mr Staylewit (Buncombe. Ind.):</speaker> <p>Don't hesitate to shoot. <stage>(Ironical
<lb n="120878"/>opposition cheers.)</stage></p></sp>
<sp who="tsp"><speaker><lb n="120879"/>The speaker:</speaker> <p>Order! Order! <stage>(The house rises. Cheers.)</stage></p></sp>
<p><lb n="120880"/><said who="jh">―There's the man,</said> says Joe, <said who="jh">that made the Gaelic sports revival. There he is
<lb n="120881"/>sitting there. The man that got away James Stephens. The champion of all
<lb n="120882"/>Ireland at putting the sixteen pound shot. What was your best throw,
<lb n="120883"/>citizen?</said>
<lb n="120884"/><said who="tc">―<foreign xml:lang="ga">Na bacleis</foreign>,</said> says the citizen, letting on to be modest. <said who="tc">There was a time I
<lb n="120885"/>was as good as the next fellow anyhow.</said>
<lb n="120886"/><said who="jh">―Put it there, citizen,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">You were and a bloody sight better.</said>
<lb n="120887"/><said who="ab">―Is that really a fact?</said> says Alf.
<lb n="120888"/><said who="lb">―Yes,</said> says Bloom. <said who="lb">That's well known. Did you not know that?</said></p>
<p><lb n="120889"/>So off they started about Irish sports and <distinct type="dialect">shoneen</distinct> games the like of
<lb n="120890"/>lawn tennis and about hurley and putting the stone and racy of the soil and
<lb n="120891"/>building up a nation once again and all to that. And of course Bloom had to
<lb n="120892"/>have his say too about if a fellow had a rower's heart violent exercise was
<lb n="120893"/>bad. I declare to my antimacassar if you took up a straw from the bloody
<lb n="120894"/>floor and if you said to Bloom: <said who="tn" direct="false" rend="italics">Look at, Bloom. Do you see that straw?
<lb n="120895"/>That's a straw.</said> Declare to my aunt he'd talk about it for an hour so he
<lb n="120896"/>would and talk steady.</p>
<p><lb n="120897"/>A most interesting discussion took place in the ancient hall of <emph>Brian
<lb n="120898"/>O'Ciarnain</emph>'s in <foreign xml:lang="ga">Sraid na Bretaine Bheag</foreign>, under the auspices of <foreign xml:lang="ga">Sluagh na
<lb n="120899"/>h-Eireann</foreign>, on the revival of ancient Gaelic sports and the importance of
<lb n="120900"/>physical culture, as understood in ancient Greece and ancient Rome and
<lb n="120901"/>ancient Ireland, for the development of the race. The venerable president of
<lb n="120902"/>the noble order was in the chair and the attendance was of large
<lb n="120903"/>dimensions. After an instructive discourse by the chairman, a magnificent
<lb n="120904"/>oration eloquently and forcibly expressed, a most interesting and instructive
<lb n="120905"/>discussion of the usual high standard of excellence ensued as to the
<lb n="120906"/>desirability of the revivability of the ancient games and sports of our ancient
  <lb n="120907"/>Panceltic forefathers. The <distinct type="compound">wellknown</distinct> and highly respected worker in the
<lb n="120908"/>cause of our old tongue, Mr Joseph M'Carthy Hynes, made an eloquent
<lb n="120909"/>appeal for the resuscitation of the ancient Gaelic sports and pastimes,
<lb n="120910"/>practised morning and evening by Finn MacCool, as calculated to revive the
<lb n="120911"/>best traditions of manly strength and prowess handed down to us from
<lb n="120912"/>ancient ages. L. Bloom, who met with a mixed reception of applause and
<lb n="120913"/>hisses, having espoused the negative the vocalist chairman brought the
<lb n="120914"/>discussion to a close, in response to repeated requests and hearty plaudits
<lb n="120915"/>from all parts of a bumper house, by a remarkably noteworthy rendering of
<lb n="120916"/>the immortal Thomas Osborne Davis' evergreen verses (happily too
<lb n="120917"/>familiar to need recalling here) <title type="song">A Nation Once Again</title> in the execution of
<lb n="120918"/>which the veteran patriot champion may be said without fear of
<lb n="120919"/>contradiction to have fairly excelled himself. The Irish Caruso-Garibaldi
<lb n="120920"/>was in superlative form and his stentorian notes were heard to the greatest
  <lb n="120921"/>advantage in the <distinct type="compound">timehonoured</distinct> anthem sung as only our citizen can sing it.
  <lb n="120922"/>His superb <distinct type="compound">highclass</distinct> vocalism, which by its <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">superquality</distinct> greatly enhanced
<lb n="120923"/>his already international reputation, was vociferously applauded by the
<lb n="120924"/>large audience among which were to be noticed many prominent members
<lb n="120925"/>of the clergy as well as representatives of the press and the bar and the other
<lb n="120926"/>learned professions. The proceedings then terminated.</p>
<p><lb n="120927"/>Amongst the clergy present were the very rev. William Delany, S. J.,
<lb n="120928"/>L. L. D.; the rt rev. Gerald Molloy, D. D.; the rev. P. J. Kavanagh,
<lb n="120929"/>C. S. Sp.; the rev. T. Waters, C. C.; the rev. John M. Ivers, P. P.; the rev.
<lb n="120930"/>P. J. Cleary, O. S. F.; the rev. L. J. Hickey, O. P.; the very rev. Fr.
<lb n="120931"/>Nicholas, O. S. F. C.; the very rev. B. Gorman, O. D. C.; the rev. T.
<lb n="120932"/>Maher, S. J.; the very rev. James Murphy, S. J.; the rev. John Lavery,
<lb n="120933"/>V. F.; the very rev. William Doherty, D. D.; the rev. Peter Fagan, O. M.;
<lb n="120934"/>the rev. T. Brangan, O. S. A.; the rev. J. Flavin, C. C.; the rev. M. A.
<lb n="120935"/>Hackett, C. C.; the rev. W. Hurley, C. C.; the rt rev. Mgr M'Manus,
<lb n="120936"/>V. G.; the rev. B. R. Slattery, O. M. I.; the very rev. M. D. Scally, P. P.; the
<lb n="120937"/>rev. F. T. Purcell, O. P.; the very rev. Timothy canon Gorman, P. P.; the
<lb n="120938"/>rev. J. Flanagan, C. C. The laity included P. Fay, T. Quirke, etc., etc.
<lb n="120939"/><said who="ab">―Talking about violent exercise,</said> says Alf, <said who="ab">were you at that Keogh-Bennett
<lb n="120940"/>match?</said>
<lb n="120941"/><said who="jh">―No,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120942"/><said who="ab">―I heard So and So made a cool hundred quid over it,</said> says Alf.
<lb n="120943"/><said who="jh">―Who? Blazes?</said> says Joe.</p>
<p><lb n="120944"/>And says Bloom:
<lb n="120945"/><said who="lb">―What I meant about tennis, for example, is the agility and training the
<lb n="120946"/>eye.</said>
<lb n="120947"/><said who="ab">―Ay, Blazes,</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">He let out that Myler was on the beer to run up the
<lb n="120948"/>odds and he swatting all the time.</said>
<lb n="120949"/><said who="tc">―We know him,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">The traitor's son. We know what put
<lb n="120950"/>English gold in his pocket.</said>
<lb n="120951"/><said who="jh">―True for you,</said> says Joe.</p>
<p><lb n="120952"/>And Bloom cuts in again about lawn tennis and the circulation of the
<lb n="120953"/>blood, asking Alf:
<lb n="120954"/><said who="lb">―Now, don't you think, Bergan?</said>
<lb n="120955"/><said who="ab">―Myler dusted the floor with him,</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">Heenan and Sayers was only a
<lb n="120956"/>bloody fool to it. Handed him the father and mother of a beating. See the
<lb n="120957"/>little kipper not up to his navel and the big fellow swiping. God, he gave him
<lb n="120958"/>one last puck in the wind, Queensberry rules and all, made him puke what
<lb n="120959"/>he never ate.</said></p>
<p><lb n="120960"/>It was a historic and a hefty battle when Myler and Percy were
<lb n="120961"/>scheduled to don the gloves for the purse of fifty sovereigns. Handicapped
<lb n="120962"/>as he was by lack of poundage, Dublin's pet lamb made up for it by
<lb n="120963"/>superlative skill in ringcraft. The final bout of fireworks was a gruelling for
<lb n="120964"/>both champions. The welterweight <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">sergeantmajor</distinct> had tapped some lively
  <lb n="120965"/>claret in the previous <distinct type="compound">mixup</distinct> during which Keogh had been <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">receivergeneral</distinct>
<lb n="120966"/>of rights and lefts, the artilleryman putting in some neat work on the pet's
<lb n="120967"/>nose, and Myler came on looking groggy. The soldier got to business,
<lb n="120968"/>leading off with a powerful left jab to which the Irish gladiator retaliated by
<lb n="120969"/>shooting out a stiff one flush to the point of Bennett's jaw. The redcoat
<lb n="120970"/>ducked but the Dubliner lifted him with a left hook, the body punch being a
<lb n="120971"/>fine one. The men came to <distinct type="dialect">handigrips</distinct>. Myler quickly became busy and got
<lb n="120972"/>his man under, the bout ending with the bulkier man on the ropes, Myler
<lb n="120973"/>punishing him. The Englishman, whose right eye was nearly closed, took
<lb n="120974"/>his corner where he was liberally drenched with water and when the bell
<lb n="120975"/>went came on gamey and brimful of pluck, confident of knocking out the
  <lb n="120976"/>fistic Eblanite in <distinct type="dialect">jigtime</distinct>. It was a fight to a finish and the best man for it.
<lb n="120977"/>The two fought like tigers and excitement ran fever high. The referee twice
<lb n="120978"/>cautioned Pucking Percy for holding but the pet was tricky and his
<lb n="120979"/>footwork a treat to watch. After a brisk exchange of courtesies during
<lb n="120980"/>which a smart upper cut of the military man brought blood freely from his
<lb n="120981"/>opponent's mouth the lamb suddenly waded in all over his man and landed
<lb n="120982"/>a terrific left to Battling Bennett's stomach, flooring him flat. It was a
<lb n="120983"/>knockout clean and clever. Amid tense expectation the Portobello bruiser
<lb n="120984"/>was being counted out when Bennett's second Ole Pfotts Wettstein threw in
<lb n="120985"/>the towel and the Santry boy was declared victor to the frenzied cheers of
<lb n="120986"/>the public who broke through the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">ringropes</distinct> and fairly mobbed him with
<lb n="120987"/>delight.
<lb n="120988"/><said who="ab">―He knows which side his bread is buttered,</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">I hear he's running a
<lb n="120989"/>concert tour now up in the north.</said>
<lb n="120990"/><said who="jh">―He is,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">Isn't he?</said>
<lb n="120991"/><said who="lb">―Who?</said> says Bloom. <said who="lb">Ah, yes. That's quite true. Yes, a kind of summer tour,
<lb n="120992"/>you see. Just a holiday.</said>
<lb n="120993"/><said who="jh">―Mrs B. is the bright particular star, isn't she?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="120994"/><said who="lb">―My wife?</said> says Bloom. <said who="lb">She's singing, yes. I think it will be a success too.
<lb n="120995"/>He's an excellent man to organise. Excellent.</said></p>
  <p><lb n="120996"/>Hoho <distinct type="dialect">begob</distinct> says I to myself says I. That explains the milk in the
<lb n="120997"/>cocoanut and absence of hair on the animal's chest. Blazes doing the tootle
<lb n="120998"/>on the flute. Concert tour. Dirty Dan the dodger's son off Island bridge that
<lb n="120999"/>sold the same horses twice over to the government to fight the Boers. Old
<lb n="121000"/>Whatwhat. I called about the poor and water rate, Mr Boylan. You what?
<lb n="121001"/>The water rate, Mr Boylan. You whatwhat? That's the bucko that'll
<lb n="121002"/>organise her, take my tip. 'Twixt me and you Caddareesh.</p>
<p><lb n="121003"/>Pride of Calpe's rocky mount, the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">ravenhaired</distinct> daughter of Tweedy.
<lb n="121004"/>There grew she to peerless beauty where loquat and almond scent the air.
<lb n="121005"/>The gardens of Alameda knew her step: the garths of olives knew and
<lb n="121006"/>bowed. The chaste spouse of Leopold is she: Marion of the bountiful
<lb n="121007"/>bosoms.</p>
<p><lb n="121008"/>And lo, there entered one of the clan of the O'Molloy's, a comely hero
<lb n="121009"/>of white face yet withal somewhat ruddy, his majesty's counsel learned in
<lb n="121010"/>the law, and with him the prince and heir of the noble line of Lambert.
<lb n="121011"/><said who="ab">―Hello, Ned.</said>
<lb n="121012"/><said who="nl">―Hello, Alf.</said>
<lb n="121013"/><said who="jh">―Hello, Jack.</said>
<lb n="121014"/><said who="unclear: J.J. O'Molloy or Ned Lambert">―Hello, Joe.</said>
<lb n="121015"/><said who="tc">―God save you,</said> says the citizen.
<lb n="121016"/><said who="jjom">―Save you kindly,</said> says J. J. <said who="jjom">What'll it be, Ned?</said>
<lb n="121017"/><said who="nl">―Half one,</said> says Ned.</p>
<p><lb n="121018"/>So J. J. ordered the drinks.
<lb n="121019"/><said who="jh">―Were you round at the court?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121020"/><said who="jjom">―Yes,</said> says J. J. <said who="jjom">He'll square that, Ned,</said> says he.
<lb n="121021"/><said who="nl">―Hope so,</said> says Ned.</p>
<p><lb n="121022"/>Now what were those two at? J. J. getting him off the grand jury list
<lb n="121023"/>and the other give him a leg over the stile. With his name in Stubbs's.
  <lb n="121024"/>Playing cards, <distinct type="dialect">hobnobbing</distinct> with flash <distinct type="dialect">toffs</distinct> with a swank glass in their eye,
  <lb n="121025"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">adrinking</distinct> fizz and he half smothered in writs and garnishee orders.
<lb n="121026"/>Pawning his gold watch in Cummins of Francis street where no-one would
<lb n="121027"/>know him in the private office when I was there with Pisser releasing his
<lb n="121028"/>boots out of the pop. What's your name, sir? Dunne, says he. Ay, and done
<lb n="121029"/>says I. Gob, he'll come home by weeping cross one of those days, I'm
<lb n="121030"/>thinking.
<lb n="121031"/><said who="ab">―Did you see that bloody lunatic Breen round there?</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">U. p: up.</said>
<lb n="121032"/><said who="jjom">―Yes,</said> says J. J. <said who="jjom">Looking for a private detective.</said>
<lb n="121033"/><said who="nl">―Ay,</said> says Ned. <said who="nl">And he wanted right go wrong to address the court only
<lb n="121034"/>Corny Kelleher got round him telling him to get the handwriting examined
<lb n="121035"/>first.</said>
<lb n="121036"/><said who="ab">―Ten thousand pounds,</said> says Alf, laughing. <said who="ab">God, I'd give anything to hear
<lb n="121037"/>him before a judge and jury.</said>
<lb n="121038"/><said who="jh">―Was it you did it, Alf?</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">The truth, the whole truth and nothing
<lb n="121039"/>but the truth, so help you Jimmy Johnson.</said>
<lb n="121040"/><said who="ab">―Me?</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">Don't cast your nasturtiums on my character.</said>
<lb n="121041"/><said who="jh">―Whatever statement you make,</said> says Joe, <said who="jh">will be taken down in evidence
<lb n="121042"/>against you.</said>
<lb n="121043"/><said who="jjom">―Of course an action would lie,</said> says J. J. <said who="jjom">It implies that he is not <foreign xml:lang="la">compos
<lb n="121044"/>mentis</foreign>. U. p: up.</said>
<lb n="121045"/><said who="ab">―<foreign xml:lang="la">Compos</foreign> your eye!</said> says Alf, laughing. <said who="ab">Do you know that he's balmy?
<lb n="121046"/>Look at his head. Do you know that some mornings he has to get his hat on
<lb n="121047"/>with a shoehorn.</said>
<lb n="121048"/><said who="jjom">―Yes,</said> says J. J., <said who="jjom">but the truth of a libel is no defence to an indictment for
<lb n="121049"/>publishing it in the eyes of the law.</said>
<lb n="121050"/><said who="jh">―Ha ha, Alf,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121051"/><said who="lb">―Still,</said> says Bloom, <said who="lb">on account of the poor woman, I mean his wife.</said>
<lb n="121052"/><said who="tc">―Pity about her,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">Or any other woman marries a half and
<lb n="121053"/>half.</said>
<lb n="121054"/><said who="lb">―How half and half?</said> says Bloom. <said who="lb">Do you mean he ...</said>
<lb n="121055"/><said who="tc">―Half and half I mean,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">A fellow that's neither fish nor
<lb n="121056"/>flesh.</said>
<lb n="121057"/><said who="jh">―Nor good red herring,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121058"/><said who="tc">―That what's I mean,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">A <distinct type="dialect">pishogue</distinct>, if you know what that
<lb n="121059"/>is.</said></p>
  <p><lb n="121060"/><distinct type="dialect">Begob</distinct> I saw there was trouble coming. And Bloom explaining he
<lb n="121061"/>meant on account of it being cruel for the wife having to go round after the
<lb n="121062"/>old stuttering fool. Cruelty to animals so it is to let that bloody
    <lb n="121063"/><distinct type="compound">povertystricken</distinct> Breen out on grass with his beard out tripping him,
<lb n="121064"/>bringing down the rain. And she with her nose <distinct type="compound">cockahoop</distinct> after she married
<lb n="121065"/>him because a cousin of his old fellow's was <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">pewopener</distinct> to the pope. Picture
<lb n="121066"/>of him on the wall with his Smashall Sweeney's moustaches, the signior
<lb n="121067"/>Brini from Summerhill, the eyetallyano, papal Zouave to the Holy Father,
<lb n="121068"/>has left the quay and gone to Moss street. And who was he, tell us? A
<lb n="121069"/>nobody, two pair back and passages, at seven shillings a week, and he
<lb n="121070"/>covered with all kinds of breastplates bidding defiance to the world.
<lb n="121071"/><said who="jjom">―And moreover,</said> says J. J., <said who="jjom">a postcard is publication. It was held to be
<lb n="121072"/>sufficient evidence of malice in the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">testcase</distinct> Sadgrove v. Hole. In my opinion
<lb n="121073"/>an action might lie.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121074"/>Six and eightpence, please. Who wants your opinion? Let us drink
<lb n="121075"/>our pints in peace. Gob, we won't be let even do that much itself.
<lb n="121076"/><said who="nl">―Well, good health, Jack,</said> says Ned.
<lb n="121077"/><said who="jjom">―Good health, Ned,</said> says J. J.
<lb n="121078"/><said who="jh">―There he is again,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121079"/><said who="ab">―Where?</said> says Alf.</p>
  <p><lb n="121080"/>And <distinct type="dialect">begob</distinct> there he was passing the door with his books under his
    <lb n="121081"/><distinct type="dialect">oxter</distinct> and the wife beside him and Corny Kelleher with his wall eye looking
<lb n="121082"/>in as they went past, talking to him like a father, trying to sell him a
<lb n="121083"/>secondhand coffin.
<lb n="121084"/><said who="jh">―How did that Canada swindle case go off?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121085"/><said who="jjom">―Remanded,</said> says J. J.</p>
  <p><lb n="121086"/>One of the <distinct type="compound">bottlenosed</distinct> fraternity it was went by the name of James
<lb n="121087"/>Wought alias Saphiro alias Spark and Spiro, put an ad in the papers saying
<lb n="121088"/>he'd give a passage to Canada for twenty bob. What? Do you see any green
<lb n="121089"/>in the white of my eye? Course it was a bloody barney. What? Swindled
    <lb n="121090"/>them all, skivvies and <distinct type="dialect">badhachs</distinct> from the county Meath, ay, and his own
<lb n="121091"/>kidney too. J. J. was telling us there was an ancient Hebrew Zaretsky or
    <lb n="121092"/>something weeping in the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">witnessbox</distinct> with his hat on him, swearing by the
<lb n="121093"/>holy Moses he was stuck for two quid.
<lb n="121094"/><said who="jh">―Who tried the case?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121095"/><said who="nl">―Recorder,</said> says Ned.
<lb n="121096"/><said who="ab">―Poor old sir Frederick,</said> says Alf, <said who="ab">you can cod him up to the two eyes.</said>
<lb n="121097"/><said who="nl">―Heart as big as a lion,</said> says Ned. <said who="nl">Tell him a tale of woe about arrears of
<lb n="121098"/>rent and a sick wife and a squad of kids and, faith, he'll dissolve in tears on
<lb n="121099"/>the bench.</said>
<lb n="121100"/><said who="ab">―Ay,</said> says Alf. <said who="ab">Reuben J was bloody lucky he didn't clap him in the dock
<lb n="121101"/>the other day for suing poor little Gumley that's minding stones, for the
<lb n="121102"/>corporation there near Butt bridge.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121103"/>And he starts taking off the old recorder letting on to cry:
<lb n="121104"/><said who="ab"><said who="ff" rend="none">―A most scandalous thing! This poor hardworking man! How many
<lb n="121105"/>children? Ten, did you say?</said></said>
<lb n="121106"/><said who="ab">―Yes, your worship. And my wife has the typhoid.</said>
<lb n="121107"/><said who="ab"><said who="ff" rend="none">―And the wife with typhoid fever! Scandalous! Leave the court
<lb n="121108"/>immediately, sir. No, sir, I'll make no order for payment. How dare you,
<lb n="121109"/>sir, come up before me and ask me to make an order! A poor hardworking
<lb n="121110"/>industrious man! I dismiss the case.</said></said></p>
<p><lb n="121111"/>And whereas on the sixteenth day of the month of the <distinct type="compound">oxeyed</distinct> goddess
<lb n="121112"/>and in the third week after the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">feastday</distinct> of the Holy and Undivided Trinity,
<lb n="121113"/>the daughter of the skies, the virgin moon being then in her first quarter, it
<lb n="121114"/>came to pass that those learned judges repaired them to the halls of law.
<lb n="121115"/>There master Courtenay, sitting in his own chamber, gave his <distinct type="archaism">rede</distinct> and
<lb n="121116"/>master Justice Andrews, sitting without a jury in the probate court, weighed
<lb n="121117"/>well and pondered the claim of the first <distinct type="archaism">chargeant</distinct> upon the property in the
<lb n="121118"/>matter of the will propounded and final testamentary disposition <foreign xml:lang="la">in re</foreign> the
<lb n="121119"/>real and personal estate of the late lamented Jacob Halliday, vintner,
<lb n="121120"/>deceased, versus Livingstone, an infant, of unsound mind, and another. And
<lb n="121121"/>to the solemn court of Green street there came sir Frederick the Falconer.
<lb n="121122"/>And he sat him there about the hour of five o'clock to administer the law of
  <lb n="121123"/>the <distinct type="dialect">brehons</distinct> at the commission for all that and those parts to be <distinct type="dialect">holden</distinct> in
<lb n="121124"/>and for the county of the city of Dublin. And there sat with him the high
  <lb n="121125"/><distinct type="archaism">sinhedrim</distinct> of the twelve tribes of Iar, for every tribe one man, of the tribe of
<lb n="121126"/>Patrick and of the tribe of Hugh and of the tribe of Owen and of the tribe
<lb n="121127"/>of Conn and of the tribe of Oscar and of the tribe of Fergus and of the tribe
<lb n="121128"/>of Finn and of the tribe of Dermot and of the tribe of Cormac and of the
<lb n="121129"/>tribe of Kevin and of the tribe of Caolte and of the tribe of Ossian, there
<lb n="121130"/>being in all twelve good men and true. And he conjured them by Him who
<lb n="121131"/>died on rood that they should well and truly try and true deliverance make
<lb n="121132"/>in the issue joined between their sovereign lord the king and the prisoner at
<lb n="121133"/>the bar and true verdict give according to the evidence so help them God
<lb n="121134"/>and kiss the book. And they rose in their seats, those twelve of Iar, and they
<lb n="121135"/>swore by the name of Him Who is from everlasting that they would do His
<lb n="121136"/>rightwiseness. And straightway the minions of the law led forth from their
  <lb n="121137"/>donjon keep one whom the <distinct type="compound">sleuthhounds</distinct> of justice had apprehended in
<lb n="121138"/>consequence of information received. And they shackled him hand and foot
<lb n="121139"/>and would take of him ne bail ne mainprise but preferred a charge against
<lb n="121140"/>him for he was a malefactor.
<lb n="121141"/><said who="tc">―Those are nice things,</said> says the citizen, <said who="tc">coming over here to Ireland filling
<lb n="121142"/>the country with bugs.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121143"/>So Bloom lets on he heard nothing and he starts talking with Joe,
<lb n="121144"/>telling him he needn't trouble about that little matter till the first but if he
<lb n="121145"/>would just say a word to Mr Crawford. And so Joe swore high and holy by
<lb n="121146"/>this and by that he'd do the devil and all.
<lb n="121147"/><said who="lb">―Because, you see,</said> says Bloom, <said who="lb">for an advertisement you must have
<lb n="121148"/>repetition. That's the whole secret.</said>
<lb n="121149"/><said who="jh">―Rely on me,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121150"/><said who="tc">―Swindling the peasants,</said> says the citizen, <said who="tc">and the poor of Ireland. We want
<lb n="121151"/>no more strangers in our house.</said>
<lb n="121152"/><said who="lb">―O, I'm sure that will be all right, Hynes,</said> says Bloom. <said who="lb">It's just that Keyes,
<lb n="121153"/>you see.</said>
<lb n="121154"/><said who="jh">―Consider that done,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121155"/><said who="lb">―Very kind of you,</said> says Bloom.
<lb n="121156"/><said who="tc">―The strangers,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">Our own fault. We let them come in. We
<lb n="121157"/>brought them in. The adulteress and her paramour brought the Saxon
<lb n="121158"/>robbers here.</said>
<lb n="121159"/><said who="jjom">―Decree <foreign xml:lang="la">nisi</foreign>,</said> says J. J.</p>
<p><lb n="121160"/>And Bloom letting on to be awfully deeply interested in nothing, a
<lb n="121161"/>spider's web in the corner behind the barrel, and the citizen scowling after
<lb n="121162"/>him and the old dog at his feet looking up to know who to bite and when.
<lb n="121163"/><said who="tc">―A dishonoured wife,</said> says the citizen, <said who="tc">that's what's the cause of all our
<lb n="121164"/>misfortunes.</said>
<lb n="121165"/><said who="ab">―And here she is,</said> says Alf, that was giggling over the <title type="newspaper">Police Gazette</title> with
<lb n="121166"/>Terry on the counter, <said who="ab">in all her warpaint.</said>
<lb n="121167"/><said who="tn">―Give us a squint at her,</said> says I.</p>
<p><lb n="121168"/>And what was it only one of the smutty yankee pictures Terry
<lb n="121169"/>borrows off of Corny Kelleher. Secrets for enlarging your private parts.
<lb n="121170"/>Misconduct of society belle. Norman W. Tupper, wealthy Chicago
<lb n="121171"/>contractor, finds pretty but faithless wife in lap of officer Taylor. Belle in
<lb n="121172"/>her bloomers misconducting herself, and her <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">fancyman</distinct> feeling for her
<lb n="121173"/>tickles and Norman W. Tupper bouncing in with his peashooter just in time
<lb n="121174"/>to be late after she doing the trick of the loop with officer Taylor.
  <lb n="121175"/><said who="jh">―O <distinct type="dialect">jakers</distinct>, Jenny,</said> says Joe, <said who="jh">how short your shirt is!</said>
<lb n="121176"/><said who="tn">―There's hair, Joe,</said> says I. <said who="tn">Get a queer old <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">tailend</distinct> of corned beef off of that
<lb n="121177"/>one, what?</said></p>
<p><lb n="121178"/>So anyhow in came John Wyse Nolan and Lenehan with him with a
<lb n="121179"/>face on him as long as a late breakfast.
<lb n="121180"/><said who="tc">―Well,</said> says the citizen, <said who="tc">what's the latest from the scene of action? What did
<lb n="121181"/>those tinkers in the city hall at their caucus meeting decide about the Irish
<lb n="121182"/>language?</said></p>
<p><lb n="121183"/>O'Nolan, clad in shining armour, low bending made obeisance to the
<lb n="121184"/>puissant and high and mighty chief of all Erin and did him to wit of that
<lb n="121185"/>which had befallen, how that the grave elders of the most obedient city,
  <lb n="121186"/>second of the realm, had met them in the <distinct type="dialect">tholsel</distinct>, and there, after due
<lb n="121187"/>prayers to the gods who dwell in ether supernal, had taken solemn counsel
<lb n="121188"/>whereby they might, if so be it might be, bring once more into honour
<lb n="121189"/>among mortal men the winged speech of the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">seadivided</distinct> Gael.
<lb n="121190"/><said who="tc">―It's on the march,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">To hell with the bloody brutal
<lb n="121191"/>Sassenachs and their <foreign xml:lang="fr">patois</foreign>.</said></p>
  <p><lb n="121192"/>So J. J. puts in a word, doing the <distinct type="dialect">toff</distinct> about one story was good till
<lb n="121193"/>you heard another and blinking facts and the Nelson policy, putting your
<lb n="121194"/>blind eye to the telescope and drawing up a bill of attainder to impeach a
<lb n="121195"/>nation, and Bloom trying to back him up moderation and botheration and
<lb n="121196"/>their colonies and their civilisation.
    <lb n="121197"/><said who="tc">―Their syphilisation, you mean,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">To hell with them! The
    <lb n="121198"/>curse of a <distinct type="compound">goodfornothing</distinct> God light sideways on the bloody <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">thicklugged</distinct>
<lb n="121199"/>sons of whores' gets! No music and no art and no literature worthy of the
<lb n="121200"/>name. Any civilisation they have they stole from us. <distinct type="compound">Tonguetied</distinct> sons of
<lb n="121201"/>bastards' ghosts.</said>
<lb n="121202"/><said who="jjom">―The European family,</said> says J. J. ....
<lb n="121203"/><said who="tc">―They're not European,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">I was in Europe with Kevin Egan
<lb n="121204"/>of Paris. You wouldn't see a trace of them or their language anywhere in
<lb n="121205"/>Europe except in a <foreign xml:lang="fr">cabinet d'aisance</foreign>.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121206"/>And says John Wyse:
<lb n="121207"/><said who="jwn">―Full many a flower is born to blush unseen.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121208"/>And says Lenehan that knows a bit of the lingo:
<lb n="121209"/><said who="len">―<foreign xml:lang="fr">Conspuez les anglais! Perfide Albion!</foreign></said></p>
<p><lb n="121210"/>He said and then lifted he in his rude great brawny <distinct type="dialect">strengthy</distinct> hands
  <lb n="121211"/>the <distinct type="dialect">medher</distinct> of dark strong foamy ale and, uttering his tribal slogan <foreign xml:lang="ga">Lamh
<lb n="121212"/>Dearg Abu</foreign>, he drank to the undoing of his foes, a race of mighty valorous
<lb n="121213"/>heroes, rulers of the waves, who sit on thrones of alabaster silent as the
<lb n="121214"/>deathless gods.
<lb n="121215"/><said who="tn">―What's up with you,</said> says I to Lenehan. <said who="tn">You look like a fellow that had
<lb n="121216"/>lost a bob and found a tanner.</said>
<lb n="121217"/><said who="len">―Gold cup,</said> says he.
<lb n="121218"/><said who="ter">―Who won, Mr Lenehan?</said> says Terry.
<lb n="121219"/><said who="len">―<name type="horse">Throwaway</name>,</said> says he, <said who="len">at twenty to one. A rank outsider. And the rest
<lb n="121220"/>nowhere.</said>
<lb n="121221"/><said who="ter">―And Bass's mare?</said> says Terry.
<lb n="121222"/><said who="len">―Still running,</said> says he. <said who="len">We're all in a cart. Boylan plunged two quid on my
<lb n="121223"/>tip <name type="horse">Sceptre</name> for himself and a lady friend.</said>
<lb n="121224"/><said who="ter">―I had half a crown myself,</said> says Terry, <said who="ter">on <name type="horse">Zinfandel</name> that Mr Flynn gave
<lb n="121225"/>me. Lord Howard de Walden's.</said>
<lb n="121226"/><said who="len">―Twenty to one,</said> says Lenehan. <said who="len">Such is life in an outhouse. <name type="horse">Throwaway</name>,</said>
<lb n="121227"/>says he. <said who="len">Takes the biscuit, and talking about bunions. Frailty, thy name is
<lb n="121228"/><name type="horse">Sceptre</name>.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121229"/>So he went over to the biscuit tin Bob Doran left to see if there was
<lb n="121230"/>anything he could lift on the nod, the old cur after him backing his luck
<lb n="121231"/>with his mangy snout up. Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard.
<lb n="121232"/><said who="len">―Not there, my child,</said> says he.
<lb n="121233"/><said who="jh">―Keep your pecker up,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">She'd have won the money only for the
<lb n="121234"/>other dog.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121235"/>And J. J. and the citizen arguing about law and history with Bloom
<lb n="121236"/>sticking in an odd word.
<lb n="121237"/><said who="lb">―Some people,</said> says Bloom, <said who="lb">can see the mote in others' eyes but they can't
<lb n="121238"/>see the beam in their own.</said>
<lb n="121239"/><said who="tc">―<foreign xml:lang="ga">Raimeis</foreign>,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">There's no-one as blind as the fellow that won't
<lb n="121240"/>see, if you know what that means. Where are our missing twenty millions of
<lb n="121241"/>Irish should be here today instead of four, our lost tribes? And our potteries
<lb n="121242"/>and textiles, the finest in the whole world! And our wool that was sold in
<lb n="121243"/>Rome in the time of Juvenal and our flax and our damask from the looms
<lb n="121244"/>of Antrim and our Limerick lace, our tanneries and our white flint glass
<lb n="121245"/>down there by Ballybough and our Huguenot poplin that we have since
<lb n="121246"/>Jacquard de Lyon and our woven silk and our Foxford tweeds and ivory
<lb n="121247"/>raised point from the Carmelite convent in New Ross, nothing like it in the
<lb n="121248"/>whole wide world. Where are the Greek merchants that came through the
<lb n="121249"/>pillars of Hercules, the Gibraltar now grabbed by the foe of mankind, with
<lb n="121250"/>gold and Tyrian purple to sell in Wexford at the fair of Carmen? Read
<lb n="121251"/>Tacitus and Ptolemy, even Giraldus Cambrensis. Wine, peltries,
<lb n="121252"/>Connemara marble, silver from Tipperary, second to none, our <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">farfamed</distinct>
<lb n="121253"/>horses even today, the Irish hobbies, with king Philip of Spain offering to
<lb n="121254"/>pay customs duties for the right to fish in our waters. What do the
  <lb n="121255"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">yellowjohns</distinct> of Anglia owe us for our ruined trade and our ruined hearths?
<lb n="121256"/>And the beds of the Barrow and Shannon they won't deepen with millions
<lb n="121257"/>of acres of marsh and bog to make us all die of consumption?</said>
<lb n="121258"/><said who="jwn">―As treeless as Portugal we'll be soon,</said> says John Wyse, <said who="jwn">or Heligoland with
<lb n="121259"/>its one tree if something is not done to <distinct type="dialect">reafforest</distinct> the land. Larches, firs, all
<lb n="121260"/>the trees of the conifer family are going fast. I was reading a report of lord
<lb n="121261"/>Castletown's ....</said>
<lb n="121262"/><said who="tc">―Save them,</said> says the citizen, <said who="tc">the giant ash of Galway and the chieftain elm
  <lb n="121263"/>of Kildare with a <distinct type="compound">fortyfoot</distinct> bole and an acre of foliage. Save the trees of
<lb n="121264"/>Ireland for the future men of Ireland on the fair hills of Eire, O.</said>
<lb n="121265"/><said who="len">―Europe has its eyes on you,</said> says Lenehan.</p>
<p><lb n="121266"/>The fashionable international world attended <foreign xml:lang="fr">en masse</foreign> this afternoon
<lb n="121267"/>at the wedding of the chevalier Jean Wyse de Neaulan, grand high chief
<lb n="121268"/>ranger of the Irish National Foresters, with Miss Fir Conifer of Pine
<lb n="121269"/>Valley. Lady Sylvester Elmshade, Mrs Barbara Lovebirch, Mrs Poll Ash,
<lb n="121270"/>Mrs Holly Hazeleyes, Miss Daphne Bays, Miss Dorothy Canebrake, Mrs
<lb n="121271"/>Clyde Twelvetrees, Mrs Rowan Greene, Mrs Helen Vinegadding, Miss
<lb n="121272"/>Virginia Creeper, Miss Gladys Beech, Miss Olive Garth, Miss Blanche
<lb n="121273"/>Maple, Mrs Maud Mahogany, Miss Myra Myrtle, Miss Priscilla
<lb n="121274"/>Elderflower, Miss Bee Honeysuckle, Miss Grace Poplar, Miss O Mimosa
<lb n="121275"/>San, Miss Rachel Cedarfrond, the Misses Lilian and Viola Lilac, Miss
<lb n="121276"/>Timidity Aspenall, Mrs Kitty Dewey-Mosse, Miss May Hawthorne, Mrs
<lb n="121277"/>Gloriana Palme, Mrs Liana Forrest, Mrs Arabella Blackwood and Mrs
<lb n="121278"/>Norma Holyoake of Oakholme Regis graced the ceremony by their
<lb n="121279"/>presence. The bride who was given away by her father, the M'Conifer of
<lb n="121280"/>the Glands, looked exquisitely charming in a creation carried out in green
<lb n="121281"/>mercerised silk, moulded on an <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">underslip</distinct> of gloaming grey, sashed with a
<lb n="121282"/>yoke of broad emerald and finished with a triple flounce of <distinct type="compound">darkerhued</distinct>
  <lb n="121283"/>fringe, the scheme being relieved by <foreign xml:lang="fr">bretelles</foreign> and hip insertions of acorn
<lb n="121284"/>bronze. The maids of honour, Miss Larch Conifer and Miss Spruce
<lb n="121285"/>Conifer, sisters of the bride, wore very becoming costumes in the same tone,
<lb n="121286"/>a dainty <foreign xml:lang="fr">motif</foreign> of plume rose being worked into the pleats in a pinstripe and
<lb n="121287"/>repeated capriciously in the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">jadegreen</distinct> toques in the form of heron feathers
  <lb n="121288"/>of <distinct type="compound">paletinted</distinct> coral. Senhor Enrique Flor presided at the organ with his
  <lb n="121289"/><distinct type="compound">wellknown</distinct> ability and, in addition to the prescribed numbers of the nuptial
<lb n="121290"/>mass, played a new and striking arrangement of <emph>Woodman, spare that tree</emph>
<lb n="121291"/>at the conclusion of the service. On leaving the church of Saint Fiacre <foreign xml:lang="la">in
<lb n="121292"/>Horto</foreign> after the papal blessing the happy pair were subjected to a playful
<lb n="121293"/>crossfire of hazelnuts, beechmast, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bayleaves</distinct>, catkins of willow, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">ivytod</distinct>,
  <lb n="121294"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">hollyberries</distinct>, mistletoe sprigs and quicken shoots. Mr and Mrs Wyse
<lb n="121295"/>Conifer Neaulan will spend a quiet honeymoon in the Black Forest.
<lb n="121296"/><said who="tc">―And our eyes are on Europe,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">We had our trade with
<lb n="121297"/>Spain and the French and with the Flemings before those mongrels were
<lb n="121298"/>pupped, Spanish ale in Galway, the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">winebark</distinct> on the <distinct type="compound">winedark</distinct> waterway.</said>
<lb n="121299"/><said who="jh">―And will again,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121300"/><said who="tc">―And with the help of the holy mother of God we will again,</said> says the
<lb n="121301"/>citizen, clapping his thigh. <said who="tc">Our harbours that are empty will be full again,
<lb n="121302"/>Queenstown, Kinsale, Galway, Blacksod Bay, Ventry in the kingdom of
<lb n="121303"/>Kerry, Killybegs, the third largest harbour in the wide world with a fleet of
<lb n="121304"/>masts of the Galway Lynches and the Cavan O'Reillys and the
<lb n="121305"/>O'Kennedys of Dublin when the earl of Desmond could make a treaty with
<lb n="121306"/>the emperor Charles the Fifth himself. And will again,</said> says he, <said who="tc">when the
<lb n="121307"/>first Irish battleship is seen breasting the waves with our own flag to the
<lb n="121308"/>fore, none of your Henry Tudor's harps, no, the oldest flag afloat, the flag
<lb n="121309"/>of the province of Desmond and Thomond, three crowns on a blue field, the
<lb n="121310"/>three sons of Milesius.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121311"/>And he took the last swig out of the pint. Moya. All wind and piss like
<lb n="121312"/>a tanyard cat. Cows in Connacht have long horns. As much as his bloody
<lb n="121313"/>life is worth to go down and address his tall talk to the assembled multitude
<lb n="121314"/>in Shanagolden where he daren't show his nose with the Molly Maguires
<lb n="121315"/>looking for him to let daylight through him for grabbing the holding of an
<lb n="121316"/>evicted tenant.
<lb n="121317"/><said who="jwn">―Hear, hear to that,</said> says John Wyse. <said who="jwn">What will you have?</said>
<lb n="121318"/><said who="len">―An imperial yeomanry,</said> says Lenehan, <said who="len">to celebrate the occasion.</said>
<lb n="121319"/><said who="jwn">―Half one, Terry,</said> says John Wyse, <said who="jwn">and a hands up. Terry! Are you asleep?</said>
<lb n="121320"/><said who="ter">―Yes, sir,</said> says Terry. <said who="ter">Small whisky and bottle of Allsop. Right, sir.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121321"/>Hanging over the bloody paper with Alf looking for spicy bits instead
<lb n="121322"/>of attending to the general public. Picture of a butting match, trying to
<lb n="121323"/>crack their bloody skulls, one chap going for the other with his head down
<lb n="121324"/>like a bull at a gate. And another one: <emph>Black Beast Burned in Omaha, Ga.</emph>
<lb n="121325"/>A lot of Deadwood Dicks in slouch hats and they firing at a Sambo strung
<lb n="121326"/>up in a tree with his tongue out and a bonfire under him. Gob, they ought to
<lb n="121327"/>drown him in the sea after and electrocute and crucify him to make sure of
<lb n="121328"/>their job.
<lb n="121329"/><said who="nl">―But what about the fighting navy,</said> says Ned, <said who="nl">that keeps our foes at bay?</said>
<lb n="121330"/><said who="tc">―I'll tell you what about it,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">Hell upon earth it is. Read the
<lb n="121331"/>revelations that's going on in the papers about flogging on the training ships
<lb n="121332"/>at Portsmouth. A fellow writes that calls himself <emph>Disgusted One</emph>.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121333"/>So he starts telling us about corporal punishment and about the crew
<lb n="121334"/>of tars and officers and <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">rearadmirals</distinct> drawn up in cocked hats and the
<lb n="121335"/>parson with his protestant bible to witness punishment and a young lad
<lb n="121336"/>brought out, howling for his ma, and they tie him down on the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">buttend</distinct> of a
<lb n="121337"/>gun.
<lb n="121338"/><said who="tc">―A rump and dozen,</said> says the citizen, <said who="tc">was what that old ruffian sir John
<lb n="121339"/>Beresford called it but the modern God's Englishman calls it caning on the
<lb n="121340"/>breech.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121341"/>And says John Wyse:
<lb n="121342"/><said who="jwn">―'Tis a custom more honoured in the breach than in the observance.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121343"/>Then he was telling us the master at arms comes along with a long
<lb n="121344"/>cane and he draws out and he flogs the bloody backside off of the poor lad
  <lb n="121345"/>till he yells <distinct type="dialect">meila</distinct> murder.
<lb n="121346"/><said who="tc">―That's your glorious British navy,</said> says the citizen, <said who="tc">that bosses the earth.
<lb n="121347"/>The fellows that never will be slaves, with the only hereditary chamber on
<lb n="121348"/>the face of God's earth and their land in the hands of a dozen <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">gamehogs</distinct>
  <lb n="121349"/>and <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">cottonball</distinct> barons. That's the great empire they boast about of drudges
<lb n="121350"/>and whipped serfs.</said>
<lb n="121351"/><said who="jh">―On which the sun never rises,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121352"/><said who="tc">―And the tragedy of it is,</said> says the citizen, <said who="tc">they believe it. The unfortunate
<lb n="121353"/>yahoos believe it.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121354"/>They believe in rod, the scourger almighty, creator of hell upon earth,
<lb n="121355"/>and in Jacky Tar, the son of a gun, who was conceived of unholy boast,
<lb n="121356"/>born of the fighting navy, suffered under rump and dozen, was scarified,
<lb n="121357"/>flayed and curried, yelled like bloody hell, the third day he arose again from
  <lb n="121358"/>the bed, steered into haven, <distinct type="archaism">sitteth</distinct> on his <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">beamend</distinct> till further orders
  <lb n="121359"/><distinct type="archaism">whence</distinct> he shall come to drudge for a living and be paid.
<lb n="121360"/><said who="lb">―But,</said> says Bloom, <said who="lb">isn't discipline the same everywhere. I mean wouldn't it
<lb n="121361"/>be the same here if you put force against force?</said></p>
<p><lb n="121362"/>Didn't I tell you? As true as I'm drinking this porter if he was at his
  <lb n="121363"/>last gasp he'd try to <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">downface</distinct> you that dying was living.
<lb n="121364"/><said who="tc">―We'll put force against force,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">We have our greater
<lb n="121365"/>Ireland beyond the sea. They were driven out of house and home in the
  <lb n="121366"/>black '47. Their <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">mudcabins</distinct> and their shielings by the roadside were laid
  <lb n="121367"/>low by the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">batteringram</distinct> and the <title type="newspaper">Times</title> rubbed its hands and told the
  <lb n="121368"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">whitelivered</distinct> Saxons there would soon be as few Irish in Ireland as redskins
<lb n="121369"/>in America. Even the Grand Turk sent us his piastres. But the Sassenach
<lb n="121370"/>tried to starve the nation at home while the land was full of crops that the
<lb n="121371"/>British hyenas bought and sold in Rio de Janeiro. Ay, they drove out the
<lb n="121372"/>peasants in hordes. Twenty thousand of them died in the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">coffinships</distinct>. But
<lb n="121373"/>those that came to the land of the free remember the land of bondage. And
<lb n="121374"/>they will come again and with a vengeance, no cravens, the sons of
<lb n="121375"/>Granuaile, the champions of Kathleen ni Houlihan.</said>
<lb n="121376"/><said who="lb">―Perfectly true,</said> says Bloom. <said who="lb">But my point was ....</said>
<lb n="121377"/><said who="nl">―We are a long time waiting for that day, citizen,</said> says Ned. <said who="nl">Since the poor
<lb n="121378"/>old woman told us that the French were on the sea and landed at Killala.</said>
<lb n="121379"/><said who="jwn">―Ay,</said> says John Wyse. <said who="jwn">We fought for the royal Stuarts that reneged us
<lb n="121380"/>against the Williamites and they betrayed us. Remember Limerick and the
  <lb n="121381"/>broken <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">treatystone</distinct>. We gave our best blood to France and Spain, the wild
<lb n="121382"/>geese. Fontenoy, eh? And Sarsfield and O'Donnell, duke of Tetuan in
<lb n="121383"/>Spain, and Ulysses Browne of Camus that was <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">fieldmarshal</distinct> to Maria
<lb n="121384"/>Teresa. But what did we ever get for it?</said>
<lb n="121385"/><said who="tc">―The French!</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">Set of dancing masters! Do you know what
<lb n="121386"/>it is? They were never worth a roasted fart to Ireland. Aren't they trying to
<lb n="121387"/>make an entente cordial now at Tay Pay's <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">dinnerparty</distinct> with perfidious
<lb n="121388"/>Albion? Firebrands of Europe and they always were.</said>
<lb n="121389"/><said who="len">―<foreign xml:lang="fr">Conspuez les français</foreign>,</said> says Lenehan, nobbling his beer.
<lb n="121390"/><said who="jh">―And as for the Prooshians and the Hanoverians,</said> says Joe, <said who="jh">haven't we had
  <lb n="121391"/>enough of those <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">sausageeating</distinct> bastards on the throne from George the
<lb n="121392"/>elector down to the German lad and the flatulent old bitch that's dead?</said></p>
<p><lb n="121393"/>Jesus, I had to laugh at the way he came out with that about the old
  <lb n="121394"/>one with the <distinct type="dialect">winkers</distinct> on her, blind drunk in her royal palace every night of
<lb n="121395"/>God, old Vic, with her jorum of mountain dew and her coachman carting
<lb n="121396"/>her up body and bones to roll into bed and she pulling him by the whiskers
<lb n="121397"/>and singing him old bits of songs about <title type="song">Ehren on the Rhine</title> and come
<lb n="121398"/>where the boose is cheaper.
<lb n="121399"/><said who="jjom">―Well,</said> says J. J. <said who="jjom">We have Edward the peacemaker now.</said>
<lb n="121400"/><said who="tc">―Tell that to a fool,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">There's a bloody sight more pox than
  <lb n="121401"/>pax about that <distinct type="dialect">boyo</distinct>. Edward Guelph-Wettin!</said>
<lb n="121402"/><said who="jh">―And what do you think,</said> says Joe, <said who="jh">of the holy boys, the priests and bishops
<lb n="121403"/>of Ireland doing up his room in Maynooth in His Satanic Majesty's racing
<lb n="121404"/>colours and sticking up pictures of all the horses his jockeys rode. The earl
<lb n="121405"/>of Dublin, no less.</said>
<lb n="121406"/><said who="ab">―They ought to have stuck up all the women he rode himself,</said> says little Alf.</p>
<p><lb n="121407"/>And says J. J.:
<lb n="121408"/><said who="jjom">―Considerations of space influenced their lordships' decision.</said>
<lb n="121409"/><said who="jh">―Will you try another, citizen?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121410"/><said who="tc">―Yes, sir,</said> says he. <said who="tc">I will.</said>
<lb n="121411"/><said who="jh">―You?</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121412"/><said who="tn">―Beholden to you, Joe,</said> says I. <said who="tn">May your shadow never grow less.</said>
<lb n="121413"/><said who="jh">―Repeat that dose,</said> says Joe.</p>
<p><lb n="121414"/>Bloom was talking and talking with John Wyse and he quite excited
  <lb n="121415"/>with his <distinct type="Joycean">dunducketymudcoloured</distinct> mug on him and his old <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">plumeyes</distinct> rolling
<lb n="121416"/>about.
<lb n="121417"/><said who="lb">―Persecution,</said> says he, <said who="lb">all the history of the world is full of it. Perpetuating
<lb n="121418"/>national hatred among nations.</said>
<lb n="121419"/><said who="jwn">―But do you know what a nation means?</said> says John Wyse.
<lb n="121420"/><said who="lb">―Yes,</said> says Bloom.
<lb n="121421"/><said who="jwn">―What is it?</said> says John Wyse.
<lb n="121422"/><said who="lb">―A nation?</said> says Bloom. <said who="lb">A nation is the same people living in the same
<lb n="121423"/>place.</said>
<lb n="121424"/><said who="nl">―By God, then,</said> says Ned, laughing, <said who="nl">if that's so I'm a nation for I'm living
<lb n="121425"/>in the same place for the past five years.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121426"/>So of course everyone had the laugh at Bloom and says he, trying to
<lb n="121427"/>muck out of it:
<lb n="121428"/><said who="lb">―Or also living in different places.</said>
<lb n="121429"/><said who="jh">―That covers my case,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121430"/><said who="tc">―What is your nation if I may ask?</said> says the citizen.
<lb n="121431"/><said who="lb">―Ireland,</said> says Bloom. <said who="lb">I was born here. Ireland.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121432"/>The citizen said nothing only cleared the spit out of his gullet and,
<lb n="121433"/>gob, he spat a Red bank oyster out of him right in the corner.
<lb n="121434"/><said who="tc">―After you with the push, Joe,</said> says he, taking out his handkerchief to swab
<lb n="121435"/>himself dry.
<lb n="121436"/><said who="jh">―Here you are, citizen,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">Take that in your right hand and repeat
<lb n="121437"/>after me the following words.</said></p>
  <p><lb n="121438"/>The <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">muchtreasured</distinct> and intricately embroidered ancient Irish
<lb n="121439"/>facecloth attributed to Solomon of Droma and Manus Tomaltach og
<lb n="121440"/>MacDonogh, authors of the Book of Ballymote, was then carefully
<lb n="121441"/>produced and called forth prolonged admiration. No need to dwell on the
<lb n="121442"/>legendary beauty of the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">cornerpieces</distinct>, the acme of art, wherein one can
<lb n="121443"/>distinctly discern each of the four evangelists in turn presenting to each of
<lb n="121444"/>the four masters his evangelical symbol, a <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">bogoak</distinct> sceptre, a North
<lb n="121445"/>American puma (a far nobler king of beasts than the British article, be it
<lb n="121446"/>said in passing), a Kerry calf and a golden eagle from Carrantuohill. The
<lb n="121447"/>scenes depicted on the emunctory field, showing our ancient duns and raths
    <lb n="121448"/>and cromlechs and <distinct type="dialect">grianauns</distinct> and seats of learning and maledictive stones,
<lb n="121449"/>are as wonderfully beautiful and the pigments as delicate as when the Sligo
<lb n="121450"/>illuminators gave free rein to their artistic fantasy long long ago in the time
<lb n="121451"/>of the Barmecides. Glendalough, the lovely lakes of Killarney, the ruins of
<lb n="121452"/>Clonmacnois, Cong Abbey, Glen Inagh and the Twelve Pins, Ireland's Eye,
<lb n="121453"/>the Green Hills of Tallaght, Croagh Patrick, the brewery of Messrs Arthur
<lb n="121454"/>Guinness, Son and Company (Limited), Lough Neagh's banks, the vale of
<lb n="121455"/>Ovoca, Isolde's tower, the Mapas obelisk, Sir Patrick Dun's hospital, Cape
<lb n="121456"/>Clear, the glen of Aherlow, Lynch's castle, the Scotch house, Rathdown
<lb n="121457"/>Union Workhouse at Loughlinstown, Tullamore jail, Castleconnel rapids,
<lb n="121458"/>Kilballymacshonakill, the cross at Monasterboice, Jury's Hotel, S. Patrick's
<lb n="121459"/>Purgatory, the Salmon Leap, Maynooth college refectory, Curley's hole, the
<lb n="121460"/>three birthplaces of the first duke of Wellington, the rock of Cashel, the bog
<lb n="121461"/>of Allen, the Henry Street Warehouse, Fingal's Cave – all these moving
<lb n="121462"/>scenes are still there for us today rendered more beautiful still by the waters
<lb n="121463"/>of sorrow which have passed over them and by the rich incrustations of
<lb n="121464"/>time.
<lb n="121465"/><said who="tn">―Show us over the drink,</said> says I. <said who="tn">Which is which?</said>
<lb n="121466"/><said who="jh">―That's mine,</said> says Joe, <said who="jh">as the devil said to the dead policeman.</said>
<lb n="121467"/><said who="lb">―And I belong to a race too,</said> says Bloom, <said who="lb">that is hated and persecuted. Also
<lb n="121468"/>now. This very moment. This very instant.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121469"/>Gob, he near burnt his fingers with the butt of his old cigar.
<lb n="121470"/><said who="lb">―Robbed,</said> says he. <said who="lb">Plundered. Insulted. Persecuted. Taking what belongs
<lb n="121471"/>to us by right. At this very moment,</said> says he, putting up his fist, <said who="lb">sold by
<lb n="121472"/>auction in Morocco like slaves or cattle.</said>
<lb n="121473"/><said who="tc">―Are you talking about the new Jerusalem?</said> says the citizen.
<lb n="121474"/><said who="lb">―I'm talking about injustice,</said> says Bloom.
<lb n="121475"/><said who="jwn">―Right,</said> says John Wyse. <said who="jwn">Stand up to it then with force like men.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121476"/>That's an almanac picture for you. Mark for a <distinct type="compound">softnosed</distinct> bullet. Old
  <lb n="121477"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">lardyface</distinct> standing up to the business end of a gun. Gob, he'd adorn a
  <lb n="121478"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">sweepingbrush</distinct>, so he would, if he only had a nurse's apron on him. And
<lb n="121479"/>then he collapses all of a sudden, twisting around all the opposite, as limp as
<lb n="121480"/>a wet rag.
<lb n="121481"/><said who="lb">―But it's no use,</said> says he. <said who="lb">Force, hatred, history, all that. That's not life for
<lb n="121482"/>men and women, insult and hatred. And everybody knows that it's the very
<lb n="121483"/>opposite of that that is really life.</said>
<lb n="121484"/><said who="ab">―What?</said> says Alf.
<lb n="121485"/><said who="lb">―Love,</said> says Bloom. <said who="lb">I mean the opposite of hatred. I must go now,</said> says he
<lb n="121486"/>to John Wyse. <said who="lb">Just round to the court a moment to see if Martin is there. If
<lb n="121487"/>he comes just say I'll be back in a second. Just a moment.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121488"/>Who's hindering you? And off he pops like greased lightning.
<lb n="121489"/><said who="tc">―A new apostle to the gentiles,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">Universal love.</said>
<lb n="121490"/><said who="jwn">―Well,</said> says John Wyse. <said who="jwn">Isn't that what we're told. Love your neighbour.</said>
<lb n="121491"/><said who="tc">―That chap?</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">Beggar my neighbour is his motto. Love,
  <lb n="121492"/><distinct type="dialect">moya</distinct>! He's a nice pattern of a Romeo and Juliet.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121493"/>Love loves to love love. Nurse loves the new chemist. Constable 14 A
<lb n="121494"/>loves Mary Kelly. Gerty MacDowell loves the boy that has the bicycle.
<lb n="121495"/>M. B. loves a fair gentleman. Li Chi Han lovey up kissy Cha Pu Chow.
<lb n="121496"/>Jumbo, the elephant, loves Alice, the elephant. Old Mr Verschoyle with the
<lb n="121497"/>ear trumpet loves old Mrs Verschoyle with the <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">turnedin</distinct> eye. The man in the
<lb n="121498"/>brown macintosh loves a lady who is dead. His Majesty the King loves Her
<lb n="121499"/>Majesty the Queen. Mrs Norman W. Tupper loves officer Taylor. You love
<lb n="121500"/>a certain person. And this person loves that other person because everybody
<lb n="121501"/>loves somebody but God loves everybody.
<lb n="121502"/><said who="tn">―Well, Joe,</said> says I, <said who="tn">your very good health and song. More power, citizen.</said>
<lb n="121503"/><said who="jh">―Hurrah, there,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121504"/><said who="tc">―The blessing of God and Mary and Patrick on you,</said> says the citizen.</p>
<p><lb n="121505"/>And he ups with his pint to wet his whistle.
<lb n="121506"/><said who="tc">―We know those canters,</said> says he, <said who="tc">preaching and picking your pocket.
<lb n="121507"/>What about sanctimonious Cromwell and his ironsides that put the women
<lb n="121508"/>and children of Drogheda to the sword with the bible text <emph>God is love</emph>
<lb n="121509"/>pasted round the mouth of his cannon? The bible! Did you read that skit in
<lb n="121510"/>the <title type="newspaper">United Irishman</title> today about that Zulu chief that's visiting England?</said>
<lb n="121511"/><said who="jh">―What's that?</said> says Joe.</p>
<p><lb n="121512"/>So the citizen takes up one of his paraphernalia papers and he starts
<lb n="121513"/>reading out:
<lb n="121514"/><said who="tc">―A delegation of the chief cotton magnates of Manchester was presented
<lb n="121515"/>yesterday to His Majesty the Alaki of Abeakuta by Gold Stick in Waiting,
<lb n="121516"/>Lord Walkup of Walkup on Eggs, to tender to His Majesty the heartfelt
<lb n="121517"/>thanks of British traders for the facilities afforded them in his dominions.
<lb n="121518"/>The delegation partook of luncheon at the conclusion of which the dusky
<lb n="121519"/>potentate, in the course of a happy speech, freely translated by the British
<lb n="121520"/>chaplain, the reverend Ananias Praisegod Barebones, tendered his best
<lb n="121521"/>thanks to Massa Walkup and emphasised the cordial relations existing
<lb n="121522"/>between Abeakuta and the British empire, stating that he treasured as one
<lb n="121523"/>of his dearest possessions an illuminated bible, the volume of the word of
<lb n="121524"/>God and the secret of England's greatness, graciously presented to him by
<lb n="121525"/>the white chief woman, the great squaw Victoria, with a personal dedication
<lb n="121526"/>from the august hand of the Royal Donor. The Alaki then drank a
  <lb n="121527"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">lovingcup</distinct> of <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">firstshot</distinct> usquebaugh to the toast <emph>Black and White</emph> from the
<lb n="121528"/>skull of his immediate predecessor in the dynasty Kakachakachak,
<lb n="121529"/>surnamed Forty Warts, after which he visited the chief factory of
<lb n="121530"/>Cottonopolis and signed his mark in the visitors' book, subsequently
<lb n="121531"/>executing a charming old Abeakutic <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">wardance</distinct>, in the course of which he
<lb n="121532"/>swallowed several knives and forks, amid hilarious applause from the girl
<lb n="121533"/>hands.</said>
<lb n="121534"/><said who="nl">―Widow woman,</said> says Ned. <said who="nl">I wouldn't doubt her. Wonder did he put that
<lb n="121535"/>bible to the same use as I would.</said>
<lb n="121536"/><said who="len">―Same only more so,</said> says Lenehan. <said who="len">And thereafter in that fruitful land the
<lb n="121537"/>broadleaved mango flourished exceedingly.</said>
<lb n="121538"/><said who="jwn">―Is that by Griffith?</said> says John Wyse.
<lb n="121539"/><said who="tc">―No,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">It's not signed Shanganagh. It's only initialled: P.</said>
<lb n="121540"/><said who="jh">―And a very good initial too,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121541"/><said who="tc">―That's how it's worked,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">Trade follows the flag.</said>
<lb n="121542"/><said who="jjom">―Well,</said> says J. J., <said who="jjom">if they're any worse than those Belgians in the Congo
<lb n="121543"/>Free State they must be bad. Did you read that report by a man what's this
<lb n="121544"/>his name is?</said>
<lb n="121545"/><said who="tc">―Casement,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">He's an Irishman.</said>
<lb n="121546"/><said who="jjom">―Yes, that's the man,</said> says J. J. <said who="jjom">Raping the women and girls and flogging
<lb n="121547"/>the natives on the belly to squeeze all the red rubber they can out of them.</said>
<lb n="121548"/><said who="len">―I know where he's gone,</said> says Lenehan, cracking his fingers.
<lb n="121549"/><said who="tn">―Who?</said> says I.
<lb n="121550"/><said who="len">―Bloom,</said> says he. <said who="len">The courthouse is a blind. He had a few bob on
<lb n="121551"/><name type="horse">Throwaway</name> and he's gone to gather in the shekels.</said>
<lb n="121552"/><said who="tc">―Is it that <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">whiteeyed</distinct> kaffir?</said> says the citizen, <said who="tc">that never backed a horse in
<lb n="121553"/>anger in his life?</said>
<lb n="121554"/><said who="len">―That's where he's gone,</said> says Lenehan. <said who="len">I met Bantam Lyons going to back
<lb n="121555"/>that horse only I put him off it and he told me Bloom gave him the tip. Bet
<lb n="121556"/>you what you like he has a hundred shillings to five on. He's the only man
<lb n="121557"/>in Dublin has it. A dark horse.</said>
<lb n="121558"/><said who="jh">―He's a bloody dark horse himself,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121559"/><said who="tn">―Mind, Joe,</said> says I. <said who="tn">Show us the entrance out.</said>
<lb n="121560"/><said who="ter">―There you are,</said> says Terry.</p>
<p><lb n="121561"/>Goodbye Ireland I'm going to Gort. So I just went round the back of
  <lb n="121562"/>the yard to <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">pumpship</distinct> and <distinct type="dialect">begob</distinct> (hundred shillings to five) while I was
<lb n="121563"/>letting off my (<name type="horse">Throwaway</name> twenty to) letting off my load gob says I to
<lb n="121564"/>myself I knew he was uneasy in his (two pints off of Joe and one in
<lb n="121565"/>Slattery's off) in his mind to get off the mark to (hundred shillings is five
<lb n="121566"/>quid) and when they were in the (dark horse) pisser Burke was telling me
<lb n="121567"/>card party and letting on the child was sick (<distinct type="dialect">gob</distinct>, must have done about a
  <lb n="121568"/>gallon) <distinct type="dialect">flabbyarse</distinct> of a wife speaking down the tube <said who="mb" direct="false" rend="italics">she's better</said> or <said who="mb" direct="false" rend="italics">she's</said>
<lb n="121569"/>(ow!) all a plan so he could vamoose with the pool if he won or (Jesus, full
<lb n="121570"/>up I was) trading without a licence (ow!) Ireland my nation says he (hoik!
<lb n="121571"/>phthook!) never be up to those bloody (there's the last of it) Jerusalem (ah!)
<lb n="121572"/>cuckoos.</p>
<p><lb n="121573"/>So anyhow when I got back they were at it dingdong, John Wyse
<lb n="121574"/>saying it was Bloom gave the ideas for Sinn Fein to Griffith to put in his
  <lb n="121575"/>paper all kinds of <distinct type="Joycean">jerrymandering</distinct>, packed juries and swindling the taxes off
<lb n="121576"/>of the government and appointing consuls all over the world to walk about
<lb n="121577"/>selling Irish industries. Robbing Peter to pay Paul. Gob, that puts the
  <lb n="121578"/>bloody <distinct type="dialect">kybosh</distinct> on it if old sloppy eyes is mucking up the show. Give us a
<lb n="121579"/>bloody chance. God save Ireland from the likes of that bloody <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">mouseabout</distinct>.
  <lb n="121580"/>Mr Bloom with his <distinct type="dialect">argol bargol</distinct>. And his old fellow before him perpetrating
<lb n="121581"/>frauds, old Methusalem Bloom, the robbing bagman, that poisoned himself
<lb n="121582"/>with the prussic acid after he swamping the country with his baubles and
<lb n="121583"/>his penny diamonds. Loans by post on easy terms. Any amount of money
<lb n="121584"/>advanced on note of hand. Distance no object. No security. Gob, he's like
<lb n="121585"/>Lanty MacHale's goat that'd go a piece of the road with every one.
<lb n="121586"/><said who="jwn">―Well, it's a fact,</said> says John Wyse. <said who="jwn">And there's the man now that'll tell you
<lb n="121587"/>all about it, Martin Cunningham.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121588"/>Sure enough the castle car drove up with Martin on it and Jack Power
<lb n="121589"/>with him and a fellow named Crofter or Crofton, pensioner out of the
<lb n="121590"/>collector general's, an orangeman Blackburn does have on the registration
<lb n="121591"/>and he drawing his pay or Crawford gallivanting around the country at the
<lb n="121592"/>king's expense.</p>
<p><lb n="121593"/>Our travellers reached the rustic hostelry and alighted from their
<lb n="121594"/>palfreys.
<lb n="121595"/><said who="mc2">―Ho, varlet!</said> cried he, who by his mien seemed the leader of the party.
<said who="mc2"><lb n="121596"/>Saucy knave! To us!</said></p>
<p><lb n="121597"/>So saying he knocked loudly with his <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">swordhilt</distinct> upon the open lattice.</p>
<p><lb n="121598"/>Mine host came forth at the summons, girding him with his tabard.
<lb n="121599"/><said who="uland">―Give you good den, my masters,</said> said he with an obsequious bow.
  <lb n="121600"/><said who="mc2">―Bestir thyself, <distinct type="archaism">sirrah</distinct>!</said> cried he who had knocked. <said who="mc2">Look to our steeds. And
<lb n="121601"/>for ourselves give us of your best for ifaith we need it.</said>
<lb n="121602"/><said who="uland">―Lackaday, good masters,</said> said the host, <said who="uland">my poor house has but a bare
<lb n="121603"/>larder. I know not what to offer your lordships.</said>
<lb n="121604"/><said who="jp2">―How now, fellow?</said> cried the second of the party, a man of pleasant
  <lb n="121605"/>countenance, <said who="jp2">So <distinct type="archaism">servest</distinct> thou the king's messengers, master Taptun?</said></p>
<p><lb n="121606"/>An instantaneous change overspread the landlord's visage.
<lb n="121607"/><said who="uland">―Cry you mercy, gentlemen,</said> he said humbly. <said who="uland">An you be the king's
<lb n="121608"/>messengers (God shield His Majesty!) you shall not want for aught. The
<lb n="121609"/>king's friends (God bless His Majesty!) shall not go <distinct type="archaism">afasting</distinct> in my house I
<lb n="121610"/>warrant me.</said>
<lb n="121611"/><said who="cr2">―Then about!</said> cried the traveller who had not spoken, a lusty trencherman
  <lb n="121612"/>by his aspect. <said who="cr2"><distinct type="archaism">Hast</distinct> <distinct type="archaism">aught</distinct> to give us?</said></p>
<p><lb n="121613"/>Mine host bowed again as he made answer:
<lb n="121614"/><said who="uland">―What say you, good masters, to a squab pigeon pasty, some collops of
<lb n="121615"/>venison, a saddle of veal, widgeon with crisp hog's bacon, a boar's head
  <lb n="121616"/>with pistachios, a <distinct type="archaism">bason</distinct> of jolly custard, a medlar tansy and a flagon of old
<lb n="121617"/>Rhenish?</said>
<lb n="121618"/><said who="cr2">―Gadzooks!</said> cried the last speaker. <said who="cr2">That likes me well. Pistachios!</said>
<lb n="121619"/><said who="jp2">―Aha!</said> cried he of the pleasant countenance. <said who="jp2">A poor house and a bare
  <lb n="121620"/>larder, <distinct type="archaism">quotha</distinct>! 'Tis a merry rogue.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121621"/>So in comes Martin asking where was Bloom.
<lb n="121622"/><said who="len">―Where is he?</said> says Lenehan. <said who="len">Defrauding widows and orphans.</said>
<lb n="121623"/><said who="jwn">―Isn't that a fact,</said> says John Wyse, <said who="jwn">what I was telling the citizen about
<lb n="121624"/>Bloom and the Sinn Fein?</said>
<lb n="121625"/><said who="mc">―That's so,</said> says Martin. <said who="mc">Or so they allege.</said>
<lb n="121626"/><said who="ab">―Who made those allegations?</said> says Alf.
<lb n="121627"/><said who="jh">―I,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">I'm the alligator.</said>
<lb n="121628"/><said who="jwn">―And after all,</said> says John Wyse, <said who="jwn">why can't a jew love his country like the
<lb n="121629"/>next fellow?</said>
<lb n="121630"/><said who="jjom">―Why not?</said> says J. J., <said who="jjom">when he's quite sure which country it is.</said>
<lb n="121631"/><said who="nl">―Is he a jew or a gentile or a holy Roman or a <distinct type="dialect">swaddler</distinct> or what the hell is
<lb n="121632"/>he?</said> says Ned. <said who="nl">Or who is he? No offence, Crofton.</said>
<lb n="121633"/><said who="jjom">―Who is Junius?</said> says J. J.
<lb n="121634"/><said who="cr">―We don't want him,</said> says Crofter the Orangeman or presbyterian.
<lb n="121635"/><said who="mc">―He's a perverted jew,</said> says Martin, <said who="mc">from a place in Hungary and it was he
<lb n="121636"/>drew up all the plans according to the Hungarian system. We know that in
<lb n="121637"/>the castle.</said>
<lb n="121638"/><said who="jp">―Isn't he a cousin of Bloom the dentist?</said> says Jack Power.
<lb n="121639"/><said who="mc">―Not at all,</said> says Martin. <said who="mc">Only namesakes. His name was Virag, the
<lb n="121640"/>father's name that poisoned himself. He changed it by <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">deedpoll</distinct>, the father
<lb n="121641"/>did.</said>
<lb n="121642"/><said who="tc">―That's the new Messiah for Ireland!</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">Island of saints and
<lb n="121643"/>sages!</said>
<lb n="121644"/><said who="mc">―Well, they're still waiting for their redeemer,</said> says Martin. <said who="mc">For that matter
<lb n="121645"/>so are we.</said>
<lb n="121646"/><said who="jjom">―Yes,</said> says J. J., <said who="jjom">and every male that's born they think it may be their
<lb n="121647"/>Messiah. And every jew is in a tall state of excitement, I believe, till he
<lb n="121648"/>knows if he's a father or a mother.</said>
<lb n="121649"/><said who="len">―Expecting every moment will be his next,</said> says Lenehan.
<lb n="121650"/><said who="nl">―O, by God,</said> says Ned, <said who="nl">you should have seen Bloom before that son of his
<lb n="121651"/>that died was born. I met him one day in the south city markets buying a tin
<lb n="121652"/>of Neave's food six weeks before the wife was delivered.</said>
<lb n="121653"/><said who="jjom">―<foreign xml:lang="fr">En ventre sa mère</foreign>,</said> says J. J.
<lb n="121654"/><said who="tc">―Do you call that a man?</said> says the citizen.
<lb n="121655"/><said who="jh">―I wonder did he ever put it out of sight,</said> says Joe.
<lb n="121656"/><said who="jp">―Well, there were two children born anyhow,</said> says Jack Power.
<lb n="121657"/><said who="tc">―And who does he suspect?</said> says the citizen.</p>
<p><lb n="121658"/>Gob, there's many a true word spoken in jest. One of those mixed
<lb n="121659"/>middlings he is. Lying up in the hotel Pisser was telling me once a month
<lb n="121660"/>with headache like a totty with her courses. Do you know what I'm telling
<lb n="121661"/>you? It'd be an act of God to take a hold of a fellow the like of that and
<lb n="121662"/>throw him in the bloody sea. Justifiable homicide, so it would. Then sloping
<lb n="121663"/>off with his five quid without putting up a pint of stuff like a man. Give us
<lb n="121664"/>your blessing. Not as much as would blind your eye.
<lb n="121665"/><said who="mc">―Charity to the neighbour,</said> says Martin. <said who="mc">But where is he? We can't wait.</said>
<lb n="121666"/><said who="tc">―A wolf in sheep's clothing,</said> says the citizen. <said who="tc">That's what he is. Virag from
<lb n="121667"/>Hungary! Ahasuerus I call him. Cursed by God.</said>
<lb n="121668"/><said who="nl">―Have you time for a brief libation, Martin?</said> says Ned.
<lb n="121669"/><said who="mc">―Only one,</said> says Martin. <said who="mc">We must be quick. J. J. and S.</said>
<lb n="121670"/><said who="nl">―You, Jack? Crofton? Three half ones, Terry.</said>
<lb n="121671"/><said who="tc">―Saint Patrick would want to land again at Ballykinlar and convert us,</said>
<lb n="121672"/>says the citizen, <said who="tc">after allowing things like that to contaminate our shores.</said>
<lb n="121673"/><said who="mc">―Well,</said> says Martin, rapping for his glass. <said who="mc">God bless all here is my prayer.</said>
<lb n="121674"/><said who="tc">―Amen,</said> says the citizen.
<lb n="121675"/><said who="jh">―And I'm sure He will,</said> says Joe.</p>
  <p><lb n="121676"/>And at the sound of the <distinct type="archaism">sacring</distinct> bell, headed by a crucifer with
    <lb n="121677"/>acolytes, thurifers, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">boatbearers</distinct>, readers, ostiarii, deacons and subdeacons,
<lb n="121678"/>the blessed company drew nigh of mitred abbots and priors and guardians
<lb n="121679"/>and monks and friars: the monks of Benedict of Spoleto, Carthusians and
<lb n="121680"/>Camaldolesi, Cistercians and Olivetans, Oratorians and Vallombrosans,
<lb n="121681"/>and the friars of Augustine, Brigittines, Premonstratensians, Servi,
<lb n="121682"/>Trinitarians, and the children of Peter Nolasco: and therewith from Carmel
<lb n="121683"/>mount the children of Elijah prophet led by Albert bishop and by Teresa of
<lb n="121684"/>Avila, calced and other: and friars, brown and grey, sons of poor Francis,
<lb n="121685"/>capuchins, cordeliers, minimes and observants and the daughters of Clara:
<lb n="121686"/>and the sons of Dominic, the friars preachers, and the sons of Vincent: and
<lb n="121687"/>the monks of S. Wolstan: and Ignatius his children: and the confraternity
<lb n="121688"/>of the christian brothers led by the reverend brother Edmund Ignatius Rice.
<lb n="121689"/>And after came all saints and martyrs, virgins and confessors: S. Cyr and S.
<lb n="121690"/>Isidore Arator and S. James the Less and S. Phocas of Sinope and S. Julian
<lb n="121691"/>Hospitator and S. Felix de Cantalice and S. Simon Stylites and S. Stephen
<lb n="121692"/>Protomartyr and S. John of God and S. Ferreol and S. Leugarde and S.
<lb n="121693"/>Theodotus and S. Vulmar and S. Richard and S. Vincent de Paul and S.
<lb n="121694"/>Martin of Todi and S. Martin of Tours and S. Alfred and S. Joseph and S.
<lb n="121695"/>Denis and S. Cornelius and S. Leopold and S. Bernard and S. Terence and
<lb n="121696"/>S. Edward and S. Owen Caniculus and S. Anonymous and S. Eponymous
<lb n="121697"/>and S. Pseudonymous and S. Homonymous and S. Paronymous and S.
<lb n="121698"/>Synonymous and S. Laurence O'Toole and S. James of Dingle and
<lb n="121699"/>Compostella and S. Columcille and S. Columba and S. Celestine and S.
<lb n="121700"/>Colman and S. Kevin and S. Brendan and S. Frigidian and S. Senan and S.
<lb n="121701"/>Fachtna and S. Columbanus and S. Gall and S. Fursey and S. Fintan and S.
<lb n="121702"/>Fiacre and S. John Nepomuc and S. Thomas Aquinas and S. Ives of
<lb n="121703"/>Brittany and S. Michan and S. Herman-Joseph and the three patrons of
<lb n="121704"/>holy youth S. Aloysius Gonzaga and S. Stanislaus Kostka and S. John
<lb n="121705"/>Berchmans and the saints Gervasius, Servasius and Bonifacius and S. Bride
<lb n="121706"/>and S. Kieran and S. Canice of Kilkenny and S. Jarlath of Tuam and S.
<lb n="121707"/>Finbarr and S. Pappin of Ballymun and Brother Aloysius Pacificus and
<lb n="121708"/>Brother Louis Bellicosus and the saints Rose of Lima and of Viterbo and S.
<lb n="121709"/>Martha of Bethany and S. Mary of Egypt and S. Lucy and S. Brigid and S.
<lb n="121710"/>Attracta and S. Dympna and S. Ita and S. Marion Calpensis and the
<lb n="121711"/>Blessed Sister Teresa of the Child Jesus and S. Barbara and S. Scholastica
<lb n="121712"/>and S. Ursula with eleven thousand virgins. And all came with nimbi and
<lb n="121713"/>aureoles and gloriae, bearing palms and harps and swords and olive
<lb n="121714"/>crowns, in robes whereon were woven the blessed symbols of their
<lb n="121715"/>efficacies, inkhorns, arrows, loaves, cruses, fetters, axes, trees, bridges,
<lb n="121716"/>babes in a bathtub, shells, wallets, shears, keys, dragons, lilies, buckshot,
<lb n="121717"/>beards, hogs, lamps, bellows, beehives, <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">soupladles</distinct>, stars, snakes, anvils,
<lb n="121718"/>boxes of vaseline, bells, crutches, forceps, stags' horns, watertight boots,
<lb n="121719"/>hawks, millstones, eyes on a dish, wax candles, aspergills, unicorns. And as
<lb n="121720"/>they wended their way by Nelson's Pillar, Henry street, Mary street, Capel
<lb n="121721"/>street, Little Britain street chanting the introit <foreign xml:lang="la">in Epiphania Domini</foreign> which
    <lb n="121722"/><distinct type="archaism">beginneth</distinct> <foreign xml:lang="la">Surge, illuminare</foreign> and thereafter most sweetly the gradual <foreign xml:lang="la">Omnes</foreign>
<lb n="121723"/>which saith <foreign xml:lang="la">de Saba venient</foreign> they did divers wonders such as casting out
<lb n="121724"/>devils, raising the dead to life, multiplying fishes, healing the halt and the
<lb n="121725"/>blind, discovering various articles which had been mislaid, interpreting and
<lb n="121726"/>fulfilling the scriptures, blessing and prophesying. And last, beneath a
<lb n="121727"/>canopy of cloth of gold came the reverend Father O'Flynn attended by
<lb n="121728"/>Malachi and Patrick. And when the good fathers had reached the appointed
<lb n="121729"/>place, the house of Bernard Kiernan and Co, limited, 8, 9 and 10 Little
<lb n="121730"/>Britain street, wholesale grocers, wine and brandy shippers, licensed for the
<lb n="121731"/>sale of beer, wine and spirits for consumption on the premises, the celebrant
<lb n="121732"/>blessed the house and censed the mullioned windows and the groynes and
<lb n="121733"/>the vaults and the arrises and the capitals and the pediments and the
<lb n="121734"/>cornices and the engrailed arches and the spires and the cupolas and
<lb n="121735"/>sprinkled the lintels thereof with blessed water and prayed that God might
<lb n="121736"/>bless that house as he had blessed the house of Abraham and Isaac and
<lb n="121737"/>Jacob and make the angels of His light to inhabit therein. And entering he
<lb n="121738"/>blessed the viands and the beverages and the company of all the blessed
<lb n="121739"/>answered his prayers.
<lb n="121740"/><said who="frof">―<foreign xml:lang="la">Adiutorium nostrum in nomine Domini.</foreign></said>
<lb n="121741"/><said who="tcob">―<foreign xml:lang="la">Qui fecit coelum et terram.</foreign></said>
<lb n="121742"/><said who="frof">―<foreign xml:lang="la">Dominus vobiscum.</foreign></said>
<lb n="121743"/><said who="tcob">―<foreign xml:lang="la">Et cum spiritu tuo.</foreign></said></p>
<p><lb n="121744"/>And he laid his hands upon that he blessed and gave thanks and he
<lb n="121745"/>prayed and they all with him prayed:
<lb n="121746"/><said who="frof tcob">―<foreign xml:lang="la">Deus, cuius verbo sanctificantur omnia, benedictionem tuam effunde super
<lb n="121747"/>creaturas istas: et praesta ut quisquis eis secundum legem et voluntatem
<lb n="121748"/>Tuam cum gratiarum actione usus fuerit per invocationem sanctissimi
<lb n="121749"/>nominis Tui corporis sanitatem et animae tutelam Te auctore percipiat per
<lb n="121750"/>Christum Dominum nostrum.</foreign></said>
<lb n="121751"/><said who="jp">―And so say all of us,</said> says Jack.
<lb n="121752"/><said who="cr">―Thousand a year, Lambert,</said> says Crofton or Crawford.
<lb n="121753"/><said who="nl">―Right,</said> says Ned, taking up his John Jameson. <said who="nl">And butter for fish.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121754"/>I was just looking around to see who the happy thought would strike
<lb n="121755"/>when be damned but in he comes again letting on to be in a hell of a hurry.
<lb n="121756"/><said who="lb">―I was just round at the courthouse,</said> says he, <said who="lb">looking for you. I hope I'm
<lb n="121757"/>not ....</said>
<lb n="121758"/><said who="mc">―No,</said> says Martin, <said who="mc">we're ready.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121759"/>Courthouse my eye and your pockets hanging down with gold and
<lb n="121760"/>silver. Mean bloody scut. Stand us a drink itself. Devil a sweet fear! There's
<lb n="121761"/>a jew for you! All for number one. Cute as a shithouse rat. Hundred to five.
<lb n="121762"/><said who="tc">―Don't tell anyone,</said> says the citizen.
<lb n="121763"/><said who="lb">―Beg your pardon,</said> says he.
<lb n="121764"/><said who="mc">―Come on boys,</said> says Martin, seeing it was looking blue. <said who="mc">Come along now.</said>
<lb n="121765"/><said who="tc">―Don't tell anyone,</said> says the citizen, letting a bawl out of him. <said who="tc">It's a secret.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121766"/>And the bloody dog woke up and let a growl.
<lb n="121767"/><said who="mc">―Bye bye all,</said> says Martin.</p>
<p><lb n="121768"/>And he got them out as quick as he could, Jack Power and Crofton or
<lb n="121769"/>whatever you call him and him in the middle of them letting on to be all at
<lb n="121770"/>sea and up with them on the bloody jaunting car.
<lb n="121771"/><said who="mc">―Off with you,</said> says Martin to the <distinct type="dialect">jarvey</distinct>.</p>
  <p><lb n="121772"/>The <distinct type="compound">milkwhite</distinct> dolphin tossed his mane and, rising in the golden poop,
<lb n="121773"/>the helmsman spread the bellying sail upon the wind and stood off forward
<lb n="121774"/>with all sail set, the spinnaker to larboard. A many comely nymphs drew
<lb n="121775"/>nigh to starboard and to larboard and, clinging to the sides of the noble
<lb n="121776"/>bark, they linked their shining forms as doth the cunning wheelwright when
<lb n="121777"/>he fashions about the heart of his wheel the equidistant rays whereof each
<lb n="121778"/>one is sister to another and he binds them all with an outer ring and giveth
    <lb n="121779"/>speed to the feet of men <distinct type="archaism">whenas</distinct> they ride to a hosting or contend for the
<lb n="121780"/>smile of ladies fair. Even so did they come and set them, those willing
<lb n="121781"/>nymphs, the undying sisters. And they laughed, sporting in a circle of their
<lb n="121782"/>foam: and the bark clave the waves.</p>
  <p><lb n="121783"/>But <distinct type="dialect">begob</distinct> I was just lowering the heel of the pint when I saw the
<lb n="121784"/>citizen getting up to waddle to the door, puffing and blowing with the
<lb n="121785"/>dropsy, and he cursing the curse of Cromwell on him, bell, book and candle
<lb n="121786"/>in Irish, spitting and spatting out of him and Joe and little Alf round him
<lb n="121787"/>like a leprechaun trying to peacify him.
<lb n="121788"/><said who="tc">―Let me alone,</said> says he.</p>
  <p><lb n="121789"/>And <distinct type="dialect">begob</distinct> he got as far as the door and they holding him and he
<lb n="121790"/>bawls out of him:
<lb n="121791"/><said who="tc">―Three cheers for Israel!</said></p>
  <p><lb n="121792"/><distinct type="dialect">Arrah</distinct>, sit down on the parliamentary side of your arse for Christ'
<lb n="121793"/>sake and don't be making a public exhibition of yourself. Jesus, there's
<lb n="121794"/>always some bloody clown or other kicking up a bloody murder about
<lb n="121795"/>bloody nothing. Gob, it'd turn the porter sour in your guts, so it would.</p>
<p><lb n="121796"/>And all the ragamuffins and sluts of the nation round the door and
  <lb n="121797"/>Martin telling the <distinct type="dialect">jarvey</distinct> to drive ahead and the citizen bawling and Alf and
  <lb n="121798"/>Joe at him to <distinct type="dialect">whisht</distinct> and he on his high horse about the jews and the loafers
<lb n="121799"/>calling for a speech and Jack Power trying to get him to sit down on the car
<lb n="121800"/>and hold his bloody jaw and a loafer with a patch over his eye starts singing
<lb n="121801"/><emph>If the man in the moon was a jew, jew, jew</emph> and a slut shouts out of her:
<lb n="121802"/><said who="usl">―Eh, mister! Your fly is open, mister!</said></p>
<p><lb n="121803"/>And says he:
<lb n="121804"/><said who="lb">―Mendelssohn was a jew and Karl Marx and Mercadante and Spinoza.
<lb n="121805"/>And the Saviour was a jew and his father was a jew. Your God.</said>
<lb n="121806"/><said who="mc">―He had no father,</said> says Martin. <said who="mc">That'll do now. Drive ahead.</said>
<lb n="121807"/><said who="tc">―Whose God?</said> says the citizen.
<lb n="121808"/><said who="lb">―Well, his uncle was a jew,</said> says he. <said who="lb">Your God was a jew. Christ was a jew
<lb n="121809"/>like me.</said></p>
<p><lb n="121810"/>Gob, the citizen made a plunge back into the shop.
<lb n="121811"/><said who="tc">―By Jesus,</said> says he, <said who="tc">I'll brain that bloody <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">jewman</distinct> for using the holy name.
<lb n="121812"/>By Jesus, I'll crucify him so I will. Give us that <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">biscuitbox</distinct> here.</said>
<lb n="121813"/><said who="jh">―Stop! Stop!</said> says Joe.</p>
<p><lb n="121814"/>A large and appreciative gathering of friends and acquaintances from
<lb n="121815"/>the metropolis and greater Dublin assembled in their thousands to bid
<lb n="121816"/>farewell to Nagyaságos uram Lipóti Virag, late of Messrs Alexander
<lb n="121817"/>Thom's, printers to His Majesty, on the occasion of his departure for the
<lb n="121818"/>distant clime of Százharminczbrojúgulyás-Dugulás (Meadow of
<lb n="121819"/>Murmuring Waters). The ceremony which went off with great <foreign xml:lang="fr">éclat</foreign> was
<lb n="121820"/>characterised by the most affecting cordiality. An illuminated scroll of
<lb n="121821"/>ancient Irish vellum, the work of Irish artists, was presented to the
<lb n="121822"/>distinguished phenomenologist on behalf of a large section of the
<lb n="121823"/>community and was accompanied by the gift of a silver casket, tastefully
<lb n="121824"/>executed in the style of ancient Celtic ornament, a work which reflects every
<lb n="121825"/>credit on the makers, Messrs Jacob <foreign xml:lang="ga">agus</foreign> Jacob. The departing guest was the
<lb n="121826"/>recipient of a hearty ovation, many of those who were present being visibly
<lb n="121827"/>moved when the select orchestra of Irish pipes struck up the <distinct type="compound">wellknown</distinct>
<lb n="121828"/>strains of <title type="song">Come Back to Erin</title>, followed immediately by <title type="song">Rakóczsy's March</title>.
  <lb n="121829"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">Tarbarrels</distinct> and bonfires were lighted along the coastline of the four seas on
<lb n="121830"/>the summits of the Hill of Howth, Three Rock Mountain, Sugarloaf, Bray
<lb n="121831"/>Head, the mountains of Mourne, the Galtees, the Ox and Donegal and
<lb n="121832"/>Sperrin peaks, the Nagles and the Bograghs, the Connemara hills, the reeks
<lb n="121833"/>of M'Gillicuddy, Slieve Aughty, Slieve Bernagh and Slieve Bloom. Amid
<lb n="121834"/>cheers that rent the welkin, responded to by answering cheers from a big
<lb n="121835"/>muster of henchmen on the distant Cambrian and Caledonian hills, the
  <lb n="121836"/>mastodontic <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">pleasureship</distinct> slowly moved away saluted by a final floral
<lb n="121837"/>tribute from the representatives of the fair sex who were present in large
<lb n="121838"/>numbers while, as it proceeded down the river, escorted by a flotilla of
<lb n="121839"/>barges, the flags of the Ballast office and Custom House were dipped in
<lb n="121840"/>salute as were also those of the electrical power station at the Pigeonhouse
<lb n="121841"/>and the Poolbeg Light. <foreign xml:lang="hu">Visszontlátásra, kedvés barátom! Visszontlátásra!</foreign>
<lb n="121842"/>Gone but not forgotten.</p>
<p><lb n="121843"/>Gob, the devil wouldn't stop him till he got hold of the bloody tin
<lb n="121844"/>anyhow and out with him and little Alf hanging on to his elbow and he
<lb n="121845"/>shouting like a stuck pig, as good as any bloody play in the Queen's royal
<lb n="121846"/>theatre:
<lb n="121847"/><said who="tc">―Where is he till I murder him?</said></p>
<p><lb n="121848"/>And Ned and J. J. paralysed with the laughing.
<lb n="121849"/><said who="tn">―Bloody wars,</said> says I, <said who="tn">I'll be in for the last gospel.</said></p>
  <p><lb n="121850"/>But as luck would have it the <distinct type="dialect">jarvey</distinct> got the nag's head round the
<lb n="121851"/>other way and off with him.
<lb n="121852"/><said who="jh">―Hold on, citizen,</said> says Joe. <said who="jh">Stop!</said></p>
  <p><lb n="121853"/><distinct type="dialect">Begob</distinct> he drew his hand and made a swipe and let fly. Mercy of God
<lb n="121854"/>the sun was in his eyes or he'd have left him for dead. Gob, he near sent it
<lb n="121855"/>into the county Longford. The bloody nag took fright and the old mongrel
<lb n="121856"/>after the car like bloody hell and all the populace shouting and laughing
    <lb n="121857"/>and the old <distinct type="nonstandard-compound">tinbox</distinct> clattering along the street.</p>
<p><lb n="121858"/>The catastrophe was terrific and instantaneous in its effect. The
<lb n="121859"/>observatory of Dunsink registered in all eleven shocks, all of the fifth grade
<lb n="121860"/>of Mercalli's scale, and there is no record extant of a similar seismic
<lb n="121861"/>disturbance in our island since the earthquake of 1534, the year of the
<lb n="121862"/>rebellion of Silken Thomas. The epicentre appears to have been that part of
<lb n="121863"/>the metropolis which constitutes the Inn's Quay ward and parish of Saint
  <lb n="121864"/>Michan covering a surface of <distinct type="compound">fortyone</distinct> acres, two roods and one square
<lb n="121865"/>pole or perch. All the lordly residences in the vicinity of the palace of justice
<lb n="121866"/>were demolished and that noble edifice itself, in which at the time of the
<lb n="121867"/>catastrophe important legal debates were in progress, is literally a mass of
<lb n="121868"/>ruins beneath which it is to be feared all the occupants have been buried
<lb n="121869"/>alive. From the reports of eyewitnesses it transpires that the seismic waves
<lb n="121870"/>were accompanied by a violent atmospheric perturbation of cyclonic
<lb n="121871"/>character. An article of headgear since ascertained to belong to the much
<lb n="121872"/>respected clerk of the crown and peace Mr George Fottrell and a silk
<lb n="121873"/>umbrella with gold handle with the engraved initials, crest, coat of arms and
<lb n="121874"/>house number of the erudite and worshipful chairman of quarter sessions
<lb n="121875"/>sir Frederick Falkiner, recorder of Dublin, have been discovered by search
<lb n="121876"/>parties in remote parts of the island respectively, the former on the third
<lb n="121877"/>basaltic ridge of the giant's causeway, the latter embedded to the extent of
<lb n="121878"/>one foot three inches in the sandy beach of Holeopen bay near the old head
<lb n="121879"/>of Kinsale. Other eyewitnesses depose that they observed an incandescent
<lb n="121880"/>object of enormous proportions hurtling through the atmosphere at a
<lb n="121881"/>terrifying velocity in a trajectory directed southwest by west. Messages of
<lb n="121882"/>condolence and sympathy are being hourly received from all parts of the
<lb n="121883"/>different continents and the sovereign pontiff has been graciously pleased to
<lb n="121884"/>decree that a special <foreign xml:lang="la">missa pro defunctis</foreign> shall be celebrated simultaneously
<lb n="121885"/>by the ordinaries of each and every cathedral church of all the episcopal
<lb n="121886"/>dioceses subject to the spiritual authority of the Holy See in suffrage of the
<lb n="121887"/>souls of those faithful departed who have been so unexpectedly called away
<lb n="121888"/>from our midst. The work of salvage, removal of <foreign xml:lang="fr">débris</foreign>, human remains etc
<lb n="121889"/>has been entrusted to Messrs Michael Meade and Son, 159 Great
<lb n="121890"/>Brunswick street, and Messrs T. and C. Martin, 77, 78, 79 and 80 North
<lb n="121891"/>Wall, assisted by the men and officers of the Duke of Cornwall's light
<lb n="121892"/>infantry under the general supervision of H. R. H., rear admiral, the right
<lb n="121893"/>honourable sir Hercules Hannibal Habeas Corpus Anderson, K. G., K. P.,
<lb n="121894"/>K. T., P. C., K. C. B., M. P., J. P., M. B., D. S. O., S. O. D.,
<lb n="121895"/>M. F. H., M. R. I. A., B. L., Mus. Doc., P. L. G., F. T. C. D., F. R. U. I.,
<lb n="121896"/>F. R. C. P. I. and F. R. C. S. I.</p>
<p><lb n="121897"/>You never saw the like of it in all your born puff. Gob, if he got that
<lb n="121898"/>lottery ticket on the side of his poll he'd remember the gold cup, he would
  <lb n="121899"/>so, but <distinct type="dialect">begob</distinct> the citizen would have been lagged for assault and battery
  <lb n="121900"/>and Joe for aiding and abetting. The <distinct type="dialect">jarvey</distinct> saved his life by furious driving
<lb n="121901"/>as sure as God made Moses. What? O, Jesus, he did. And he let a volley of
<lb n="121902"/>oaths after him.
<lb n="121903"/><said who="tc">―Did I kill him,</said> says he, <said who="tc">or what?</said></p>
<p><lb n="121904"/>And he shouting to the bloody dog:
<lb n="121905"/><said who="tc">―After him, Garry! After him, boy!</said></p>
<p><lb n="121906"/>And the last we saw was the bloody car rounding the corner and old
  <lb n="121907"/><distinct type="nonstandard-compound">sheepsface</distinct> on it gesticulating and the bloody mongrel after it with his lugs
<lb n="121908"/>back for all he was bloody well worth to tear him limb from limb. Hundred
<lb n="121909"/>to five! Jesus, he took the value of it out of him, I promise you.</p>
<p><lb n="121910"/>When, lo, there came about them all a great brightness and they
<lb n="121911"/>beheld the chariot wherein He stood ascend to heaven. And they beheld
<lb n="121912"/>Him in the chariot, clothed upon in the glory of the brightness, having
<lb n="121913"/>raiment as of the sun, fair as the moon and terrible that for awe they durst
<lb n="121914"/>not look upon Him. And there came a voice out of heaven, calling: <foreign xml:lang="he">Elijah!
<lb n="121915"/>Elijah!</foreign> And He answered with a main cry: <foreign xml:lang="grc-Latn">Abba!</foreign> <foreign xml:lang="la">Adonai!</foreign> And they beheld
<lb n="121916"/>Him even Him, ben Bloom Elijah, amid clouds of angels ascend to the glory
  <lb n="121917"/>of the brightness at an angle of <distinct type="compound">fortyfive</distinct> degrees over Donohoe's in Little
<lb n="121918"/>Green street like a shot off a shovel.</p>
</div><!-- End of Episode 12, "Cyclops" -->